Brother's Keeper

Last night, my family and I watched Jurassic World. It was very reminiscent of the Jurassic Park movies of the 90's, and, to be honest, my boys were a little freaked out. However, in the film, there are 2 brothers. As both of their lives are in danger, the two of them work together, depend on one another, and develop a new respect for each other. And of course, they grow closer. It made me think about brotherly love and how important it is.  

For example, I have a set of twin students. They started off a bit unfocused and disorganized, so they had a hard time adjusting to my work load. Then one day, their older brother came up and spent the entire day with them, going from class to class, whispering to them, and walking them through assignments. They got back on track pretty quickly. And a few weeks later, just for good measure, he stopped by to check in on them again. Not to mention, he's even at all of their football and basketball games, do it's been pretty cool to see how a brother is so invested in the success and well-being of his little brothers. 

The Word tells us much about what it means to love another. Specifically, Psalm 133 exclaims, "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is For brothers to dwell together in unity!" I pray that my sons have this same love and respect for one another as they continue to grow. Yet, the Word also warns us in 1 John 4:20 that "If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar..." Let's not confuse these texts to mean that brothers have to agree on everything and live in perfect harmony all the time. However, to love our brother means that we care for his well-being and that even when we disagree, we still show them respect and honor. 

Unity is one of the easiest things for the enemy to destroy. It doesn't take much for one to turn his or her back on another. We are fickle human beings who are easily swayed. When God called to Cain in the book of Genesis, Cain responded to God by asking, "Am I my brother's keeper?" This was his way of saying that he wasn't responsible for his brother and that quite frankly, he could care less about his whereabouts (knowing full well he killed poor Abel!) There are many of us who claim to love God, but aren't talking to our sister. We say we are living a godly life, but won't answer our brother's phone call. We are liars. It's time to own up to the opportunity to right things with our brothers and sisters and be one with God. We are to operate in brotherly love. Caring for one another, respecting one another, praying for one another, encouraging one another, and above all else, loving one another. Be Blessed. XOXO

No Regrets

A few months ago, my girlfriends and I took a trip to Tampa. For all of us, it was much needed relief from day to day life. We laughed. We talked. We ate. We drank. We had a blast! In the midst of our time together, we committed to move on from our pasts. Inspired by the title of our songbird 's debut album "No Regrets", we chose that weekend to let go of our own (follow her +myochimusic, download off iTunes, add her station on Pandora).

To commemorate this release we had a reflection time to write down all the things we regretted about our past. Afterward, we said them aloud, burned them to the ground, and affirmed that they were gone. The next day, we sealed the deal by getting matching tattoos that simply read, "No Regrets". It. Was. AWESOME!

It made me think about how much of that stuff was really weighing on me, sometimes without me even knowing. I was being bound by the memories. I was still trying to shake some of guilt. I was holding myself in a lowly space by still beating myself up or pitying myself or allowing myself to relive each moment of the bad times, reviving negative emotions and inviting in dangerous energy. As corny or serious or even cult-like as this event may sound, it was one of the fondest friendship memories we've created. All of us felt a little lighter, walked a little taller, and renewed ourselves.

How many of you have regrets? You know, the legitimate kind. That thing you did. That guy you loved. That lady you got pregnant. That job you stayed at too long. The parent you haven't forgiven. The friend you betrayed. The feelings you hurt. The hearts you failed to mend. That kind of regret...

If you do, here is a bit of encouragement. In Phillippians 3:13 Paul encourages us to "forget what is behind" and to "strain toward what is ahead". It's hard to move forward if we are held back by the past. A car can't drive to the next destination if it's stuck in reverse. The same rule applies to life. We have to do everything in our power to release the negativity of our past. But, those strongholds can be very hard to shake. There will even be times that we think we've overcome them and they creep back up, resurfacing at the most inopportune moments.

It's a process. It won't happen over night. But it WILL happen. Commit to it. Invite God into it. Make  a choice to fight past it. And on those off days you find yourself giving into it, forgive yourself... because God already has. He doesn't hold on to our transgressions, we do. Therefore, it's up to us to ask for His help. So, go ahead. Let go. Live with no regrets. And be abundantly blessed. XOXO

M-I-Z

Last month, I saw students of color at the infamous University of Missouri come together to combat growing racial issues. I saw students who were not "of color" join to assist their cause. I saw a SMART student protest...EFFECTIVE collective bargaining...SWIFT results.

