Who Asked You?

Too often, people hear my input. Too often, those people were NOT talking to me. Why do I do this? People will be engrossed in their own little conversation that has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me, and before long, I invite myself into the conversation and chime in. But, who asked me? Not-a-dang-on-body! If I weren't me, it'd be pretty annoying at times. Especially because I'm a know-it-all, which I can imagine makes the whole "butting in" thing even worse.

A perfect example was about a month ago. My cousin, who is now a deacon and has strengthened his faith tremendously, was having a conversation with my sister-in-law. As she sipped a glass from the bottle of wine we shared between our sons' baseball games, he asked her how long she'd been drinking. She responded not too long. He went on to assume it had been since high school. Before she could inform him that our crew didn't consume alcohol until our legal age, I chimed in. No one was talking to me! It was an "A" & "B" conversation, so why didn't I "C" my way out? Granted, the conversation didn't take a hard turn nor did either of them cast me out of the chat, but if I were them, I would have simply thought: Who asked you?

This same thing happens when we talk to God. We have an entire list of what we want to see in our lives.  Give me that promotion God, so I can glorify Your Kingdom. Grant me my husband in the next year so my eggs won't dry up Lord. Keep my baby's mother away from me if she gone keep trippin' God. Heal my mama God, we need her. Fix my financial situation Lord. We layout this endless list of requests and expect them to be fulfilled simply because we said so. But if I'm God, I'm like: Who asked you? When we pray, it's almost as if we are giving God instructions.

Other times, people we love make hard decisions to walk by faith. They do things that we don't understand. The make choices that we don't agree with. We ask a million questions. They try to explain, but they can't because it's beyond their human understanding. We give them unsolicited advice, but they're being guided by God. Yet, we still make our own judgments about what's best for them. We do all this without considering this question: Who asked you?

Finally, things happen in our lives and we feel some type of way. God I don't like this job; but how do we know that God doesn't plan for you to lead some people to Him in that dismal place? God that man is too short to be my husband; but how do we know that this man won't show you the real love you've searched for with every other man before him? God if I can't make this woman happy, then I need a divorce; but how do we know that she isn't the woman who God is planning to use to edify your home and build both you and it for His Kingdom? We have a whole lot to say about everything, but...NOBODY ASKED US!

God didn't ask you before He created the earth. He didn't seek your advice on how to handle the wages of sin. He didn't consult us on the sacrifice of His only begotten son. He didn't take a poll to see how many disciples He should have. He didn't email a Survey Monkey to ask for public opinion on death, hell, and the grave. He didn't ask us!

Every time we utter the Lord's Prayer, we say, "Thy will be done," but we don't always mean it. Whether we like it or not, God has the final say in all things. Instead of praying for what we think should be, we can ask for what we want but couple that with the understanding that His will be done. The we can ask we be made okay with it because we don't always agree or understand His will, but again, AIN'T NOBODY ASKED US! Instead of questioning other people's decisions or their own walk of faith, maybe we could pray for them. We can intercede on their behalf seeking God's will for their lives. As we are given new trials and tests, we need to be mindful that we have little say over the situation because we serve a sovereign God who doesn't ask for our input or opinions. He's going to do what he wants to do. So the next time we find ourselves being opinionated and emotional, butting in on what God has in store, let's ask one another: Who asked you?

What If God Was One of Us?

Aside from the Joan Osborne song that swept the Billboard charts in the 90s, one of the most memorable times I heard this question was in the film Austin Powers. Dr. Evil sat at a keyboard with his diabolical stare and sang the most hilarious rendition of this song! I'm cracking up just thinking about it! LOL! As hilarious as this scene was, it begs a much bigger question. What if God WAS one of us? Or in the reverse, what if one of us was God? I'm telling you now, if I were God, we'd all be in trouble!

Last week, while sitting at breakfast with my work bestie, we were talking about past hurts and disappointments and making the types of jokes that only we can make. We talked about forgiveness and how extremely hard it truly was. How often we think we've forgiven someone, but then the sting of that past pain creeps back up, and, all over again, we act like it just happened! In the midst of this talk I said, "I couldn't be God." She said, "The world is lucky I'm not God 'cause as soon as they did something I didn't like...ZAP!"

Most of us have to admit that we too would SUCK at being God. So many of us hold on to resentment and pain that no sin would be forgiven. Many of us are overbearing and controlling, so there'd be no such thing as freewill because we'd have little puppet people on our wee little puppet planet. Some of us are so judgmental that things like grace and mercy would be out the window! Lots of us are blunt, crass, and direct, so fruits of the spirit would dry up, rot, and die (bye bye gentleness, compassion, patience, etc.) And yet, there are those of us live with no limits or cloudy enough morals that the world would probably be even more chaotic than it already is!

If we would do such a terrible job at being God, why do we try to play God? We didn't audition for His role. This isn't some failed Broadway musical titled God featuring you as lead! Why do we try to handle our situations and problems without seeking His will for us? Why do we bask in our blessings without asking God how we can then bless others? Why do we think we have all the anwers...until we don't have any answers? We try everyday to be little gods and make huge decisions and give grandiose advice without giving God the space and time to just BE GOD!

There are two popular songs that remind us of God's sovereignty and power. The first is "I Am God" by Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers. The chorus says, I am God all by myself/I don't need any help/I can handle things on my own/I am the first and the last/Whatever you need just ask/For I am...God." God is the big dawg! He has it all under control. He is God -ALL. BY. HIMSELF!

The second song, I Am, by James Nelson, reminds us that God wears many hats. He is the a healer, a provider, the creator with all power, a fortress, a safe house, and so many other things. The chorus of the song says, "That's who I am/Just let me be/Who I am for you."

We have to accept it: We are not God. He is in complete control. With Him, nothing is impossible. Because of who He is, he needs no additional help. We will feel a heavy burden lifted when we let God be who He is. When we do this, like Ray Charles, He can make it do what it do baby! So, instead of us trying to be God, let's focus more on honoring the fact that He IS God...all by himself. Be Blessed. XOXO

Feel the Fire

Stephenie Mills and Teddy Pendergrass bellowed a timeless hit. That enticing instrumentation overcast by the sultry sound of Stephanie and the scruff and sexy sounds of Teddy BAAABYYY! I want to feel the fire OKAY?!?

Have you ever wondered about man's infatuation with fire? Why is fire suuucchh a big deal? Well, fire has lots of importance in our lives. First, fire is a source of warmth. Fire is also a source of light. In the dark ages, fire was the only "lamp" when darkness fell. Fire is also a form of protection because it keeps people safe when out in the elements and signals life to other humans in desolate places. Fire is also used to prepare and create things. It is with fire that one cooks when one is camping (notice that I did not use an inclusive pronoun here like "we" because...ya girl don't camp!). It is also used to create beautiful things from seemingly plain items-metal, jewelry, glass, and diamonds. 

With all these vital uses, it's no wonder that we have such a love for fire! In the same vain, it's no wonder that God has a way of consuming us like a burning fire (Hebrews 12). He warms us during those times of grief, hurt, despair, and cold-heartedness. He is the light of our lives in times of darkness. He is our protector from this world and all it's craziness. He is constantly preparing us for the great things He has in store, both trials and blessings. He is our creator who has transformed many of us from dingy ole things to these beautiful creatures that live in His grace. Do you want to feel the fire?! *passes the plate* 

But seriously, fire is used often in the Word. We see God present Himself to Moses in a "burning bush" (Exodus 3). The Lord led the Israelites out of Egypt as a "pillar of fire" in the night (Exodus 13). God took Elijah into heaven by and anointed Elisha by first sending chariots and horses of fire (2 Kings). Psalm 104:4 says He makes the ones who bring the Word to the people a "flaming fire". He asks us, "Is not my word like like fire..." (Jeremiah 23). As a matter of fact, Jeremiah had a love for God so deep that he wanted to share it with the world. He couldn't shake the feeling. He wanted everyone to know how good it felt to have God on his side. He said it felt like "fire shut up in his bones"! DAAAAANNNGGG! Fire? In the bones? In the words of Dylan from Diddy's Making the Band, that's some hot fiyah!

Today, I'll pray that we burn from the inside out. That God's love and His will overcome us like an uncontrollable blaze. That through His Word and every day encounters with His people we be consumed by the fire. I pray that we all be warmed and protected by the fire. I pray that the fire light our paths to live in His purpose. I pray that through the fire we are prepared for what He created us to do. I pray that we all feel the fire. Be Blessed. XOXO

Oldie but Goodie

I have a range of friends in my circle. Some as young as 21 and some as seasoned as their late 60s. It's in the moments that I'm the youngest in the room that I feel small, meek, and wide open to receive wisdom.

