If you are blessed to have any form of relationship, then you have experienced the reality of feeling ignored. You know what I'm talking about. As a child, you ask your mom the same question a million times, but her mind is so preoccupied that she fails to answer you? Now, as a parent, you say to your children "stop (insert socially unacceptable behavior here)" or "please (insert socially acceptable behavior here)", only to have them simply ALWAYS do the former and NEVER do the latter?! Or as a spouse, you make simple requests that your mate seems to REFUSE to accommodate?!?
Case in point, my husband often works late. Truthfully, I have no idea what time he should be home because it varies from day to day. However, if I chose an average range, I'd go for somewhere between 6 and 7:30. Wednesday night, I went to put the boys down for bed around 8:30 having heard not a one word from the hubs. I don't ask for much. Not trying to keep tabs on a brotha, but geesh, just let a sistah know, "Rough day. Gonna be later than usual." No big deal. And so many options of communication should make it even easier: text me, call me, Skype me, GroupChat me, email me, ask the Lord to give me a premonition...SOMETHING!
This failure to communicate has been an issue since we were engaged. It is a recurring issue because...well...we are creatures of habit. There have been times that he'll be an excellent communicator and times where, let's face it, he low-key sucks at it. There will be a string of incidents; I'll bring up the request to communicate; and he'll do it a few times. Then, like clockwork, we'll be right back to square one, like Wednesday! My annoyance is short-term but hard to hide, so I had to pray about it...or else!
In my time talking with God, I heard a few things, some of which I heeded and, honestly, some of which I didn't. First, I heard the Lord remind me that a home should be a place of peace and comfort. It's clear that things at work went awry, so Darnell coming home to a stank eye and the silent treatment probably wouldn't help. Secondly, I was reminded that God grants me grace each and every day that I do the EXACT SAME thing that I did the day before. You know...the thing that I'm not supposed to do (insert a host of actions and choices here). As hard as I tried, the human woman in me failed at the first thing God dropped in spirit (stank eye and silent treatment were in full effect), but the second one stuck.
God is so forgiving. We'll be like, "Lord if you just help me get out of this financial slump, I promise I'll do better with my money." He forgives us, bails us out, annndd we do it again! God will nudge us to slow down on drinking or quit all together; yet as soon as we get to feeling good, we sipping on something extra. We'll say stuff like, "I'm done cussing...for real this time!" Sheer indicator that we ain't finna stop cussing no time soon. We are creatures of habit, and habits are hard to break!
By all technical accounts, when we continue to do the same things over and over, commit the same sins, we are ignoring God! We have specific instructions on how to live in His Word, but each and every day we pick and choose which ones we'll follow and which ones we'll forgo. Sometimes, not even thinking about it or planning it, we simply don't do what we've been told. Who are we to expect greater treatment from our loved ones than we are willing to give to God? Ha! It's truly laughable!
With that, I pray that we be more patient with every creature of habit-moms, kids, spouses, friends- understanding that grace, mercy, and compassion toward them are reflections of God's love toward us. The next time we get offended by someone's failure to accommodate our requests, just remember how many times God has asked us to stop, don't, or please; and how often we have failed to do so. We are not God, which is another topic for another day, but we are made in His image and charged with trying to be like Him, so maybe for some of us, this is a good place to start. Be Blessed. XOXO
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