To My Former Students: I Am Proud of You

Being in education for over 13 years, I've been blessed to cross paths with a bunch of beautiful, brilliant minds. As I watch my earlier students' lives unfold through the grace of social media, I am in awe at who they have become...all that they have accomplished. My eldest group of students turned 30 this year, and it's hard to believe that they are "for real" adults, but they are, and they are amazing...

Dear Former Student,

I am proud of you. No matter what, I am extremely proud. You may not be where you want to be but I remember where you were. I remember your attitude, you insecurity, your failing grades, your procrastination. I remember your pimples, your heartbreak, your plagiarism, your late assignments, your "ah-ha" moments. I remember calling your mama, your lights getting cut off, what your father did to you, the babies you bore, the charges you caught, the mistakes. But I also remember your graduation, you leaving the nest and safety of my arms reach, you entering a world full of other types of "teachers" and other types of "lessons."

Some of you feel like you haven't made it yet. You think you can't. You're not sure if you will. You're tired, scared, confused, or just plain lost. You promised to stop doing this or that, yet you continue. You did some things you weren't proud of. You said some things were going to happen, but they haven't yet.  You just don't feel like you have it all together...yet.

God gifts mothers and teachers and I happen to be both, so I see what you don't. I know that God has many things in store for you. Those trials, those mistakes, those hardships, those small wins all play a part on your journey to greatness. I'm proud of the parents you've become. Despite the odds, I see my babies taking care of babies being awesome moms and dads. I'm proud of the way you work. So many of you have full-time jobs and part-time jobs; you're store managers, call center supervisors, nurses, business men and women, entrepreneurs. I'm proud of the way you continue to learn and educate yourselves in college, aesthetics, yoga, real estate and so much more. I'm proud of the spouses you've become, writing a different story for you and your family than the one you saw growing up. I'm proud of the military personnel you are, working your way up the ranks, traveling the world, becoming stronger each day. I'm proud of you supporting each other along the way. You promote each other's business, you serve as the godparents to your friends' children, you walk down the aisle as a bridesmaid or groomsmen. After all these years, you continue to hold each other down. 

In case you never hear if from anyone else, you are awesome. Regardless of where you are in life right now, you are right where you are supposed to be. The way you continue to push through, even when it's hard, that's faith at work. God is watching you, guiding you. Even when it feels like He's not there, the fact that you are alive while so many others aren't is proof that your mission isn't complete. You each have a purpose, and I am proud to watch them unfold. 

One of the greatest gifts that God ever gave me was you...each and every one of you. Your stories, your personalities, your lives. Your beings have intertwined with mine forever. So as I watch you pursue dreams, try and fail, struggle and succeed, I just can't help but be proud. Keep grinding. Keep fighting. Keep pushing. You got this. And remember...I'm proud of you. Be Blessed. XOXO

Veins

The other day, I was working out at the YMCA and I saw an older, lighter complected woman walking in front of me. Her legs had seen the world. Her skin had experienced many angles of the sun. She was aged with wisdom that one could only hope to gain. The tiny veins in her legs criss-crossed one another in various shades of blue, red, and purple. They overlapped, intertwined, connected, departed, and reunited up and down her calves. I began to think about life's journey...

In life, we reach many milestones, we see many things, and we have a tendency to come to many crossroads. Should we marry or stay single? Should I go back to school or pick up a part-time job? Should I go to her house or head home? Should I give him my number or pretend not to speak English? No matter what, we are faced with choices daily.

 

Crossroads are an inevitable part of life, but some of them have a direct impact on life's overall journey, some of them impact others, others determine the ones that will follow. For instance, the crossroad of whether or not I'm cooking dinner or stopping by Chipotle matters. But does it matter as much as the crossroad of whether you should try to work things out with your baby's mother or head to court to work out the future details? You see? Some of our crossroads are more impactful than others. 

But here's the good news. God knows exactly where each and every one of us will end up. Do we get to make choices? Yep. Will some of those choices be detrimental? Yes...in some ways. However, others will be right on the money. As imperfect as we are, as foolish as out choices can be, God still has a plan for us. To grow and to know that at each milestone, at each crossroad, we will be one step closer to the fate that He has predestined for us. Live, love, and choose wisely my friends. Be Blessed XOXO

Refuse

You ever had one of those days where everything that could go wrong seems to do just that? Like Alexander's No Good Very Bad Horrible Day type stuff? That was my life last Saturday. 

