Do you see what I see?

In college, my roommate often accused me of having body image issues. To her, I “had a nice shape” and didn’t need to be concerned with working out or dieting. To me, I needed to maintain a certain size to feel confident. Fast forward 15 years, and I’m sure she’d say I’m not too far removed from who she’s always known me to be. However, I’d only disagree that my “certain size” has increased by two dress sizes...one for each kid!

In all seriousness, I totally get where she was coming from all those years ago. I get it now more than ever because I’ve befriended women who see themselves so much differently than what I see. My sister-in-law stays talking about all that’s wrong with her frame, but I see a petite woman with 2 children and a great body! My co-worker swears by the fact that her hair will never “grow back like it used to be”, but I see a beautiful crown of newly liberated natural curls. My close friend believes she’s the size of Shamu after her baby (who is only 3 months old), but I see a woman who carried her baby like a boss and is doing a great job getting down after his arrival!

So many of us women have skewed images of ourselves. We think we are too fat or too skinny because right now society tells us all to be some version of “thick”. We think we are too tall or too short because the perfect height matters...only to a man’s ego. We want someone else’s hair, someone else’s butt, lips, breasts, and skin-tone. As a gender, we have the hardest time with self-acceptance, self-love, and self-admiration. As a result, we turn our noses up to one another; hate on each other; envy others; or simply shrink in the presence of one another. How do I know? I’ve been here...I’ve been her.

I have definitely had my bouts with insecurity, jealousy, and self-hate. I looked in the mirror and saw someone ugly. I pulled on my clothing and only saw all the parts of my body that were “imperfect”. I compared myself to celebrities and around the way girls. I’ve been there. And I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t found myself taking short trips back there every now and then.

However, it helps to hear my husband compliment me when I’m all dressed up or randomly smack me on the booty while I’m cooking dinner. There’s nothing more rewarding than my sons or my students telling me I’m pretty. And let's admit ladies, it doesn’t hurt for my homegirls to gas me up on a girls’ night out! But the biggest change has come from seeing what God sees.

To the ladies who are reading this: You may not have the fattest booty or the longest tresses. Your skin may have a few divots and wrinkles. You may wear a one-piece and not a bikini. You may cover your smile because of crooked teeth or hang your head because you feel inferior to the others in the room. STOP IT! My granny used to always say, “God don’t make no mess.” And it’s true. The next time you find yourself feeling down about how you look, use the words below as a reminder that God made you and that alone makes you BEAUTIFUL:

1.  You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

2. You were made in God’s image. Genesis 1:27

3. You are more precious than rubies...nothing can compare to you. Proverbs 3:15

4. God is within you. Psalm 46:5

5. You are God's handiwork. Ephesians 2:10

6. You are who you are by God's grace. 1 Corinthians 15:10

7. You are altogether beautiful. Song of Soloman 4:7

8. God made everything beautiful. Ecclesiastes 3:11

9. Your beauty is not in what you wear or how you look, it comes from the God within. 1 Peter 3:3-4

10. When you feel less than beautiful, remember who you are and to whom you belong. Ephesians 2:19-22

This makes me think back a few months. A friend of mine received a most fitting gift that speaks to this post. Her husband bought her a pocket mirror for Valentine’s Day. The mirror was inscribed with this saying: “ See the love I see” so that when she looks in the mirror she can see what he sees...what God sees. THAT’s where our self-perception is perfected. In seeing ourselves for who we are...beautiful women, hand-crafted, tailor-made by the true and living God. Believe you are beautiful. Be Blessed XOXO

Listen...

Two weeks ago marks what should have been the most terrifying experience of my life. It was the earliest of mornings, as we had to arrive at the hospital by 6 AM. My brother came to our home at 5:00 to hang with my son all the way until his hospital pre-op. We dropped my oldest son off to my sister who took him to school and agreed to pick him up all week. En route, my husband got a bit squeamish. I told him to breathe, and thankfully we made it without incident.

We arrived to Surgery Admission to find our cousin standing there, bright eyed and smiling, waiting to simply be there for us. We were then admitted by a long-time family friend. The surgeon came in and gave us a 3 on a 1 to 10 scale of concern and complexity for what he was about to do. They gave my baby an iPad and walked us to a certain point where I could no longer be with him. We blew kisses and exchanged our "I love yous", but eventually, I had to let him go. My eyes welled a bit, but oddly no tears fell. After I watched him roll happily down the hall wearing a teddy bear gown and being easily distracted by the new iPad games, I turned to find my mother-in-law and father-in-law waiting right there with Darnell and I as we got on the elevator. We reached our floor and entered a waiting room that began to fill with siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and friends...OUR family. 

Our cousin led us in prayer, and within seconds the nurse practitioner came to inform us that the surgery had begun. For some odd reason, I was happy. There was a fleeting fear that subsided quickly as my brother-in-law brought Lamar's donuts, which can take your mind off almost anything. In less than 2 hours, the nurse practitioner came back down to say the surgery was a success and they were "closing him up". Half an hour later, she came with one more report. He was recovering, so we needed to move up to the PICU waiting room. 

No sooner than I was able to enter his room to see my little superhero sprawled out with 1,000 tubes and machines hooked up to him did our cousin, who works at the hospital, come in. She'd been there about 10 minutes when a friend of a friend, also employed by the hospital, came by specifically to pray with my husband and me. As the work day started to come to a close, the waiting room became a revolving door of family and friends until visiting hours ended. 