To hear people refer to these students as "entitled brats" who threw "tantrums" to get their way is beyond absurd. These same people are the off-spring of the type of entitlement that raped, pillaged, and plundered lands across the globe because they felt "entitled" enough to steal, kill, and oppress. To the extent that the people who originally inhabited these lands now sit at the low-end of the totem pole in terms of class, economics, and opportunities, the real question becomes: How then are THESE STUDENTS the "entitled brats"? A better description of them would be scholars who took an courageous approach to effect necessary change.

It's funny to me that when white students ransack the local community after a huge sports victory by flipping cars and flashing boobs, they are "having a good time". But when black students band together to fight against injustice and racism, THEY are the entitled brats?!? I was then faced with seeing social media outlandishly slander these young protesters to the extent that their very lives were publicly threatened! It upset me to no end! Coming on the heels of a young, black girl being berated for her disobedience instead of defended because she was abused. Only to be followed by yet another execution of a black male by a trigger-happy uniformed officer!

It was too much. It is too much. As a black woman in America, raising black sons, it is overwhelming to see the level of racial hatred in this country. And then, for people who have no idea what it's like to be placed in a state of constant defense and questionable safety to feel like it's their given right to speak shamelessly about someone else's children who are doing the RIGHT thing by a) standing up for what they believe in and b) doing so peaceably, is nothing less than unnerving!

However, it is important to note that this is why Historically Black Colleges and Universities are relevant. THIS is why it is important for our scholars to see the value within the walls of institutions founded FOR us. The same way that those football players could have cost MU over $1 million by choosing not to play, they could have brought that and more to an HBCU by choosing one of them from the start. You see the football team joining the fight was a smart, tactical, FISCAL move. But it also said a lot about the potential...What if black athletes were to stand collectively to take their talents to HBCUs? How would the NCAA change? How would the financial bottom lines at HBCUs be altered? The answer is obvious.

Two lessons come out of the University of Missouri protests: 1) Collective efforts can effect change no matter how long-standing the ills have been and 2) HBCUs are still a relevant topic of post-secondary conversation worthy of consideration by ALL black scholars, especially the collective of talented black athletes. When our African American forefathers survived the perils of slavery and with the help of various clergymen and philanthropists were able to start their own institutions of higher learning, their goal was for black scholars to ALWAYS have a place to learn, to ALWAYS know their place in society, to ALWAYS be able to come back home.

In Matthew 18:20, the Word states, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, I am with them." When Jonathan Butler decided enough was enough, he sparked a flame. Before long, black students were joining his ranks in protest against racial unrest. And then...the mighty blow...the football team. These young people GATHERED to commit themselves to rectify unhealthy racial relationships and change the accepted norm on their campus. Imagine the effect of black scholars, in mass numbers, GATHERED in the name of education, as well as the salvation of beloved institutions that have ALWAYS been there for them. Sounds like a perfect welcome party for the Lord Himself! Be Blessed. XOXO

Be Royal

Sunday night, as my eyelids sank and my internal anti-sleep ninja kicked into high drive, I witnessed my Kansas City Royals win the 2015 World Series! It was a nail-biter with a late comeback that took the game into extra-innings. Anyone who watches baseball and knows the Royals, this is their M.O. It's what they do. They fall behind. They rally. They come back. Together.

In their second consecutive World Series appearance, this team came back better than ever. Last year's loss made them hungry. They craved a return performance. They yearned to win. And even though the sting of defeat was fresh, they weren't swayed or deterred. If anything, they were motivated and determined. And boy was it an awesome feat to witness.

As if that weren't enough. Our city SHUT DOWN to celebrate this momentous occasion. Schools were closed. Bosses afforded time off. Buses ran free. Shuttles transported fans. Prodigal sons and daughters returned home as quickly as they could, while excited residents walked miles to flood the streets in celebration of our Royals. Our city was transformed into a sea of blue, stretching as far as the naked eye could see. There were an estimated 800,000 people in these Kansas City streets with no incident, just an overwhelming atmosphere of pride and elation. The home team took the crown...and we all felt like royalty.

As I reflect on all that unraveled this season and its most desirable conclusion, I am reminded of what it means to be God's kid. There were lots of late-night baseball games. Fans were tired. Much like there are struggles that many of us have endured for months, years, even decades...we too are tired. But somehow, we are still standing. We are making it, even if we have no idea how. Some of us have been knocked down. Others of us have fallen down all on our own. But with God as our Father, we've gotten back up. We call our brothers and sisters. We spill our hearts to our Daddy. We rally as a godly family and no matter how far down we feel, we come back for the win.

