Forever...ever?

Andre 3000, of the infamous hip hop duo OutKast, asks this question in the hit smash “Sorry Ms. Jackson.” There are times, in my marriage, that I feel the EXACT same way. I look at my husband sometimes and I’m like “WHO ARE YOU?!?” Crazy thing is, I know, beyond a shadow of any doubt, he’s felt the same way. The truth of the matter is that marriage is a lot like home ownership. Yep. I know. You’re wondering, “Where is this going?” but hear me out. 

Okay so the “American” dream is to own a home, so people are going crazy to buy one. But the truth of the matter is that no one tells you about all of the WORK that goes into owning a home. Yes it is an investment in something that SHOULDN’T depreciate (see economic collapse of 2008 and the still inadequate property value of most American homes). But with that investment comes much headache. First, it is quite expensive. There are fees and taxes and warranties and insurance and homeowners associations. Whew! Then, it’s time consuming. The yard must be mowed. The snow must be shoveled. Broken things must be fixed and YOU have to do it. And lastly, most mortgages seem like FOREVER!

Marriage is the same way. It is an honorable institution, so a bunch of people WANT to do it. The dresses are pretty. The rings are sparkly. The pictures and social media sharing are so awesome. And let’s face it, the sex is great (or at least it should be, but we’ll address that topic later). But no one tells us that marriage is WORK! It is expensive. We invest our emotional selves into another person and expect the same from them, which is why disappointment in a marriage is so common and so impactful. It’s time consuming. Adequate amounts of time have to be given to the spiritual self, the spouse self, the parent self, the personal self, the employee self, and the who knows what else self. With such a long list of selves, it’s easy to get off balance and even omit some at times. And when the balance is off…look out below! Things. Get. REAL! Not to mention… marriage is supposed to be FOREVER! Forever, ever?

The thing about marriage that makes it so hard is the fact that we never intended that it would be. We come into this thing in a blissful state. No matter what the populous tells us, things DO and SHOULD change after marriage. Boyfriends are not husbands and fiancees are not wives. The truth of the matter is that the expectation of who you are and what you do should change once vows are made. Why? Because if they didn’t, what would be the point of getting married? There’d be none. And courts and lawyers would make a lot less money off divorce! Since there is a change in what is expected, disappointment is much easier to accomplish. And because we are in this thing for the long haul, disappointment is lot more frequent. However, there is good news.

Marriage is a covenant between two people and God (see Genesis 2). So, when we entered the marriage we were actually entering into a triangular agreement. The cool thing about this triangle is that God is the bank from which we took out this loan called a spouse. Our spouse was gifted to us and entrusted to us, but both we and they are still human, so sometimes it can feel more like a curse than a gift. But when we remember that God is the ultimate head of this union, we are reminded that He forgave it all on the cross, yet we disappoint Him daily. So, who are we to expect greater honor of our spouses to ourselves that what we ourselves give to God?!? Who do we think we are?!

Marriages that are making it (and are honestly making it, not faking it or staying together for ulterior motives) know that the real sustaining source is neither themselves nor their spouse. It is the constant communication with God as the head. When our life balance is off and we don’t give Him the time He needs, we can’t deal with the pressures and problems that present themselves in our marriage. That’s not saying that just because you seek God and know God and have faith in God and commune with God that you won’t see problems. It also doesn’t meant that marriage stops being hard. Paul tells us real plain and simple that “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life…” (1^st Corinthians 7:28) However, what it does mean is that God’s presence in a marriage allows that couple to overcome the unthinkable and look back with a testimonial union of hills and valleys through all of which they were accompanied…by the Most High. Be blessed. XOXO