Follow the Leader

In light of recent events from Spring Valley High in South Carolina, I am appalled. Not because a teenager defied authority. Not because a teacher called security. But because an adult MAN was able to ABUSE a teenage, black girl WHILE the teacher stood there, AND NOW her own community is focusing on her?!? Someone tell me where this adds up. Someone tell me where we forgot to cover and care for our babies. Someone please tell me where the scripture has been disproven: There is nothing new under the sun.

Many ADULTS are acting like this CHILD is the root of the problem. I have worked in a school everyday for over 10 years. Teenagers have issues with rebellion, defiance, and disrespect. BUT, this isn't new! Teenagers have been getting smacked in the  mouth and hemmed up at home for centuries! It's where they are developmentally. They are developing opinions and independence, so they test limits; they make bad choices; they defy authority. Is it right? Hell to the naw naw. Is it new? Hell to the triple naw.

I sat next to students who defied authority every day and I graduated high school nearly 20 years ago. My MOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. My GRANDMOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. Hell, if I'm being honest, every now and again I was the one doing the defying (and trust Rhonda handled that tail when I got back to the crib)! This ain't new! So, why is it that we act like "this generation" is so much more jacked up than ours?!?

If we are going to place blame on students. IF we are going to say, "She deserved it," or "She should have just done what she was told," or "That's what's wrong with these kids;" then, we HAVE to be accountable to this ENTIRE generation. If they are "the most disrespectful" or "a bunch of bad a$$" kids, then HOW did they get that way? HOW did their parents get that way? If we take this stance, then we have to admit there is a generation or two of men and women who may have dropped the ball.

But we don't want to do that. We don't want to admit that generations are built upon the values of their ancestors. Our values shifted. We thought more about "getting out the 'hood" than trying to reverse the adverse effects of gangs and drugs on the 'hood. We thought more about "finding better schools" than transforming the schools that were available to ALL of our children. We thought more about separating "our" kids from "those" kids than being a role model for the babies who didn't have any. We became selfish. We became a resident in a neighborhood instead of a member of a community. We lost compassion. We lost responsibility. We lost love.

See children are led. They are led to right. They are led to wrong. They are led to hate. They are led to love. WE are responsible for that leadership. WE would have to be accountable for her defiance to authority because WE haven't been leaders in doing so ourselves. God is the ultimate authority. He calls for us to love. He tells us explicitly in the scripture how to raise our children. In a nutshell, we are to raise our children to honor us (parents), respect our teachings, respect authority. We are to discipline them in love, ensuring that they understand that God is first among all. (For an extensive list, visit: http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-parents-children-mothers-fathers/)

Women are called specifically in Colossians 3 to teach girls how to grow into women. But where are her women? Dead. Sounds harsh, but it's true. Most of the adults who are GOING IN on this girl couldn't handle half of what she's endured in the last 9 months. The loss of matriarch one and two, THEN placement into the dangerous and often troublesome system that is FOSTER CARE?!? C'mon now. Let's be honest. She is a trooper. Growing up quickly because life dealt her a crappy hand. Does it justify her defiance? Nope. But it does say this: She needs to be covered. She needs to be loved. She needs coping skills. She needs a list of things that TAKE TIME, not TACKLES!

Many of you were more blessed than her. You had parents, or at least a mother or grandmother. You had a home. You had comfort. You had stability. And many of you STILL have these same comforts...these same privileges and luxuries. Don't let the world blind you the REAL issue. She was ABUSED. Regardless of her refusal to get up, she was ABUSED. Grow out of that slave mentality that says, "When massah tell ya do sumfin, ya gawn 'head and do it." Grow into the reality that YOU were once a teen. You bucked someone or some rule. I was once a teen, and I definitely did some bucking. But at no point, was I tossed around like this (literally and figuratively) as an object with no worth, no value, no consideration for circumstances. I don't know this baby, but I love her, so the REAL issue, the BIGGER issue, is that she wasn't watched over and now she's being blamed for an adult's abuse of power and physical assault...Before I type an entire dissertation, I'm gonna end this. Be Blessed. XOXO

Perception is Reality

In a recent conversation with one of my students, she told me about a verbal confrontation she had with another young lady on her cheer team. The other cheer member said to my former student, "You think I have an attitude, but I don't!" To which my former student responded, "Well perception is reality boo!" Now, granted I was tickled because the way we as black women can shut down an argument, even at such a young age, is impressively hilarious. But it also made me think about the unfortunate truth in her statement.