For many of us, it's the sting of life's various defeats that motivate us to press forward. We remember how it felt to be without shelter, so we work two jobs to make the mortgage. We remember the struggle of unemployment, so we are early to work and stay late every day. We remember the disastrous relationships we barely escaped, so we choose to remain single until the RIGHT someone comes along, or we cherish the blessing of a mate that God has given us because we know what types of crazy are out there!

Phillippians 3: 14 says, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward..." When we fight this fight, when we run this race, with our eyes fixed on victory in the Spirit, we yearn to win. Triumph over the perils in this life will make us royal. We will be crowned in Heaven. The angels will sing and all will rejoice that we made it! So, as our city basks in a World Series win, we should all be looking forward to life's ultimate victory. Be Royal. Be Blessed. XOXO

Follow the Leader

In light of recent events from Spring Valley High in South Carolina, I am appalled. Not because a teenager defied authority. Not because a teacher called security. But because an adult MAN was able to ABUSE a teenage, black girl WHILE the teacher stood there, AND NOW her own community is focusing on her?!? Someone tell me where this adds up. Someone tell me where we forgot to cover and care for our babies. Someone please tell me where the scripture has been disproven: There is nothing new under the sun.

Many ADULTS are acting like this CHILD is the root of the problem. I have worked in a school everyday for over 10 years. Teenagers have issues with rebellion, defiance, and disrespect. BUT, this isn't new! Teenagers have been getting smacked in the  mouth and hemmed up at home for centuries! It's where they are developmentally. They are developing opinions and independence, so they test limits; they make bad choices; they defy authority. Is it right? Hell to the naw naw. Is it new? Hell to the triple naw.

I sat next to students who defied authority every day and I graduated high school nearly 20 years ago. My MOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. My GRANDMOTHER sat next to students who defied authority. Hell, if I'm being honest, every now and again I was the one doing the defying (and trust Rhonda handled that tail when I got back to the crib)! This ain't new! So, why is it that we act like "this generation" is so much more jacked up than ours?!?

If we are going to place blame on students. IF we are going to say, "She deserved it," or "She should have just done what she was told," or "That's what's wrong with these kids;" then, we HAVE to be accountable to this ENTIRE generation. If they are "the most disrespectful" or "a bunch of bad a$$" kids, then HOW did they get that way? HOW did their parents get that way? If we take this stance, then we have to admit there is a generation or two of men and women who may have dropped the ball.

But we don't want to do that. We don't want to admit that generations are built upon the values of their ancestors. Our values shifted. We thought more about "getting out the 'hood" than trying to reverse the adverse effects of gangs and drugs on the 'hood. We thought more about "finding better schools" than transforming the schools that were available to ALL of our children. We thought more about separating "our" kids from "those" kids than being a role model for the babies who didn't have any. We became selfish. We became a resident in a neighborhood instead of a member of a community. We lost compassion. We lost responsibility. We lost love.

See children are led. They are led to right. They are led to wrong. They are led to hate. They are led to love. WE are responsible for that leadership. WE would have to be accountable for her defiance to authority because WE haven't been leaders in doing so ourselves. God is the ultimate authority. He calls for us to love. He tells us explicitly in the scripture how to raise our children. In a nutshell, we are to raise our children to honor us (parents), respect our teachings, respect authority. We are to discipline them in love, ensuring that they understand that God is first among all. (For an extensive list, visit: http://ministry-to-children.com/bible-verses-about-parents-children-mothers-fathers/)

Women are called specifically in Colossians 3 to teach girls how to grow into women. But where are her women? Dead. Sounds harsh, but it's true. Most of the adults who are GOING IN on this girl couldn't handle half of what she's endured in the last 9 months. The loss of matriarch one and two, THEN placement into the dangerous and often troublesome system that is FOSTER CARE?!? C'mon now. Let's be honest. She is a trooper. Growing up quickly because life dealt her a crappy hand. Does it justify her defiance? Nope. But it does say this: She needs to be covered. She needs to be loved. She needs coping skills. She needs a list of things that TAKE TIME, not TACKLES!