The seasoned women in my life share life experiences that have helped me avoid some of their blunders. They share successes to show me a path of footprints in which to follow. They listen to me, pray for me, advise me, and even scold me! These women bless me. They provide for me a life resource and a spiritual strong-tower.

In return? I keep them young. They live vicariously through me. They live their purposes with me watching and cheering them on. They open up to me and I'm able to return favors of prayer and encouragement. It's quite an awesome, organic, unscripted exchange that I always feel honored to have experienced.

If you are reading this and only associate with people your physical and/or spiritual age, I challenge you to expand your circle of influence. People have been where you are. They've blazed the trail on which you are headed. They've landed in some ditches you don't even know exist. But God...

Just like you listen to that old school jam that brings back the nostalgia of better times, having some seasoned souls in your camp gives you that good old feeling. Open your spirit to the words and wisdom of the ones God places in your path. Instead of viewing them as "old people", try to see them as "experience experts". Be Blessed. XOXO

What you Thought?

My mind can often drift into negative spaces. I think about less than happy times and relive the pain of my past. Way too often, I allow myself to drift into daymares of a dim future where none of what I hope and dream is possible...because of where I've been. I rehash guilt of past mistakes and bitterness from past hurts. I allow those feelings to trick me into thinking that none of my desires are feasible...

If you can't relate, keep living. If you can, this is for you. It's hard to think positively in such a negative world. It's hard to think we'll find a spouse or have a successful marriage when society treats this sacred union as something so light, people can enter and exit at their leisure. It's hard to think that we'll become all we dream to be in terms of health and career when life throws us curve after curve. Shoot at this rate, it's even hard to fathom an enjoyable time at a movie theater without some godless soul coming in and shooting up the place!

However, our thoughts have more power than we know. When we think negatively about our futures,  we say to God,  "You are incapable. " When we rehash painful feelings of guilt and bitterness, we say to God, "Your forgiveness is not enough. " How we think says a lot about how we view ourselves, and because we are made in His image, it also says a lot about how we view our God.

Phillipians 4:8 says this, "...whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." God tells us how to think. He tells us, "Hey, don't let your brain fill up with crazy talk! Think about the good in Me and you gone be alright!" (Shout out to Kendrick Lamar) At the end of the day, we have to gain a grip over where we allow our minds to drift. Sometimes, I literally shake my head back and forth like a crazy person to get the bad juu juu out of my brain. Today, I  pray that with God, we get past the pain. Refocus our minds on the things He tells us to think, so that when the bad thoughts try to creep in, with authority, we can say, "Faith THAT!" Be Blessed. XOXO

Ain't nobody got time for that

God often nudges me to do things and I procrastinate, make excuses, or just ignore the nudging. For example, starting Faith THAT. It's been on my heart for some time,  but at first I ignored it like, "Naahhhh. He can't be talking to me." Then, I started making excuses like: "What if people don't receive it?"; "I'm so busy with family and work."; and, my personal favorite, "I don't want to let You down." Finally, I procrastinated. I would occupy myself with everything but writing just to feed into the impossibility of God's instructions. However, that only works for so long.  So, I'm writing this blog out of uncharacteristic obedience.

Eventually, God is going to have His way because He ain't got time to play with us. He's calling all of us into something greater. He's expecting all of us to use the gifts He blessed us with for His glory. I know that someone reading this feels a strong nudge to step into something new. It could be changing your scenery, getting married, becoming a home owner, finishing school, or starting a new career. You're worried about money, time, or failure. Well...Faith THAT!

1 Thessalonians 2:12
We exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Our Father doesn't set us up for failure. He uses all things for our success in His own divine way. There will be setbacks and obstacles, days of doubt and struggle. Be encouraged. If God told you to do it, just do it. Make time to be obedient and expect to feel an abundance of peace. It's time to walk in your divine purpose. Let's live up to heavenly expectations. It's time to take it to the next level, so you better make  time for that! Be Blessed. XOXO

Who Cares?!?

Epiphany: I care too much. I care about things that don't matter. I care about events in time and spaces that are beyond my locust of control. I care about people who are not directly linked to me in any way, shape, form, or fashion. I care about what I eat. I care about who I spend my time with. I care about what others think about me. I care about my job. I care about my students. I care about my skin. I care about my appearance. I care...too much.

Caring is a great quality. When done right, caring can really allow you into a deep spiritual space. Caring is not a reciprocal thing either. People who care don't say, "I care about this person because they care about me." Quite often, it's the exact opposite. People who care for and about others are often mistreated and not cared for themselves.

However, there comes a time when caring has to be de-constructed. What do you care about and why? Are the things you care about the things of God or the things of man? Looking at my list above, you can tell that most of my cares are not of God. They have a lot of earthly weight, but no heavenly matter. Quiet as its kept, I could stand to care a lot less.

Now I'm not saying be careless and heartless and unloving. I am saying to decrease the amount of things that I find "worthy" of my care, to limit what I allow myself to care about. You see, the more time we spend caring about the trivial things, the less intensity and sincerity with which we care about the major things.

Think about it like a Care Account at the local Love Bank. You pinch a little off that account here and there for little things like: make up, car type, a friend's ongoing issue, a child's struggle in school, the boss from hell! Soon enough, you've depleted that care account. But then, something major happens. Something huge enough for you to care about immensely- a friend is walking in a blessed season and needs help/support, a spouse is in a tough spot at work and needs encouragement, the church is trying to schematically increase the activity of youth, the community is seeking answers for violence. These are the types of things we should care about, but we don't have enough left in our accounts to give.

The Word tells us to not grow weary in doing good. If that's the case, we have to limit the care so that we can sustain it for those people/things that really matter. From a biblical perspective, what should consume our care is actually less "whats" and more "whoms". We are instructed to care for orphans, the weak, the sick, widows, and children. We are commanded to provide for our households. We are expected to care about heavenly things and not earthly ones. So, if we take that perspective, we could maybe all do a slight overhaul in the care department-eliminating those things that we simply don't have room for so that we keep our Care Account full enough for what really, truly matters. Be Blessed. XOXO

Holla if ya hear me

If you are blessed to have any form of relationship, then you have experienced the reality of feeling ignored. You know what I'm talking about. As a child, you ask your mom the same question a million times, but her mind is so preoccupied that she fails to answer you? Now, as a parent, you say to your children "stop (insert socially unacceptable behavior here)" or "please (insert socially acceptable behavior here)", only to have them simply ALWAYS do the former and NEVER do the latter?! Or as a spouse, you make simple requests that your mate seems to REFUSE to accommodate?!?

Case in point, my husband often works late. Truthfully, I have no idea what time he should be home because it varies from day to day. However, if I chose an average range, I'd go for somewhere between 6 and 7:30. Wednesday night, I went to put the boys down for bed around 8:30 having heard not a one word from the hubs. I don't ask for much. Not trying to keep tabs on a brotha, but geesh, just let a sistah know, "Rough day. Gonna be later than usual." No big deal. And so many options of communication should make it even easier: text me, call me, Skype me, GroupChat me, email me, ask the Lord to give me a premonition...SOMETHING!

This failure to communicate has been an issue since we were engaged. It is a recurring issue because...well...we are creatures of habit. There have been times that he'll be an excellent communicator and times where, let's face it, he low-key sucks at it. There will be a string of incidents; I'll bring up the request to communicate; and he'll do it a few times. Then, like clockwork, we'll be right back to square one, like Wednesday! My annoyance is short-term but hard to hide, so I had to pray about it...or else!

In my time talking with God, I heard a few things, some of which I heeded and, honestly, some of which I didn't. First, I heard the Lord remind me that a home should be a place of peace and comfort. It's clear that things at work went awry, so Darnell coming home to a stank eye and the silent treatment probably wouldn't help. Secondly, I was reminded that God grants me grace each and every day that I do the EXACT SAME thing that I did the day before. You know...the thing that I'm not supposed to do (insert a host of actions and choices here). As hard as I tried, the human woman in me failed at the first thing God dropped in spirit (stank eye and silent treatment were in full effect), but the second one stuck.

God is so forgiving. We'll be like, "Lord if you just help me get out of this financial slump, I promise I'll do better with my money." He forgives us, bails us out, annndd we do it again! God will nudge us to slow down on drinking or quit all together; yet as soon as we get to feeling good, we sipping on something extra. We'll say stuff like, "I'm done cussing...for real this time!" Sheer indicator that we ain't finna stop cussing no time soon. We are creatures of habit, and habits are hard to break!

By all technical accounts, when we continue to do the same things over and over, commit the same sins, we are ignoring God! We have specific instructions on how to live in His Word, but each and every day we pick and choose which ones we'll follow and which ones we'll forgo. Sometimes, not even thinking about it or planning it, we simply don't do what we've been told. Who are we to expect greater treatment from our loved ones than we are willing to give to God? Ha! It's truly laughable!