Micah had a week-long hospital stay with little rest, due in part to discomfort and constant monitoring, yet partly because he was never alone. There were many visitors, day in and day out. There was much kissing and spoiling and many toys and balloons and even more snacks and goodies and love...lots and lots of love. I thought to myself, "This little boy has no idea how much he is loved." Then God whispered to me, "And neither do you."

From the moment we found out about Micah, people cried with us, prayed for us, and extended their help, support, and love. The weeks leading up to the surgery were nothing but texts and calls and water-cooler tidbits of thoughts, prayers, and encouraging words. The day of the surgery our cell phones required constant charging and the hugs seemed endless. In the days since, it hasn't stopped. From surprise visits with dinner and cake and wine (so grateful) to continued check-ups and get-well wishes, it has been amazing to feel God's love through his people. 

I never really knew what it felt like to have a "peace that surpasses all understanding" until the day my son got his superhero heart. And I had never really been open to receiving God's love through so many people during such a touchy time. I'm used to keeping to together, having it together, and not depending on many for much. Micah's surgery actually opened my heart...opened it to receive something that I so freely give...LOVE. So, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, hugs, and LOVE. Be Blessed. XOXO

The Good, the bad, and the ugly

When you're around someone long enough, they begin to rub off on you. You find yourself saying things they say, viewing things like them, and even doing things they do. When my husband I first started dating, I didn't watch ESPN at all! Now? I can name about 3/4 of the shows and even make some Top Ten calls while watching live sports! He didn't make the bed in the morning, now it looks like hotel room service has stopped by. But, being completely honest, I have to also admit that I've passed some not so great things to him and him to me.

Now, there are those of us who are head-strong and believe that everything we do and say is all on us. You know....the "can't-nobody-tell-me-nothing" type. People see them as leaders and perceive that they blaze their own paths, which is kiiiiinndda true...and kiiiiinnnda not. The truth is, whether good or bad, EVERYONE is a creature of influence. EVERYONE! Our parents, our partners, our peers, all play a role in what we think, do, and say, no matter how head-strong we may be.

Faith is no different. Sometimes, all it takes, is for us to simply witness someone else remain faithful before we find ourselves influenced to hope, to trust, to believe. We all have our own stuff to deal with, but we don't always have the strongest faith. As I look back over my son lying on that operating table, I thought back to the faith I witnessed my mom have when my sister's lung collapsed. I saw the faith my friend Tamisha's mother had when her teenage daughter was oddly diagnosed with cancer. I recalled the faith of my cousin Brandy as she watched her newborn son come in and out of life, only to be walking around and eating up everything now! Knowing that moms around me had been scared and caught off guard, but were able to find strength in simply trusting God rubbed off on me.

Witnessing people around you endure the toughest of tests, but somehow have the faith to go forth, to trust, to believe...that's  contagious. You've been through some things, and for some of those experiences, you have no idea how you made it. But God. Somebody was watching you. Your faith rubbed off on someone else and gave them the strength to carry on. When the going gets tough, ignite your faith and let it spread like wildfire. Be faithful and Be Blessed XOXO

Pull-up

While Micah was in the hospital, he was on a frequent dose of a diuretic called Lasix to help remove fluid from his heart and lungs. So, the nurses had a diaper on him his entire first night. The following morning, the catheter had been removed, and he was all on his own. Of course he woke up with an urgent need to pee.

Darnell and I escorted him into the restroom, undid the diaper, and let him handle his business. When we went to reapply the diaper, Micah inquired, “Why do I have on a diaper? I’m a big boy.” The nurse just so happened to be within earshot and asked if we’d rather her get him a pull-up instead. We thanked her and thought this would appease the little dude. Even with the most age-appropriate explanation, he walked out of the restroom, sporting his Cars themed pull-up, turned around, looked me dead in my eyeballs and said, “Mama, just so you know this is still a diaper...and I’m still a big boy.”

After laughing hysterically, I thought about how this minor thing was both temporary and necessary. But all he could see was that he had on a pull-up. He thought he was done with that phase of development. He didn’t want to be seen as a kid who needed potty assistance. He had moved past those days. He was on to bigger and better things. It didn't matter to him that he'd just had a successful heart procedure. Despite all that he had endured prior to the pull-up, he could only focus on that...nothing else.

We are often the exact same way. Sometimes, God will bring us through the craziest of storms. However, in the midst, He might have to take us back a few paces. Send us to territory we thought we’d never see again. Reconnect us with people we’d separated from. All in order to fully prepare us for what He has in store. Whether we believe it or not, this too is part of the healing after the storm. The setback is necessary for all that we are to become and all that we are to possess. Sometimes, we can’t appreciate all that God has brought us through because we are too focused on the one thing that we don’t quite get.

Hear me today. Micah needed that pull-up just like we need whatever reversion God has allowed to happen in our lives. Why? I can't say with certainty, but there are plenty of possibilities. God can take us back simply to remind us. He can take us back to cover us or protect us. Sometimes, we have to go back to where we've been to get to where we're going. Sometimes, we have to be placed back into an uncomfortable situation to be prepared to bask in the comfort of God. Sometimes, God does what He wants to do, and we just have to deal with it. Period.

Although we don’t always understand why God would take us backward in order to move us forward, it is all a part of the plan. If God is taking you through a pull-up situation, take a moment to reflect on all you’ve come through. See how far He's brought you? He wouldn't bring you this far to cast you back. So, do what you gotta do; be where you gotta be, so you are prepared to Be Blessed XOXO