Many of you were more blessed than her. You had parents, or at least a mother or grandmother. You had a home. You had comfort. You had stability. And many of you STILL have these same comforts...these same privileges and luxuries. Don't let the world blind you the REAL issue. She was ABUSED. Regardless of her refusal to get up, she was ABUSED. Grow out of that slave mentality that says, "When massah tell ya do sumfin, ya gawn 'head and do it." Grow into the reality that YOU were once a teen. You bucked someone or some rule. I was once a teen, and I definitely did some bucking. But at no point, was I tossed around like this (literally and figuratively) as an object with no worth, no value, no consideration for circumstances. I don't know this baby, but I love her, so the REAL issue, the BIGGER issue, is that she wasn't watched over and now she's being blamed for an adult's abuse of power and physical assault...Before I type an entire dissertation, I'm gonna end this. Be Blessed. XOXO

Perception is Reality

In a recent conversation with one of my students, she told me about a verbal confrontation she had with another young lady on her cheer team. The other cheer member said to my former student, "You think I have an attitude, but I don't!" To which my former student responded, "Well perception is reality boo!" Now, granted I was tickled because the way we as black women can shut down an argument, even at such a young age, is impressively hilarious. But it also made me think about the unfortunate truth in her statement.

Many of us in the body of Christ are giving off these negative, hurtful, and unfortunate perceptions that are affecting other people's reality about our faith. What we don't realize is that our responsibility to the Kingdom is to make sure that people don't get it twisted. However, most of us are the ones out here doing the TWISTING.

For example, there are many Christians standing in the name various causes or lifestyle choices in a way that is less than that of which God would have us. We approach things and people we disagree with using vehemence, degradation, disrespect, and hate. We stand in lines with posters or go on social media rants that send the message that "God hates faggots," or "Abort your baby, and go to hell," or even the ignorance that "Muslims are terrorists."

The truth is that when I sit in the company of many Christians, the only things I here are judgement, ridicule, condescension, division, and insult. I don't think those are the fruits we are supposed to bear, yet when we allow these traits to go on public display what we in turn say is THIS is the reality of Christianity. I don't think that's true, and I don't think that's fair. God is love. God is the embrace of ALL of who we are, even when our lives don't always line up.

So today, I challenge us to be cognizant about the message we are sending to unbelievers. People have no other way to associate what it means to live a godly life other than through what we show them. A godly person is not perfect. A righteous person is not without wrong. A godly person is a person who seeks after God's will, strives to attain everything that God has in store for them (the good and bad), but makes mistakes along the way. THAT is a godly person. And THAT is the perception that should become any lost and wondering soul's reality.

But we make it a point to have them perceive the exact opposite. That a godly person IS perfect person. That a righteous person CANNOT do wrong. We say that if they don't live the way that WE think they should live, and if they aren't doing the things that WE are doing, then somehow they are beneath us and therefore not qualified to be Christians. THAT is NOT the message! So, if you are reading this, I want you to simply ask yourself this question: Because of me, who does the world think that God is? Be Blessed. XOXO

Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Within the last few weeks, I've had my oldest son make his own lunches for the week. He decides what he eats. He assigns a lunch box to each weekday. He's even accompanied me to the store and learned some budgeting tips.  It's all a big deal to him.

He's very meticulous about it. He calculates how many Capri Suns we have to see if he needs to open a new box. He checks each lunch box to make sure it has a fruit snack and a bottled water. He asks his brother to help him so that he can go "more faster".

Trying to allow him to feel a sense of independence and accomplishment, I hang in the background doing other kitchen chores. However, once he's done, I go and check each lunch box, and he's none the wiser. I decrease the  amount of chips in the overloaded baggies. I add an apple to the lunch boxes with only 1 fruit and no veggies. I wipe the jelly off my phone and the peanut butter off the drawer handles. I put the twist tie back on the bread...tightly. And every now and then, I slip a note in a random box just to remind him of my love.

God allows us the freedom of choice every day. He allows us to make "big deal" decisions for our lives and, at times, even the lives of others. We do our best and we feel accomplished. We beam with pride and stick our chests out. However, sometimes, we leave a mess behind. We do too much or too little, yet count it all joy. We compromise; we skimp; we hoard; we simply screw up!

But we serve a God who lovingly comes behind and cleans up our messes. He wipes clean our hearts. He removes all guilt and stain. He keeps us from being fired, from going bankrupt, from losing our significant other, from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time...from so much that we have no idea how much He's really doing to keep us together. While we really think we are doing something, God is hanging in the background waiting for us to get out of His way so he can right our wrongs, fix our blunders, clean up our child - like mess. I don't know about you, but I'm grateful to have the kind of daddy who lets me do me, even when it's not right all the time. The kind of daddy who takes care of me and let's me grow more and more independent under his watchful eye and gentle guidance. The kind of daddy to even leave me notes to remind me of His promises and His love. Be grateful. Be Blessed. XOXO

Get Over Yourself

I've often found myself running away from things that are going to be hard. It's not always obvious that I'm running, but I know that's exactly what's happening. Someone says, "Let's get a personal trainer." I say, "Nah, my schedule won't let me do that right now." Someone says, "Let's save $1 a day for the next year." I say, "Nah, I need all my coins." Someone says, "I think you should become a principal." I say, "Nah, my kids are young and my husband works a lot." Really, although these are very valid reasons, I'm running. From what you ask...FAILURE.

