It's been a while. Hope everyone is hanging in there (no matter how thin the thread)...
We recently had our basement remodeled, and the contractor did an amazing job! However, in an attempt to beautify our wireless modem, they ran the cords through a cabinet to place the boxes and surge protector inside. Well, since then, the WiFi connection has been pretty spotty. I have a really hard time talking on the phone without it sounding chopped and screwed. The boys' Roku and tablets are often interrupted, followed by distraught wailings of "Maaamaaaa the internet is broke again!" And lest we forget to mention the nights we're streaming T.V. and all of a sudden, D and I find ourselves looking back and forth at one another to see who's gonna leave the comfort of bedtime snuggles to go ALL the way downstairs to tinker with the router.
It has made me think about where I am in life. Lately, I've been inexplicably emotional. Often sad or melancholy, but still pressing on. I find my thinking jumbled, my judgement cloudy, my choices questionable, my convictions compromised, my words absent or inconsiderate, my esteem challenged. Just been in a bit of a funk for a little while. Feeling distant from God. My life has read much like the blank screens my family has come to depend on: No Signal.
I know many of you reading this have been in this place or felt something similar. If not now, at some point. If not ever...keep living. It's in these moments we question God's presence and wonder about our own divine worth. The truth is, God ain't went nowhere! It's us. If we want to get the best signal, we can't hide the source. God has to be evident in our lives. His love and the joy He provides must be immanent in us. How? When we feel so...meh?
It's not easy, but it's definitely a true testament of faith. First, apologize. Lord, my bad. I haven't been praying or meditating like I should. You deserve better than that. Second, prioritize. Try harder to start the day with God and end the day with God. Whether it's a quick daily verse on an app or a rushed prayer before the alarm REALLY goes off after the 3rd snooze, try to begin in Him. Before you close your eyes at night, try to end in Him. And don't feel bad if you doze off during your conversation with God. I'm sure he would rather we fall asleep on Him than completley ignore Him. Lastly, realize. There are things, people, places, that hinder our walk. They are in the way. We are so used to them that they have become hard to "shed". But if we are to GROW into who God would have us to be, we have to prune. Some stuff has to go. Sometimes for just a time so we can really hear from Him; other times they gotta go forever because they are not for us to take into our new season. This part is hardest. You'll fight it. You'll commit to it and fail and commit again. God honors all of that. Because He knows victory is His RE-GARD-LESS boo!
Can't say I have all the answers. Truth is, I'm in a spiritual struggle right now. But the comfort is in knowing that He said He'd NEVER leave me. I know that to be true. And on my hardest days, when I've said too much, when I'm feeling too low, when I have nothing more to give...that alone sustains me. If you're struggling, I'm right there with you homie. We just gotta get down on our knees and tinker with our source to receive the only signal we truly need. Be Blessed XOXO