With that, I pray that we be more patient with every creature of habit-moms, kids, spouses, friends- understanding that grace, mercy, and compassion toward them are reflections of God's love toward us. The next time we get offended by someone's failure to accommodate our requests, just remember how many times God has asked us to stop, don't, or please; and how often we have failed to do so. We are not God, which is another topic for another day, but we are made in His image and charged with trying to be like Him, so maybe for some of us, this is a good place to start. Be Blessed. XOXO

YOLO...or nah?

Since popular sayings don't stick around very long, YOLO is sooo last year! The phrase, which means "You only live once", caught on as a fad among those young and old. Why? Because it was a permissive phrase that allowed people to practice a freedom they'd never before experienced. It was encouraging! It was liberating! And... it was FALSE!

This past Saturday, my godbrother was lain to rest in the best homegoing celebration I've ever witnessed. My godparents paid tribute by continuing their music ministry, directing the choir and playing the keyboard. The percussionist played the most awesome drum tribute to honor Robert's gift of percussion for over 25 years. Not to mention, the choir sang their faces off! It was an awesome celebration. Although I got choked up a time or two, I couldn't cry like I wanted. I knew he was finally at peace because, unlike me, he was truly living.

To think that we only live once is short-term thinking. If we are a godly people, we will live twice: once here on earth and once more forever...in eternity. So, what should be our guiding practices? Should we be so consumed with the here and now that we forego the reality of our future immortality? Should we spend so much of our time living for today that we don't prepare ourselves for our much longer tomorrow?

I don't know about you, but I spend way more of my time focused on the present and the near future than I do preparing for eternity. What will I wear? Why do I feel this way? Who might get a taste of my mind today? Where are my keys?!?

However, to prepare for eternity means that we understand that our lives should be lived a way that lines up with our salvation. That God has intended that we live for Him and that we get ready for what He has in store. Getting ready means that we have full faith in Him. Having full faith in Him means that we live a life that is reflective of His grace, mercy, and Word. Living a life for Him here on earth will come with lasting rewards in our second life.

We know that He has "prepared a place for us" and that in His Father's house there are "many mansions" (John 14). So, all of us can look forward to living in a house worthy of display on MTV Cribs. We also know that never again will we hunger and never again will we thirst (Revelations 7), so everybody's gonna eat...good! We know that He will wipe every tear from every eye (Revelations 7 and Revelations 21), so there will be no need for waterproof mascara!  We know there will be no more death and no more destruction (Revelations 21), so RIP T-shirts will go out of style. Amen!

IF we know the promises of our real-life future, why do we spend so much time thinking, worrying, and stressing about today? Colossians 3 tells us to "set our hearts on things above" and affirms that we need to "put to death" those things of an "earthly nature". We should try to adopt a heaven mindset. We must start to consider all we do here and the impact it has on how we spend the rest of our real lives. Today, I pray that each of us be mindful of our today, yet live it to the fullest of God's glory;  knowing that our lifetime here on earth is but a twinkling in the eye of our next life in eternity. If we do this right, then in the words of Erykah Badu, I'll see you next lifetime! Be Blessed. XOXO

Re-Gift

I have a family member/friend (who shall remain nameless). She re-gifts ALL THE TIME! Personally, I see nothing wrong with it. You practice the art of appreciation by accepting the gift given to you. Then, you practice the gift of giving by forwarding the blessing to someone in more need. Your kids get two of the same toy for their birthday or they simply have too many toys? You store a few brand new gems in the closet and give them to a more distant recipient for their birthday! It's brilliant! Everyone wins!

In all seriousness, the concept of re-gifting gets me to thinking. I have some things about me that rub people the wrong way. For example, I'm a know-it-all. When someone says something that I know to be wrong or untrue, I rarely miss the chance to correct them. I'm also defensive, so when someone else goes to correct or question me, I have to justify myself first. Let's not forget that I can be very assertive, so when there is a difference of opinion, my input on the debate can be perceived as an attack instead of just passion lol. I often see these things as personality flaws and after encounters with loved ones (or even strangers) can feel guilty when they show themselves and cause dissension.

But is it possible that these "flaws" are actually gifts in disguise? Think about it. I'm a teacher. I have to know a lot in order for students to trust what I'm teaching, I have to know my content. I have to correct their mistakes (gently...most of the time). My hearts desire as a teacher is for them to leave me smarter than they came. I want all of my students to be confident enough to make mistakes with dignity, seeing them as the opportunity to learn, so I have to know some stuff! I also defend my family, my friends, and my students. No one will speak ill of them in my presence without me justifying or providing a level of compassion. Even if they are in the wrong, even if I don't agree with them, I will defend my people. In my profession, in order to get students to care, I have to be assertive. In my marriage, to show my husband how much I love him, I have to assert myself. Passion is strong and necessary when it comes to getting people to believe you. Knowing what I want is what allows me to guide my students. Putting myself at the front of problem-solving and organization helps me maintain my end of the marital bargain.

When used properly, everything that God gave us can be used to His glory. You have some personality flaws. They rub people the wrong way. Some of the time we all need to definitely work on those "flaws", but that's another conversation. However, most of these imperfections simply need to be re-gifted. Instead of beating ourselves up about it, we can choose to use them for the purposes God intended. Some of you talk to much, yet God needs you to be a voice for the meek. Some of you are aggressive, but God needs you to stand strong in your faith and lead others to Him. Some of you are passive, so people call you a pushover; but God needs that gentleness and understanding to help welcome others into the fold of his love.

Psalm 139:13-14 says it plain. God "knit us together" in our mothers' wombs. He knew EXACTLY what He was doing. He installed all those "flaws" and gifts with the intention of fulfilling His plans for us. We were all "fearfully and wonderfully" created. God gave us all of what we have so that we could become all that He designed. My prayer for us all is that the next time we come down on ourselves for simply being who we were crafted to be that we re-gift those "flaws" for His glory! Be blessed. XOXO

Dis Too Much

The past month or so has been very introspective. I've spent time off social media, taken breaks from my homies, and honestly tried to chill more. My priorities are shifting. My values are changing. I'm growing up. I am trying to be more available to my top 3: God, Hubby, and Kiddos.

A lot of the time, I'm not giving at least one of the 3 the time they deserve.  The balancing act is hard enough with simple day to day activities. Going to work, tending to the needs of kids, and maintaining a home, get in the way of my husband and I spending quality time. When my husband and I are super in love, our desires to be together start to trump the quality and quantity of time we have with our kids. When we start to get on one another's nerves, our "me" time gets in the way of "we" time. Geesh! But notice something...time with God is never in the way. Why? Because I don't do it enough.

If I'm being completely honest, the one who holds the number one spot on my priority list is often only there in theory. I dupe God daily. He doesn't get the time He deserves; not realizing that time with Him is most definitely something I need-DAILY!

Rereading "The Purpose Driven Life" has given me some perspective on this. It appears I am spending too much of my time living without real purpose. I mean I know part of my earthly duty is to tend to the hubs and munchkins, but what's the purpose? My overall purpose in life must be what God intends. When that's the case, the balancing act gets a tad bit easier. When I start to actually treat Him like number one, the start and end of my days are more aligned in His purpose for my life, so the pressures of the day get a bit lighter.

In Chapter 4, Rick Warren says, "The closer you live to God, the smaller everything else appears." When we prioritize God, nothing is actually too much. It may appear to be. It may even feel like it. Some days we'll look at our "To Do" list like, "Who finna do all that?". But with God on that list, we'll realize some of that other stuff just isn't as important. We can do it later, tomorrow, another day, or shoot in some cases, we simply won't do it at all because it no longer matters. I pray that we all try harder to give God His true spot on our list so that in Him we can be less burdened and more accomplished. Be blessed. XOXO

Kill Yourself

Last July, a college classmate of mine committed suicide. Questions are still unanswered as to what would make a young woman with so much life and love decide to end it all. She left behind a son and a host of family and friends that miss her greatly and still wonder: Why? As if suicide isn't a very serious thing that leaves very serious scars on the lives of loved ones who are left behind, contemporary colloquialism uses this offensive phrase when they strongly disagree with someone's decisions or lifestyle: Kill Yourself.

I have to admit it bothers me. It's inconsiderate. It's mean. Yet, it definitely drives the point home. Ironically, there is a greater use for this seemingly ill-compassioned phrased. Honestly, if people were to take seriously the magnitude of its spiritual meaning, the world just might be a better place. Essentially, to take up your cross and follow Him, you must spiritually-kill yourself.