I am afraid to fail because, well, no one wants to fail! If I get a trainer and still don't get down to a size 10, I've failed. If I save $1 a day, but still don't reach my savings and debt reduction goals, I fail. If I become a principal and my school doesn't perform well, I fail. C'mon man! That's no way to live!

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame...Romans 5:3-5

So basically, times of failure are a guarantee, but BEING a failure is not an option. There is no reason to think that if I try and don't succeed that I am less than. God is in the midst of all of our attempts. He allows it all. There are times we fail because we make a poor choice. There are times we fail because we don't seek God's guidance. There are times we fail because God wants us to gain more experience in the realm of the spirit. There are times we fail because we need the motivation that it brings. Failing is inevitable.

There's no lesson learned without a stumbling. There's no drive in a person without having at one point been without a vision. The outcome of our failures outweighs the failing itself. It is in the times we've failed that we've suffered. But because we have suffered we are able to endure more than before. Because we are able to endure more than before, we have become stronger in the faith. Because we become stronger in the faith, we have hope in the Lord and His will for our lives. With that, we understand that we will have moments that we are unsuccessful, those times things just don't go as planned. But thank God for what that creates within us and who it pushes us to become. Don't run from the possibility of failure...instead run toward the potential within it! Be Blessed. XOXO

On the Contrary

My sons have vastly different personalities. The oldest one is very passive and understanding. It takes a lot to get him fired up, but once he's there, it can take a bit to bring him back down. The youngest one is a fire-cracker. He goes from 0 to 100...real quick! But for him, once it's over...it's over. It's funny because my husband and I are the same way. My husband is a passive and understanding spirit. When he's vehement, it's rather surprising. I, on the other hand, have a tendency to be an immediate reactor. But, once it's done, it's done. I'm over it and ready to forge ahead.

Many people would say that my oldest son and husband have the more godly persona. They are more humble. They don't let their pride rattle their emotions. They keep it chill most of the time. I agree that there are definitely some god-type pieces to those personalities. Things that I aim to work toward because naturally, it's not who I am.

On the contrary, people might view my youngest son and I as hot-heads who aren't able to put our pride aside. There's an element of truth to that, and the effort to simmer takes time when you are used to reacting. However, I'd push back with the reality that both of these types of personalities have a place in the kingdom.

For every action, there is an equal and OPPOSITE reaction. The work needs the passive and understanding spirit to bring people into the fold. To help validate people's existence and make them see the love that is God's. The work also needs the passionate ones. The immediate reactors who stand up against the persecution of the godly, who hold fast to their beliefs, and make known the will to fight for them.

Many of us have traits or personalities that the world would deem unacceptable. People who consider themselves "holy high-rollers" have this false conception that all of God's people should act the same. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. God created diversity in His people's appearances, abilities, and talents. He was not trying to create a bunch of Agent Smith's from the Matrix. He had no intentions of having all of his soldiers actually BE the same. Instead, he created a puzzle of pieces in different shapes and sizes to fit together in the most ideal way.

So, for those of you who struggle with self-acceptance, here is your starter kit. Know that every bit of who you are can be used to build the Kingdom. There will be times that you use those powers for the not-so-good, but they are still being sharpened in you as you are still being shaped by God. Those tests and trials (that we will sometimes pass and other times fail) are the way in which our spiritual personalities grow and develop. You are you for a reason. When people say, "You're too loud!" Tell them that God needs a boisterous voice in His name. When they tell you, "Stop being so soft." Remind them that the meek shall inherit the earth. When the world tells you that you must tame yourself, you must be non-reactionary, you can't be who you are...look them square in the face and tell them, "I am who I am for a reason. God made me this way to work in His Kingdom. I might not always get it right, but I know one thing for sure, I am His, beautifully and wonderfully made to fulfill His mission for my life." Do you boo, and let no one tell you otherwise. Be Blessed. XOXO

We the people

There's been a lot of hooplah over the Black Lives Matter movement. There are people who support it whole-heartedly. There are people who get it. There are people who think black people should focus more on "black on black" crime than police brutality. And then, there are extremists who go so far as to say it's a terrorist group!

