It Hurts!

Today, I got a call from the school nurse. She informed me that my son had something "hard" lodged in his ear. She sent him to the in-school clinic, where they attempted to irrigate and dislodge the object to no avail. So, we were sent to the Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist at the children's hospital downtown.

When we arrived, they zoomed into his ear with a microscope connected to a huge, flat screen, HDTV. And there we saw it...a rock. Now, of course my son has no recollection of how a rock could have possibly found its way into his ear. I ask if it could be a pencil lead because kids and pencils can hardly get along (trust me on this one...I'm a teacher). They insist it's a rock and begin to try taking it out.

Kaleb is a strong critter, so the first attempt was a failure. He was too strong and the staff was unable to keep him still. So, after soliciting my help and acquiring the help of a few other medical staff, they asked me if I was okay with him being swaddled. I obliged and watched them wrap my big boy much like I used to when he was an infant. His whole body was wrapped up like a burrito, so he couldn't move his arms or legs. He was helpless.

As they began poking and prodding his ear, he began to cry...then yell...then scream. The pain was unbearable. I encouraged him to breathe. I told him to calm down. I said it was okay to cry and be scared but he had to try harder to keep his head up and be still. Watching him go through the pain and not being able to do anything about it was hard for me. His little brother began to cry for him. My eyes filled with water too. It was hard to witness...

However, as I watched him endure that pain, I was hurting for him. I knew that what he was going through was best for him at the time. It was what he needed. It was a necessary process to get him where he needed to be. The pain was unavoidable. It hurt him, and the ones who loved him most were hurting with him.

But as his mother,  I was there the whole time. I never left his side. I encouraged him. I reassured him. And when they released him from the bondage of the swaddle contraption, I comforted him. Hmmm...

Sometimes, God allows us to experience painful situations. He gets no pleasure out of this. When we hurt, he shares our pain; He bears our burdens. He knows we are helpless, and He knows it hurts. But He also knows that it's necessary. We can't grow and change and be who we are meant to be without the pain. God knows it hurts, but He's right there with us. When we are crying out in pain, He comforts us. He encourages us when we feel like we can't go on. He reassures us when we question if we'll be okay. He soothes our doubts and calms our fears. He whispers to us to keep our heads up. And when we've done all we can do, He reminds us to be still.

If you are in pain right now, you aren't alone.  If you are hurting and feel helpless, God knows that. He's there with you every step of the way. He promised to never leave you and never forsake you. He feels your pain and hates it, just as much as you do. But you gotta endure it. The pain in the process is part of your journey to reach His purpose. Stay strong. Stay faithful. Be Blessed XOXO

Newton's 3 Laws

My students and I recently took a field trip to see FMA Live! This musical performance combines the arts and science to help students understand Newton's 3 Laws of Physics. It was so entertaining that even I, the physics dumb dumb, was able to commit the laws to memory!

After the field trip, this new info started to transform and have new meaning. I'm sure Sir Isaac Newton wasn't exactly thinking about the Spirit when he came up with these laws, but they fit so perfectly.  I discovered, Newton's 3 Laws are a lot like God's presence in our lives...

1. Inertia
Inertia is the the tendency of an object to stay in a straight line and move at a constant velocity. It's the resistance of an object to any changes in its direction or speed. When God is in our lives and we are walking in His purpose for us, we have a tendency to be unmoved. We begin to resist the changes that we know will push us backward or jolt us from side to side. Are we perfect? Nope. But we are moving in a straight line (most of the time) at the rate of God's appointed timing. So, the law of inertia says trying to move us or change us, will be quite the task!

2. Force = Mass times Acceleration (F=MA)
This equation describe the relationship between the mass of an object and the amount of force it will take to make it move. When we talk about our relationship with God, it is often some sort of that accelerates our faith. God allows a mass to weigh us down until we look to Him to become of the force to move us into His arms, His safety, His love. We are bogged down by bills, divorce, work, weight-gain, troubled children, our past, our present, LIFE! But then we call on the FORCE by FAITH in GOD! Then, that MASS, the weight of the world on our shoulders, is LIFTED. It is these experiences that ACCELERATE our faith and our relationship with God Himself.