Many of us try to grow closer to God and be a greater representative for his Kingdom or a bigger champion for His causes, but we want to do it our way instead of His. We claim to want Him to show up in our daily lives, but we don't even acknowledge His existence on a daily basis. Some of us wake up and go a whole day and the most interaction we have with God is telling the person whose allergies are out of control, "Bless you."  We say things like, "I just want to be better," or "I gotta get my life together," but we are still out here doing what WE want to do, when WE want to do it, with whomever WE choose. The truth of the matter is that if we are to grow in Him, we must rid ourselves of ourselves.

This is a struggle for me. I have a hard time being obedient to God. I have a really hard time ridding myself of the things that I like, want, think I need, can't live without, you get the point. I want to "do me" and "keep it 100". When in reality, I'm simply living down to the standards of the world instead of living up to His standards. I'm scared of what I might miss, of who I might lose, of how much different life could be. It makes me uncomfortable. So, there are many times that I don't do what God says. Then, I put myself under unnecessary pressure to try to make up for it later.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Mark 8:34-35 (NIV) 

See, this shouldn't be a pressure thing. After all, God gave us the power of choice, the gift of free-will. If we are serious about choosing Him and choosing His ways, we have to kill ourselves and sacrifice all of who we were to Him. That way, by His power, we can be made new. Is it easy? Heck no! There's nothing easy about taking our lives away from ourselves and surrendering them to God. We can't even see Him! But faith is not the substance of things seen, so there has to be an honest attempt to reject oneself to be in complete submission to God. 

Let's not get it twisted, the denial of self is an ongoing process that will continue to shape and mold us. There will be times that we straight up fail. Times that we pretend to do it, but we are faking. Other times we try really hard, but we don't quite succeed. There will even be times that we choose  to resurrect our old selves because we get "tired"(whatever that means). So the next time I hear or read this phrase, as much as it will continue to bother me, I'll try to see the silver-lining as a reminder to us all of what we need to do in order to truly give ourselves to Him. Be Blessed. XOXO

What You Lookin' At?

Do you ever find yourself focused on the wrong things? I know I do. There are times when all I can see is what ISN'T, giving no attention to what IS. I could give a million examples of this, but the one I'll focus on for today is my wardrobe. First, as we all now know, I have way more clothes than one woman needs. Yet somehow, when a special event is coming my way, I often find myself stating the most ridiculous phrase: "I have nothing to wear." REALLY?!? Lies I tell! There is plenty there for me to wear; however, I find myself focusing more on what ISN'T in my closet than what actually IS!

This happens ALL THE TIME in more serious aspects of our real lives. There are times that many of us spend all of our energy, exhausting ourselves, focusing on what we don't have or what we can't do or who is not around. Instead of thanking God for the car that keeps us out of the elements or off of the bus stop, we focus on the fact that we don't have a backup camera or built-in GPS. Instead of being grateful for children who are mostly well-behaved and respectful, we focus on their lack of academic shine or athletic dominance. We have a job, but don't make enough money. We have a spouse, but he's not romantic enough or she's not spontaneous enough. We have so much to be thankful for, but all we can see is what we don't have.

Eve was guilty of this. She had a great husband. All the food, water, and beautiful scenery a girl could ask for. However, she allowed an outsider to shift her attention. Instead of seeing all that God had blessed her with, all she could focus on was what was missing. She could eat from EVERY other tree in the Garden, but that one, the ONLY one, she was supposed to stay away from caught her eye. She was obsessed with what she couldn't have, which in the grand scheme of things, makes no sense! I mean I wasn't there and there are no photos, but I'd have to guess that the ratio of trees to eat from versus trees to not eat from looked something like this-A whole bunch of other trees to ONE!

How crazy is that? We all have done this! We overlook ALL that we have because we want something specific that isn't there. This reminds me of a New Year's Eve incident between my husband and I. We were supposed to go around and tell our "highs" and "lows" for the year. When it was my turn, both of mine revolved around that guy. When it was every other couple's turn, they each mentioned something that involved one another. However, when it was my husband's turn, his responses revolved around the 49ers. C'mon Man! I was HOT! In hindsight, it may have been one of THE MOST ridiculous things for me to get upset over. Why? Because he tells me he loves me every day, literally. He attends to me and considers me most of the time. He's a good dude and a great companion more days than not. But, instead of focusing on being grateful for all the times/days/years that he's "mentioned" me, I focused on this ONE time! Who does that?!?! Clearly...this girl!

Matthew 6:22 tells us that the eye is the "lamp of the body" and that if our eyes see clearly, our whole body will be "full of light".  So today, pay attention to what you are actually paying attention to. What are your eyes set to see? What you HAVE or what you DON'T? What IS or what ISN'T? WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?

Ephesians 1:18 houses a prayer that the "eyes of the heart be enlightened" so that we will all know the "hope of His calling" and the "riches" of His glory.  My prayer for us today is that we recognize all that we have been blessed with. That we don't allow outsiders to shift our focus onto what we lack. That we stand firm in the truth and knowledge that we are abundantly blessed, even when the world tries to convince us that what we have isn't enough. I pray that we all see clearly what God wants us to see, not the illusions of the world. Today, let's try our best to open our eyes to all that God HAS given us without being blinded but what He HASN'T YET. Be Blessed. XOXO

MOVE!

In the early 2000s, Ludacris had a popular single called "Move". The lyrics have no need for discussion in this blog, but the chorus, minus an expletive here or there, is oftentimes very fitting for some of us in life.

Move....
get out the way, get the way...get out the way
Move

Some of us are seeking a blessing, a revelation, an answer, or just a change. We are looking for God to do some things in our lives, but we are in our own way. God is sitting there like, "So you want me to bless you with a husband, but you keep going out with the loser that is breaking our heart time and again..." or "You want financial freedom, but you keeping spending your money on clothes, shoes, and liquor..." or "You want a new job, but you haven't updated your resume or gone to one job fair?"

The truth of the matter is that we often block what God has in store for us because we are asking and waiting for Him to do it all. We are throwing up prayers and requests like God is a genie in a bottle, here to grant our every request. However, the Word tells us plain as day, "Faith without works is dead." So how can we expect something for nothing when He's already given us the perfect sacrifice FREE OF CHARGE?

I don't know about you, but I can definitely relate to this. I'll pray, "Lord please bless our finances. Give us the will to say no to temporary pleasures and fixes for the greater gain of financial security and a life without debt." Then, I'll go to the mall or my husband will buy a round of drinks. Meanwhile, God is like, "Soooo, you prayed for this thing that you are not willing to sacrifice for...okay...I'll wait." I'm standing in my own way, ME, and not just in this area! I am asking for something and not doing the work or making the changes it will take to receive it. God is revealing to me that He won't do for me what I'm not serious about. However, He also reminds me daily that He is a patient God, but He's no genie. He's not spoiling me. He's not going to give me everything I ask for because I prove to Him time and time again that I'm just not ready for what I want.

The scriptures tell us that if we are faithful in the small things, we will be blessed with more. Yet, many of us don't realize that we are standing in our own way by not taking the small steps that will help us reach our more lofty goals. We are our own biggest roadblock. We want to lose weight, but we refuse to eat well. We want a relationship, but we refuse to work on ourselves first. We want peace in our marriages or a change in our spouse, but we refuse to give him/her/it to God, instead we keep nagging and trying to force the changes on our own. We want our children to grow in God's grace and know Him for themselves, but we don't pray together or take them Sunday school. We want, want, want...like baby's seeking only to suckle at a mother's breast and be held and coddled, we approach God. And even though we are His children, we have been weened. Therefore, it is up to us to do what is necessary to show God that we are serious in our requests, that we mean what we say and are ready for Him to give us what we ask for. My prayer for each of us today is that we give God the proof. That we fast and sacrifice and step away and cut off and quit and do whatever form of self-discipline it takes to prove ourselves worthy of whatever it is we want. God tells us to seek and ask, but He also demands that we do something. So let's all make an effort to move, get out the way. Get out of our own way and let God move in our lives. Be blessed. XOXO

May I Never Be Perfect

Showtime's House of Lies has a new character named Kelsey. She has a tattoo across her chest that makes me happy. It simply states: May I never be perfect. I love this phrase and can't help but stare at it each time she appears on camera. Why? Because it is a liberating phrase that allows me to be more confident than ever, to really love myself in a new way.

A few weeks ago, I was in a rocky place. There was just a lot going on. I felt myself about to fold under the pressure of work and life and womanhood. I vented to my homegirls in the groupchat, and my girl Sherlyn opened up an outlook I had no idea existed. My friends, the ones who have seen me at my lowest and my worst told me that they viewed me as the girl who "had it all together". I was befuddled. How could they, of all people, possibly think that? Then, as always, came revelation: How we present ourselves to others will manifest in their perceptions. Essentially, if I'm always trying to keep it together, why would anyone see me any differently than that?