I could have slept in, but my body betrayed me and woke up at 7 AM. Like whhhyyyyy??? So, I went to the gym, trying to do right by my "get fit" plan. However, no machines I like were available. So, I had to look like a dufus while learning to operate a new one. Since I got such an early start to my day, I figured I'd get my nails done. But of course, unbeknownst to me, there's an art fair in the area! There are absolutely NO parking spaces. So I continue my morning calorie burn and trek 2 blocks. I get to the nail shop 4 minutes after they open, and all of the techs are already with clients. Like how?? So, I walk around the corner for coffee. Oh! The line is out of the door long! #FixItJesus

Headed home there's an accident on the highway and unexpected traffic. Get ready to head out to my niece's birthday party and my son's asthma decides to show up in full force. One nebulizer treatment and 4 inhaler puffs later, we are finally out the door! We arrive only 10 minutes late...to the wrong damn party location! #ThisCantBeLife 

Driving to the REAL party, there is construction that plops me in bumper to bumper traffic. Moving at a snail's pace, the GPS and detour signs send me in a complete circle only to bring us back around to the party location which was milliseconds from where our original journey began. #JesusTakeTheWheel

Needless to say, I was frustrated as hell. I literally squeezed the steering wheel tightly, jerked my body back and forth against it, and let out a gut-wrenching, "AAAAGGGHHH," causing my kids to jump and then giggle. My sister and play sister laughed at me as they listened through the car speakers to my outrage and then my reinforced statement, "I refuse to have a bad day. I'm for real! I bet I don't. I bet my day gone get better. And I'm writing a letter to the mayor of Lee's Summit for this construction plan! But I'm NOT going to have a bad day!" I refused to have a bad day. I absolutely refused! The sun was shining. The weather was nice. We were alive and well. Was I irritated? Yep. Frustrated? Uh-huh. Annoyed? Hell yeah! But I refused to have a bad day.

There are 24 hours in every, single day. That's 1,440 minutes. That's 86,400 seconds! Sometimes you have to refuse to let the fleeting moments within a day determine your actual day. You have to refuse to give in to the minutes and push through to the last hour. Things might start out shaky or go left or even end on a sour note, but that is not the ENTIRETY of the day. And so it is in life. There will be good times, not-so-good times, and downright bad times. However, this doesn't equate to a bad life. Our outlook, our mindset, our faith, all determine what is actually good or bad. Perspective is everything. I'm sure if you did the math, for every "bad" thing you face, you can name at least 2 good things. Refuse to let a few uncomfortable seconds determine the outcome of your day. Be Blessed XOXO

HANGRY!

Post-work text message: Babe, what's up for dinner?

Kids get in the car from school: Mama I'm hongry!

Kids wake up on Saturday: Mama what's for breakfast?

Sister stops by: What ya'll got to eat? 

Student comes by my office: Mrs. Smith you got some food? 

A typical day in my life involves at least 1,000 people asking me about food, and I get it! I eat 3 meals a day. Count them...3. When I don't eat, there is a short period of time before I go from simply hungry to down right HANGRY! Our bodies need to eat. It's not optional. Many of us are blessed enough to be so comfortable that when we get hungry, we are able to satisfy that hunger by opening the fridge or stopping at a restaurant. Regardless, if we have the means, as soon as our bodies indicate that we are hungry, we are going to do everything in our power to solve it. Why? Because to be hungry is not a great feeling.

The Spirit is the same way. Many of us are spiritually hungry. Some of us are downright famished because we are missing out on what we need to feed our souls. That could be not going to church regularly. Staying at a church that no longer provides what you need. Not reading. Not praying. Not encouraging. Not being encouraged. Being alone too often. Not practicing solitude enough. Doing too much in life, but not enough for the Spirit. 

I can only speak for myself when I say that I know what it's like to be hungry in the Spirit. Lately, I haven't been as full as my soul would like. I need to up my intake in the Spirit, but I'm struggling. As a result, I can find myself moody or temperamental or worried or doubtful. Very similarly to how I feel when I go from hungry to HANGRY! Sometimes, I even find myself feeling empty, and it's hard to get around in this life when your soul is on E.

Much like food is the source of our physical energy, interacting with God is the source of our spiritual energy. Now let's be clear, this looks a BUNCH of different ways, so don't let someone else's idea of a "healthy spiritual diet" determine your own. This could mean starting your day with devotion or meditation. This could be a walk in the park, enjoying the solitude of nature and the beauty of God's creation. Maybe brunch with friends over mimosas, sharing your wins and losses, encouraging one another to keep on keeping on. It could be Bible study, Sunday school, church service or revival. It could be an audiobook or daily devotional. Journaling. Going to therapy. Having a long overdue conversation with a loved one. Resting. Sitting in silence. Praying. Drawing. Watching something life-changing on television. So many ways to get in touch with God's presence. Regardless of how we do it, we must do it soon. Fill our Spirits with the presence of God, the knowledge of God, the realness of God, so that we satisfy our hunger. Eat well, stay full, and Be Blessed XOXO

Hostage

We've all seen it. The scene in a film where someone has taken a group of captives hostage, refusing to let them go. Oftentimes, this scene concludes with a kick-ass negotiator talking the captives free or a never-miss sniper gunning the suspect down. Every now and then, they go the extra mile with fatalities in the midst of the hostile situation, but this is rare. One thing that all of the scenarios have in common is someone being held against their will. They are in a space and time that they did not choose. No matter what, they can't seem to break free.