3. For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction

It's self-explanatory. When we take that action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. We open our hearts to God...action. He comes into our lives and we begin to change...reaction. The more steps we take in God's direction, the more His presence becomes apparent. We don't talk the way we used to. We don't live the way we used to. We change. We become different. We are made new...Be Blessed. XOXO

Limited

My youngest son is becoming more independent. This is accompanied by lots of backward shirts, shoes on the wrong feet, and half-washed faces to match half-brushed teeth. He wants to do it himself. He sees his big brother walking around like a hot-shot who has it all under control, so he wants that too. Little does he realize that he has common 3-year-old limitations. His fine motor skills cause him to struggle with small buttons and shoe strings that he attempts to tie on his own. His cognitive ability won't allow him to read an entire book himself, at least not with the real words that are actually printed on the pages. And once he comes face to face with these limitations, he gets frustrated, goes bonkers, or will have a complete meltdown!

Some of us are the same way. We want to handle every situation in our lives on our own. We have this false sense of independence because so much of what we do, day to day, is within our control. So, that idea of "doing it ourselves" spills over into things that are sometimes outside of our control. 

In life, we will be thrown into moments that we literally can't do anything about. However, it might take us a while to come to that realization. And once we do...we lose it! You know...that thing you've been praying about and trying to work out for weeks, months, or years? That thing. Look at you, still trying to "fix" it. Going back to the drawing board. Pulling out extra tricks. Reading new books. When all along, you need to sit down somewhere, or as the Word says, "Stand still..." 

Because we are human, we are limited in our power. True, faith without works is dead. But sometimes, we work ourselves out of faith. We try so hard to control the situation that we are basically telling God, we got it, we don't need Him, or even worse, we don't believe He'll come through for us. There are times when we just can't do it all. There are situations that only God can work out. In those times, we have to sit still and wait for Him to move. Sometimes, He will move us. At times, He will move others. But when we relinquish our limitations to Him and say, "Lord, I've done all I can do, please help," He comes through. Sometimes He makes us wait. Other times, it's almost immediate, as if He is saying, "It's about time you sat yo self down somewhere and let me handle this thang!" 

If you are struggling with something today. You feel like you are at your wits end. You don't know which way to turn or what move to make next, take a break. Pray to the Lord, "I'm ready for you to takeover. I've done what I can. Lead me. It's all Yours. I trust You." Once you trust your limits to Him, CHILL. Let Him work. Trust me...He's got it all under control. Be Blessed. XOXO

Work with what ya got

My oldest son has a tendency to be comparative and competitive. He wants his credit. He wants to be the best. He doesn't want to be outdone. He gets it honest. I can be the same way. And if you are reading this and being honest with yourself, so can you. At some point, in some situation, you look outside of yourself and wonder....compare...compete.You wonder why you don't have a spouse. You compare your house to someone else's. You compete to look the best on a night on the town. Life has a way of having us to look at others and essentially feel inadequate.

However, God gives each of us what we are to have in the time we should have it. The things, you are looking at others for simply aren't meant for you right now...and honestly, they may not be meant for you at all. For example, I've never had really long hair. It can get to a decent length, but on the whole, my hair has never been super long. When I was younger, I would look at my cousins, friends, and even my baby sister like, "Why do they get the long hair and I don't?"

Funny...fast forward to the teenage years and my first real hair cut. My cheekbones were EVERYTHING in my school pictures. And that's when it hit me. When my hair is grown out, I tend to wear it up or in a ponytail. Why? Because hair distracts from the features of my face. Long hair isn't necessarily in my favor. Hence, I don't have a whole heap of hair because I have this beautiful face that the world deserves to see! And shoot, if I want some hang-time bad enough, I can buy hair by the pack or the bundle whenever I so choose! LBVS!