In the midst of that discussion, Sherlyn helped liberate me. She told me that I didn't have to have it together all the time. She asked my why I was like that. After a little thought, I had a few answers. For much of my life, I've tried to make sure that I keep it all together for other people or greater gain. Helping my mom with the kids, I had to have it together for the little ones. Going to school each day and seeing education as a ticket to something greater, I had to keep those grades together. Having an affinity for clothing and wanting to ensure that I could fit MOST of what's in my closet MOST of the time (thank God for body shapers) makes me WANT to TRY keep my body together. All that "keeping together" can make a person be wound really tight. If we think about things that are wound too tightly, we know that the inevitable is bound to happen...POP!

After talking with her, I realized that much of what I was focusing on "keeping together" was exterior. It was a presentation. My house may be clean and tidy, but my family may be in the midst of straight struggle. My appearance may be fly and chic, but my spirit and my heart are the hottest of messes. I articulate and present myself as a force to be reckoned with at work, but I constantly question what my next career move is. My friends need advice or have an issue, I have the answers to theirs, but lack most of the answers for my own. The truth of the matter is simple: I'm not perfect. I don't have it all together. And quite frankly, I can finally say I am okay with that.

Some of us have a very distorted view of being godly. We think that to serve God, to love God, to have faith in God requires us to be perfect. As a result, we put unnecessary pressures on ourselves that God never placed. We want to erase all of who we were and become a "new creature"; not understanding that to be made new takes work, and real work, hard work, takes time...shoot even overtime and double time and time and a half. And even then, it's not enough time! We think that because we are Christian there are certain things that should automatically go away. We limit our interactions and behaviors before it's time. We strain and stress ourselves trying to fulfill an image or an ideal that in all actuality isn't God's. He, of all spirits, knows just how jacked up each and every one of us really is. He has a front row seat to the foolery that consumes most of our daily lives. So who are we trying to impress?

In His word, God tells us that His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) When Paul follows this with, "Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me," it gives us permission to shake the pressure of perfection. To bask in the fact that God made us to be imperfect so that we may always dwell in Him! Are you exhausted? Leave those dishes in the sink! Did you forget to do laundry? Put on the pants you wore Monday (who really remembers?)! Said something you shouldn't have? Did something you weren't supposed to? Still holding on to those stubborn habits? It's good to know that as we grow in His grace, He loves us flaws and all! It is actually through accepting our imperfections that we can be in perfect submission to God! That is real freedom in Him! J.Cole and Missy Elliot tell us loud and clear that Nobody's Perfect. I believe it because I'm living it! So, may I never be perfect; may you never be perfect, but may we all be perfectly kept through our faith and belief in the Most High. Be Blessed. XOXO

I'm Mad!

My 3-year-old is a feisty one. I know that one day those traits are going to make great change in the world, but right now, they can sometimes get him into trouble. When things don't go his way, he has a tendency to perform the same ritual. He fold his tiny arms tightly around his small body, furrows his brows, pokes his lips, and states with much intense emotion, "I'M MAD!". 

Yesterday, I honestly felt like doing the same thing. After receiving the shocking news that my god-brother unexpectedly passed away, I was mad. I was mad at God. It was unfair and it hurt and it made no sense...none whatsoever. The truth of the matter is that I was mad because my god-parents were about to undergo a long and painful healing process. I was mad because he was younger than me and gone already. I was mad because there was no warning, no chance to prepare, no final goodbye. 

There are people who will say that it is "wrong" to be mad at God; however, I must say I disagree. When we are in a real relationship with God, there will be times that we get upset. He is my heavenly Father. When my parents here on earth made decisions I didn't agree with or when they didn't grant me what I wanted, I would get mad. The same emotion presents itself when God makes those calls that I don't understand or that I think are unfair. 

When my mom passed away, I was mad at God for a long time. I couldn't understand why that level of pain would be cast on my siblings and I. I didn't know why He would choose for me not to have a mom to fuss over me getting married or having children; why he would not allow my future kids to experience the most awesome grandma ever. It rocked me to my core, and I was mad. Although not with quite the same magnitude, if I'm being 100% honest, I've had that emotion resurface in times of unexpected tragedy like when my cousin Trice died and last night with news of my god-brother, Robert. 

After 2 full glasses of wine and 6 peanut butter patties, I was ready to face my emotions. I cried out of shock, sadness, and anger. This time, in the midst of my anger, I prayed. I asked God to be patient with my emotional process as He has so many times before. I questioned why young men who would rather fulfill selfish purposes and evil callings were able to still walk the streets while Robert was taken away. Much like I questioned why mothers who wanted nothing to do with their children were able to stay here and witness all that their children grew to become, while mine was taken, abruptly. God comforted me last night and guided my interaction with Him this morning, leading me on a journey of discovery and validation. 

There is evidence of anger and questioning of God throughout the Bible. Jeremiah and Job would probably be two of the strongest examples. Jeremiah made it no secret that he was angry with God and disappointed about what was, or even wasn't, happening around him. But much like a parent has the power in the relationship with their child, Jeremiah, after crying out, had to accept that God had the power over him and his circumstances. As parents say to children catch phrases like, "I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out,"; God asks in Jeremiah 32:27b, "Is anything to hard for me?". Similarly, God asks Job questions like: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?"; "Have you ever given orders to the morning?"; and "Who has a claim against me that I must pay?" God then reminds Job of this, "EVERYTHING under heaven belongs to ME!". 

Whoa. This morning God told me to be mad as long as I wanted, but I was going to have to get over it. I thought about how my mother would have said, "Gone and be mad. It ain't gone change nothing. And remember you ain't running nothing but those shoes and that mouth and too much of the latter will get you in trouble." I could hear her this morning as I was reminded that God is the H.G.I.C.; nothing happens without His permission or His purpose.  If you have ever been upset with God or questioned His decisions, it's not "wrong". It's natural and it's normal, especially when we talk about the concept of "relationship". 

No matter who we have relationships with, our parents, our spouses, our siblings, our friends, there will come a time that we disagree and a time that we become angry with one another. It's almost inevitable. As a matter of fact, we tend to become most angry over those things we don't understand. So although it's natural to feel anger, especially when tragedy falls, we at some point have to ask God to help us through it. This reaching out and crying out to God requires submission to His will and understanding that He calls the shots, whether we like it or not. And when the morning comes and we've gotten over the tragedy, or even simply just gotten over ourselves, He's still there with open, forgiving, and comforting arms that will in due time reveal the truth of His word: "ALL things work together for those of us who love Him and are called according to His purposes." Prayers and condolences for my extended family today and the days to come, praying God's comfort and revelation in this grieving season. Prayers for anyone reading this who may have been or may still be angry with God for circumstances and events that have played out in our lives. Praying that you be strong enough to admit the anger and submissive enough to give it to God, seeking His comfort, His wisdom, and His will. Be Blessed. XOXO

Let It Go

The movie Frozen is overrated. Yes. I said it. No. I don't take it back. I mean don't get me wrong, as a sucker for kids' movies, I enjoyed it; but it has absolutely nothing on films like (in this order) 1) The Lion King 2) Aladdin 3) Princess and the Frog 4) The Little Mermaid 5) Megamind. However, the best thing to come out of this movie was the viral song Let It Go. That. Is. My. Jam! Why? Because it is life's simplest mantra.

Many of us have things we simply need to let go of. Some of us need to let go of self-doubt, while others of us need to let go of arrogance and pride. Some of us need to let go of friends and family that are unhealthy for our spiritual maturity, while others of us need to let go of our own personal egos and issues to open up to love and be loved. Some of us need to let go of old habits and bad decision-making, while others of us need to let go of condescending attitudes and judgement of others. We all have some heavy loads that need to be lifted and quite frankly, we can't do it alone.

Pastor Delano Sheffield from Macedonia Baptist Church in Kansas City, MO (which just so happens to be my church home, so shoouutt ooouutt!) spoke to this when he explained to us exactly what Matthew 11:30 meant. Now, if you are anything like me, you may have thought the verse read, "My yolk is easy..." and therefore equated the analogy to eggs. For years, I had a dietary interpretation of this scripture thinking the Lord's yolk had fewer calories than any chicken's. Well, that's not exactly the case.

The Lord's YOKE is easy. A yoke is an instrument designed to hold the heads of 2 oxen who would simultaneously carry a load from one location to another (feel free to Google an image to be further enlightened). The yoke made it so that twice the pulling power was available, lightening the heavy load for each oxen. So, when God tells us His YOKE is easy,  He's telling us we might be on one side, but He should be on the other. If He is on the other side, the burden or weight of all that we carry becomes lighter because He is God, and He shoulders the load.

