Off Track

My homegirl and I were talking the other day, "spirit feeding" as I like to call it. She revealed to me that she felt like there was a moment in her life where she got off track. I asked her to explain to me why she felt that way, and after much discussion, I sent her this picture:

I asked her if what she saw related to life at all. She said, "Yeah I see life like you can take different paths." Then, I asked her how a train might travel along these tracks. She said, "The train would just follow the tracks or jump off the tracks if there wasn't an engineer, right?" 

BINGO! 

I asked her to think about her word choice, "off track". Then, I reminded her that as long as God is her engineer, it is IMPOSSIBLE to go off track. Every track on the journey of our lives is divergent. Each track spins off another or leads back to the main one. So even when we veer, we are never "off track." Our lives are predestined. God's plan for our lives will be fulfilled, regardless of setbacks, mistakes, challenges, or changes.

It's kind of like when my younger twin brothers learned to crawl. They were fat and wobbly. After a few close calls with the corners in the hallway, I would literally crawl over them...for hours. I'd make them take turns by sitting one in a playpen and letting the other roam, while I positioned myself above them, crawling along, anticipating their every move. Sometimes, before they even knew what was happening, I would scoop them up and turn them away from the wall. I never stopped them from where they were headed. They were going to arrive exactly where they were supposed to go. However, when they changed their course, I was right there to make sure that the destination was still ahead.

It's no different with God. We make a mistake. He's still there and we will still arrive where He planned for us to go. We missed an opportunity. The tracks head that direction and later, He presents another opportunity for us to head closer to our destiny. Do our choices in the tracks sometimes extend our journey? Yes. Can it prolong our suffering? Mm-hmm. But does taking a different path to the destination move the destination? Nope...not at all.

Where we often make our mistake is that we put a time stamp on life. Certain things are supposed to happen by a certain time. If they don't, we have messed up somehow. We've ruined it. Our lives are not what they should be. We are not where we are supposed to be. That's a lie! You are right where you are supposed to be at this appointed time. Although it doesn't always feel good or things don't always look good, nothing that has happened to this point is in vain. You might have to re-prioritize, re-position, or simply renew your mind, but you are where you belong. Stay the course and Be Blessed XOXO

Ordain, order, obey

Honestly, I have the hardest time hearing God. I mean, life is full of noise and distraction. I don't make time, quiet, uninterrupted, sacred time for God like I should. So much has been going on, and I'm not sure how I feel about talking to God with such attention right now. I'm kind of nervous about how it might make me feel; what it might make me do; who I might realize I am...it all sounds kind of strange, but these are real emotions, and real reasons that we can sometimes stay away from the true conversations we need to have with the Most High.

However, so many of us are seeking answers. We wonder why we haven't seen that financial breakthrough? Why are we still on this same ole tired job? Why aren't we married? Why are our children acting a fool? Why are we enduring this pain? Why are people around us hurting? Why are we here? What is the purpose of this thing called life?

Taking the time to talk to God will help us reveal the answers to our questions, while also giving us more clear direction in life. Through conversations with God, we are given guidance that often appears like this: Ordain, Order, and Obey

Ordain: There is a calling on your life. You were put here for a reason. You have a job to do. People are counting on you. When you sit still long enough or focus hard enough, you get glimpses of it. Some of us are walking in it, and think that's it, but there is more, so much more. We are ordained to fulfill a mission that was predestined before we even got here. But in order for us to do our jobs, we have to report for duty.

Order: When we are ordained, we are ordered to do certain things. God will have us go certain places, connect with certain people, do certain things. Sometimes, we think it's coincidence or that it's happen's chance, but in reality, it's order. There are other times when we are told to do things. We feel it in our Spirit. We SHOULD do, say, be whatever we are being told, but we often ignore the order. Sometimes, without really even meaning to, we try to escape what we are destined to do.

Obey: Much like running from a mother with a belt in hand ready to tear that tail up, you can run all you want, but she's gonna getcha! Same with God. He's chilling! He told you what to do, and one day, somehow, whether you come around or get dragged around, you WILL do it! And this, friends, is what we call obedience. I know that I've run from what I am supposed to do a MANY times. It was too much, too hard, too soon. I wasn't ready, didn't have all my ducks in a row, wasn't really "feeling" it. God was like, "Ah yeah? That's what we on? So you doing what you wanna do? Okay. Go 'head. But I bet you gone do it because you are mine and I said so. It will be done. Please believe me." I mean, quite honestly, it's easier for us to obey upfront instead of causing ourselves all this drama, but...well...we can all be kinda "sometimey" when it comes to living the way God intends.

I don't know what God has put in your heart to do, what has been dropped in your Spirit to pursue, but stop. Stop ignoring the call. Stop fearing what will change or who won't like it. Stop. Stop wondering about so much and start to ask. Stop running from your calling and start doing what you need to do, being who you were called to be. Stop existing without purpose or vision. Start allowing your steps to be ordered. Stop being disobedient and just start doing what you know you need to do or asking what you need to do if you are legitimately confused. You've been ordained. God is giving you orders. It's time to obey and watch yourself Be Blessed. XOXO

Mid-Life Discovery

Have you ever heard someone express that they are in a mid-life crisis? Do you believe that you are in one yourself? It's possible. But I challenge some of you to look at where you really are. Is it a crisis? Or is it a quest toward discovery?

A crisis is a crazy time. In crisis, one is often reactionary. When the body enters a crisis, it is all out of whack, not acting as it should because it is in such a confused state. Our lives aren't much different. In a time of crisis, we will often act out of character because our lives are out of whack. We are confused and lack direction. In a crisis, you might find yourself lashing out at loved ones. You might make poor financial decisions. In my mind, a mid-life crisis can be likened to a man buying a motorcycle, getting a box of Just for Men, and chasing after younger women. Why? Because they are in a crazy time of confusion about getting older.

On the other hand, a mid-life discovery can have some of the same components, but it is much more purposeful. During this time, we might question God's plan for our lives. We might reflect on where we have been and wonder what's next. We are confused because we don't know the next step or the "right" path. But, a discovery is normally prompted by a yearning. That yearning is what leads us on a quest toward discovery. It can be a little scary because it is complicated and uncomfortable and most of all, it lacks concrete timing. When you don't know how long you will aimlessly float about life, it can be frustrating and SUPER annoying.

When we recognize that we need these times of confusion to seek clarity and appreciate confirmation, we are actually growing...discovering. To live a life where you always have all the answers is not to live. Quite frankly, if we had all the answers, there would be no need for God! Living life isn't always safe and isn't always sure. Life is full of both risks and rewards. Risk is a part of discovery. Failure is a part of discovery. Humility can be a part of discovery. People on the sidelines of your quest can offer you either help or hindrance, but none of them can take the journey for you. That said, faith is the key to discovery.

No matter what mountains you climb on this quest, what dragons you slay, who you meet along the way, or the princesses you may save; understand that in due time, it will all work together for your good. This is what it means to have the faith. God sent you on this journey of life. Yearning in the Spirit is a message from God, guiding you to a new place spiritually, financially, even physically. Only He knows where you are headed and only you can go! Let Him be a light unto your path as you set out on a quest to discover your best self in His name. Be Blessed XOXO

Accept My Peace

A sign of spiritual maturity is acceptance. To accept God's will is to understand how powerless we are compared to Him. God gives and takes away. God provides and withholds. God is merciful, yet he will teach us. Because of God's sovereignty, we are sometimes caught off-guard...

That's where I am right now. What is happening right now has left me helpless in a way that is unfamiliar to me. When my siblings are in a bind, even since before my mom died, I've been able to help them "fix" it. When they were little, I changed diapers, prepared bottles, and bounced wailing babies. As they got older, it was homework, the desire to grow their hair, a fight at school, or shoot, most often, a fight with one another. And now, in their adulthood, it's questions about relationships, careers...life. Regardless, I have the answers. I have the fix. I am their Olivia Pope, their gladiator! No matter how annoyed I can get with them, or them with me; I am their protector, their advisor, their advocate.

In the last few weeks, God has revealed to me that this position comes with limitations. There will be times that He allows things to befall them that I simply cannot fix. This is hard. It makes me question life. It makes me question God. I even find myself feeling guilty. In the moments I've tried to continue with "normal" life, I have felt like laughter is betrayal. Living isn't fair. Peace is perplexing.