Here's the truth, unless you are a genocide loving racist, black lives MOST DEFINITELY matter. And to say that we matter means just that...WE matter! If the victim is constant, what doesn't matter are the variables of who is at the hand of injustice, oppression, disrespect, or murder!

Since our capture and enslavement, the message in America has been clear. Black people have had a history of degradation, division, discrimination, and even death. At the core has been a far too common ideology: Blacks are not actually people. See, we were originally seen as property, objects for sale or trade. As we all know, it's impossible to hurt an object. Objects feel no pain. They are things, and things don't have feelings or hearts. They are expendable and can be replaced. For far too many Americans, that mindset hasn't gone away.

Well here's the fact: WE ARE PEOPLE. Black men, women, and children are people. People have hearts that beat and break, feelings that are suppressed or displayed. They experience tragedy, trauma, and triumph. They love, they live, they unify for the greater good. Objects don't do that. Objects don't matter, but people...people matter. 

Now, you're probably wondering what any of this has to do with faith. I'm getting there. Bear with me. Often, the Bible and the Christian faith have been used to carry out this message of superiority and oppression. The very people who stand firmly against the Black Lives Matter collective claim to be a part of the faith; they say they believe in God. They tout their allegiance to living godly with little regard for the loss of godly lives. To be a part of the body in the Lord has much deeper meaning than what you read in your quiet time and how you spend your Sunday mornings. It has a lot more to do with understanding part of being God's people means persecution. Part of being God's people means not being understood. Part of being a part of God's family means that people will try to tear us apart...by any means necessary. 

As a black woman, black lives matter to me. Does that mean that white or brown lives don't matter? No. To say that Christians have religious freedom and deserve to not be held captive in nations with other dominant religions doesn't take away that same right for Muslims, Jews, and Buddhists. If you are of God, you know that the lives of people who have stood under attack have always mattered. The Israelites' lives mattered. The disciples' lives mattered. Our savior's life mattered. All of these people faced real adversity that often led to death. However, they had to stand united under the belief that God is real and people deserve a chance to know Him. Just like we have to stand united that regardless of the adversity we face and who is responsible for it, we are a proud people who deserve to have our lives taken into consideration in this country. That is why Black Lives Matter is more than a movement. It is the fruition of the things we've been told; it is the substance of things hoped for; it is a symbol of faith...faith that one day, our lives will be viewed with the same regard as white ones. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, to be heard, to be valued. Anyone who takes issue with that is less than godly...and the Word warns us to beware of wolves dressed as sheep. Be Blessed. XOXO

Broken mirror

You ever feel like the outside world sees you differently than you see yourself? For example, to them, you have a great body; to you, you're fat. To them, you have it together; to you, your life is in shambles. To them, you are godly and spiritually mature; to you, you're further from God than you want to be.

I get it. This past weekend, amidst the celebration of my sister-in-law's birthday, I saw just how broken my mirror was, and how potentially detrimental that can be. Near the end of our night of fun, a young lady started tripping and acting ridiculous over the restrooms. She and a friend of mine got into a heated word exchange. I take issue with the restroom bouncer to ask why he allowed the girl's ongoing foolishness. We were all asked to leave the restroom area and chill out. But then, it was time to leave. As we told the story to a friend who wasn't around at the time, the young lady posted up, looking for trouble, provoking an incident. 

Instead of walking away, instead of speaking with intelligent dismissal, instead of acting like I had some sense, I let the chic have it! Why? Because my mirror was broken. Everyone with me was surprised at my reaction. Why? Because I'm normally not involved in any foolishness (at least not in a very long time). But see, how everyone else sees me isn't how I saw myself. My cousin Thomas and his homeboy Lloyd said, "Aye you finna be a principal, you need to chill!" My friend Shayla said to me, "Shanelle you write about all the things God has brought you through, don't mess all that up." Maurice and Floyd told me that jail wasn't an option for me, and I needed to calm down. 

They all saw me as someone greater than I saw myself. To me, in that moment, I was just a little chic from the trap. To them, in that moment, I was ACTING like a little chic from the trap, but I'd grown into a woman with a story and a purpose that wasn't worth compromising. I was blown away by the feeling that gave me. I simmered (even though I didn't want to) because I had too much to lose and too much to live up to. I can't say that I won't be provoked and react in a less than godly way ever again in my life, but I can say that God has gifted me with a new mirror. He's shown me that I reflect Him and a goodness that people would love to see for themselves. He showed me that I need to be mindful of the mirror I look into because a broken one shows a broken me, but I am made whole through Him and the people that He's placed in my life to keep me going.