However, many of us don't always put God in the other side of our yoke. We put our spouse over there and run them ragged with our nagging that is nothing more than a projection of our own  insecurity. We share the load with our friends who may be in a bad space and increase the weight on us because they are in no condition to carry anything! We put our jobs over in the other side because they allow us to afford the things that make us think we are okay when really we aren't...AT ALL!

Once we make the choice to remove all those other people and things from our yoke, or simply leave them there and go join God in His yoke, we lighten the load. We can walk a bit straighter and stand a bit taller because we aren't being weighed down by all that kept us slumped and slouched before. We can move faster because we have more freedom and liberty to do so. We are more joyous because we are getting more done; being more of a blessing to others because we made a simple choice to let it all go.

Many of us have those HEAVY things in our lives that have weighed us down for years. We can't seem to shake them. From experience, let me tell you that letting go is a process. Sometimes I've joined God in His yoke by giving it all to Him. Other times, I've given others the boot to make room for Him to lighten my load. But honestly, there are still things I am trying to shoulder alone and carry for myself and no matter how hard I try, I just can't do it! If you can relate, let's encourage one another to lighten up! Let's hand it over to He who is able! I pray that as time passes you and I both become more willing to give it to God; having faith that His yoke is much easier than any we've known and that makes his burden the lightest load we've never really carried. Be blessed. XOXO

I Got You!

Yesterday was indeed a bittersweet day. I miss my mommy and granny more than ever on Mother's Day. To match my melancholy mood, the day started a bit cloudy. After church, I went to see my dear friend and surrogate grandmother, Granny Sharp. In her small kitchen, we shared intimate parts of our lives and laughed and encouraged one another as we always do. As the rain beat against her windows and we sat flipping through magazines on her couch, she said to me, “I know I’m not your grandmother, but I sure do feel like it.” I couldn’t have agreed more.

Later that evening, while hanging out with my family, I gathered the kids and the hubs and was headed for the door. My Uncle Reggie (my step-dad's brother) stopped us in the driveway and pulled out 2 chairs. “Sit down,” he said. “It’s not time to go.” Knowing better, I did what I was told. After my cousins and aunts got the same speech from him, we laughed and talked and reminisced. Even though it was well past my children’s bedtime and nearing my own, it was so worth the fatigue I can’t shake this morning! In the midst of that time with MY family, I shared a story about a recent encounter with my biological dad’s sister. 

Pause for background information: My paternal grandmother had an 80^th birthday party. One aunt gave me the blues about my RSVP; while another commenced a “healing” conversation at the most inopportune time. For years, and I mean YEARS, both my father’s sisters speculated whether or not I was his child. Regardless of the fact that there was never a question from him, they very vocally expressed their concerns in front of me…often. Well, those are things little girls don’t forget, so needless to say, I simply keep my distance from both of them.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming:  While at my grandmother’s 80^th party, the eldest aunt accused me of attacking the family when I was introduced to them at 5 years old. She said my father and I tried to “force” me on them and didn’t give them time to “process”. (Imagine my facial expressions) She went on to say that now I present myself with an air of pride and arrogance, but God can change anyone, so it’s not too late for me to change. I had to ask the Lord to forgive the array of expletives that dashed across my brain while thanking Him for the “respect-your-elders” filter. As the fairly one-sided conversation came to a close, I simply said this to her: I respect you for initiating this conversation with me. I’d love to continue it sometime in a more appropriate setting. But before we’re done, I’d like to let you in on this: As I look around this room full of “family” (and yes I used air quotes), I realize that I know hardly anyone here. The ones I recognize I still don’t know. With the exception of my dad’s closest 2 brothers and my grandmother, I literally don’t know ya’ll, and that includes you. But here is what I do know. I know that when my father wasn’t ready to parent me, the Lord blessed me with a step-dad who never treated me as such. Last summer, at a family reunion, I was in a room twice this size with 3 times as many people and I knew most of them. Why? His family has never made any differences about me being married into the family. They KNOW I’m not his biological child, yet they simply don’t care. So, quite frankly, that “air” I have about myself is not pride or arrogance. It’s a little resentment mixed with a bunch of confidence. I’m confident because even though I lack the relationship, and even the familiarity, with this side of my family, I’ve never missed a beat. And not to be rude, but I haven’t missed any of you because I have a family, an awesome one. So, you’re right, it’s not too late for God to change people. Let’s both agree to start with ourselves. And with that, I went back to picking over the dry, seasonless, hotel prepared chicken breast so as not to be too obvious about NOT eating it...

To be honest, for years, I struggled with not having a relationship with my dad, and I struggled with not knowing “his” people. There are times those feelings come back. I miss my mom and granny, some days more than others, but all these years later, I definitely still miss them. Some of us may also be struggling with who we don’t have. For various reasons, we are missing fathers, mothers, significant others, and the list goes on and on. For some of us, that person is a total stranger. We have no idea who they are and it pains us. For others of us the people may have made the choice to leave our lives for reasons we could care less about because we simply want the void filled. And still for others of us, death crept into our camps to take our loved ones away from us and the holes in our hearts often feel insurmountable. But I challenge you to look at who God has gifted you.

In Psalm 27:10, the Word of God says, “Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” Look around you and see who has made sure that even though your life’s puzzle may have missing pieces, there are small fillers that make a huge impact. They may not fit completely, but boy does it feel good just to know they are around. Today, think about who you miss, and if you can, thank God for whomever is standing in and giving their all to fill those shoes. Be Blessed. XOXO

Invalid

So, I took a 3 week hiatus from social media last month. I noticed a few things. First, I noticed that I had way more time on my hands to be way more productive in my life. I was more attentive and in tune with my family. I’m pretty sure I saved my own life by decreasing my exposure to harmful cell phone radiation! I also found that my morning started a bit more like it should have (most days) by having a little talk with the Lord and reading something from Him. Lastly, and I might be a wee bit ashamed to admit it, I found that I was way more confident.

Social media has found a way to cause some of us to seek validation through likes, comments, and double taps. Now, many readers will defensively say, I don’t care about any of that. I would challenge you to really think about it. So many of us share so much of ourselves with the ENTIRE globe! We want them to see our high points, our blessings. How cute our kids are, the new car we got, and how much someone else loves us. And don’t let us be “feeling ourselves” during a night on the town because timelines will indeed be FLOODED! Some of us even show the ugly parts; many of which should probably be reserved for more intimate group chats with close friends and family because some of that stuff is NOBODY else’s business! The truth is the ones of us who spend the most time posting to social media might very well be the ones who are seeking the greatest amount of validation. When people respond to what we say or how we look, it makes us feel important. It makes us feel special.

Truthfully, I struggled with sharing this blog because I didn’t want people to NOT like it. I was afraid that people would be like, “That’s whack or whatever”. The proof in that was the first day I shared on Facebook. I had to literally say to myself, “Don’t check that page every 5 seconds to see what people have to say.” It was hard. And I'll admit I did do a few sneak peeks. But I could tell that 3 weeks earlier God definitely told me to chill on social media to prepare me for this move. Had I not taken a break and gotten more accustomed to a life without it, I would have probably kept the app open so I could see all responses in real time! #TRUTH

In that time away, I found that God was whispering to me: All of that is invalid. It’s irrelevant. It doesn’t matter. When I say you are valid, you are. Because I made you with a divine purpose and fashioned you after Myself, you were born with a validity that no one else can take away. I “like” everything about you, so my thumbs stay up, even when you disappoint Me. I comment on your life through the traces of joy I place in your heart, even when it’s aching. I double tap your image every single moment of every single day, even with your cocked headscarf, pillow print on the cheek, and slobber marks. I heart you. So, what’s the point in looking elsewhere? And then I was like…*insert Kerry Washington meme here* “You Right!”  I pray you too seek validation only through He who is able to keep you from falling and present you blameless to our Father…the author and the finisher of your faith…the only one whose likes, comments, and double taps truly matter. Be Blessed. XOXO

Ignorance is Bliss

This past weekend, I was able to have a great conversation with my family. Talking with my aunt and uncle about growing up poor and how the cycle of poverty is such a tough thing to break, especially in terms of financial planning and knowledge while curbing issues like entitlement. My aunt made this comment: "When I look back on it, the cool thing about it was that I didn't know I was poor." I thought about it and responded, "I can't say that's true for me...I knew."

So then, I thought about it. Why did I know? How could she have not known? Light bulb...birth order. My aunt Cheryl is the baby girl. On the other hand, I'm the oldest. Older siblings are probably made aware of the circumstances they live in well before the younger ones because they have been in it longer. They are also able to shield and protect their younger brothers and sisters from some of the things they discovered or experienced much sooner in their lives to maintain the innocence or reduce the levels of stress of the younger ones.