But then I feel the Spirit, reminding me that peace, and all that it entails, doesn't come from me. Sometimes, in the midst of our storms, we hold ourselves hostage in the prison of pain. We refuse to take advantage of the moments of release. God wants us to feel the brunt of all that we are allowed to endure. After all, the test of trials come to make us strong. However, God also wants us to let Him in. I've felt that.

When the tears are gone, I wonder why I've stopped crying. Then, I am reminded that it will all work out. When the worries subside, even if only for a short time, I wonder why my mind is still. Then, I am reminded that God provides a peace that surpasses all understanding. I've been here before. This helpless, powerless place. I don't have the fix; I definitely lack answers; yet I have peace. It's not always noticeable, but it is always there. It doesn't always dominate how I feel, but still, it is there.

Maybe you are in a storm today. If so, there are times you may have to will yourself out of bed, or times you can't see past the pain. But, there are also those seconds, moments, or even days where you are blessed with a piece of peace. Accept it. There will be enough days filled with tears, hurt, and sorrow. Any moment that you can feel the comfort of God, take it. Without questioning, without guilt, with nothing but the pure faith that His reassurance is upon you. Be Blessed XOXO

Ole' Ungrateful Kids

The holidays are upon us. It's generally my favorite time of year. Why? Because people seem to be nicer, happier, more loving. Something about this time of year makes things seem a bit better, even if they aren't at all what we'd like.

In my home, with the holidays, come gift requests. I like asking my kids what they want or giving them a toy ad to circle through. It's fun! And I remember my mom hyping us up every year when we were little, even if she couldn't afford anything on that list.

But for the past 2 years, I have had some real conversations with my children about their blessings. I've told them that they have so much to be thankful for and that there are some kids who don't have basic needs met. Yet, here they are with so much! So much love, so much provision, so much stuff!

On the car ride home the other day, I asked my sons and my niece to "remind me" about what they wanted for Christmas. They couldn't wait! Talking over each other, apologizing, agreeing, questioning one another's choices. Finally, I asked them how often they still played with the toys they all got last year. SILENCE! After a while, I antagonized them with, "Ummm..I'm waiting!"

My youngest son said, "Mama I play with my superheroes some of the time but that other stuff just got a little boring."

My niece said, "Weeelll, I play with some of my toys some of the time, but...I mean I just have my favorites and don't really play with the rest."

Then, very candidly, my oldest son said, "I'll be honest, I only play with my remote control car, my Nerf gun, and any ball, but mostly, I just play my video games."

So, I followed up, "Well why are ya'll asking for all of these toys if ya'll are only going to play with them for a little while and then get bored with them and stop playing with them?"

Almost all at once, accompanied with laughter and an unspoken "DUH", they all replied, "Because it's Christmas!"

All I could do is laugh and tease them with, "Ole ungrateful little kids!"

That's when it dawned on me...so am I.

God blesses me abundantly. Yet, here I am, greedy as ever, still asking for more. He gives me a job, but I want a raise. I have clothes and shoes FOR DAYS, but still shop for the latest threads. He gives me gifts and talents, but I still wish I could sing! God has given me so much, that I am a spoiled brat who often looks past my blessings to focus on what I lack, which is very little. God has put me through the fire, time and time again. But, I've also been kept and provided for in ways that others can't imagine. For the trek to the top of every one of my mountains, God has given me rest. God has graced me and bestowed upon me more than I deserve. So, who am I to continue to ask Him for more? As the old song goes, "If the Lord doesn't do anything else for me...He's done enough."

Sometimes, we spend way to much time "making our list" of things to petition God for, when we haven't even taken the time to appreciate the things He's already given! We want more than what we need. We ask for things we aren't even ready for. We get upset when we don't get what we want, not understanding that everything that we want, isn't what we need. When is the last time you took inventory of what God has done? Where's that list? Where is the "thank you" instead of the "please"? God has many of us spoiled beyond measure and we therefore, without even knowing, can act ungrateful. But much like me with those ole ungrateful kids in my car, He smiles or laughs and continues to love and provide for us, despite ourselves...and for that, we should ALL be grateful. Happy Holidays and Be Blessed XOXO

My Heart...

Sometimes, life can throw us a curve ball. Things appear to be going well, then all of a sudden...trouble. It's the inevitable part of life; we will ALL have trials. Some of them will be minor, others major, but regardless, they are going to come.

Such was the case a few weeks ago. While on a weekend shopping trip with my sister, my baby boy hurt himself on the playground at school. As the teacher was taking him in to tend to his wound, his small hand was crushed in the metal, pin-code entry door. My husband, in his fatherly wisdom, was sure that the bandage was enough. However, he thought to take our son by his aunt's house for a second opinion. After taking one look, she confirmed that the ER was the only option.

Upon their arrival, they took his vitals, assessed his injury, and prepped him for a minor out-patient surgery to treat a deep laceration and compound fracture. During the assessment, they believed they heard a murmur in his heart, so they referred him to the cardiologist the following day. My husband delivered all the details and the time of the next day's appointment. That afternoon, I tried to wait for him to call me, but it was taking longer than I could stand, so I called him. He told me that things went okay, but they might want to have him schedule an MRI for a closer look. I could tell in his voice that something wasn't quite right, but I didn't pry.

When I got back home, I hugged all the Smithboyz, and we got in bed. Once both boys were sleep, we transitioned them into their own beds. I hugged my husband once more (because I missed that dude), but the way he squeezed me back was abnormal. Something was off. Then, he delivered gut-wrenching news. The doctors found a hole in my son's heart. From what they could tell, it has caused one side of his heart to become larger than the other as the blood isn't flowing as it should from one side. He would definitely need an MRI and more than likely, open-heart surgery.

It took me but a brief moment to release the tears. I had no words. He's normal. He's fine. How could this happen? Why him? Why us? What does all this mean? They want to cut my baby open and tamper with his heart? HIS HEART?!? At this point, the floodgates are open. My body is convulsing, and a wave of anger washes over me. I take a trip down memory lane and ask God when we'll get a break. Then, something new happened.

The anger subsided quickly. The questions remained. But the perspective changed. I prayed: God, I don't get it. I don't know that I will, but whatever you want me and my family to get out of this, please don't let us miss it. Please assure me. Help me to trust you. Grow my faith in your promises to me and my family. Lord please keep him. Please bless his life. Please. And as I sat there begging God, crying out to him while sitting criss-cross applesauce in the middle of my bed, feeling sad, mad, scared, and helpless, God comforted me. The tears still flowed, but there was an inexplicable comfort.

The next day wasn't much better. The day after that was a little easier, maybe because the whole family stayed home from school and work and just hung out. As these few weeks have gone by, I have seen a few changes in me that only God can take the credit for. I'm still worried. I'm still scared. But I'm not angry. I'm not doubtful. When worry and fear creep in, I pray. When negative thoughts of the worst rise up, I ask God to cast them down because only He can do that for me. I pray more often. Incessantly almost. And I'm noticing that prayer hasn't changed my situation yet, but it's definitely changed my perspective. Most of the time, I have peace that Micah will be just fine. The times I don't, God tends to send some measure of comfort my way, a kind word, a testimony of a similar  experience, a prayer from someone else, or the simple laughter of my boys.

Here's what I know: Romans 8:28 is my favorite verse because I found it after my mom died. It's her death date, August 28th. But what it says rings true. It was true the day I laid her to rest and it's true as I prepare to watch my warrior son go through a scary procedure. ALL things work together for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes. Of course I believe this for myself. But in this moment, I believe it for my family. I will be a better wife and mother because of this. Darnell will be a better husband and father. Kaleb will be a better big brother, and Micah will be a stronger little dude. We'll get through this. I'm learning to pray with full faith, trying my hand at this whole "declare and decree" thing. It's all new to me, but I believe God has a plan for my son and his journey is only just beginning.

