Sooooo a couple days ago, I ran into my sister's car. Yep. You read right. I (big sister) hit my (little) sister's car. Now, granted she was parked in my driveway and as a force of habit, I just backed in, not paying ANY attention to a vehicle being there. I felt terrible. I was honestly on the brink of tears. Her? Not so much. She was so chill that it was scary. I couldn't believe her level of calm. It was freaking me out. I apologized profusely. Her response, "Shay, it's not that bad. Stop beating yourself up about it."
I love my sister, and as the last 25 years on this earth has proven, I am always willing to do ANYTHING for her. I felt irresponsible and stupid and upset about the whole ordeal. How could I be so stupid? I mean let's not forget this fact: I have 2 side view mirrors, 1 rear view mirror, and...wait for a it...a back-up camera! SERIOUSLY?!?!
After I cleaned her car and mine, in the bright light of the afternoon, I saw that she was right. It really wasn't bad at all. She had a small dent in her door and I had a little paint scraped off my bumper. Kind of annoying, but no real damage at all.
Later, she and I talked more about it. I was reminded of the time she ran into my son's Power Wheel trying to pull my car into the garage. She dented my fender. It's still dented. It wasn't that big of a deal. I knew she couldn't get it fixed and truthfully, it just wasn't that bad. My car still runs and when it's clean, it still shines baby! In hindsight, this sisterly fender bender had so much God in it!
First, many times we sin because we simply aren't paying attention. We are out of touch with God and kinda floating out here independently. We get comfortable. We do things out of habit. So? Our guard is down. That is the perfect time for the enemy to throw a wrench in our goodness, to present us with a covert obstacle. Sometimes, we spot it at the last minute and swerve just in the nick of time. Other times, we are so oblivious, we crash right into it.
For you who need an example, like to hear it? Here it go! Let's say that you've been celibate for 1 year. After going so long, you've gotten used to this thing (most nights). You start to feel like you can wait a little longer. Then, the ex calls. Not an ex, but the ex. Game. Changer. Not paying attention, you find yourself in a hot and heavy make-out session. SWERVE! Or, maybe you woke up the next morning and thought, "Oh (insert your choice of word here)!" CRASH!
Now, you are apologizing to God profusely. You ask him to forgive you that morning. You cry all day and ask Him over and over and over again. You can't get this mistake off your mind. You can't shake this guilty feeling. Why? Because you love God and you want to live for Him. How could you be so stupid? You have God and maybe other mechanisms (that's none of my business) that could have prevented that whole thing from going down! What were you thinking?!? Oh, that's right, you weren't...
Well, here's the thing. God doesn't like sin, let's make no mistakes about it. However, God is honored by our efforts. He knows that things are hard for us. He knows that we become complacent and we let our guard down. He knows ALL OF THAT! So, when we are in a state of genuine repentance, when we really have been trying, and we have a set-back; in God's eyes, the damage isn't as bad as we make it. Now some of you might disagree because you are reading this wrong. I am NOT saying that God doesn't mind sin. He's not like, "Girl I know he fine and you couldn't resist. It's cool." However, He is like, "I know you've been trying really hard. You messed up. I'm disappointed, but I still love you. I know your heart is genuine. You really are sorry. I know you are. You don't have to keep saying it. It's really not that bad. My mercies are renewed every morning. So let's start again."
Have you been here before? You did something you shouldn't have. You honestly didn't mean to. It just kinda happened. I know I've been there...many times. And the level of guilt can sometimes be unbearable. That is the proof of God in our hearts. The substance of His love in our spirits. We don't want to let dad down. We are ashamed and guilty and embarrassed. But, although He may be disappointed, His love for us is far greater than our mistakes. He is glorified by us confessing to him. Like little children who tell mom and dad when they've done something wrong (or wives who have to tell their husbands they backed into their sister's car), we go to our Heavenly Father with heads hung low, sometimes even with tears in our eyes, and often times with fear in our hearts. But confession and genuine repentance are something God wants from us. Even in the midst of His disappointment, He is smiling. He is smiling at His child who loves and honors Him so much that they share with Him. They apologize. They ask for forgiveness. They long for HIS approval. Whatever you are still struggling with, know that if you truly meant it, God has forgiven you. It may have seemed bad at the time, but look at the real damage. You are still here to praise Him. That experience, whatever it was, is a part of your journey, a part of your testimony to make you relative and relevant in the lives of other believers. Clean yourself off. Look at yourself in His light. You'll see it's really not that bad, so stop beating yourself up about it. Be Blessed. XOXO
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