1 Peter 4:10 tells each of us to use whatever gifts we have been given to serve others. For everything you lack, God has gifted you something else that He intended for you to use for His purposes. Someone is looking at you with the same wonderment, comparison, and competitiveness that you are looking at someone else. The truth of the matter is that God has given each of us the things that He wants us to have, and He is expecting us to use them. Now, we can't do that effectively if we are too busy looking at what others have, and therefore, what we DON'T have! Pay close attention to what God have given you and focus on maintaining, developing, and perfecting those gifts. You may not have the biggest house, but you have a knack for decor. You may  not have the smallest waist, but you have an eye for fashion. You may not have the best singing voice, but your public speaking is a force to be reckoned with. What has God given you? Whatever it is, work with what you got to get to where He wants you to be. Be Blessed. XOXO

Resolution

It's that time of year again! Many of us resolve to do these super awesome things. Some of us refuse to believe the hype because... well...we've failed before, or we simply don't want to live under that kind of pressure! Either way, it's a new year, which is a perfect opportunity for new experiences  and fresh perspective.

On New Year's Eve, I was blessed to have a most enlightening conversation with my Godmommy. She'd been going through a storm of sickness, but (as usual) her faith never waivered. As we sat and talked, she revealed that on a prior doctor's visit, she'd asked the Lord for 3 things, in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. I later revealed to her that I had 3 broad goals this year, but had never thought about them being aligned in that way. She continued to tell me that during this trying time, she'd begun to give God more intimate time. She said she knows Him and loves Him in a whole new way. I thought, "How is that possible?! This lady is like a walking billboard of faith!" But she said to me, "It's like He's new to me all over again."

Some of us (myself included) could spend a little more time with God this year. There's no way we can fully accomplish His purpose if we don't talk to Him. Some of us need to stop being afraid of failure and set some goals. There's no way to know we've failed if we haven't even committed to try. Whether you want to open a business, go back to school, lose weight, or just live a better lifestyle, the only way that happens is by committing to try and seeking God's guidance along the way. Whatever you've resolved to do, I pray God is in the midst so your success will be even more sweet. Be Blessed in this new year! XOXO

Brother's Keeper

Last night, my family and I watched Jurassic World. It was very reminiscent of the Jurassic Park movies of the 90's, and, to be honest, my boys were a little freaked out. However, in the film, there are 2 brothers. As both of their lives are in danger, the two of them work together, depend on one another, and develop a new respect for each other. And of course, they grow closer. It made me think about brotherly love and how important it is.  

For example, I have a set of twin students. They started off a bit unfocused and disorganized, so they had a hard time adjusting to my work load. Then one day, their older brother came up and spent the entire day with them, going from class to class, whispering to them, and walking them through assignments. They got back on track pretty quickly. And a few weeks later, just for good measure, he stopped by to check in on them again. Not to mention, he's even at all of their football and basketball games, do it's been pretty cool to see how a brother is so invested in the success and well-being of his little brothers. 

The Word tells us much about what it means to love another. Specifically, Psalm 133 exclaims, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brothers to dwell together in unity!" I pray that my sons have this same love and respect for one another as they continue to grow. Yet, the Word also warns us in 1 John 4:20 that "If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar..." Let's not confuse these texts to mean that brothers have to agree on everything and live in perfect harmony all the time. However, to love our brother means that we care for his well-being and that even when we disagree, we still show them respect and honor. 

Unity is one of the easiest things for the enemy to destroy. It doesn't take much for one to turn his or her back on another. We are fickle human beings who are easily swayed. When God called to Cain in the book of Genesis, Cain responded to God by asking, "Am I my brother's keeper?" This was his way of saying that he wasn't responsible for his brother and that quite frankly, he could care less about his whereabouts (knowing full well he killed poor Abel!) There are many of us who claim to love God, but aren't talking to our sister. We say we are living a godly life, but won't answer our brother's phone call. We are liars. It's time to own up to the opportunity to right things with our brothers and sisters and be one with God. We are to operate in brotherly love. Caring for one another, respecting one another, praying for one another, encouraging one another, and above all else, loving one another. Be Blessed. XOXO

No Regrets

A few months ago, my girlfriends and I took a trip to Tampa. For all of us, it was much needed relief from day to day life. We laughed. We talked. We ate. We drank. We had a blast! In the midst of our time together, we committed to move on from our pasts. Inspired by the title of our songbird 's debut album "No Regrets", we chose that weekend to let go of our own (follow her +myochimusic, download off iTunes, add her station on Pandora).