You have to believe the same. Someone reading this is in a storm. Someone is angry, worried, or scared. You're not sure what the outcomes are going to be. You feel blindsided and unprepared. Know that ALL things are working together. God loves you. You have been called according to His purposes. YOUR journey is just beginning. Cry. Question. Allow yourself to feel those uncomfortable emotions. Then, stop what you are doing and pray. Petition God for the help and strength you need to make it day to day, minute to minute. In the infamous words of Kendrick Lamar, "'long as God got us....we gone be alright!" Be Blessed. XOXO

Walk Against the Wind

About a week after my brother was admitted to the hospital, the trauma doctor delivered a blow. He told me that the chances of  him making it were slim to none. His lungs were in bad shape, his body was still in trauma, he wasn't responding to anything they had tried. I told him, "Thank you," and walked into my brother's room where my sister, my aunt, and I began to cry. I asked everyone for a moment alone with my brother, so everyone left (except my aunt, and I know why). In that moment, I told my brother how proud I was of him. Thanked him for how much fun we had this year. Admitted how happy mama and granny would probably be to see him coming. I told him that as much as this would hurt, and as much as I selfishly wanted him to stay here with us, I understood. If he was tired, he needed to rest. I promised him we would be okay and that my sister and I would tag team Phil. 

The tears refused to stop. So, I decided to take a walk outside the hospital. As I walked, I cued up a playlist I'd been working on over the last week or so just to help me navigate this troublesome time. As I crunched through the fallen leaves, I noticed that although the sun was shining, the wind was blowing with a vengeance! It seemed the further I walked, the stronger the wind got. As the tears streamed down my face, I felt the wind blowing against my body, attempting to knock me backward; but, I kept walking. I had to keep walking to keep myself sane. I had to keep moving to calm myself down. If I stopped walking, I don't know what would have happened. So, I squinted my watery eyes and began to pump my arms. I had to keep going. 

Once I turned the corner, that same strong wind that was working against me had an adverse effect. Now, the wind was pushing me. The incline that I battled up was leveled out and lead to a descending path. I was walking downhill, pushed by the wind, so now my walk became more of a trot. Regardless of what that wind decided to do, either way, I knew I had to keep moving. 

Once, I calmed a bit, I returned to the waiting area where more of my family had gathered. The tears would come off and on. The fear of what our futures looked like loomed overhead, so I would walk. To clear my mind, to hold my peace, to cry, to question, to fight...against the wind that both threatened my balance and somehow pushed me onward.

When life delivers tough times, we have to fight. We have to walk against the wind until we reach a turning point where the very thing that threatened to destroy us becomes the thing that pushes us on. Look back over your life right now. What has God brought you through? How did it feel when you were in it? How does it feel now that it's behind you? What did you learn? Who did you become? How did you befriend the wind? Be Blessed XOXO 

Blessing in the Storm

Storms are a natural part of weather patterns. They tend to come with what is needed for the earth, like the rain that helps things grow. Somehow these important components for growth get agitated by other factors like wind and pressure. Yet, storms, as damaging as they can be, actually contain necessary pieces. So, for every torn off roof, damaged building, or missing livestock, there is the much needed rain.

I am in the middle of a storm...the eye of it, so it seems. There have been really bad days and not-as-bad days, but good days are minimal. Life is a whirlwind right now. My brother was involved in a terrible car accident whose ramifications have changed his life and lives of myself and my siblings forever. As we watch him cling to life, day in and day out, we cling to both God and each other.

In the midst of the whipping rain and powerful wind, our vision is skewed. Our footing is lost and we find ourselves stumbling from time to time. Yet, there are still glimpses of the blessing. Sounds oxymoronic, feels that way too, but, we are still blessed and we know it.

Sometimes, it gets hard to see the blessings because the storm is so strong. But in this time, I have a husband who holds it together and continues the routines of our children and our niece to allow my sister and I to have the time we need to tend to our brother. He picks up and drops off my other brother to give him more time with his twin and keep him from being late to work. I have friends who send simple text messages with no questions marks just this statement: I love you. I have family members that make sure that while the other 3 of us make our way back to work, my brother is rarely alone. He has been cared for by amazing nurses. The sun has even began to shine some...literally. And on gloomy days within the heart, the sun can make a noticeable difference.

Here's the truth...storms suck. They are damaging and dangerous and scary. They come unannounced with little to no warning. They strike heavy blows. They interrupt the normalcy of life. They are the worst. But if you've ever endured a life altering storm, then you know first-hand that 1) we are not in control of the storm's path nor its duration; 2) we have the choice to face the storm head on or let it win; 3) we have no power to endure it without the Most High.

That said, in this storm I am grateful for the blessings in God's people. How much worse would it be without them? I am grateful for the blessings in God's provision. How much harder would this be without it? I'm grateful for God's presence. Where would we be without Him? If you are in the eye of the storm, even when your footing is lost, when your sight is hazy, when your mind is racing, try your hardest to push past the pain, if only for a fleeting moment, to notice your blessings. Is it easy? Hell no. Is it practical? Nah. Is it possible? Barely. But God promised to NEVER leave us nor foresake us, so sometimes the hardest fight is simply to believe that. What better evidence than a blessing in the midst of a storm, no matter how seemingly small? Hold on. Fight hard. Endure. Believe. Persist. Be Blessed XOXO

...one of the strongest people I know

Click the link to listen: 

Strength

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

2nd Corinthians 12:8-10

Borrowed time

It seems that lately, death is all around me. Left and right, the people around me are hurting. My best friend and her family are coping with the loss of our little brother, Everette. I'm watching my girl go through the loss of an ex-lover and long time friend. I've witnessed another homegirl bury her grandmother who was basically her mother. My former students are mourning the loss of yet another one of our Warriors; while another one of my "babies" is burying her father. 

And that's the unfortunate reality of life. It ends. Whether we want it to or not. And the funny thing is, none of us know exactly when. The doctors could give you 6 months, yet you're still around 6 years later. Yet, normal, daily tasks end in tragedy every day: driving, swimming, walking...simply living. 

Death is a tricky thing. Loss is a painful thing. Grief is a new thing...for all of us. Each encounter with death brings us a different experience with grief. As I reflect on the loss of my mother, it was a shock...a gut punch. Out of nowhere, I woke up one day, and she was gone. No warning, no preparation, just gone. That was a rough time. However, the death of my granny was a tad bit easier. The pain was still there. The effect of her absence still lingers. But, I had time. Time to tell her all the things I wish I had the time to tell my mom. Time for her to impart as much as she could for me as a wife, a future mom, a woman. 

The long and short of it is simple. We don't have forever here on earth. No one will ALWAYS be there, no matter how much we believe that to be the case. For this reason, we have to be intentional in the way we treat people. We have to be thoughtful in the way we speak to people. We have to be mindful that tomorrow hasn't been promised to ANY of us. None of us know the day nor the hour that may be our last, or that of the ones we love. Make amends. Forgive. Move on. Give a hug. Go to a movie. Play a game. Smile. Say, "I love you." 

God is a God of hope and of healing. God is a God of love. Therefore, our interaction, one with another, should be the same. Be careful how you speak to and treat the ones you love because the truth is, all of us alive today are here on borrowed time. Be Blessed. XOXO

#KingLife

Last weekend, I watched my son and his teammates practice the art of civil disobedience.

In a close scoring, well-fought championship game, our boys are down 2 runs in the bottom of the fourth. Having gone through their line-up 3 times, the opposing team inserts a new batter, without notice, who had been scratched from the batting order at the start of the game. By all technical accounts, this is an illegal substitution and would count as an automatic out. Now mind you, we still have at least a 1/2 hour of baseball left to play, so every out and every run count. After a meeting with the umps and the calling over of the "commissioner" the act is ruled illegal and the out is granted. Our coaches return to the dugout to send our players back to the outfield. However, the coaches from the other team continue their "convincing" conversation with the "commissioner" until he pulls out his flip phone and uses a life line. After closing his phone, he reverses the call. 

Now I know there are some who are completely clueless to the reality of what I'm about to say. You'll dismiss it with, "It's a kids' baseball game," or "This isn't the major leagues, no one's getting paid," or my personal favorite, "Just let the kids play." Let me preface this post with a simple request: Miss me with your simplicity. Allow me to paint a VERY clear picture of the scene of EVERY tournament we attend: We are the ONLY black team...ONLY. And we're good...REALLY GOOD. Over the course of the seasons (yes plural...seasons) we have witnessed BLATANT disregard for the rules of baseball in the favor of teams that just so happen to not look like us. We've persevered. We've talked to our boys about what it means to be black and male in these "United" States. And they have played past each and every questionable call, tournament after tournament. Why? Because this is the life they will face as men...if they are blessed to live that long. 