I don't know about you, but I've been there in my own life. In these nearly 40 years on Earth, I've grown quite a bit. I'm not the same Shanelle from Longfellow Elementary, Lincoln Prep, or even Fisk University. There are elements of my core that are the same, but I'm honestly a much different version of myself. One who has endured way more of what life has to offer and the experiences have shaped new ideas, opinions, responses, reactions, or even the desire to be present in certain situations or around certain people. Face it. If you are the same person today that you were 20 years ago, you're missing life's lessons. If not, you are moving along on this journey called life to become who God intended you to be by growing and changing...evolving so to speak.

However, sometimes, we can find ourselves being held hostage to who we used to be. I know that this has happened to me. I have held myself hostage, forgetting that I've grown past certain mindsets and actions. People around me have held me hostage, not honoring my new self because they are more comfortable or more familiar with the old one. You used to be quick to pop off at the mouth, but now you're more likely to think before you speak. You used to be quick to fight, but now you walk away and cuss under your breath. You used to like to club and get drunk and have lots of sex, now you just want to go home and binge watch Netflix enjoying your beverages in your PJs and fuzzy socks. You used to say this, do that, think this, be that! You used to...but now you don't. 

People will hold you hostage to who you used to be because it takes too much work to get to know and honor the new you. You will hold yourself hostage to who you used to be because it scares you to think of who you may become. The world will hold you hostage to who you used to be because if you grow and change, that could inspire others to do the same. Don't you see? Don't you get it? Let God snipe anyone or anything that tries to act as a stronghold to keep you from growing in His grace and mercy. Let Him negotiate the minds and precepts of others while you walk in the freedom of your new self. If you are being held hostage by yourself or someone else, it's time to be set free and truly Be Blessed XOXO

Cheerleaders

So I gotta be honest. I've never really understood cheerleading. I just don't really get it. You get all cute, wear a little skirt, jump and holler? Maybe the unawakened womanist in me was the source. Maybe the fact that my family couldn't afford it. Long story short, I never really saw the point. but I did gain  a new appreciation for them as our basketball team made a short-lived run for the state title my Senior year.

Over the years, it often seemed that cheerleaders were way more amped and excited to cheer at the boys' games because basically...they were. Hair done. Nails done. Everything did! But at the girls' games, the aesthetics weren't always as appealing, the cheering just wasn't quite as loud,  and the enthusiasm was a bit lower. However, there were a few cheerleaders who ALWAYS stood out. They were LOUD as hell at each and every game, no matter WHO was playing. I remember there being times that it seemed we weren't going to pull it out, but somehow those voices encouraged the others on the cheer squad and they were able to help push us to a win. We would stand at the free throw line, all eyes on us, and hear, "Look who's at the free throw liiiiine, she is a friend of miiiiiinnneeee...Shanelle heeeeeeyyyyy, sink it, sink it, sink it!" Make or miss, it was encouraging to hear those voices. Even as a hush fell over the rest of the crowd, the cheerleaders were encouraging us, believing in us, rooting for us to win.  Although we lost in the semi-finals, we had a good season that year, and I'd be remiss if I didn't attribute a small part of that success to our cheerleaders.

In this funny thing called life, we all need cheerleaders. Those people who put on their best selves to simply stand in our corner. They aren't competing with us, they are riding with us. They aren't secretly wishing for our demise. Instead, they want us to win, sometimes seemingly more than we do! Our life cheerleaders are our encouragers. When the chips are down, when the odds are stacked against us, when it doesn't seem that we'll pull it out, here they come, pom poms out, jumping and hollering on our behalf. Sometimes this looks like a text message that says, "You got this," Or a phone call that says, "It'll get better," or "You'll figure it out," or "What do you need me to do?"

In life, our cheerleaders are male and female, old and young, at home and abroad. They are the people who want nothing but the best for us. They are the ones who will stand in the fold with us, during the good and the bad, pushing us on to victory. And even when we lose, they don't quit. They don't regret having been there for the journey. Shoot, they often start the pre-cheering for the next game with a "You'll get'em next time," or "They won't be ready for you when you come back." God gives us cheerleaders to keep us motivated, to push us on, to keep us going. There's an old saying, "All you need is one cheerleader." It's true. As long as you have one, you will never truly be defeated. The next time you face a loss, look past the stands and toward your cheer squad. Receive their smiles, their jumps, their cheers. Be it this time or the next, with them on your side, you ALWAYS win. Be Blessed XOXO

Wrench in the Plan

You ever have plans and they just get shot to hell in a millisecond? You PLAN to go to the grocery store after work only for your boss to call a last-minute meeting that runs long and there went that! You PLAN to wash a load of towels while preparing breakfast only to find that there is no more laundry detergent and the eggs are expired. You PLAN to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month, yet the month is over and scale went the opposite direction!?

Over the past few months, I've come really close to giving up on having any type of plan for life. Like seriously. It's almost like I'd rather just fly by the seat of my pants. That way, I will not even set myself up for the frustration or disappointment that comes from foiled plans!

