I'm Mad!

My 3-year-old is a feisty one. I know that one day those traits are going to make great change in the world, but right now, they can sometimes get him into trouble. When things don't go his way, he has a tendency to perform the same ritual. He fold his tiny arms tightly around his small body, furrows his brows, pokes his lips, and states with much intense emotion, "I'M MAD!". 

Yesterday, I honestly felt like doing the same thing. After receiving the shocking news that my god-brother unexpectedly passed away, I was mad. I was mad at God. It was unfair and it hurt and it made no sense...none whatsoever. The truth of the matter is that I was mad because my god-parents were about to undergo a long and painful healing process. I was mad because he was younger than me and gone already. I was mad because there was no warning, no chance to prepare, no final goodbye. 

There are people who will say that it is "wrong" to be mad at God; however, I must say I disagree. When we are in a real relationship with God, there will be times that we get upset. He is my heavenly Father. When my parents here on earth made decisions I didn't agree with or when they didn't grant me what I wanted, I would get mad. The same emotion presents itself when God makes those calls that I don't understand or that I think are unfair. 

When my mom passed away, I was mad at God for a long time. I couldn't understand why that level of pain would be cast on my siblings and I. I didn't know why He would choose for me not to have a mom to fuss over me getting married or having children; why he would not allow my future kids to experience the most awesome grandma ever. It rocked me to my core, and I was mad. Although not with quite the same magnitude, if I'm being 100% honest, I've had that emotion resurface in times of unexpected tragedy like when my cousin Trice died and last night with news of my god-brother, Robert. 

After 2 full glasses of wine and 6 peanut butter patties, I was ready to face my emotions. I cried out of shock, sadness, and anger. This time, in the midst of my anger, I prayed. I asked God to be patient with my emotional process as He has so many times before. I questioned why young men who would rather fulfill selfish purposes and evil callings were able to still walk the streets while Robert was taken away. Much like I questioned why mothers who wanted nothing to do with their children were able to stay here and witness all that their children grew to become, while mine was taken, abruptly. God comforted me last night and guided my interaction with Him this morning, leading me on a journey of discovery and validation. 

There is evidence of anger and questioning of God throughout the Bible. Jeremiah and Job would probably be two of the strongest examples. Jeremiah made it no secret that he was angry with God and disappointed about what was, or even wasn't, happening around him. But much like a parent has the power in the relationship with their child, Jeremiah, after crying out, had to accept that God had the power over him and his circumstances. As parents say to children catch phrases like, "I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out,"; God asks in Jeremiah 32:27b, "Is anything to hard for me?". Similarly, God asks Job questions like: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?"; "Have you ever given orders to the morning?"; and "Who has a claim against me that I must pay?" God then reminds Job of this, "EVERYTHING under heaven belongs to ME!". 

Whoa. This morning God told me to be mad as long as I wanted, but I was going to have to get over it. I thought about how my mother would have said, "Gone and be mad. It ain't gone change nothing. And remember you ain't running nothing but those shoes and that mouth and too much of the latter will get you in trouble." I could hear her this morning as I was reminded that God is the H.G.I.C.; nothing happens without His permission or His purpose.  If you have ever been upset with God or questioned His decisions, it's not "wrong". It's natural and it's normal, especially when we talk about the concept of "relationship". 

No matter who we have relationships with, our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our friends, there will come a time that we disagree and a time that we become angry with one another. It's almost inevitable. As a matter of fact, we tend to become most angry over those things we don't understand. So although it's natural to feel anger, especially when tragedy falls, we at some point have to ask God to help us through it. This reaching out and crying out to God requires submission to His will and understanding that He calls the shots, whether we like it or not. And when the morning comes and we've gotten over the tragedy, or even simply just gotten over ourselves, He's still there with open, forgiving, and comforting arms that will in due time reveal the truth of His word: "ALL things work together for those of us who love Him and are called according to His purposes." Prayers and condolences for my extended family today and the days to come, praying God's comfort and revelation in this grieving season. Prayers for anyone reading this who may have been or may still be angry with God for circumstances and events that have played out in our lives. Praying that you be strong enough to admit the anger and submissive enough to give it to God, seeking His comfort, His wisdom, and His will. Be Blessed. XOXO