To commemorate this release we had a reflection time to write down all the things we regretted about our past. Afterward, we said them aloud, burned them to the ground, and affirmed that they were gone. The next day, we sealed the deal by getting matching tattoos that simply read, "No Regrets". It. Was. AWESOME!

It made me think about how much of that stuff was really weighing on me, sometimes without me even knowing. I was being bound by the memories. I was still trying to shake some of guilt. I was holding myself in a lowly space by still beating myself up or pitying myself or allowing myself to relive each moment of the bad times, reviving negative emotions and inviting in dangerous energy. As corny or serious or even cult-like as this event may sound, it was one of the fondest friendship memories we've created. All of us felt a little lighter, walked a little taller, and renewed ourselves.

How many of you have regrets? You know, the legitimate kind. That thing you did. That guy you loved. That lady you got pregnant. That job you stayed at too long. The parent you haven't forgiven. The friend you betrayed. The feelings you hurt. The hearts you failed to mend. That kind of regret...

If you do, here is a bit of encouragement. In Phillippians 3:13 Paul encourages us to "forget what is behind" and to "strain toward what is ahead". It's hard to move forward if we are held back by the past. A car can't drive to the next destination if it's stuck in reverse. The same rule applies to life. We have to do everything in our power to release the negativity of our past. But, those strongholds can be very hard to shake. There will even be times that we think we've overcome them and they creep back up, resurfacing at the most inopportune moments.

It's a process. It won't happen over night. But it WILL happen. Commit to it. Invite God into it. Make  a choice to fight past it. And on those off days you find yourself giving into it, forgive yourself... because God already has. He doesn't hold on to our transgressions, we do. Therefore, it's up to us to ask for His help. So, go ahead. Let go. Live with no regrets. And be abundantly blessed. XOXO

M-I-Z

Last month, I saw students of color at the infamous University of Missouri come together to combat growing racial issues. I saw students who were not "of color" join to assist their cause. I saw a SMART student protest...EFFECTIVE collective bargaining...SWIFT results.

To hear people refer to these students as "entitled brats" who threw "tantrums" to get their way is beyond absurd. These same people are the off-spring of the type of entitlement that raped, pillaged, and plundered lands across the globe because they felt "entitled" enough to steal, kill, and oppress. To the extent that the people who originally inhabited these lands now sit at the low-end of the totem pole in terms of class, economics, and opportunities, the real question becomes: How then are THESE STUDENTS the "entitled brats"? A better description of them would be scholars who took an courageous approach to effect necessary change.

It's funny to me that when white students ransack the local community after a huge sports victory by flipping cars and flashing boobs, they are "having a good time". But when black students band together to fight against injustice and racism, THEY are the entitled brats?!? I was then faced with seeing social media outlandishly slander these young protesters to the extent that their very lives were publicly threatened! It upset me to no end! Coming on the heels of a young, black girl being berated for her disobedience instead of defended because she was abused. Only to be followed by yet another execution of a black male by a trigger-happy uniformed officer!

It was too much. It is too much. As a black woman in America, raising black sons, it is overwhelming to see the level of racial hatred in this country. And then, for people who have no idea what it's like to be placed in a state of constant defense and questionable safety to feel like it's their given right to speak shamelessly about someone else's children who are doing the RIGHT thing by a) standing up for what they believe in and b) doing so peaceably, is nothing less than unnerving!