The other day, while leaving the gym, I got a speeding ticket. It was so fitting for the way things had been working out, that it only made sense for me to experience yet another wrench in my plans. When the officer asked me if I knew why she stopped me, I said, "Yep." She asked for license and registration and I started laughing. She asked what was funny, I said, "Oh nothing, just the fact that I left my insurance card on the kitchen counter. Of ALLLLLL the days!" I cupped my forehead in the palm of my head, began a series of SMH, and burst out laughing all over again. The officer couldn't help herself and joined in my laughter.

Officer (laughing with or at me, not quite sure which): "That kind of day already? It's not even 9 AM!"
Me (laughing to keep from crying): That kind of day? GIRL! Try that kind of LIFE!

She left to officially write my ticket. I would normally be seething with either anger or irritation in moments like this, but if there is one thing I'm truly starting to embrace it's that there will OFTEN be a wrench in any of the plans I have. It's life. I honestly can't control much of it, but I can control my reaction, each and every time.

When things don't go according to plan, it's annoying as hell. But reacting with nothing but negativity only makes things worse. Especially when the Word tells us that God knows the plans He has for us. His plans. Not ours. So, it only makes sense that sometimes our plans have to be interrupted because it's not about us. Now this is by no means a green light to go through life without plans, but it is advice to try your best to be okay when those plans don't always pan out. God is intentional, in everything, even when we don't quite get it. So, the next time life throws you a curve ball, try your best to remember that your plans may have to change in order for God's plans to play out. Go with the flow and Be Blessed. XOXO

Raindrop

Hmmm...how many of you actually said "drop top" right after reading the title? No judgement! I would have definitely done the same thing! However, this post is headed in a slightly different direction! 

The onset (not Offset) of Spring brings lots of water. 'Tis the season for many rainy days and stormy nights... 

The other day, while leaving the RedBox, it began to rain. As I sat in my car waiting for a kiosk to free up, I just stared out at it. I noticed that on my car, many of the drops were beading up and sitting almost singularly on my hood. Others were stopped short and trapped in the gutter of Walgreens, joining together to create a steady stream falling from the gutters of the store. Some were stuck on the leaves of trees and plants, but later tossed about by the blowing wind. Many others, although they came down as one drop, all alone, joined a number of other drops to form various puddles around the parking lot. It made me think about how some of us operate in life, how we move, and what the impact is. 

Years ago, there was a catchy little diddy called Make me Better, that stated, "I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together." This is what the rain is. A single drop can only do so much. But when those drops join together, their impact is that much greater. They form steady streams, small puddles, creeks, and ponds. The more they come together the more visible they are, the more space they take up, the more they can do or become. 

It's no different in the Spirit. So often, we focus on the things that make us different. The things we disagree about become the barrier to us doing and becoming more. The truth of the matter is that all of us came into this world alone. Even if you are a twin only one of ya'll came out the chute at once, so let's just call it true: EVERYONE comes into the world alone! But if it were intended for us to stay that way, God probably would have created billions of planets so that we could each have our own!

When trying to give hope, to change lives, to increase the impact of what can be done in the Spirit, none of us is greater alone. Each of us have our own ideas, our own experiences, our own lives that will all play a part in changing the world. Sometimes, it can be more convenient and even comfortable to go at it alone, but there is power in numbers! So, make an effort to connect with the ones who can increase your impact and lengthen your reach. Go ahead. Gather your drops, form a puddle, make a splash and Be Blessed XOXO

Bosom

When time and rest permit, my husband likes to lay on me. Most of the time, he opts for my thighs, which make perfect sense. However, there are times that he will lay his head on my chest which I think is hilarious! Why? Because I have ABSOLUTELY no pillows in that area! I mean I'm not quite the President of the ITBC, but I'm at least the Corresponding Secretary! So, we joke about this often. He'll lay his head there (on my sternum I guess?) and I'm like, "Now you know you ain't getting no cushion." To which he'll reply, "I know..." and draw me closer to him (as if that will make them somehow morph into D-cups).

But the other day, I paused to think about the closeness of this position. When I lie on his chest, his heartbeat soothes me to sleep. My children, when they were much smaller, would lie on their stomachs and drift to sleep on my chest, right against my heartbeat (man I miss that!). To get this close to someone, we must love and trust them. Lying so closely to them lets us know they are alive. Because we know they are present, we can rest in the sheer comfort of their existence.

That said, the word bosom is mentioned in the Bible over 50 times. It's not a very modern word, but it has very modern inclinations. The bosom is the chest, particularly the breast or pectoral. Beyond those tissues lie the lungs which maintain life with each breath we take. And even further within the chest cavity, we find the heart that sustains life with each beat. To lie in the bosom of one we love or accept someone into this space is a major act of intimacy. You are allowing them to lay where you live, to rest in your love.