Normally, I'd be beating myself up for my actions. I'd harp on it. I'd dwell. I'd live in a constant state of remorse. Instead, the next morning, I honestly felt very little remorse. The most overwhelming feeling I had was gratitude. Thankful to God for keeping that situation from becoming uglier than it was, giving me my freedom to wake up in my own bed the next morning and report to work today. Appreciative of my friends and family who had my back in a different, more mature way. I was simply in a state of gratitude. And that was yet another sign of my own spiritual maturation. God has grown me in a way that I accept and own mistakes, but don't live in them. I was actually really surprised at how I felt the next day. It felt much lighter to see the God in the situation than to focus on my immature actions.

Colossians 2:10 reads "And you have been made complete in Christ..." Someone reading this right now is seeing themselves through broken pieces. You don't realize or give yourself enough credit for how far God has brought you. You made a mistake or slipped up and now you've allowed that moment to define you, instead of living as the person God has developed. We all have those old remnants of ourselves drifting around inside of us. Every now and then they surface. They surface to remind us of who we can be, but not to show us who we really are. Check your reflection today. Make sure that you are looking into a whole mirror so that you see your whole self, not the pieced apart person that you used to be. Be Blessed. XOXO

Kept

So a few posts back, I divulged the story of my oldest son nearly being hit by a car in Washington, DC. Well, last month something even scarier happened. Now, anyone whose had the honor of a swim park birthday party knows that most swim parks have immaculate kiddie pools with extremely shallow water and spray jets and animal slides...pure, safe, awesomeness! However immediately upon our arrival to the kiddie area I told my husband, "I don't like how this is set up." Why? Because the kiddie area was combined with 3 feet of water that led into the drifting lazy river. I thought to myself, what moron created this?!

Anyhoo, as the afternoon went on, I sat in the most shallow part of the water and watched as my nephew and my youngest son went up the tiny slide and into the water. They had a rhythm. But at one point, the rhythm was off. I hadn't seen them come down the slide yet. I looked to my left, where the 3 foot area was and saw my nephew, who is tall enough to stand, having the time of his life. But where was my baby?! That's when I see a man I don't know literally lift his forearm from the water with my baby boy clinging to him for dear life.

How did that happen? I was watching them. They had a rhythm. It took a minute for it all to register as I couldn't tell if my son was making new friends and disregarding our "stranger danger" talks, or if there was more to it. There was clearly more to it. My son followed his cousin into deep waters. Out of nowhere he was snatched from the danger that awaited him and saved from potential tragedy...

Once I got over feeling like a failed mother who was embarrassed that I wasn't the one to see him first and save him (yes that was the emotion that followed my relief, judge me if ya want), I realized that God was proving to me the power of my daily prayers. See I pray His covering over my boys daily. It is a constant worry to be a mother, especially of black boys in a world that has shown extreme hatred toward their likeness for centuries. It's scary. I worry. In both of these situations, I saw Him move. I was reminded of His power and His faithfulness. I saw that faith can even be strengthened through really scary experiences.

All of us have been kept. If you still have air in your lungs and sight to read this post, you've been kept. Think back over your life. There are circumstances you shouldn't have come out of. There are days you shouldn't have made it out of bed and nights you shouldn't have made it safely home. God is a keeper. When we trust in Him and lean on Him, we are able to see just how much He keeps us and the ones we cover in prayer. Believe me when I tell you this: Even when we don't notice, God has His hand on us. I don't know about you, but I'm so grateful He does. Be Blessed. XOXO

I see you

They're watching. Every move. Every word. Every reaction and decision. They are watching you. They are watching me. Who? Them. All of the "thems" we know exist and many of those we don't. Am I crazy?  Naaahhh...at least not today!

You see many of us walk around, yelling how Christian we are, but living in a way that would turn even the most curious person OFF! When we get angry, curse words FLY! When we are hurt, STRONG walls are built! When we are afraid, we run and we HIDE! When we disagree with another person's opinions or life choices, we get LOUD, and most of the time refuse to even listen!

None of this is Godly. And quite frankly, people are looking at us. Our children who need an example of righteous living are looking at us. Our significant other who may not have strong faith is looking at us. The people at work who always hear your Tamala Mann Pandora station are looking at you. Kids in the neighborhood, elders at the grocery store, people on social media...EVERYONE!

It's easy to flip this to: We live for God and not for man; but each of us has a responsibility to "let our light shine". So, should people see perfection? Heck no! They should see mistakes made with dignity and sincere repentance. Should they see pretentiousness and hypocrisy? Nah. They should see genuine humanness being molded and shaped daily. Should they see judgment and division? Nope. They should see unity and love.