As a result of the "commissioner's" clearly biased decision, our coach directed us to pack up. It was an emotional roller coaster from there. Watching the other team celebrate as if they had "won" the game, feeling empowered by taking a stand and walking off the field, while also watching our boys angrily pack their things with tears of frustration soon to follow. In our post-game meeting, coach gave a rousing speech about taking a stand and understanding their worth and value as young men..Kings. He talked to them about integrity and how we play the game. He talked to them about injustice, something for which we would not stand. He assured them that as they are still young Kings in training, it was up to us as overseeing Kings and Queens to protect them from ills like the one they just experienced. He told us all to go to the trophy presentation, where we would accept our awards. However, on the way out, each of our Kings placed those $2 plastic trophies in the walkway as a sign of protest. 

We will not accept second place in a game that wasn't played to the finish. We will not be pawns in an unfair game. We have trophies...lots and lots of trophies. We have wins, we have losses, we have presence, but we also have pride. And that pride will not allow us nor our children to stand by helpless and appeased while the "rule-makers" get to also be the "game-changers" time and time again. Nah. Not us.

And it is with this that our boys will develop their own faith. They will have their own testaments of it and reveal it to the world in their own way. They now know that they are more valuable than baseball tournaments and trophies. They are sons of the true and living King. Therefore, they will face adversity. They will have to overcome many obstacles. And sometimes, they will have to make a call. To stand up for what they believe in, no matter what it costs them. The truth of the matter is that the life lessons and cultural pride those boys gained that day far outweigh a trophy. Instead of being named tournament champions, they were officially crowned as Kings. Be Blessed XOXO

Barks and Bites

I used to hear stories about my granny all the time. She had a slick tongue and would talk her way OUT of most things, yet INTO some other things. I remember a particular story about a time she talked her way into a potential fight in the cafeteria, and her best friend wound up beating the girl up on my granny's behalf! Her kids would always accuse her of having all bark and no bite, unless it came to them...then it was quite the opposite!

The age-old adage of "all bark and no bite" basically refers to one who is all talk without action. You know the guy who does all the talking about their basketball skills and then gets dunked on after the tip? All bark...no bite. Or the girl who swears her cooking is so good it'll make you wanna slap yo mama, but it tastes like unseasoned bologna paired with original flavored off-brand rice cakes?!? All bark...NOOOOO bite! We as people have a tendency to say more than we should, bite off more than we can chew, so to speak. We are all talk, with little to no action to back it up.

We say that we love God. We claim to serve God. We talk like God is the center of our lives. Yet, we do very little FOR God. We recite scripture, but we don't follow it. We reference godly text, but we don't apply it. We sing all the "Jesus-tunes" but we don't use it to order our steps. In the words of the infamous Tribe Called Quest: Talking out they joints but they wasn't saying nothing!

It's time for some of us to push ourselves to a new level in God's love.  We spend so much time talking ABOUT God that we don't do enough FOR God. If we have faith in God, we have to make moves in God. Don't just talk about it, be about it. If we believe in Him to provide our needs, stop trying to control every situation and TRUST Him! If we trust Him to order our steps, then we have to WALK the path that He's set before us. If we are grateful for who and what he has placed in our lives, we should CHERISH them and RESPECT them by spending quality time with them, making them a priority, forgiving the hurt they may cause, loving them in spite of themselves, being quick to listen, slow to speak.  It's time to stop talking and start doing...time to back up all that barking with a little more bite. Be Blessed XOXO

Put it back where you got it from!

The other day, I moved Darnell's prescription while cleaning up. I thought I put it back where it belonged, but clearly I didn't, as he couldn't find it...for days. I apologized. He went to CVS to get a new one. No big deal. However, in a later discussion, he sarcastically stated, "You know how that could have been avoided, right? Next time, put it back where you got it from!" Why was this sarcastic? Because its kiiiiinnndd of a mantra of mine when ranting throughout the house as I search for something that doesn't even (typically) belong to me.

Kaleb: "Mama you know where my cleats are?"
Me: (bending under his bed) "You know if you put them back where you got them from, you wouldn't have this problem, right?"

Micah: "Mama where's my tablet sharger?" (spelled that way because that's EXACTLY how he says it)
Me: (digging through a crate of controllers and cords) "Did you put it back where you got it from? No. Wanna know how I know? Because it's not where it goes!"

Darnell: "Babe, you seen my wallet?"
Me: (digging through the pockets of the jeans he wore and left on the floor last night; yelling because he's asking me from the basement, refusing to make the trek up the 13 stairs from the garage) I'm assuming you checked your dresser. Where it normally is? (smart-alec-ish) You know...WHERE IT GOES?!?"

I mean let's face it, putting things back where they belong make life that much easier. You don't have to do any searching. You're not running later than you already would have been. You're ready. Because things are in their proper place.

It's much the same with gifts from God. Anything we are able to do, anything we possess, all that we have came from God. He is a giver. You can sing. God did that. You can rap. God did that. You have beautiful children. Yep, that too was God. Got a job? A little money in the bank? You guessed it...God. However, we have a tendency to not put our gifts back where we got them from. We don't sing for God. We don't rap for God. We don't raise our children to know God. We don't work for God. We don't give like God.

Once we honor that all we have comes from God, we become gracious. To operate in a spirit of gratitude is a humble and honorable space. It shows reverence for God's provision. It shows thankfulness for His care. When we honor Him by putting things back where we got them, He blesses us even more. What's this look like? For us "church folk"  it's simply tithing or singing in the choir or serving on the hospitality committee. All of this is fine and well, but there are other ways to honor God with what has been given to us. We can honor Him with our time by simply spending more of it with Him. We can honor Him with our money by being good stewards or by providing for someone who is less fortunate. We can honor him with our talents by using them to bring awareness of his existence and His love for all man-kind. We can honor Him with our work by understanding that when those crazy people at our jobs start working our nerves, we don't work for them, but as "unto the Lord." Nothing of ours was granted by us alone. The universe aligned by God's appointment to give us all that we have. Be sure to give back to Him what has been given to you. Be Blessed XOXO

Scars

The other night I overheard the #SmithBoyz talking at bedtime. Micah had taken a baseball to the face during a tee ball game and had quite a mark on his nose. After I applied the Mederma and cut out the lights, Micah had a pressing question for his big brother...

Micah: Kaleb?
Kaleb: What's up?
Micah: Is this sore gonna stay on my nose forever?
Kaleb: No. Sores go away and turn into scars.
Micah: Scar? What's a scar?
Kaleb: A scar is what's left on your body after a sore is healed.
Micah: I don't get it.
Kaleb: Alright. So...you know how when you first got hit in the face it was bleeding?
Micah: Uh huh
Kaleb: Then after it stopped bleeding and stuff, a few days later or something like that, it started to get a scab on it and be a sore?
Micah: Yeah...
Kaleb: And now it's like kinda flat and going away, but you can still kinda see it a little bit?
Micah: Like it's stuck on my nose but people can only see it just a little bit now?
Kaleb: Yeah...that's a scar. A scar is what a sore used to be. A scar is like a sore that's mostly healed.
Micah: How you know that?
Kaleb: Trust me bro, I got a LOT of scars.
Micah: But h-
Me; If ya'll don't zip those lips and close your eyes, we gone have some problems! Go to bed!

Although I had to go into "Mama Mode" to prevent as much morning mayhem as possible, Kaleb came through with a good word that evening. If you have a visible, physical scar on your body, I want you to look at it now. If it's in a "secret" place, be discreet. I don't need anyone getting fired or arrested for indecent exposure! As you look at the scar, think back to what caused it.  What happened? Did it hurt? Did you cry? Did you need stitches? How long did it take to heal? Is it raised? Flat? Faint? Undetectable?

Most of us are walking around with scars. Some of them are fresh and still pretty visible, others are faint and barely noticeable. Either way, most of us have scars. Some of us even have scars that are completely invisible to the outside world, but we know they are there. You see, when we first go through an uncomfortable experience, it hurts like hell. You are divorcing someone you once loved with your entire being. You are burying someone who you couldn't imagine your life without. You are leaving a job of many years and are now unemployed. You are watching a child you raised in the best love of God you could provide travel down a wayward path and make destructive choices. You've lost friends, love, money...some days it feels like you've even lost your mind. But then, as time goes on, you start to live again. Some days are better than others, but there are smiles where there were once only tears. More time passes, and you find yourself thinking less and less about the sore, and more and more about what's in store. Soon, outside of small triggers, you give little to no energy to that thing that was once so unbearable.

