I Got You!

Yesterday was indeed a bittersweet day. I miss my mommy and granny more than ever on Mother's Day. To match my melancholy mood, the day started a bit cloudy. After church, I went to see my dear friend and surrogate grandmother, Granny Sharp. In her small kitchen, we shared intimate parts of our lives and laughed and encouraged one another as we always do. As the rain beat against her windows and we sat flipping through magazines on her couch, she said to me, “I know I’m not your grandmother, but I sure do feel like it.” I couldn’t have agreed more.

Later that evening, while hanging out with my family, I gathered the kids and the hubs and was headed for the door. My Uncle Reggie (my step-dad's brother) stopped us in the driveway and pulled out 2 chairs. “Sit down,” he said. “It’s not time to go.” Knowing better, I did what I was told. After my cousins and aunts got the same speech from him, we laughed and talked and reminisced. Even though it was well past my children’s bedtime and nearing my own, it was so worth the fatigue I can’t shake this morning! In the midst of that time with MY family, I shared a story about a recent encounter with my biological dad’s sister. 

Pause for background information: My paternal grandmother had an 80^th birthday party. One aunt gave me the blues about my RSVP; while another commenced a “healing” conversation at the most inopportune time. For years, and I mean YEARS, both my father’s sisters speculated whether or not I was his child. Regardless of the fact that there was never a question from him, they very vocally expressed their concerns in front of me…often. Well, those are things little girls don’t forget, so needless to say, I simply keep my distance from both of them.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming:  While at my grandmother’s 80^th party, the eldest aunt accused me of attacking the family when I was introduced to them at 5 years old. She said my father and I tried to “force” me on them and didn’t give them time to “process”. (Imagine my facial expressions) She went on to say that now I present myself with an air of pride and arrogance, but God can change anyone, so it’s not too late for me to change. I had to ask the Lord to forgive the array of expletives that dashed across my brain while thanking Him for the “respect-your-elders” filter. As the fairly one-sided conversation came to a close, I simply said this to her: I respect you for initiating this conversation with me. I’d love to continue it sometime in a more appropriate setting. But before we’re done, I’d like to let you in on this: As I look around this room full of “family” (and yes I used air quotes), I realize that I know hardly anyone here. The ones I recognize I still don’t know. With the exception of my dad’s closest 2 brothers and my grandmother, I literally don’t know ya’ll, and that includes you. But here is what I do know. I know that when my father wasn’t ready to parent me, the Lord blessed me with a step-dad who never treated me as such. Last summer, at a family reunion, I was in a room twice this size with 3 times as many people and I knew most of them. Why? His family has never made any differences about me being married into the family. They KNOW I’m not his biological child, yet they simply don’t care. So, quite frankly, that “air” I have about myself is not pride or arrogance. It’s a little resentment mixed with a bunch of confidence. I’m confident because even though I lack the relationship, and even the familiarity, with this side of my family, I’ve never missed a beat. And not to be rude, but I haven’t missed any of you because I have a family, an awesome one. So, you’re right, it’s not too late for God to change people. Let’s both agree to start with ourselves. And with that, I went back to picking over the dry, seasonless, hotel prepared chicken breast so as not to be too obvious about NOT eating it...

To be honest, for years, I struggled with not having a relationship with my dad, and I struggled with not knowing “his” people. There are times those feelings come back. I miss my mom and granny, some days more than others, but all these years later, I definitely still miss them. Some of us may also be struggling with who we don’t have. For various reasons, we are missing fathers, mothers, significant others, and the list goes on and on. For some of us, that person is a total stranger. We have no idea who they are and it pains us. For others of us the people may have made the choice to leave our lives for reasons we could care less about because we simply want the void filled. And still for others of us, death crept into our camps to take our loved ones away from us and the holes in our hearts often feel insurmountable. But I challenge you to look at who God has gifted you.

In Psalm 27:10, the Word of God says, “Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Look around you and see who has made sure that even though your life’s puzzle may have missing pieces, there are small fillers that make a huge impact. They may not fit completely, but boy does it feel good just to know they are around. Today, think about who you miss, and if you can, thank God for whomever is standing in and giving their all to fill those shoes. Be Blessed. XOXO