Kill Yourself

Last July, a college classmate of mine committed suicide. Questions are still unanswered as to what would make a young woman with so much life and love decide to end it all. She left behind a son and a host of family and friends that miss her greatly and still wonder: Why? As if suicide isn't a very serious thing that leaves very serious scars on the lives of loved ones who are left behind, contemporary colloquialism uses this offensive phrase when they strongly disagree with someone's decisions or lifestyle: Kill Yourself.

I have to admit it bothers me. It's inconsiderate. It's mean. Yet, it definitely drives the point home. Ironically, there is a greater use for this seemingly ill-compassioned phrased. Honestly, if people were to take seriously the magnitude of its spiritual meaning, the world just might be a better place. Essentially, to take up your cross and follow Him, you must spiritually-kill yourself.

Many of us try to grow closer to God and be a greater representative for his Kingdom or a bigger champion for His causes, but we want to do it our way instead of His. We claim to want Him to show up in our daily lives, but we don't even acknowledge His existence on a daily basis. Some of us wake up and go a whole day and the most interaction we have with God is telling the person whose allergies are out of control, "Bless you."  We say things like, "I just want to be better," or "I gotta get my life together," but we are still out here doing what WE want to do, when WE want to do it, with whomever WE choose. The truth of the matter is that if we are to grow in Him, we must rid ourselves of ourselves.

This is a struggle for me. I have a hard time being obedient to God. I have a really hard time ridding myself of the things that I like, want, think I need, can't live without, you get the point. I want to "do me" and "keep it 100". When in reality, I'm simply living down to the standards of the world instead of living up to His standards. I'm scared of what I might miss, of who I might lose, of how much different life could be. It makes me uncomfortable. So, there are many times that I don't do what God says. Then, I put myself under unnecessary pressure to try to make up for it later.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Mark 8:34-35 (NIV) 

See, this shouldn't be a pressure thing. After all, God gave us the power of choice, the gift of free-will. If we are serious about choosing Him and choosing His ways, we have to kill ourselves and sacrifice all of who we were to Him. That way, by His power, we can be made new. Is it easy? Heck no! There's nothing easy about taking our lives away from ourselves and surrendering them to God. We can't even see Him! But faith is not the substance of things seen, so there has to be an honest attempt to reject oneself to be in complete submission to God. 

Let's not get it twisted, the denial of self is an ongoing process that will continue to shape and mold us. There will be times that we straight up fail. Times that we pretend to do it, but we are faking. Other times we try really hard, but we don't quite succeed. There will even be times that we choose  to resurrect our old selves because we get "tired"(whatever that means). So the next time I hear or read this phrase, as much as it will continue to bother me, I'll try to see the silver-lining as a reminder to us all of what we need to do in order to truly give ourselves to Him. Be Blessed. XOXO