But then, there are the spiritual or emotional scars that we sometimes continue to treat like sores. Though time and space has moved, we act like the healing hasn't taken place. Therefore, we are giving unnecessary attention to something that doesn't require it. You aren't going to put Neosporin on a 20 year old scar. It's pointless! C'mon now...you're not going to put a Band-Aid on a chicken pox mark from 1983! So why are you holding on to the hurt and pain of a wound that time and God's love has turned into a scar? When those triggers happen, we spend WAAAYYY more time in the "sunken place" than we deserve. When God delivers us from the situation, in His time and in His way, we gotta walk in that deliverance. There will be times that we are reminded; our minds take a trip down memory lane. A song plays, a photo drops from a hidden space, a random text or phone call takes us to a place. Every scar that has formed in our Spirit has happened by God's grace. Don't ever forget that. We have been healed. So don't be haunted by the hurt and pain of the past. Understand that the scars simply serve as a reminder of the healing that has ALREADY taken place. We are Warriors. We are Conquerors. We are Victorious through God. Walk in your healing and Be Blessed XOXO

No Signal

It's been a while. Hope everyone is hanging in there (no matter how thin the thread)...

We recently had our basement remodeled, and the contractor did an amazing job! However, in an attempt to beautify our wireless modem, they ran the cords through a cabinet to place the boxes and surge protector inside. Well, since then, the WiFi connection has been pretty spotty. I have a really hard time talking on the phone without it sounding chopped and screwed. The boys' Roku and tablets are often interrupted, followed by distraught wailings of "Maaamaaaa the internet is broke again!" And lest we forget to mention the nights we're streaming T.V. and all of a sudden, D and I find ourselves looking back and forth at one another to see who's gonna leave the comfort of bedtime snuggles to go ALL the way downstairs to tinker with the router.

It has made me think about where I am in life. Lately, I've been inexplicably emotional. Often sad or melancholy, but still pressing on. I find my thinking jumbled, my judgement cloudy, my choices questionable, my convictions compromised, my words absent or inconsiderate, my esteem challenged. Just been in a bit of a funk for a little while. Feeling distant from God. My life has read much like the blank screens my family has come to depend on: No Signal.

I know many of you reading this have been in this place or felt something similar. If not now, at some point. If not ever...keep living. It's in these moments we question God's presence and wonder about our own divine worth. The truth is, God ain't  went nowhere! It's us. If we want to get the best signal, we can't hide the source. God has to be evident in our lives. His love and the joy He provides must be immanent in us. How? When we feel so...meh?

It's not easy, but it's definitely a true testament of faith. First,  apologize. Lord, my bad. I haven't been praying or meditating like I should. You deserve better than that. Second, prioritize. Try harder to start the day with God and end the day with God. Whether it's a quick daily verse on an app or a rushed prayer before the alarm REALLY goes off after the 3rd snooze, try to begin in Him. Before you close your eyes at night, try to end in Him. And don't feel bad if you doze off during your conversation with God. I'm sure he would rather we fall asleep on Him than completley ignore Him. Lastly, realize. There are things, people, places, that hinder our walk. They are in the way. We are so used to them that they have become hard to "shed". But if we are to GROW into who God would have us to be, we have to prune. Some stuff has to go. Sometimes for just a time so we can really hear from Him; other times they gotta go forever because they are not for us to take into our new season. This part is hardest. You'll fight it. You'll commit to it and fail and commit again. God honors all of that. Because He knows victory is His RE-GARD-LESS boo!

Can't say I have all the answers. Truth is, I'm in a spiritual struggle right now. But the comfort is in knowing that He said He'd NEVER leave me. I know that to be true. And on my hardest days, when I've said too much, when I'm feeling too low, when I have nothing more to give...that alone sustains me. If you're struggling, I'm right there with you homie. We just gotta get down on our knees and  tinker with our source to receive the only signal we truly need. Be Blessed XOXO

Play Ball!

Sometimes in life, things can get a bit hectic. Other times, we seem to have a better grip. Either way, both of these are familiar places to anyone who’s lived long enough. You see, life is one of those funny things that, no matter how hard we try, we won’t ever quite master. Why? Because it is an ever-changing thing. You were once a child, now you’re not. You were once an employee, now you’re the boss. You were once married, now you’re single again. You used to weigh 125 lbs, now…

I know the analogy sounds weird, but as life makes its many changes, we can categorize ourselves as one of three balls (and for the immature ones, I literally mean balls!):

1. Pinball

2. Kickball

3. Bowling ball

A pinball is small and helpless. In the midst of its machine, it’s hardly seen through all the colors and lights and not to be heard because of all the bells and whistles. It’s seemingly inconspicuous. A pinball is constantly being knocked around. It has no grounding. Its direction is merely determined by its surroundings. There is nothing concrete about the mission of a pinball. It’s ALL OVER THE PLACE! And because it has no sense of self, it often falls into traps...only to start this vicious cycle of being bounced around...all...over...again. In life, there are times that we are just drifting along. We forget to think for ourselves, do for ourselves, or even simply be ourselves. We find ourselves being knocked around by life’s many tests and reacting however we see fit. We have no real sense of direction, no real rhyme or reason. We are simply existing.

On the other hand, a kickball is a bit easier to notice. It’s typically a stand out color and a larger size, so one can see it. Now, the path of a kickball is determined by many factors. Was it pitched slow and bouncy? Fast? Smooth? These all play a role in how high or far the ball will go. The kickball must often be forced into action by the pitcher or the kicker. Either way, it requires force. Many of us know EXACTLY what we should be doing. There is literally NO question. However, we procrastinate or even act obstinate by simply not doing it at all. Then, something compels us to go where we are supposed to go, do what we already knew we should have done. We know we need to go back to school or forgive that person or lose weight or pay off that credit card. But we chillin’...HARD! Then, something happens to FORCE us to make the change we knew we needed to make in the first place! The job won’t promote you without advanced training. You can’t sleep well because you haven’t forgiven him or her. None of your clothes fit, and you can’t afford a wardrobe overhaul. You want to buy a house, so you have to clean up your credit. You see a kickball requires a swift kick in the you-know-what!

However, a bowling ball is heavy and weighted. It has a clear mission each and every time. A bowling ball has a straight path to travel down and the targets are always clear. A bowling ball can’t leave the lane...even if it drifts into the gutter. And no matter how many pins the balls misses or knocks down, the bowling ball ALWAYS returns. When it comes to life, a bowling ball is the ideal ball to be. God gives us purpose and direction with each waking moment of each waking day. If we stay in tune with Him, we hear, see, and respond more clearly. True, we may not knock down ALL the pins ALL the time. Shoot, sometimes we may not knock down a one! But, at the end of the frame, we always return to the Source, the place where we can be used by the Most High to try it again and again. There will be those times that we are living up to our fullest potential, strike after strike. There will be times we have to reset. There will be times that we find ourselves in a lowly space...the gutter. But God is always there. Regardless of how well we perform, we are trying our best to always be available... to do His will...to allow Him to have His way. Bowling balls don’t always do exactly what they’re intended to do, but they are always on the path and their sights are always set. It is with this effort, this focus, this drive, that we live our best lives. There will be ups and downs. There will be good and bad. There will also be God. So no matter if you’re headed for a strike, a spare, a couple pins, or the gutter...bowl on and Be Blessed! XOXO

Accounts Receivable

Last year, after much influence from Erika and Kristen, I finally read The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Listen...this book can get a little deep and even a bit weird, but the agreements themselves will save your life! After chewing on the overload of this short read, I settled on one that would become my focus...Number 2:

Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

Some of you reading this SAY you don’t care what other people say or what other people think, yet you are QUICK to get angry or offended. Why? Because you take the actions and opinions of others personally. Within the last year and some change, I’ve grown to simply say this, “I don’t have to receive your account as my truth.” Period.If a person makes a choice or a statement that offends you, you’ve taken in personally. What’s the other option? Not to receive what they say or feel as your own truth.