This is how it is with God. When we are tired, in Him we find rest. When we are weary, in Him we find strength. Worried? Anxious? Unsure? Jealous? Annoyed? Conflicted? Whatever it is, if we trust him enough to rest in His love, we will be soothed. When the going gets tough, remember, it's not the size of the pillow, it's the impact of the love. Rest in His bosom, find peace for your soul, and Be Blessed. XOXO

Dawn of a Decade

Soooooo my oldest son turned 10 last week, and I felt some type of way. I'm basically a less than mushy mom most of the time, so I've honestly only felt this overwhelming emotion a few times. When he was born, when I went back to work, and when he started Kindergarten. However, something about this birthday put me in a space. I looked at my once chubby baby boy who is slowly morphing into this muscular young man. Where there used to be baby teeth, there are mostly adult ones. The one who used to require me to read him at least 5 bedtime stories every night is now reading to his little brother before bed. He'd rather be on his video game than engrossed in a book. He has opinions and desires and interests, many of which remind me that we are both getting older! He's on that cusp of "my mom is still pretty cool" to "my mom is super annoying." Where 10 years have gone by, only 8 more remain before he will enter the world on his own. Dude...I'm like, "What is HAPPENING!?!"

So what's the big deal with the number 10? In competition, 10 is normally the highest score one can receive. Most of us have 10 fingers and 10 toes. A basketball goal is 10 feet above the court.  A dime is worth 10 cent. Numerically, 10 symbolizes the completion of a cycle. Spiritually, 10 is a number of perfection, God's completion, and the opportunity for new beginnings.

However, in this world, I'll be honest, 10 made me even more worried for his safety. Tamir was 10 plus 1, Emmett was 10 plus 4, Trayvon was 10 plus 7. None of these young me lived to see their 10 doubled, tripled, or beyond. My son is brilliant and beautiful and worthy of regard as a human being. But we live in a world where that's not always the outcome. He's getting older and I have to let him grow and explore and learn and discover, but there are the looming concerns about his LIFE as he does so.

Raising black boys is not an easy task by any means. There is so much to make sure they know, so much to try to keep them from, while making sure they are properly equipped at the same time. Yet, this I know. God has purposed both of my sons. I can't say with certainty what those purposes are, but this I know: All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes.

As my son officially becomes a tween, teetering on teenage years and headed full throttle into young adulthood, I know that he will encounter some uncomfortable situations. I know that his father and I will have to engage him in difficult conversations. I know that things will not always work out the way we would like. But I also know that whatever befalls him will not be in vain. God has a plan for him. One that will not be thwarted by any one. God said, "Touch not My anointed." He assures us that "No weapon formed against us will prosper." So, I know that this decade is merely the beginning of all that God has in store for my boys. It is my prayer that his light shine bright enough for the world to see, this his future be purposeful and prosperous, and that for this decade and those to come that he Be Blessed. XOXO

GroupChat saves lives

If any of you are in a GroupChat, this post should take little to no explaining. My girls from back home, my college crew, my line sisters, we all have GroupChats. And the intimate levels of discussion that take place in these chats could probably end some of us if ever made public! The truth is, GroupChats provide a sense of security and openness for many of us to air some of our deepest and darkest thoughts.

Participation in a GroupChat affords us some psychological luxury. First, you typically are in a chat with people who share something in common, be it childhood friends or co-workers; so, there is a trusting relationship in place. GroupChats also provide you with a variety of viewpoints and opinions on topics that you see with tunnel vision. You will have an ally and a nemesis to help you navigate through whether or not to eat that cookie, go on that second date, or smack the hell out of your co-worker. GroupChats also provide a safe space to vent your deepest frustrations, your biggest worries, your scariest fears. On any occasion my GroupChat has kept me from quitting my job, cussing someone out, or giving up on life. GroupChats have saved marriages, saved sanity, saved lives! If someone you love is in a GroupChat, you should probably send all of its participants a thank you card because they've probably saved you!

In all seriousness, the comfort, connection, and trust we find in GroupChats is the same that we should seek in God. I  know from personal experience that sometimes it can be hard to talk to God. We don't know what to say. We can't name how we feel. Or quite honestly, we sometimes forget to talk to Him all together! The Most High wants to hear our deepest, inner-most thoughts. He wants us to cast our cares on Him. He wants us to seek and ask him for the desires of our hearts. When we are struggling in our jobs, in our marriages, in our parenting, in our friendships, in our lives, God is there. Now let's be clear, this isn't in any way a call to abandon the GroupChat! If you are anything like me, you need that thang to keep you sane okay?!? But in addition to, prior to, afterward, let us not forget where our help comes from. Chat on and Be Blessed XOXO

Sister, Sister

For nearly 7 years, I was an only child. As a result, my mom and I were extremely close. However, I longed for a sibling. I would pray for one, ask for one, and even wish for one on birthday candles! Then, my mom told me she was pregnant...with twin boys! Now I was outnumbered! But before I could even pray for what I wanted, my mom was pregnant again with no idea of the baby's gender. I remember getting picked up from my 3rd grade classroom praying that this baby was a girl. After what felt like an eternity, my baby sister was finally born and I couldn't have been any happier!