Then it hit me! When my brothers and sister were born, it became painstakingly obvious that we were in the struggle. When my siblings were born, my responsibilities increased tremendously. I had diapers to change, food to cook, hair to comb, baths to give, and the list goes on and on. My mom worked hard, everyday. She woke up first and got mostly ready. Then, she woke me up to get mostly ready. Together, we woke the little ones up and did our duties. The process repeated at the end of the day with bus stop pick up, homework, and bedtime stories. So the long and short of it was this: I had been here longer, so I had a duty that put me closer to the action. I was "in the know".

Interestingly, this is the same thing in the Spirit. Those of us who found God earlier have been walking and stumbling and falling longer, so we are "in the know". We are more aware of the struggle because we are closer to the action. When we have new brothers and sisters born into the Kingdom, we have a duty to them. We have to care for them and guide them. We have to love them and build them up. We try our best to shield them from the snares and pitfalls that, at some point, have gotten the best of us. Because they are younger in the Spirit, they are unaware of many things with which we have already been made familiar. The older we grow in the Spirit, the more we realize just how jacked up things are AROUND us; the more comfortable we get with acknowledging just how jacked up we are WITHIN.

However, youngins in the Spirit aren't quite as aware, so they are much more blissful with their new found relationship with God. And as badly as we want to, we can't rush their spiritual maturity. We can't push them further than God has said they are ready to go. It doesn't make us better than them. It doesn't mean we even necessarily know more than them. It simply means that they've been entrusted to us, so we gotta do what we gotta do FOR them. Listen to them. Converse with them. Challenge them. Encourage them. Love on them. Pray for them. Much like being the older sibling, we have to hold their hands, dust off scraped knees, and be the one they lean on for Spiritual guidance and strength; letting them figure it all out in their own time and in their own way. Be Blessed. XOXO

Hey There Green Eyes

As we left Macy’s last week, a lady said to my youngest son, “You’re such a cute little fella!” While walking back to the car, my oldest son said, “Mama if I was you, I would have named me Jack.” I asked him why of all the awesome names in the world he would have chosen Jack. He responded, “Because my face is jacked up.” I laughed. Hey, I’m a parent and a human, so my initial reaction may not have been the best, but it happened. Anyway, a little background on why he would say this is he has a permanent scar under his right eye. He had stitches put in by a resident who was not very good and cocoa butter, Mederma, nor vitamin E oil have yet to take it away. It’s faded, but still very present. Now back to our conversation...

I asked him if we was jealous that the nice lady said his brother was a cute little fella, but didn’t say it to him. Very honestly, he responded, “Yes.” I had to let him in on the secret that his little brother is just that-LITTLE, so people just say he’s cute more often because he’s smaller, more like a baby. I told him that when he was his brother’s age, plenty of people said the same thing about him and even now that he’s a bigger boy, plenty of people still say how handsome he is, which is the same thing as calling him cute. That made him raise his head a bit and stand a little straighter, but I could tell that he still wasn’t quite sure.

I could totally relate to my baby. Many times over, I too have experienced jealousy. When I was younger, I was jealous of the light-skinned girls with longer hair because all of the boys would call them pretty. When I was in middle school, I was jealous of the girls whose clothing sizes were in the single digits because they were “skinny” and I wasn’t. At summer camp, I would be jealous of the kids with name brand clothes who just got back from awesome family vacations. In college, I was jealous of the students with fancy cars who took epic Spring Break trips. In my twenties, I was jealous of people who still had their moms. I couldn’t stand to hear about them arguing with their mothers or saying things like, “She gets on my nerves.”  After I had my first son, I was jealous of people who were able to have babies and lose the weight instantly, while I struggled to get back into my clothes. When I bought my home, I was jealous of people who could afford more house because they had better credit and greater savings. In my current life, I can still find that ugly monster rearing its head from time to time in areas like finances, appearance, and accolades.

The truth of the matter is that the things we find ourselves feeling jealous over are often a sign of our own discontentment. We are jealous of the girl who is prettier than us because we’ve never viewed ourselves as beautiful. We are jealous of the person who is getting promoted at work because we feel like our hard work often goes unnoticed. We are jealous of the marriage that seems to work because we are unsure about our own. We are jealous because we are not satisfied with ourselves or our situations.

But jealousy is a destroyer of relationships. It divides people who would otherwise be beneficial to one another. It sets itself in the center of love and stirs itself into strife and discord. It suffocates the life between people and creates barriers that are seemingly impermeable. It makes one party feel less than enough, yet boosts another’s ego far into the heavens. Jealousy is a dangerous thing. Jealousy is indeed a subliminal tool of the enemy. I mean think about it, what better way to tear down the people who have the job of edifying and building up a Kingdom than to divide and conquer? 

Paul told the church in Corinth that they were spiritually immature which is why jealousy was permeating their body and they were divided into two contending factions (1 Corinthians 3:3). So it sounds like the answer to ridding ourselves of the overwhelming feeling of jealousy is to strengthen our spirits to stand against it. When we mature in the Spirit, we become less comparative and less competitive. Instead, we start to celebrate with one another the blessings that God chooses to bestow. We are happy for our friend as they walk down the aisle to marry the person God gave to them. We rejoice with the co-worker who moves up the ranks. We thank God for the new home someone else was blessed with. We do this because we know that God is in the business of blessings and He has no favorites. So, if He is blessing His children, He will bless us! As a matter of fact, if we want to really face the facts, chances are more likely He already has-time and time again! 

I wish I could say I'm never jealous anymore, but that would be a lie. However, I do understand how dangerous it is, so I try to ask God to snatch that right on away from me! With that, I also know that we have to grow our spirits to really fight against these divisive feelings and stay connected as the His body of builders. His plans for our lives are prosperous plans, so sitting with our noses turned up and our lips poked out because someone else has something we don't is a lack of faith, and quite frankly, it's ungrateful. There’s no need to be envious of one another because we serve a God with an abundance of provisions. He can give what no one else can to anyone He chooses. In the meantime, we rejoice in what He’s doing in the lives of those around us while we trust; we wait; and we believe that we’re next in line! Be Blessed. XOXO

Security Deposit

Many of us experienced that first apartment. We felt like we were on our own and able to really be a grown-up. We were adults. But rewind a bit...before we could move into that space, we had to pay a security deposit. That deposit was a few hundred dollars in addition to our first month's rent. The purpose of this deposit was to cover any potential damages the apartment may sustain while we reside within. If no damages are found and the space is left in the condition in which it was rented to us, when we move on to bigger and better living spaces, they give us that deposit back.

No apartment ever asks potential tenants for an "insecurity deposit" do they? Of course not! That just sounds ridiculous! But so many of us have so many insecurities! We are insecure about who we are and what we've done and where we are in life. We don't feel pretty enough or skinny enough or smart enough or rich enough or strong enough. Just as we do our phones and purses, we carry the burden of self-doubt daily. Truth be told, we are much quicker to leave the first two at home than the latter. On a good day, we turn around to grab the phone or the purse, yet never think to drop off that bag full of our insecurities.

It's interesting though. The word security means "to be kept safe". The word deposit means to "pay before". Uh oh...MESSAGE! As children of the Most High, He sent His son to pay our debts before us so that we may be kept safe in Him. So why are we insecure? Why do we doubt ourselves if we know that the security deposit over our lives has been paid? I'll tell you why. Because to "know" and to "believe" are two totally different things.

Knowledge is competence. On the other hand, belief is inexplicable and unwavering. If we believe that He paid it all, then we have to be secure in who we are. Everything we are, we are in Him. Because of this, our insecurities are invalid. I know there's no magic wand that we can wave to make our feelings of insecurity and self-doubt go away, but we can be honest enough with ourselves to know that in His eyes, they might be a little bit ridiculous. It's hard to stay insecure when your confidence is found in the maker of all things in Heaven and on earth.

And the cool thing about our security deposit is that it's not refundable on the condition that we stay the same. As a matter of fact, it's ideal that we are not left in the same condition, but that we be transformed by a renewing of our minds and our spirits. So, on those days that we feel sub-par and lowly, like we aren't good enough or don't deserve better, just remember that you are safe in Him and that HE is who makes you good enough. Now just like Viola Davis in The Help, look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I am smart. I am kind, And I am important." Or maybe something more like, "Thank you God for making me who I am and loving me this way. Help me to do the same." Yeah...maybe more like the second one lol. And be sure to keep saying until you go beyond knowing and actually start to believe it! Be Blessed. XOXO

Don't Be Scurrred

Most mornings, I share the Daughters of the King Daily Devotional (http://www.dot-k.com/) with my girlfriends in our group chat. Yesterday's post sparked a question from my friend Erika: How do we know the difference between fear and intuition?