However, it is important to note that this is why Historically Black Colleges and Universities are relevant. THIS is why it is important for our scholars to see the value within the walls of institutions founded FOR us. The same way that those football players could have cost MU over $1 million by choosing not to play, they could have brought that and more to an HBCU by choosing one of them from the start. You see the football team joining the fight was a smart, tactical, FISCAL move. But it also said a lot about the potential...What if black athletes were to stand collectively to take their talents to HBCUs? How would the NCAA change? How would the financial bottom lines at HBCUs be altered? The answer is obvious.

Two lessons come out of the University of Missouri protests: 1) Collective efforts can effect change no matter how long-standing the ills have been and 2) HBCUs are still a relevant topic of post-secondary conversation worthy of consideration by ALL black scholars, especially the collective of talented black athletes. When our African American forefathers survived the perils of slavery and with the help of various clergymen and philanthropists were able to start their own institutions of higher learning, their goal was for black scholars to ALWAYS have a place to learn, to ALWAYS know their place in society, to ALWAYS be able to come back home.

In Matthew 18:20, the Word states, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, I am with them." When Jonathan Butler decided enough was enough, he sparked a flame. Before long, black students were joining his ranks in protest against racial unrest. And then...the mighty blow...the football team. These young people GATHERED to commit themselves to rectify unhealthy racial relationships and change the accepted norm on their campus. Imagine the effect of black scholars, in mass numbers, GATHERED in the name of education, as well as the salvation of beloved institutions that have ALWAYS been there for them. Sounds like a perfect welcome party for the Lord Himself! Be Blessed. XOXO

Be Royal

Sunday night, as my eyelids sank and my internal anti-sleep ninja kicked into high drive, I witnessed my Kansas City Royals win the 2015 World Series! It was a nail-biter with a late comeback that took the game into extra-innings. Anyone who watches baseball and knows the Royals, this is their M.O. It's what they do. They fall behind. They rally. They come back. Together.

In their second consecutive World Series appearance, this team came back better than ever. Last year's loss made them hungry. They craved a return performance. They yearned to win. And even though the sting of defeat was fresh, they weren't swayed or deterred. If anything, they were motivated and determined. And boy was it an awesome feat to witness.

As if that weren't enough. Our city SHUT DOWN to celebrate this momentous occasion. Schools were closed. Bosses afforded time off. Buses ran free. Shuttles transported fans. Prodigal sons and daughters returned home as quickly as they could, while excited residents walked miles to flood the streets in celebration of our Royals. Our city was transformed into a sea of blue, stretching as far as the naked eye could see. There were an estimated 800,000 people in these Kansas City streets with no incident, just an overwhelming atmosphere of pride and elation. The home team took the crown...and we all felt like royalty.

As I reflect on all that unraveled this season and its most desirable conclusion, I am reminded of what it means to be God's kid. There were lots of late-night baseball games. Fans were tired. Much like there are struggles that many of us have endured for months, years, even decades...we too are tired. But somehow, we are still standing. We are making it, even if we have no idea how. Some of us have been knocked down. Others of us have fallen down all on our own. But with God as our Father, we've gotten back up. We call our brothers and sisters. We spill our hearts to our Daddy. We rally as a godly family and no matter how far down we feel, we come back for the win.

For many of us, it's the sting of life's various defeats that motivate us to press forward. We remember how it felt to be without shelter, so we work two jobs to make the mortgage. We remember the struggle of unemployment, so we are early to work and stay late every day. We remember the disastrous relationships we barely escaped, so we choose to remain single until the RIGHT someone comes along, or we cherish the blessing of a mate that God has given us because we know what types of crazy are out there!

Phillippians 3: 14 says, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward..." When we fight this fight, when we run this race, with our eyes fixed on victory in the Spirit, we yearn to win. Triumph over the perils in this life will make us royal. We will be crowned in Heaven. The angels will sing and all will rejoice that we made it! So, as our city basks in a World Series win, we should all be looking forward to life's ultimate victory. Be Royal. Be Blessed. XOXO

Follow the Leader

In light of recent events from Spring Valley High in South Carolina, I am appalled. Not because a teenager defied authority. Not because a teacher called security. But because an adult MAN was able to ABUSE a teenage, black girl WHILE the teacher stood there, AND NOW her own community is focusing on her?!? Someone tell me where this adds up. Someone tell me where we forgot to cover and care for our babies. Someone please tell me where the scripture has been disproven: There is nothing new under the sun.