What might this look like on your faith walk? People look at me and say, “How you gone write a blog about God and be in the club?” So for them, God is absent from the club and despises celebration, good drinks, two-stepping, and excellently fried chicken wings. That is their account of God, but it isn’t my truth. Someone might look at you and say, “How you gone say you love your family, but you work overtime every week? One cannot serve 2 masters…” That is their account. They believe that caring for loved ones would have one to pass up an opportunity to pay down bills, save up for a trip, or even simply make ends meet. You don’t have to receive that as your truth. To the women, “How you gone say you love yourself but you wear…(weave, make-up, padded bra, fake lashes, etc.)?” Their account of self-love doesn’t require enhancement, which is fine. But, if you ain’t ‘bout that life, then you don’t have to receive that as your truth. Someone calls you stupid, ugly, fat, broke, childish, petty, retarded, annoying, religious, fake, sometimey, the list goes on and on (and I’ve heard them all, but they are not my truth).

Everyone’s account over our lives does not deserve to be received. We never have to own someone else’s feelings about us, no matter how much that person matters in our lives. We CHOOSE to take it personally. Sometimes this can be positive, like making amends with a loved one and honoring their feelings, even if you don’t fully agree with (receive) their account (see any working marriage for evidence of this...often!). On the other hand, making the choice to receive someone’s opinions, behaviors, or feelings as our truth can also cause us heartache or diminish our esteem. In these cases, we have to be aware and make different choices when instances like this arise again. Why? Because we DON’T HAVE TO receive anyone’s account as our truth...EVER!

Taking into consideration what people say about us, do to us, think about us, or feel toward us should be based upon two things: 1) presentation and 2) purpose. Was the presentation foul or out-of-pocket? Then forget them and the horse they rode in on...not my truth boo...not. my. truth. However, if the presentation was in love and edification, mull it over and take a more introspective approach for yourself. Now, what exactly was the purpose? Was it to shame you? Embarrass you? Try to outshine you? An effort to one up you? If so, dismiss it. If not, and the purpose was to help you improve or to improve the relationship between you and another, again, consider it.

Most of the time, we will start to see that much of what people think, say, do, or feel has a lot less to do with us and bunch more to do with them. So, it’s crazy for us to take it personally in the first place! In the grand scheme of things only one account over our lives matters. You guessed it! God’s. So in that case, we don’t have to own what other people say, feel, do, or think. In Galatians 1:10, The Word outright asks us,” Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?” I’m gonna sit that right there for you receive...or not...either way...Be Blessed XOXO

The Connect

Last night, a sister-friend was on a quest for a custom prom dress. I didn't have the skills or the time, so I connected her to someone with much talent and garment knowledge. Last week, 2 former students, now graduating Seniors, had specific questions about their future HBCUs. I didn't have the info they needed, so I thumbed through the HBCU Alumni Squad to put them in touch with people who could help. I found myself being a bridge for others to get what they needed, which took me back to a conversation with the Big Homie.

I'm entering an inquisitive spiritual stage. I got lots of questions, most of which people can't answer. However, I sound board a lot off my husband because he's a good and honest listener who will admit when he simply doesn't know. In a particular series of wonders, I told him I've often thought about why it seems that Christians pray so hard to Jesus, almost like they stop there and don't go all the way to God. Like so much emphasis is on Jesus that God seems almost like an after thought. It's not a knock,  just a legitimate wonder. His response was hood and good at the same dang time. He said, "Look at it like this. God is the supplier and Jesus is the connect. You gotta go through the connect to get what you need from the supplier. So people probably just talking to the connect. That's all," and he hit me with a cocked head followed by a finishing shoulder shrug.

Basically, it takes time and commitment to get past the connect and come into direct contact with the supplier. In the meantime, the re-up (replenished supply) comes through the connect. Need more hope? More love?  More faith? It's only through ongoing spiritual maturity we begin to pray and seek God's entirety. Jesus is the reason that's possible. His death and sacrifice took us beyond the veil. He still serves as a bridge between us and the Most High God. It's because of Him that even the least of us can talk to God. The forgiveness that Christ embodies redeems us day after day. I don't know about you, but I'm glad to have a connect like Christ. There's no telling where I'd be without Him. If you're not already, get connected. Stay supplied. Be Blessed XOXO

Make Up Sex

Look at ya'll! Some of ya'll clicked the link just because of the title. Just NASTY! But really, it's a fitting analogy. If you've ever been blessed to have a TRULY loving relationship, you know what make up sex feels like. You know the kind. Some of you are squirming in your seats right now reflecting on a moment in time..FOCUS! 

When you and bae are at it, there's nothing worse. The mood in the house is tense. The conversations are short. The thrill is gone, but the love isn't lost. She said something out of line and you're quite frankly sick of it. He did the SAME thing he ALWAYS does, and you are over it! What happens? The war of words. The cold shoulder. The hits below the belt. The things we can't take back.The silent treatment. The anger, the defensiveness...often followed by overwhelming guilt and embarrassing shame. 

However, because this is a relationship built on TRUE love. something happens over the course of time. Sometimes its within minutes. Other times its within days. But at some point, one of you softens. It could be a text message. A random physical touch or kiss. Or even a soft smile where a frown has lived for so long. 

Well, we all know what happens next. Sometimes you just don't make it...to work, to church, hell to the bed (!) before you consummate your commitment to one another! There are times when the conversation of resolve becomes pillow talk after the fact because ya'll HAD to affirm one another physically!

Afterward? The mood in the house is light and airy. The laughter and flirtatious touches are frequent. Surprise text messages, sweet compliments, gazes across a room full of people, eyes locked, and a non-verbal reminder of the love you have for one another. 

Now that some of  ya'll are feeling all "warm" on the inside, you might be wondering, What's all this have to do with faith? Well, some of us are at odds with God. Our interaction has become infrequent. Our words with Him are short. The mood between you and the Most High is lackadaisical. He didn't bless you how you wanted. He hasn't restored you like you needed. You feel alone and abandoned. And these feelings aren't new, so...you're over it. 

Let me the first to tell you, it's time to make up with God. The truth is that my most spiritually insightful encounters have come from a "falling out" with the Lord. My mom died, my husband angered me, my co-workers attacked me, the money was funny, you name it. I felt like, What's the point in being good or trying to do good when messed up stuff keeps on happening? Other times, it was me. I disobeyed God. I lost my faith, lost my connection, or quite frankly lost my mind! 

Listen...God is faithful! Because of this He knows the error of our human ways. He knows that His love, mercy and favor have us spoiled, so when we get upset, we react. 

However, once we soften. Once we realize how much we need Him, He's right there, ready to receive us as never before. There's something to be said about rekindling a relationship with God. You start to feel consumed by His presence. You find yourself smiling for no reason. You have an inexplicable joy, at times, even in the most paramount situations. Making up with God is making your life better. Making your life better is making your home more peaceful, making your job more bearable, making your vision more clear to live out the life He's fashioned especially for you...his special child. So, no matter how long its been, reach out, make the first move to make up with God and restore your love. Trust me, you won't regret it. Be Blessed XOXO

Equipped and Empowered

Equipped and Empowered

A Letter to Men: Honor Her

Hey Guys, 

Here's the deal. There's a lot of information out here to keep us divided. There's a lot of temptation to keep you interested. There's a lot of life happening at any given time to keep you forgetful, selfish, and simply inconsiderate. This is all a given. No man reading this can deny it. If you can't relate, you are lying or you are God himself. Either way, I ain't buying it!

In case you didn't know, this is National Women's History Month. It doesn't get much publicity, and if you're being honest with yourself, you can guess why. But I'm not here for that. Let's skip the history lesson and get to it. 

Women need you. There are movements that would have us believe we don't, but we do. All of us. Why? Well let's get the obvious out of the way, reproduction. Now that the kids are to bed, we need you for SO many other reasons. We need you to be for US what we fight so hard to be for YOU. This isn't just a romantic thing. Plenty of women can satisfy their sexual itches without you. No disrespect, but this is simply some of our truths. What we can't do is REPLACE you. However, what you can't do is REPLICATE us. Some of you have mothers you've put on the back-burner. Sisters you only call when you're in trouble. Aunties who are only good for cooking and comfort. And let's not get started on the grannies. The ultimate bae to you while you're the typical bad boyfriend to her...loving her in the moment, and then in a flash, just like that, you're gone...to be seen again only when it's convenient for you.

But to those of you who are "involved" with a woman in any capacity. She's your boo. She's your bae. She's your fiance. She's your wife. This is a plea to HONOR HER. I know it's hard. She got a stank attitude for no reason. She talking crazy. She ain't cooked. Laundry sky high. Kids ain't in bed on time. And you? YOU? LOOOOONNGGINNGGG for GOOD loving! Why you gotta honor her when she ain't honoring you?? Not to mention, big booty Judy at work, slick tongue Susan at church, lap dancing Lucious at the strip club, and down for whatever Debra on the block. You got options! Lots and lots of options! Why you gotta honor her again???