Whether you are male or female, sisters can be both a headache and a powerful blessing. Big sisters are bossy as hell, but most of the time, they're right. Middle sisters can be mischievous, which also makes them fun. And baby sisters are spoiled brats who will adore you no matter what! (Yes CoCo, I'm talking VERY specifically about you!)

In a world where women are taught to compete with one another, to hate on one another, to talk about one another, to distance themselves from one another, it's hard to cherish sisterhood. In a land where women snatch out one another's weaves and toss drinks in each other's faces, we can sometimes let petty thoughts, words, and behaviors get in the way of humility, respect, and even forgiveness. But sisterhood is an honorable relationship that oftentimes helps to make everything right with the world.

Although my mom only birthed one sister for me, over time I've been blessed with many more. I have line sisters, sorority sisters, close friends who serve as both big sisters and little sisters, a cousin who swears she's our sister, two sisters-in-law, and a host of other women with whom I share a love that is nothing less than sisterly. To have a sister is to have a loyal companion. Someone who will be there for you when the chips are down; who will call you on your mess; who will give you a pass when you are out of pocket or check you when necessary. Sisters are the ones we fight with the most and love the hardest. A sister can offer the best advice, a listening ear, or even a rider when things get hot! Sisters are so important, that in the Word it states one who hates a sister is a murderer!

When Rebekah left her homeland to go be married to Isaac, her family sent her off with nothing less than well wishes. They bid their ado with hopes of increase and protection for her and her offspring against her enemies. That is my wish for all my sisters reading this. That you receive all that you ask God for and more. That your haters become your congratulators. That the windows of heaven open up and rain down new blessings and new mercies with each passing day. No matter how many of ya'll work a nerve, no matter how annoying I can be, no matter what trials come our way...Be Blessed XOXO

Glimpses of God

A friend shared with me that someone blessed her the other day. While paying for groceries, she forgot she'd gotten a new debit card and couldn't remember the PIN. As she was headed to her car, the woman behind her took care of the bill. Did she NEED the blessing? Since she had the money to cover the cost, it didn't seem as though...

However, she, and many of my tribe (myself included), are in the midst of some pretty turbulent storms. We are trying our best to hold each other up while sustaining ourselves, our families, our jobs...our sanity. It's in times like this that even though your faith is being tested and your character is being built, it just doesn't feel good. And honestly, even though you know that God said to never leave nor foresake us, we still wonder. Are you there? Can you hear me? Will it all be okay? How much longer? What am I supposed to learn from this? Why me? Why him? Why us?

It's in times like this that the darkness is so vast, it gets hard to see God. But then there are moments, like the grocery story, where God reminds us, "I'm still here....I know that this is hard. I know that you are getting weary. Find rest in me. I know that you are worried about the next move, but I'm here to order your steps. I know that you don't know what lies ahead, but trust me. I got you boo. Always have and always will."

In these short, fleeting moments, we get a small gust of strength to push a little further...to hold on a little longer. God doesn't always make a grand appearance. Sometimes the signs are super simple. But if you are operating in the Spirit, you will catch them; you will feel them, and then you will know. God is omnipresent. He's always there. Sometimes we see proof of his presence even when we aren't looking. If you do nothing else, in good seasons and in trying ones, be grateful for the times you've caught glimpses of God. Be Blessed XOXO

Mission in the Mess

A couple weeks back, I posted the Day 1 video for the #HBCUWALKINGBILLBOARD Campaign. On the first take, I said everything I needed to say. I hit the points that were most pertinent. I clarified the purpose and the intent. It was solid. Except...my hair was a mini-mess with frizz for days; I had on not an ounce of make-up; and the lighting in my office is hashtag terrible. So, I tried to do another take. I kept fumbling over my words. I tried to do another take-the phone fell off the desk. I tried one more take just in time for the 1st hour bell to ring...loudly...in the background. Finally, I said, "Forget it," and posted the original, fly-aways, frizz, and all! I was on a mission and didn't have time to be concerned with anything else.

There comes a time in all of our lives where this is the case. Some of us are sitting on our gifts and talents because we are waiting on the perfect moment to pitch our idea or make that move. Some of us are risking the loss of a great mate because we are waiting until all of our ducks are in a row or we really have our "ish" together. You know it's like that one friend. We all have one. She's always running from cameras because she doesen't want anyone to see her "looking like this."

But what if we are supposed to approach the mission despite the mess? What if we are supposed to perfect our craft with many imperfect attempts? What if we are to blossom into our best selves AFTER the union? What would happen if the camera snapped and people actually saw you "looking like that"? I'll tell you what would happen. We would be living fearlessly, walking in our purpose without regard for images, perceptions, or opinions.