Many ADULTS are acting like this CHILD is the root of the problem. I have worked in a school everyday for over 10 years. Teenagers have issues with rebellion, defiance, and disrespect. BUT, this isn't new! Teenagers have been getting smacked in the  mouth and hemmed up at home for centuries! It's where they are developmentally. They are developing opinions and independence, so they test limits; they make bad choices; they defy authority. Is it right? Hell to the naw naw. Is it new? Hell to the triple naw.

I sat next to students who defied authority every day and I graduated high school nearly 20 years ago. My MOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. My GRANDMOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. Hell, if I'm being honest, every now and again I was the one doing the defying (and trust Rhonda handled that tail when I got back to the crib)! This ain't new! So, why is it that we act like "this generation" is so much more jacked up than ours?!?

If we are going to place blame on students. IF we are going to say, "She deserved it," or "She should have just done what she was told," or "That's what's wrong with these kids;" then, we HAVE to be accountable to this ENTIRE generation. If they are "the most disrespectful" or "a bunch of bad a$$" kids, then HOW did they get that way? HOW did their parents get that way? If we take this stance, then we have to admit there is a generation or two of men and women who may have dropped the ball.

But we don't want to do that. We don't want to admit that generations are built upon the values of their ancestors. Our values shifted. We thought more about "getting out the 'hood" than trying to reverse the adverse effects of gangs and drugs on the 'hood. We thought more about "finding better schools" than transforming the schools that were available to ALL of our children. We thought more about separating "our" kids from "those" kids than being a role model for the babies who didn't have any. We became selfish. We became a resident in a neighborhood instead of a member of a community. We lost compassion. We lost responsibility. We lost love.

See children are led. They are led to right. They are led to wrong. They are led to hate. They are led to love. WE are responsible for that leadership. WE would have to be accountable for her defiance to authority because WE haven't been leaders in doing so ourselves. God is the ultimate authority. He calls for us to love. He tells us explicitly in the scripture how to raise our children. In a nutshell, we are to raise our children to honor us (parents), respect our teachings, respect authority. We are to discipline them in love, ensuring that they understand that God is first among all. (For an extensive list, visit: http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-parents-children-mothers-fathers/)

Women are called specifically in Colossians 3 to teach girls how to grow into women. But where are her women? Dead. Sounds harsh, but it's true. Most of the adults who are GOING IN on this girl couldn't handle half of what she's endured in the last 9 months. The loss of matriarch one and two, THEN placement into the dangerous and often troublesome system that is FOSTER CARE?!? C'mon now. Let's be honest. She is a trooper. Growing up quickly because life dealt her a crappy hand. Does it justify her defiance? Nope. But it does say this: She needs to be covered. She needs to be loved. She needs coping skills. She needs a list of things that TAKE TIME, not TACKLES!

Many of you were more blessed than her. You had parents, or at least a mother or grandmother. You had a home. You had comfort. You had stability. And many of you STILL have these same comforts...these same privileges and luxuries. Don't let the world blind you the REAL issue. She was ABUSED. Regardless of her refusal to get up, she was ABUSED. Grow out of that slave mentality that says, "When massah tell ya do sumfin, ya gawn 'head and do it." Grow into the reality that YOU were once a teen. You bucked someone or some rule. I was once a teen, and I definitely did some bucking. But at no point, was I tossed around like this (literally and figuratively) as an object with no worth, no value, no consideration for circumstances. I don't know this baby, but I love her, so the REAL issue, the BIGGER issue, is that she wasn't watched over and now she's being blamed for an adult's abuse of power and physical assault...Before I type an entire dissertation, I'm gonna end this. Be Blessed. XOXO