So, my wallet and phone were stolen yesterday. Although a big part of it was clearly my own absent-minded irresponsibility, a bigger part of it is the genuine lack of integrity amongst people. The short story: I was grabbing a large bag of ice for my son's baseball team to cool their post-game Gatorade. After failing to grip the bag to carry it to the car, I set down my wallet and phone, but held on to my keys as they were looped around my finger. I put the ice in the cooler, hopped in the whip, and went to retrieve the offspring. Upon arrival at Kid #1, I noticed my phone wasn't in its normal location. Because mom's can often misplace their own things when trying to keep up with EVERYONE else's, I asked my trusty side-kick (because he knows I lose things DAILY) to assist in the search. With no success, we drive on to Kid #2, and I ponder over my last steps. Still with no luck, I drop off the boys and backtrack to all locations only to have the epiphany that the last time I had it was when I set it down to pick up that stupid bag of ice! Of course, no one saw or knew anything, which made the whole ordeal even more frustrating. But what was so shocking to me was my internal and external mood.
Normally, in a situation like this, I'd be going BALLISTIC! Tears, expletives, phone calls, you name it! But not today. Not this time. Why? As I drove back to my big boy's baseball game, I thought about a bunch of stuff. First, our lives have been in a bit of disarray the last few weeks because of Kaleb's grueling baseball schedule, the demands of my husband's new gig, and my brilliant idea to work summer school. When things are out of whack at home, it's easy for mishaps to occur and for one to become more vulnerable to predators upon the unsuspecting. Secondly, in the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, it's hard to get upset about small things right now. These people are gone. Their loved ones are left to mourn their lives forever. A phone and a wallet are nothing when you think of that. And lastly, one word-Growth.
See, I've been feeling a bit distant from God for the past few months. Can't quite put my finger on what or why, but it just doesn't quite feel the same. I know He's there because He promised never to leave me, but I just haven't felt as connected. Well in light of yesterday's unfolding, I saw Him, I felt Him, I knew He was trying to get my attention. For that, I couldn't be upset. Annoyed? Yes. Slightly deflated? Uh-huh. Ready to squad up on the first person I saw with my stuff?! Sho 'Nuff. But honestly, the feelings I had were different. I realized that in this season of distance, I have been given the chance to grow.
Back in January, God revealed to me that this year was going to be a year of testing and trials, but nothing tragic. Boy has it been true. Some of the tests I've aced; some of them I've made it by the skin of my teeth; and others, well I failed them bad boys with FLYING colors! But ALL of them, yes ALL of them, are playing a part in my growth. It feels good to know that I can stand and God can continue to trust my ability, even when I don't always get it right. Think about child-birth. A child can only grow to certain point in the mother's womb. At some point, he or she will have to exit that safe space and enter this crazy world. Then and only then can they truly grow. The same thing is true of God. There will be times where He holds us close to keep us safe, to shield us, to comfort us, to prepare us. But then the time comes where He chooses to fall back and let us see grow. Iyanla Vanzant said, "God gives his toughest tests to his best students." With God's protection and provision, His grace and all His mercy, I'm pretty sure that if we study hard and work with real grit. we will all be headed toward the top of the class! Study, Pray, Grow, and Be Blessed. XOXO
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