I listened to a rap lyric the other day that seriously appalled me. Now to be clear, I listen to trap music. I got faith, I love God, but aye, I'm still hood, so the music draws me. The stories, the good ones, the non-cliche, genuine ones draw me in (shout out to Jeezy for all the Trap or Dies, Big Sean for Blessed and such, Kendrick for his presence, J.Cole for his existence, and Chance the Rapper for his interruption). I'm not gonna write what it said. Why? Because it doesn't serve our purpose. But, it does drive home the point that men are being raised, reared, and revered to disrespect women. If you love a woman, trust a woman, honor a woman...you're soft. 

Here's the question: If you are heterosexual and male, who do you live for? The woman who will love you, honor you, bear your children? Or the other men? Your boys? Who have 5 kids, 3 baby mamas, and see less than half of their check every 2 weeks? Who have a new "bad bad" in the sheets every week, yet their lonely, empty, shallow presence comes with loud, brash, inappropriate banter that brings your mood down every time you're around them? Or the gangsta? The one who got 99 problems...she might not be one but that probation officer is! 

So when it gets tough to honor your sister because she STILL beats you up (your mama said don't hit girls). When it gets hard to honor your mom because her hand is out for money. When it gets hard to honor your female boss because she's busting your balls. When it's hard to honor your daughter because her mouth is writing a check her tail can't cash, so you wanna smack her one good time. And when it gets hard to honor your baby's mother, girlfriend, fiancee, or wife because she's being a woman and life is happening around both of you, remember this: 

1. God is in her. Genesis 1:27

2. She is you and you are her. Genesis 2:21-23

3. You are no greater than her, nor her any greater than you. 1 Corinthians 11:11

4. She is strong. Proverbs 31:25

5. Your unity with her strengthens God's work. Galatians 3:28

6. Your love for her helps you hear God more clearly. 1 Corinthians 14:1

7. Honoring her is a necessity. 1 Peter 3:7

Here's the truth: A man's honoring of women, the women he loves because they loved him into a man or the one he's in love with because she loved him even when he acted like less than one is what sustains him. No man comes to this earth but through the vessel God crafted in a woman. The son of God himself needed a carrier...SHE birthed him. THAT alone is worth honoring. Beyond that? Well beyond that, women are the life source of the world. Yes...we birth children, but we also encourage ambition, nurture dreams, and are the biggest cheerleaders to our sons, brothers, and hubbys. We not only birth life, but we breathe it. That said, we too need to be sustained. We need to be complimented. We need to be uplifted. We need you to recognize that God gifted you with a honey-like sweetness upon your lips, a god-like strength in your arms, and an infinite sized loved in your heart to soothe even the most stressful of our days. Your applause, your encouragement, and your hypeness keep us going! We need you to remind us of why we're here. We need you to love us...even when it's hard. We need you to speak life into us, pray growth upon us, and dream into existence the WE that we've yet to become. Without you, our sons are conflicted, our communities are broken, and our families are incomplete. With you? WITH YOU?? The possibilities are infinite. Honor us and Be Blessed. XOXO

Do you see what I see?

In college, my roommate often accused me of having body image issues. To her, I “had a nice shape” and didn’t need to be concerned with working out or dieting. To me, I needed to maintain a certain size to feel confident. Fast forward 15 years, and I’m sure she’d say I’m not too far removed from who she’s always known me to be. However, I’d only disagree that my “certain size” has increased by two dress sizes...one for each kid!

In all seriousness, I totally get where she was coming from all those years ago. I get it now more than ever because I’ve befriended women who see themselves so much differently than what I see. My sister-in-law stays talking about all that’s wrong with her frame, but I see a petite woman with 2 children and a great body! My co-worker swears by the fact that her hair will never “grow back like it used to be”, but I see a beautiful crown of newly liberated natural curls. My close friend believes she’s the size of Shamu after her baby (who is only 3 months old), but I see a woman who carried her baby like a boss and is doing a great job getting down after his arrival!

So many of us women have skewed images of ourselves. We think we are too fat or too skinny because right now society tells us all to be some version of “thick”. We think we are too tall or too short because the perfect height matters...only to a man’s ego. We want someone else’s hair, someone else’s butt, lips, breasts, and skin-tone. As a gender, we have the hardest time with self-acceptance, self-love, and self-admiration. As a result, we turn our noses up to one another; hate on each other; envy others; or simply shrink in the presence of one another. How do I know? I’ve been here...I’ve been her.

I have definitely had my bouts with insecurity, jealousy, and self-hate. I looked in the mirror and saw someone ugly. I pulled on my clothing and only saw all the parts of my body that were “imperfect”. I compared myself to celebrities and around the way girls. I’ve been there. And I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t found myself taking short trips back there every now and then.

However, it helps to hear my husband compliment me when I’m all dressed up or randomly smack me on the booty while I’m cooking dinner. There’s nothing more rewarding than my sons or my students telling me I’m pretty. And let's admit ladies, it doesn’t hurt for my homegirls to gas me up on a girls’ night out! But the biggest change has come from seeing what God sees.

To the ladies who are reading this: You may not have the fattest booty or the longest tresses. Your skin may have a few divots and wrinkles. You may wear a one-piece and not a bikini. You may cover your smile because of crooked teeth or hang your head because you feel inferior to the others in the room. STOP IT! My granny used to always say, “God don’t make no mess.” And it’s true. The next time you find yourself feeling down about how you look, use the words below as a reminder that God made you and that alone makes you BEAUTIFUL:

1.  You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14

2. You were made in God’s image. Genesis 1:27

3. You are more precious than rubies...nothing can compare to you. Proverbs 3:15

4. God is within you. Psalm 46:5

5. You are God's handiwork. Ephesians 2:10

6. You are who you are by God's grace. 1 Corinthians 15:10

7. You are altogether beautiful. Song of Soloman 4:7

8. God made everything beautiful. Ecclesiastes 3:11

9. Your beauty is not in what you wear or how you look, it comes from the God within. 1 Peter 3:3-4

10. When you feel less than beautiful, remember who you are and to whom you belong. Ephesians 2:19-22

This makes me think back a few months. A friend of mine received a most fitting gift that speaks to this post. Her husband bought her a pocket mirror for Valentine’s Day. The mirror was inscribed with this saying: “ See the love I see” so that when she looks in the mirror she can see what he sees...what God sees. THAT’s where our self-perception is perfected. In seeing ourselves for who we are...beautiful women, hand-crafted, tailor-made by the true and living God. Believe you are beautiful. Be Blessed XOXO

Listen...

Two weeks ago marks what should have been the most terrifying experience of my life. It was the earliest of mornings, as we had to arrive at the hospital by 6 AM. My brother came to our home at 5:00 to hang with my son all the way until his hospital pre-op. We dropped my oldest son off to my sister who took him to school and agreed to pick him up all week. En route, my husband got a bit squeamish. I told him to breathe, and thankfully we made it without incident.

We arrived to Surgery Admission to find our cousin standing there, bright eyed and smiling, waiting to simply be there for us. We were then admitted by a long-time family friend. The surgeon came in and gave us a 3 on a 1 to 10 scale of concern and complexity for what he was about to do. They gave my baby an iPad and walked us to a certain point where I could no longer be with him. We blew kisses and exchanged our "I love yous", but eventually, I had to let him go. My eyes welled a bit, but oddly no tears fell. After I watched him roll happily down the hall wearing a teddy bear gown and being easily distracted by the new iPad games, I turned to find my mother-in-law and father-in-law waiting right there with Darnell and I as we got on the elevator. We reached our floor and entered a waiting room that began to fill with siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, and friends...OUR family. 

Our cousin led us in prayer, and within seconds the nurse practitioner came to inform us that the surgery had begun. For some odd reason, I was happy. There was a fleeting fear that subsided quickly as my brother-in-law brought Lamar's donuts, which can take your mind off almost anything. In less than 2 hours, the nurse practitioner came back down to say the surgery was a success and they were "closing him up". Half an hour later, she came with one more report. He was recovering, so we needed to move up to the PICU waiting room. 