Many of us in the body of Christ are giving off these negative, hurtful, and unfortunate perceptions that are affecting other people's reality about our faith. What we don't realize is that our responsibility to the Kingdom is to make sure that people don't get it twisted. However, most of us are the ones out here doing the TWISTING.

For example, there are many Christians standing in the name various causes or lifestyle choices in a way that is less than that of which God would have us. We approach things and people we disagree with using vehemence, degradation, disrespect, and hate. We stand in lines with posters or go on social media rants that send the message that "God hates faggots," or "Abort your baby, and go to hell," or even the ignorance that "Muslims are terrorists."

The truth is that when I sit in the company of many Christians, the only things I here are judgement, ridicule, condescension, division, and insult. I don't think those are the fruits we are supposed to bear, yet when we allow these traits to go on public display what we in turn say is THIS is the reality of Christianity. I don't think that's true, and I don't think that's fair. God is love. God is the embrace of ALL of who we are, even when our lives don't always line up.

So today, I challenge us to be cognizant about the message we are sending to unbelievers. People have no other way to associate what it means to live a godly life other than through what we show them. A godly person is not perfect. A righteous person is not without wrong. A godly person is a person who seeks after God's will, strives to attain everything that God has in store for them (the good and bad), but makes mistakes along the way. THAT is a godly person. And THAT is the perception that should become any lost and wondering soul's reality.

But we make it a point to have them perceive the exact opposite. That a godly person IS perfect person. That a righteous person CANNOT do wrong. We say that if they don't live the way that WE think they should live, and if they aren't doing the things that WE are doing, then somehow they are beneath us and therefore not qualified to be Christians. THAT is NOT the message! So, if you are reading this, I want you to simply ask yourself this question: Because of me, who does the world think that God is? Be Blessed. XOXO

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Within the last few weeks, I've had my oldest son make his own lunches for the week. He decides what he eats. He assigns a lunch box to each weekday. He's even accompanied me to the store and learned some budgeting tips.  It's all a big deal to him.

He's very meticulous about it. He calculates how many Capri Suns we have to see if he needs to open a new box. He checks each lunch box to make sure it has a fruit snack and a bottled water. He asks his brother to help him so that he can go "more faster".

Trying to allow him to feel a sense of independence and accomplishment, I hang in the background doing other kitchen chores. However, once he's done, I go and check each lunch box, and he's none the wiser. I decrease the  amount of chips in the overloaded baggies. I add an apple to the lunch boxes with only 1 fruit and no veggies. I wipe the jelly off my phone and the peanut butter off the drawer handles. I put the twist tie back on the bread...tightly. And every now and then, I slip a note in a random box just to remind him of my love.

God allows us the freedom of choice every day. He allows us to make "big deal" decisions for our lives and, at times, even the lives of others. We do our best and we feel accomplished. We beam with pride and stick our chests out. However, sometimes, we leave a mess behind. We do too much or too little, yet count it all joy. We compromise; we skimp; we hoard; we simply screw up!

But we serve a God who lovingly comes behind and cleans up our messes. He wipes clean our hearts. He removes all guilt and stain. He keeps us from being fired, from going bankrupt, from losing our significant other, from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time...from so much that we have no idea how much He's really doing to keep us together. While we really think we are doing something, God is hanging in the background waiting for us to get out of His way so he can right our wrongs, fix our blunders, clean up our child - like mess. I don't know about you, but I'm grateful to have the kind of daddy who lets me do me, even when it's not right all the time. The kind of daddy who takes care of me and let's me grow more and more independent under his watchful eye and gentle guidance. The kind of daddy to even leave me notes to remind me of His promises and His love. Be grateful. Be Blessed. XOXO