Monkey See, Monkey Do

I am an 8th grade English teacher, so I see first-hand the detriments of peer pressure. I see students who are being raised by mothers and/or fathers to be one way, alter themselves to be accepted by their peers. They curse and they know better. They get sent out of class and they know better. They sag their pants or talk a certain way and they know better. I did this often as a teen and like them, I knew better. But just because we know better doesn't mean we always do better. Funny thing is, that doesn't stop when we are kids.

For the past few days, I've been in deep reflection. I've noticed that I love my friends, dearly. But I've also noticed that there are times that I compromise the best of who I am because I want to "fit in" and I am a grown woman...full grown! Now some of you will express that you are not like that and you do what you want and never succumb to the pressures of social acceptance. To you I say, touche and I strive to get there one day, but to those of you who sometimes find yourselves struggling in this area, let me say, more than I am proud to admit, I'm right there with you.

To be transparent, one of the ways I try to "fit in" is with drinking. Now don't get me wrong, I love a nice glass of a robust red wine or the crisp taste of a summer white on a hot day. But here lately, I've noticed that every celebratory and non-celebratory occasion includes a somewhat scary amount of alcohol, and I have found myself consuming more than I've ever normally found comfortable. Why? Because everyone else is doing it. 

Many of us will compromise our best selves day in and day out because we want nothing more than to be accepted.This sounds childish and immature, but it happens to the best of us. Whether we notice it or not, or choose to admit it or not, we've all been there, and will no doubt be there time and time again over the course of our adult lives. Some of us will buy cars we can't actually afford to fit in with the crowd, or move into neighborhoods where we never quite feel comfortable because it fits a social norm. Others of us will marry people we don't love because everyone else is getting married. Some of us will stick it out at a job we hate because it gives us status that other people accept. We wear things that are uncomfortable,show up at places we don't want to be, listen to and watch things that make us feel dirty and a host of other things day in and day out, against our better judgement. So much so, that eventually, it becomes our new normal.

In my quiet time over the last few days, I've realized that this deep desire for acceptance is human and natural. The strongest of us exude this faux level of confidence that says, "I'm grown and I don't do anything I don't want to do." But if we are all willing to be painfully honest, we actually have done many things that weren't our own desires because we felt it made others accept us and we all want to be accepted. However, there are ways that peer pressure can actually be a good thing, something that catapults you and I to the next level.

Peer pressure gets a bad rap. But by sheer breakdown of the words, it's a powerful force (pressure) from like people (peers). In the spirit, the words says, "Where 2 or 3 are gathered IN MY NAME, I am in their midst." (Matthew 18:20) If we are serving as the type of force that encourages a friend of ours to make positive changes and decisions in their lives, that's still peer pressure, it's just the right kind. And guess who shows up to the party? You guessed...the Big Man! Tuuurrrnnn uuuppp!

How many of us have found ourselves being positively peer pressured? I know I have. A close friend of mine told me to give myself permission to make mistakes and stop trying to be perfect all the time. I thought to myself, "What a relief!...Done Son!" Another friend of mine told me that it's okay to detach myself from what I find normal and step out of my comfort zone because it will allow me to re-prioritize and hear more clearly from God. I thought to myself, "This is scary, but okay." And in even this short time...it's working! I feel stronger already! A few of my counterparts have shown me the blessings of being a better steward with my finances and practicing self-discipline with my money. They continue to encourage me to do better, even when I continue to make silly blunders. The Word gives us specific instructions in Thessalonians 5:11, "Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up just as in fact you are doing." It's not always a bad thing to be influenced by those around you. When it's in God's way, it's actually the best thing. Take some time today to ask yourself, who in my camp pressures me into positivity? Surround yourself with them and allow them to pressure you into the place that God is taking you. Be blessed. XOXO