In the midst of our mess is our ministry. Hold fast to that. Birthed from our toughest tests are the impact of our testimonies. There is a message in the mayhem. Blessings are born from burdens. We can find favor in the foolishness. And if we squint hard enough, we can find God in the most gruesome of circumstances. It's time out for the perfect presentation. Life is way to short to try to get it right 100% of the time. Instead, we have to accept that sometimes, as out of sorts as it may seem, we are doing exactly what God told us to do, living as He would have us to, even if we look at hot mess while doing it! No matter what, complete the mission and Be Blessed XOXO

Hoarders

There's this show called Hoarders that explores the lives of people who purchase, have, or hold onto too much stuff. The first time I saw the show, I thought, Now why would anyone ever want all that "ish" in their house?! Fast forward a few years and I kinda get it. Am I a hoarder? Not quite. But over the years, we have collected more and more unnecessary stuff. Couple that with my knack for a sale and love of fashion, and you get someone who, if not careful, could have an entire segment dedicated to herself! So, when I make or have the time to go through and get rid of things, I find myself asking, What is this "ish"? Or Why the hell do we still have this "ish"?! (And ya'll ALLLL know that I'm not saying "ish" lol)

I know, I know. Some of you watched Minimalist and now perceive yourself some simplistic person who doesn't have any chance of becoming a hoarder. That's cute and all, but you're still a hoarder. We are all hoarders. Why? Because often we hold on to so much other "stuff." We hold on to the feelings and perceptions of our past. We let it all pile up...in our heads, in our hearts, in our spirits. We are walking around cluttered and jumbled in the mind and soul, yet wondering why we feel so heavy. It's hard to smile when the windows to your soul are covered with junk. 

At times, we are hoarding so much that we cast negativity everywhere we go. Some of us are hoarding the trauma of our childhood. Some of us are hoarding the pain of heartbreak. We are hoarding the guilt of the abortion, the stain of the mistake, the memory of the affair, the fear of the future. We hold on to ALL of it! Refusing to let go. It means something to us. It's who we are. Without it...without it...who would we be?  But imagine how much lighter you would feel if you simply let go. What might happen if instead of hoarding and hiding, you actually shared your story? Who could you help? Who could you save? Who would you become? 

You see, life isn't meant to be lived alone, and for most hoarders that is part of what it's all about. They are lonely, so they hold on to stuff. So many of us are lonely in our experiences. We don't think anyone else would understand. Nobody can relate. They just wouldn't get it! You think you're the first person to endure? You think you're the only person to mess up? Nope. You're not. You're not the only and you damn sure aren't the last. That said, it's time for some of us to free up some space. You wanna become your best self? Move some things out. Cast some things down. Banish it. Rebuke it. Release it. Be Blessed XOXO

Fisk Forever

This month marks my 3rd Annual #HBCUWalkingBillboard Campaign to promote awareness and peak interest in historically black colleges and universities. My passion for these institutions is rooted in my own experience, one in which I learned very quickly about both family and faith...

When I was in the 7th grade, our band teacher encouraged us to begin fundraising for a big trip that we would be eligible for as Freshmen. I was super excited, so I got to hustling every candy bar, popcorn, cookie, candle, you name it! At the close of the fundraiser, my teacher kept asking me for the money. I'd delivered all my merchandise, but my parents never gave me the money to take to school. I assumed they were going to write him a check or deliver the money themselves because it was too much for me to have on me. Time went on and eventually my teacher was visibly irritated with having not received the money. Finally, the truth came out...

My mother revealed that she and my step-dad were in a bind and had used that money to pay rent and bills. I was devastated and embarrassed. I could tell my mom was also ashamed, so we both just cried and kept it pushing.

A few years later, my friend Tamisha's mom made sure I joined them on the Black Health Care Coalition's HBCU College Tour. It was beyond a fun time, and it was then that Fisk found me. I tell people all the time that when our bus pulled up, and I stepped onto the cobblestone, something magical happened. I literally felt like I belonged there. It was a feeling that would warm me for the next few years, as I knew that was the college I was going to attend.

Fast forward to my Senior year. I hadn't received a grade card from my school since the 7th grade. Why? Because that money still hadn't been repaid. It was now time for me to apply to colleges. But I needed a transcript which wasn't about to happen until the school got their money. In the meantime, a man named AJ was my assurance that it would all work out.

AJ was the Fisk admissions rep who called me personally to make sure I received my acceptance letter. I told him the situation about the transcripts and the report cards. He assured me that was not for me to worry about. Dismissing my obvious anxiety, AJ said, "Listen. If your score goes up by 3 points, we can take you from a partial scholarship to a full scholarship. College costs a lot of money, but the ACT is only $40. Take it again. I'll call you later."

Little did I know, AJ, my mama, my granny, my papa, and my aunts were all working behind the scenes to take care of the bill, arrange my transportation to college, provide me with a computer, and stock my dorm. As it all unfolded, I was in awe...of it all!

Once we arrived on campus, the registration lines were SUPER long, but AJ found me and my aunts and got us expedited service. Before my aunts left campus, he talked to them for a while to reassure them that I was in safe hands. He later promised to call my granny and my mom one last time to let them know I made it and was getting settled. He gave me one of these proud dad hugs and told me, "Welcome home future Fiskite!" It was basically AH-MAZING!

