I didn’t want to get married. It all sounded like a terrible
idea to me. Who in their right mind would want to sacrifice their individuality
for the rest of their lives? Why would anyone give a person their whole heart
and risk it being broken into a zillion pieces? And kids?!?! No. Thank. You.
You see when you haven’t seen what a long-term, stick-it-out, “we’re gonna make
it” marriage looks like, you don’t believe in them. They sound like
mythological events in some fairyland. And we all know this world we live in is
FAR from a fairyland!
Then, Darnell changed my view. He told me that my perception
of marriage was skewed. He said,
“To think that in order for a marriage to last it has to be perfect is crazy!” He also showed me, through so many examples within his family, what it looked like to stick-it-out. The men and women in his family had been through so much throughout the course of their marriages, but were still holding on (and from what I can tell, most of the time, HAPPILY holding on). Looking at the world through my husband’s lens, I was able to see first-hand that to be committed, in essence, meant to fail.
“To think that in order for a marriage to last it has to be perfect is crazy!” He also showed me, through so many examples within his family, what it looked like to stick-it-out. The men and women in his family had been through so much throughout the course of their marriages, but were still holding on (and from what I can tell, most of the time, HAPPILY holding on). Looking at the world through my husband’s lens, I was able to see first-hand that to be committed, in essence, meant to fail.
That was what I was most afraid of-FAILURE. I didn’t want to
fail at being a good wife. I didn’t want to fail at being a good mom. I didn’t
want to have a failed marriage. So, I would shy away from even the idea, let
alone the potential reality!
Many of us can relate because we have a strong desire to change. We want to live a better life. We want to lose weight, but we ate 100 hot wings and had 14 margaritas this weekend; so we may as well give up. We want to let go of that unhealthy relationship, but we fear that if he says the right things, we’ll be right back with him, so what’s the point in even trying? We want to chase our dreams and do what we love, but we need benefits and the security of bi-weekly paychecks. We don’t want to fail at
being faithful to the one we love, so we play the field, even sometimes waking
up from emotionless actions in empty beds. We want to serve God and live a life more pleasing in His sight, but we don’t want to screw up and fail at living for
God, so we minimize Him in our daily lives.
But here’s the great thing about being committed: To be
committed means that you WILL fail! It’s inevitable! There have been so many
times I’ve fallen short of being a great wife, where my husband could do
nothing but palm his head and shake it vigorously, probably questioning what
the hell he got himself into! There have been just as many times that he’s left
me in the same position, wondering how he talked me into this crazy, committed arrangement! But,
with the failure comes reflection. adjustment, and another try. THAT is what it
means to be committed. You don’t give up. You fall, you fail, you do it again! And keep doing it!
In order for us to truly
commit to anything or anyone, we have to move past the potential failures. That’s how we
get better. That’s how we develop grit to persevere another day. Oftentimes,
failure becomes the motivator to do better. You want to lose 5 lbs, but you
only lost 3, you got a choice to make: You can give up and gain back the 3 (and then some), or
you can fight like crazy to shed those other 2 to reach your goal. Failure is a often a frequent stop on the commitment trail!
Commit to God. He knows you are going to fail. He knows you
are going to sin. He knows! But keep showing up. Keep trying. Keep praying. Because
the other thing He knows is that His love is greater than our failure. His
light is brighter than any looming darkness. His grace and mercy make our
failures simply become life-lessons along our journey toward his divine purpose. We’ll never be perfect... it’s impossible. We are guaranteed to fail! But as long as we stay committed,
God has our back. Be Blessed. XOXO