No sooner than I was able to enter his room to see my little superhero sprawled out with 1,000 tubes and machines hooked up to him did our cousin, who works at the hospital, come in. She'd been there about 10 minutes when a friend of a friend, also employed by the hospital, came by specifically to pray with my husband and me. As the work day started to come to a close, the waiting room became a revolving door of family and friends until visiting hours ended. 

Micah had a week-long hospital stay with little rest, due in part to discomfort and constant monitoring, yet partly because he was never alone. There were many visitors, day in and day out. There was much kissing and spoiling and many toys and balloons and even more snacks and goodies and love...lots and lots of love. I thought to myself, "This little boy has no idea how much he is loved." Then God whispered to me, "And neither do you."

From the moment we found out about Micah, people cried with us, prayed for us, and extended their help, support, and love. The weeks leading up to the surgery were nothing but texts and calls and water-cooler tidbits of thoughts, prayers, and encouraging words. The day of the surgery our cell phones required constant charging and the hugs seemed endless. In the days since, it hasn't stopped. From surprise visits with dinner and cake and wine (so grateful) to continued check-ups and get-well wishes, it has been amazing to feel God's love through his people. 

I never really knew what it felt like to have a "peace that surpasses all understanding" until the day my son got his superhero heart. And I had never really been open to receiving God's love through so many people during such a touchy time. I'm used to keeping to together, having it together, and not depending on many for much. Micah's surgery actually opened my heart...opened it to receive something that I so freely give...LOVE. So, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, well-wishes, hugs, and LOVE. Be Blessed. XOXO

The Good, the bad, and the ugly

When you're around someone long enough, they begin to rub off on you. You find yourself saying things they say, viewing things like them, and even doing things they do. When my husband I first started dating, I didn't watch ESPN at all! Now? I can name about 3/4 of the shows and even make some Top Ten calls while watching live sports! He didn't make the bed in the morning, now it looks like hotel room service has stopped by. But, being completely honest, I have to also admit that I've passed some not so great things to him and him to me.

Now, there are those of us who are head-strong and believe that everything we do and say is all on us. You know....the "can't-nobody-tell-me-nothing" type. People see them as leaders and perceive that they blaze their own paths, which is kiiiiinndda true...and kiiiiinnnda not. The truth is, whether good or bad, EVERYONE is a creature of influence. EVERYONE! Our parents, our partners, our peers, all play a role in what we think, do, and say, no matter how head-strong we may be.

Faith is no different. Sometimes, all it takes, is for us to simply witness someone else remain faithful before we find ourselves influenced to hope, to trust, to believe. We all have our own stuff to deal with, but we don't always have the strongest faith. As I look back over my son lying on that operating table, I thought back to the faith I witnessed my mom have when my sister's lung collapsed. I saw the faith my friend Tamisha's mother had when her teenage daughter was oddly diagnosed with cancer. I recalled the faith of my cousin Brandy as she watched her newborn son come in and out of life, only to be walking around and eating up everything now! Knowing that moms around me had been scared and caught off guard, but were able to find strength in simply trusting God rubbed off on me.

Witnessing people around you endure the toughest of tests, but somehow have the faith to go forth, to trust, to believe...that's  contagious. You've been through some things, and for some of those experiences, you have no idea how you made it. But God. Somebody was watching you. Your faith rubbed off on someone else and gave them the strength to carry on. When the going gets tough, ignite your faith and let it spread like wildfire. Be faithful and Be Blessed XOXO

Pull-up

While Micah was in the hospital, he was on a frequent dose of a diuretic called Lasix to help remove fluid from his heart and lungs. So, the nurses had a diaper on him his entire first night. The following morning, the catheter had been removed, and he was all on his own. Of course he woke up with an urgent need to pee.

Darnell and I escorted him into the restroom, undid the diaper, and let him handle his business. When we went to reapply the diaper, Micah inquired, “Why do I have on a diaper? I’m a big boy.” The nurse just so happened to be within earshot and asked if we’d rather her get him a pull-up instead. We thanked her and thought this would appease the little dude. Even with the most age-appropriate explanation, he walked out of the restroom, sporting his Cars themed pull-up, turned around, looked me dead in my eyeballs and said, “Mama, just so you know this is still a diaper...and I’m still a big boy.”

After laughing hysterically, I thought about how this minor thing was both temporary and necessary. But all he could see was that he had on a pull-up. He thought he was done with that phase of development. He didn’t want to be seen as a kid who needed potty assistance. He had moved past those days. He was on to bigger and better things. It didn't matter to him that he'd just had a successful heart procedure. Despite all that he had endured prior to the pull-up, he could only focus on that...nothing else.

We are often the exact same way. Sometimes, God will bring us through the craziest of storms. However, in the midst, He might have to take us back a few paces. Send us to territory we thought we’d never see again. Reconnect us with people we’d separated from. All in order to fully prepare us for what He has in store. Whether we believe it or not, this too is part of the healing after the storm. The setback is necessary for all that we are to become and all that we are to possess. Sometimes, we can’t appreciate all that God has brought us through because we are too focused on the one thing that we don’t quite get.

Hear me today. Micah needed that pull-up just like we need whatever reversion God has allowed to happen in our lives. Why? I can't say with certainty, but there are plenty of possibilities. God can take us back simply to remind us. He can take us back to cover us or protect us. Sometimes, we have to go back to where we've been to get to where we're going. Sometimes, we have to be placed back into an uncomfortable situation to be prepared to bask in the comfort of God. Sometimes, God does what He wants to do, and we just have to deal with it. Period.

Although we don’t always understand why God would take us backward in order to move us forward, it is all a part of the plan. If God is taking you through a pull-up situation, take a moment to reflect on all you’ve come through. See how far He's brought you? He wouldn't bring you this far to cast you back. So, do what you gotta do; be where you gotta be, so you are prepared to Be Blessed XOXO

The Dressing Room

If there is one stark difference between the way my husband and I shop, it's the fact that he's not going to try on ANYTHING! The man is literally in and out. Meanwhile, I take my time. As the old folks say, I piddle. I sift through sale racks. I calculate discounts. And unless there's an inexplicable press for time, I try on EVERYTHING! Who feels like driving all the way back to the store for a return when you don't even have to buy the garment in the first place?? Hence, I shop alone. Ain't nobody got time to hear the hubs sucking at his teeth like he had prime rib for breakfast, and breathing all hard like he left his inhaler at home, while I try on a slew of items in an effort to maintain my fly!

Faith is very much the same way. Many Christians will disagree with what I'm about to write, and I'm cool with that. Religion is a construct through which some of us find God and develop faith. It's not a one size fits all solution to life's problems. People are going to have to "try on" some things to see if they fit. They'll take the things that do, leave the things that don't, and continue the process of adding and subtracting for their PERSONAL relationship with God as their PERSONAL journey continues. When it comes to growing in God, the main thing is that we believe. That belief will be questioned, it will be challenged, it will be mocked.   That said, not every aspect of ritual and religion are made to fit everyone's faith. 

However, this presents a BIG problem. Why? Because so many of us are focused on the RULES of "godly living" that we completely contradict a "godly lifestyle".  I find it hard to swallow the pill that pastors spew, "Many good people are going to hell." Ummmm...why? Because they aren't "DOING" it right? They don't say the right words, wear the right clothes, or even call God by the "right" name, so therefore, hell will be their eternal home?? Nah bruh. I'm not buying any parts of that. You see, I believe that God is benevolent, all-seeing, all-knowing, yet still all-loving. I know many people who don't set foot in churches for this very reason. Yet, they do more to impact their community and live a life of love than the ones I share pews with Sunday after Sunday (well, to be honest, I got some gaps between my Sundays #realtalk #prayforyagirl).

Here's the gist: be less concerned about the differences in how someone else finds God, praises God, and tries to live for God. Be more concerned about what fits you than others. Truth be told, some of you are much like my husband. You've tried on nothing FOR YOURSELF. You're doing it because your mama did it or someone else told you to do it. But it doesn't look good on you and you should return it to sender STAT! God created you. God created me. We will not all practice the art of loving like Him and living for Him the EXACT same way. Who cares?!? His love, His light, His life is what we are trying to show and share. He made us all differently. So, why would we expect for this act of "godliness" to look the same?  Love others for who He is sculpting them to be, whether you "get it" or not. In the meantime, be your most beautiful self in Him and continue to Be Blessed XOXO