Both my maternal and paternal grandmothers went through their own personal hells. First, Pinkie married 5 times. She was clearly a catch, but these men just couldn't seem to get right. She went from an alcoholic husband who adored her and would have done anything to stay with her to an alcoholic abuser who wanted her around as long as she stayed "in line". On the other hand, Thelma maintained a 26 year marriage to a man who may have loved her, but loved the lure of women more. Both of these women courageously developed love for themselves; and after such ongoing heartbreak, found it best to just stay single in the latter parts of their lives. However, if you ask them about their past loves, they still had a twinkle in their eyes at certain points in the stories.
Finally, my mom had a series of long-term relationships. She was a lover. Period. Because of this, it was easy for her to be taken advantage of. I witnessed it first hand and it would burn me up. The realest love I ever saw was between her and my step-dad, but of course, he started tripping and feeling himself with these home-wrecking women. So, it was all downhill from there. The funny thing is that even with all this chaos and unrequited love, none of these women closed their hearts. It was almost like they had some sort of bionic love, even for the men who hurt them so badly.
I'll admit, the oral traditions in my family made me privy to things that swayed me from marriage. I wasn't interested. I wanted to keep my heart guarded and I didn't want to be hurt or divorced or experience any of the things that happened to my matriarchs. I wanted to avoid all that! Clearly, that wasn't what God had in store, as I'm a wife now; but it wasn't something I ever thought would happen because at a young age, I was closed to the idea.
Looking at people today, most of us are not willing to endure much of what our ancestors did and rightfully so. We deserve to be loved in a way that doesn't drain us or deplete us. However, the sad part is that some of us, men and women alike, have had this happen too often. We have given up on love. We don't want any parts of it because of things from our past. We build walls and shut people out. We guard our hearts and limit our emotions because we are afraid that if we don't, we will find ourselves right back in the same position we started (or worse).
A huge reason for our reluctance is our narrow definition of love. We see it as a reciprocal action. We see it as romance and butterflies. We see it as humans and not as spirits. In the spiritual sense, love is a BIG DEAL! It is commanded of us, not requested.
“‘...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself..." -Matthew 22:37-39
No pressure right? Chile please! First, we have to start upward. We are supposed to love God first. Truthfully, all of us are cheating on God everyday. We have had long-lasting affairs with this world. Some of us are cheating with people, while others of us are cheating with things. We don't love God! We claim to, but our actions don't line up. No wonder it's hard to love others! We haven't even done step one! And please notice my use of "we" "cause i KNOW I'm guilty!
And to love God isn't just to get butterflies at the mention of His name or feel Him dwelling within and among us. It means to love Him with every ounce of who we are! When life is peachy, we are to love God. When life is crappy, we are to still love God. We are to love Him from the inside out. We are to love God with the thing that keeps us alive (heart). We are to love God with the part of us that is most connected to Him (soul). We are to fill our thoughts with our love for Him (mind). Most of us don't do nare 'nother one of these things on any given day! I know I don't! #FixItJesus
Love is the greatest commandment. We are reminded of this is 1 Corinthians 13, one of the most popular Bible chapters to date. In it's depiction of love, we see that love has a daunting list of characteristics. It is patient, kind, forgiving, not jealous, keeps no record of wrong, and so on! Dis Too Much! As if that wasn't enough, this chapter is closed out with the phrase that although faith, hope and love last on, the greatest of these is love. It's the most epic of all the commands, yet we are quick to throw it out the window!
Lastly, and most difficult, we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Well, this is a loaded statement. First of all, many of us have a hard time loving ourselves because we don't know who we really are (that's another entry for another time). If we don't have love for ourselves, how on earth could we possibly love someone else? Love is all-encompassing. It means knowing the flaws and imperfections but still being accepting and understanding. It means being hurt and vulnerable while still having faith and belief in another person's good. It means forgiveness and second, third, or fourth chances. It means letting go when necessary without bitterness or hatred, but in love. It means a whole bunch of stuff that is a struggle for ya girl each and every day! Some days, love just don't live here...#MyBad
Love is hard. Love is natural and unnatural at the same time. It's inexplicable. It's hard to mask, and once lost, hard to recover. It is the first fruit of the spirit because it is the most important. It's the hardest to master, yet necessary in order for us to bear any of the other fruit. Without love, we can't be patient, kind, good, or faithful. We can't have joy without love. We can't practice forbearance or self-control if we don't first love. It's time to fill the vacancy. It's time to run back to God and ask Him to forgive our unfaithfulness. It's time to come home and reestablish our love. Once we do that, loving others, regardless of who they are or what they've done, might get a little easier because we're in a committed relationship with God. This is clearly an ongoing process. There will be ebbs and flows. There will be ups and downs, good times sand not-so-good ones. Sometimes, we will be lights of love; at other times, we will be deep trenches of malice, disregard, and apathy. But in the end, God will honor our efforts to love Him, others, and ourselves in His way. Try today. Try to start loving God. Ask Him to help you love yourself the way He loves you. Depend on Him to guide your love for others so that they may see Him in you. In the meantime, Be Blessed. XOXO
Love is the greatest commandment. We are reminded of this is 1 Corinthians 13, one of the most popular Bible chapters to date. In it's depiction of love, we see that love has a daunting list of characteristics. It is patient, kind, forgiving, not jealous, keeps no record of wrong, and so on! Dis Too Much! As if that wasn't enough, this chapter is closed out with the phrase that although faith, hope and love last on, the greatest of these is love. It's the most epic of all the commands, yet we are quick to throw it out the window!
Lastly, and most difficult, we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. Well, this is a loaded statement. First of all, many of us have a hard time loving ourselves because we don't know who we really are (that's another entry for another time). If we don't have love for ourselves, how on earth could we possibly love someone else? Love is all-encompassing. It means knowing the flaws and imperfections but still being accepting and understanding. It means being hurt and vulnerable while still having faith and belief in another person's good. It means forgiveness and second, third, or fourth chances. It means letting go when necessary without bitterness or hatred, but in love. It means a whole bunch of stuff that is a struggle for ya girl each and every day! Some days, love just don't live here...#MyBad
Love is hard. Love is natural and unnatural at the same time. It's inexplicable. It's hard to mask, and once lost, hard to recover. It is the first fruit of the spirit because it is the most important. It's the hardest to master, yet necessary in order for us to bear any of the other fruit. Without love, we can't be patient, kind, good, or faithful. We can't have joy without love. We can't practice forbearance or self-control if we don't first love. It's time to fill the vacancy. It's time to run back to God and ask Him to forgive our unfaithfulness. It's time to come home and reestablish our love. Once we do that, loving others, regardless of who they are or what they've done, might get a little easier because we're in a committed relationship with God. This is clearly an ongoing process. There will be ebbs and flows. There will be ups and downs, good times sand not-so-good ones. Sometimes, we will be lights of love; at other times, we will be deep trenches of malice, disregard, and apathy. But in the end, God will honor our efforts to love Him, others, and ourselves in His way. Try today. Try to start loving God. Ask Him to help you love yourself the way He loves you. Depend on Him to guide your love for others so that they may see Him in you. In the meantime, Be Blessed. XOXO
ReplyDeleteOf course, we all have a story, but your willingness to be totally transparent is refreshing. You reminded me that in spite of life's challenges that will continue to come, we can still find joy...and there is someone willing to help maneuver us through this temporary dwelling place. Thank-you!