When I think back on my time at Fisk, I am reminded that when God has something for us, it WILL come to pass. Were there obstacles? Yep. I had no idea how I'd get a transcript. I knew my parents didn't have the means to get me to school. I wasn't sure that a 3 point increase was even in the cards. But, I just did what I was told and trusted the process. That is what faith looks like. Faith isn't having the answers or knowing the outcome. Faith is trusting that what is for you will be, no matter what. Faith is pushing on when you have no idea what to expect. Faith is not being hindered by worry or doubt; both will arise on any faith walk, that's natural, but allowing them to stop us from our God-given destiny is a no-go. Faith is what got me to Fisk, and faith is what got me through Fisk. Because of faith, I will always be a "Daughter ever on the altar." Be Blessed XOXO

Overprotective

Before Darnell and I started dating, we were pretty good friends.  Because we lived around the corner from one another, went to the same school, and worked at the same mall, I was often a third wheel, riding around the city with him and Larnell. Well, one day that all changed, but our way of doing things hadn't...

The Twins picked me up hella times and the routine was always the same. Phone call: "You ready? We on the way," pull up, honk twice, wait at least 2-3 minutes, honk again, I run to the car. Give or take a waiting minute, this was our routine.

However, one particular night, not long after Darnell professed his undying love for me at the Courtwarming Dance (his version of the story has some contradictory details, but this isn't his blog!), my step-father found out that we were a little more than friends. So, during the wait time of our routine, unbeknownst to me, my step-father went outside. When it's time for me to run outside, I see his entire head in the driver's window and hear his boisterous voice. He looks and sounds angry. Needless to say, I'm confused.

As I get closer to the car, I can make out phrases like, "Get yo a$$ out the car" and "my daughter" and something about a door. Then it hits me! He's pissed that Darnell isn't coming to the door to get me now; because, after all, he is officially my boo.

As I reach for the door handle, I see Darnell hunched down in the back seat and Larnell's pleading face with "I give up" hand gestures.

Larnell: *in a higher pitched voice than he'd ever had* "Shanelle will you please tell yo daddy that I'm not Darnell?!"

Me: *with a quick head nod to the left* "He's in the back."

Gerald: *now making eye contact with the right twin* "I don't give a damn that ni@@a heard me too. Don't you bring yo a$$ out here if one of them don't come to the door you hear me!?!"

Me: *head hung with slight embarrassment* "Okay."

My step-dad walked back to the house still mumbling cuss words under his breath about respect and ladies and not wanting to whoop nobody's a$$. He was hot as fish grease honey, but this story has always been a gem. One, because it is funny as hell. Two, because Darnell was the sweetest, most mannerable guy I'd EVER dated, so it's kind of ironic. And last but not least, it is the perfect picture of my over-protective step-dad! I hit puberty and the man (along with all my uncles) lost his mind!

In hindsight, his protection of me was much like God's protection of us. Sometimes, we compromise ourselves.  We go through the motions with people who dont deserve our time. We follow relationship routines that may no longer fit our needs.We forget the value of who we are because of whose we are. God loves his kids and he will do whatever he has to do to make sure that anyone we encounter knows that. Why? Because he wants nothing less than the best for each and every one of us. God could care less about our routines. We are His kids, so whoever we are dealing with better come correct, or they will have to answer to him. In other words, Daddy. Don't. Play. Walk in that. Rest in Him. You're covered. Be Blessed XOXO

Where Is Yo Daddy?

My kids love to come looking for me like they don't have a whole ENTIRE Daddy in the same house! For example, I'm downstairs digging through the dryer for clean uniform shirts. They literally walk out of the dining room through the living room past their father who is enjoying college football on the couch to YELL down the stairs in dire need, "MA-MAAAA?! Can we have some pizza rolls?" Or they awaken late Saturday morning, I'm pulling into the garage from running errands. They come down the steps, into the garage, to ask me what's for breakfast. Why Lord?!? And don't let them not be able to locate something. No lie: there have been times their daddy is in their room, overseeing the "get the kids ready" process while I am, oh I dunno, taking a shower or using the restroom, when there's either a knock or a bursting in (depending on the birth order of the kid).

One of Darnell's kids: "Mama, you know where my cleats are?"
Me: WHERE'S YO DADDY!??!

Sooooo often, their daddy is right there, ready, sometimes willing, but always able to do whatever they need. Yet, they come to me because I'm their comfort. They depend on me when their most immediate help is right there within earshot, within reach.

Like so many of us. We have a Father who is able to supply every single one of our needs and yet we walk right past him. We head toward our "fix". I hate my job. I walk past my Father who can give me any job I want and go to the bar to order a shot (or 5). I don't have enough money in the bank for what I want or need, so I drive past my Father's many mansions to the nearest casino to try to flip what little I do have.

We spend so much of our time looking around for who or what we are comfortable with, that "thing" we've grown to depend on-that person, that place, that activity. We go out of our way to get to it when our real help is ready and waiting to hear our cry, supply our need, mend our hearts, change our lives. As you face the many issues this life will unfold, before you go searching high and low for anything else, ask your Father. He's right there...within reach, within earshot, waiting to be your fixer. Be Blessed XOXO