It was an awesome question that led to even more awesome answers. My Sunday school teacher used to say, "It's not a sin to covet wisdom, so share what you know with others." That said, here's what my friends imparted into my spirit yesterday. I pray you read it and are as blessed as I was.

Kristen (aka kMay): I don't have any fear when it's my intuition. It's like, I KNOW this. Insecurities/doubts? Maybe those creep in, but by in large, I'm pretty resolute. There is more confidence in that feeling. With fear, that firmness is not there.

Erika: That makes sense

kMay: I guess the difference is that in fear the doubts/insecurities outweigh the resolution. With intuition, it's usually the other way around. That's just for me. It might be different for others.

Me: I struggle with that too E. Maybe that's where "seeking" comes in? Like when we are unsure we seek the revelation through prayer? 'Cause Kristen makes a great point, and I'd just add that one thing God has shown me is that fear holds me back from a dream or desire I've prayed about which is really just a lack of faith. Like it's okay to be scared but the Word says God hasn't given us the spirit of fear which might mean fear shouldn't be the overwhelming feeling? Idk...just my thoughts.

Erika: That makes sense too

(We then went on to share personal examples of fears that we have. It was honest and open and I'm pretty sure all of us SHOULD have been working at the time as it was a Wednesday morning...but when the Spirit moves, who cares about work?! The additional messages made me wonder a bit more...)

Me: That makes me think about worry too...like it sounds like it's a precursor to fear maybe?...Like you worry about making the best choice or the wrong choice so now we scared to choose at all

Erika: But that makes sense...it being more worry

kMay: I will share what my Mom told me before I moved up here (kMay just moved to Chicago like a boss or whatever). I was worrying about a lot of things. That was fear. She told me, "Worrying is arrogant." She went on to explain that when we worry we imply more control than we really have.
(Can you say Mind. Blown!?)

Me: I have been a worry wart since the womb. So, now I wonder if it's less about getting it "right" and more about seeking and revelation and then, like Nike...just doing it...

Erika: Yes, it's scary though, because while we don't have as much control as we think over things/situations, we do have free will and the control to make decisions (and there it is. Erika has this way of sitting back, taking it all in, and then BAM! #Message)

Me: But are our decisions powerful enough to thwart God's plans for our lives if we believe in Him?

Kristen: I think it's acknowledging, accepting and embracing the role God plays in our lives and trusting...knowing (faith) that He will meet us where we leave off...There's only so much we can do, but there's only so much He can do because of our free will...

Erika: So it pretty much comes down to faith...

Kristen: I think so. I consider my intuition The Spirit, or God speaking to me.

Erika: That's how I view intuition too

Kristen: So I am being TOLD to do something. The real question is...Will I be obedient?...That is my free will.

(Hours later, Marlene joins the conversation-like she was soooo busy at work!)

Marlene: I think I struggle with all the same things. We all know I'm the biggest worry wart! But I agree with Kristen in the sense that when its intuition the feeling is stronger than the fear/ nervousness...almost like something inside you is pushing you in a certain direction. And that is something I believe we can strengthen...our discernment. Not only through prayer, but I feel like the more you follow your intuition the more sensitive you become to it.

The conversation shifted into more intimate girl banter, but the earlier messages replayed in my head. I had to share it. I had to share the fact that yesterday I felt encouraged to stop being scared. Scared of messing up or getting it wrong. Scared of people's judgments. Scared of my own failures or inabilities. Scared of losing who or what I love. Scared of disappointment. Scared of hurt. Scared of shame. Instead of being scared, all I have to do is seek God, have the faith in Him to fulfill His promises for my life, stop worrying about things that are in His control (not mine), and be obedient to what He tells me to do. The more we do this, the more comfortable we get with doing it. It will become a norm to trust our intuition (The Spirit) and do what God says. So in knowing that God hasn't given us the spirit of fear but The Spirit of Him, we can take the next step, whatever that may be. We can move forward. We can press on. We can stumble and fall and even fail, yet still stand...on His truth. Maaannnn, my friends poured into me so strongly yesterday that I'm still full! See how God uses our friends to fulfill His promises for our lives each and everyday? But that's a WHOLE 'nother post. Until then...Be blessed. XOXO

Greedy

My grandmother is a hoarder. Plain and simple. She can't pass up a "good deal", so she buys EVERYTHING! She literally has a problem, and so do I. I love clothes, especially dresses. I have waaayyy too many of them. I love shoes, so I have an unnecessary amount of those as well. I love good food, so sometimes I keep eating, knowing good and well I'm full! I love a great glass of wine, so I pour another glass (or two and what happens after that isn't any of your business just yet! LOL!). Fact: I overindulge. Now I could make sure that everyone knows I buy everything on clearance and most of the time I eat fairly healthy, but that would be making excuses for this bigger fact: I NEED nothing, but still WANT more.

So, my friend Erika says that EVERY issue we have pretty much stems from childhood,which has had me in deep reflection for the last few years. Why do I shop excessively? (And then wonder why I can't afford other, more important things?) Well, I grew up poor-financially. We moved around a lot. Our utilities were often cut off. There were a few times the refrigerator was empty, but many times the bank account was, so I didn't have the things the "cool" kids had. Now don't get me wrong, the village took good care of my siblings and I when my parents couldn't afford to do so. God also gifted me with the ability to do my, my mom's, and my sister's hair so we were always able to appear clean and well-kept.  However, I was teased for wearing Prowings instead of Reeboks. I was talked about as growth spurts hit and clothes were too short or too tight or my shoes started "talking". With my birthday money, I would buy knock off label t-shirts (Tommy Hilfiger, Nautica, etc.) from the local hair store. When summer hit, I'd cut me and my sister's jeans (which were most often hand-me downs from my brothers) into fashionably fringed "daisy dukes". I became obsessed with fashion and doing whatever I could to mask the fact that we were broke. But, I wanted to have the new Jordans. I wanted to go to the salon to get my hair done every 2 weeks. I wanted my mom to have a nice car instead of a bus pass. I wanted to stay in a home and not move from house to house (sometimes really quickly). I wanted to be like everyone else and have what everyone else had.

Fast forward to now. I go to work everyday, and I work hard for my money. I feel like I deserve to reap the benefits of my labor and buy myself what I want, when I want. I'm sure many people reading this would agree. However, when I have what I need and much of what I want, who do I think I am to keep getting more? To uncover my subliminal thoughts, they would sound something like this:I grew up without, so now is my time. I deserve what I want because I went so long without it. I bet no one will talk about me and my clothes now. This is clearly a sign of entitlement.

According to Out of the FOG (http://outofthefog.net/), entitlement is defined as "an unrealistic, unmerited, or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others". Whoa. That's heavy. And the way my defensive personality is set up, I'm like, that's not me! Or is it?

First, it is very unrealistic of me to expect that my life should be all peachy and rosey and financially secure when I'm spending money on things I don't need. God says that if we can be trusted with little then we can be trusted with much (Luke 16:10). If I can't be trusted to spend and save my teacher's salary (and we all know that is not much!), why would He ever make me a millionaire? That's unrealistic! It is unmerited for me to think that because I had it rough coming up I automatically deserve or have earned my stripes to get and have whatever I want. That's so immature! Am I a child or a woman? 1st Corinthians 13 says, "When I was a child I thought and acted as a child, but now I am a man and am done away with childish things." I need to do away with the childish thought that I can just have what I want and do what I want and that the universe should bend at my will. And let's face it, plenty of little girls grew up in FAR WORSE situations than me. Who do I think I am??? Lastly, it's inappropriate because God has blessed me to not NEED anything yet I'm out here like, "Gimme more, more, MOOORREEE!"

God tells us that His grace is sufficient (2nd Corinthians 12:9). That should be ENOUGH! To know that I have done nothing to earn His grace, and I quite honestly should have it revoked each and every day should be ENOUGH! Even when I was without, I was never without! I may have moved around a lot, but I was never homeless. I may have had utilities cut off, but I never froze to death or had a heat stroke. The refrigerator may have been empty, but I never went hungry. I may have been financially poor, but I never lacked in love. My mother spoiled me with the one thing she had in abundance-LOVE! So, now the challenge is to renew my mind (Romans 12:2). To remind myself that it is not in clothes or wine or shoes that I find my comfort. God is my comfort. God is my provider. God is the only way for me to stop being so freaking greedy! Pray my strength as I continue through this struggle of allowing His grace to be sufficient. To live in my new identity as a transformed little girl FROM the hood and stop identifying as that insecure little girl IN the hood. God covered me then and provided for me even then, so why now would I be looking outside of Him for that covering and those provisions? If you can relate, I'll be in prayer for all of us to be satisfied in Him instead of seeking that satisfaction in stuff. Be Blessed. XOXO