Facing Your Past

So over the weekend, I had the opportunity to hang out at my alma mater. I loved my college days, and some special people came along with that. In the midst of reconnecting with old friends, I had some candid conversations with an old flame. The term flame is fitting here. I am a married woman, and as much as one would like to believe that attractions disappear, I’m no fool and those who play with fire…well, you know the rest.

In the midst of these talks, I was able to honestly see the blessing in my experience with him and how it helped prepare me to be the wife that I am today. The details of that relationship aren’t necessary, but the current reality of it is. I was afraid that if I saw him I would jeopardize my marriage or find myself in a compromising position if I wasn’t careful, but the truth of the matter is that facing him showed me that God has kept me, even when I didn’t know it. 

I have to say that God blessed me with the vision to see that experience was necessary in my past. God assured me that my husband was indeed a blessing. After that time in my life, He gave me the comfort in knowing that he was for me and I was for him, but we both had some things to face, to accept, to overcome. He showed me my true self, so that I could be the best me before becoming one with someone else. Sometimes, it takes looking at your past blunders and hiccups face to face to realize that God was working in it all along. Sometimes it takes facing your past to see just how far you’ve come. 

As I look back over my life, I see that Romans 8:28, my favorite verse since the passing of my mother, is true. All things have worked together for my good. I haven’t liked all the things. I haven’t agreed with all the things. I haven’t been proud of all the things. But when I put ALL the things together, the “then” and the “now”, I know that they have all shaped and molded me into who I am today. Regrets are only worth having if you reap the rewards. I wish I could say I’ve lived a life with no regrets, but that’s not true. There are plenty of things I’d do differently if I could. But the grace of God is in knowing that He allowed it all for who He was, and still is, creating me to be.