With that said, be on guard. They are watching. Your every step and action are being monitored by people who admittedly or secretly admire you. They are inspired by you. They are relying on you. Try to be your best you, even in your worst times to show them the power of God to pick all of us up and pull of us through.  Be Blessed! XOXO

Disruption

My husband leaves today on a business trip. He travels again next week. When this happens, our whole family routine is disrupted. The boys and I wake up earlier, go to bed later, and ALWAYS manage to leave something very important at home! It's like life as we know it no longer exists...until he gets back.

Some of us know this feeling. We find ourselves living a life of disarray. We are cursing more. We are drinking more. We are unhappy at work. We argue more at home. We doubt. We fear. We lack faith. On any given day, life as we know it seems to have become a distant memory. Why? Because we're away from God.

When we are away from God, we are not ourselves. Tasks become more difficult. People become more annoying. Emotions become more overwhelming. Life gets harder...but there is hope.

Reconnecting with God is simple. First, pray. Prayer isn't this long soliloquy. It can be this simple: Help me Lord; Thank you Lord; or I love you Lord. After you pray, ease your way into meditation and quiet time. This doesn't have to be the longest process, so use whatever time you have. (Not to give ya TMI, but most days mine is in the AM in the RR. Hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!) Lastly, try to connect to friends and counterparts who give you godly counsel and encouragement. This part is huge! If we are constantly surrounded by people who lack faith and love and God, we are cheating ourselves out of God's vessels of light and love that can make all the difference between us growing closer to God or us keeping Him at bay.

Someone reading this has had a spiritual disruption. I get it. I've been there more times than I can count. Here is the hope: God is waiting for your return. He wants to piece back together all that seems scattered. He wants to renew you and give you fresh perspective. He loves you. He'll never leave you nor forsake you. So, try opening up to Him today. Be Blessed. XOXO

Hiatus

As you've probably noticed, there's been a slight FaithTHAT drought. Since school is back in session, both kids are in sports, and this is heavy travel season for the husband, time is a rare commodity. However, even knowing this, the devotion to creating time to be with God alone, in quiet, has been absent as well. In short, my priorities have fallen out of whack because my responsibilities have increased. As a result, I'm in a spiritual drought.

A good analogy for this would be the roller-coaster of weight gain and healthy living. There are times that I am going to workout come hell or high water - waking up earlier, going on my lunch break, adding Saturday or Sunday for weekdays missed. My eating habits reflect that I am a woman on a mission to stay in my current pant size. These are times I mean serious business!

Yet, there are seasons where I don't prioritize my health.  I eat what I want, when I want. I barely workout. I lose focus. I'm working more. I'm on vacation. I just don't feel like putting in the work because I'm tired.  And before I know it, hello next pant size and goodbye wardrobe of old.

When our responsibility increases, we need God most. We need His guidance. We need His reassurance. We need His covering. And because greater responsibility leads to stressful times that can overwhelm us, we even need His comfort.

If you, like me, are noticing a shift in your focus on God, a decline in your time with Him; it's time to realign our priorities. This is a natural part of godly living. We all fall off or even forget. But James 4:8 simply says this: Draw nearer to God...

Thankfully we serve the God who is forgiving, always present, and never forgets about us. So, today, take the time out to have a little talk. Reconnect, realign, and remember to make time with the One who has our back, no matter what. Be Blessed. XOXO

Quitters

Have you ever had something nagging on your heart that God is telling you to get rid of? A place to stop going? A person you need distance from? A habit you should stop doing? I feel like this often. Sometimes, God is telling me to take a break to reconnect and rearrange. Other times, He's telling me to stop completely, to just let it go! Regardless, there are times I honestly don't obey.

See, I'm not a quitter. Because I have commitment issues, once I'm in? I'm in...fully vested! So, when I commit to doing something, it's going to happen. When I commit to a person, they're stuck with me for life. Because of this mentality, I often times find myself on the hamster wheel of life. Having the same outcomes from the same people, places, and pain because I refuse to quit. Well...sometimes, quitters actually win.

When God nags us about lifestyle changes, it has nothing to do with commitment. I find that most times it's a lot less about commitment and a lot more about indulgence. Indulgence is contingent; it comes with consequences. IF we indulge in too much alcohol; THEN, we have a hangover. IF we indulge in too much McDonald's; THEN, we are busting out of our clothes. IF we indulge in too many clearance sales; THEN, we are late paying our bills. IF we spend too much time working overtime or hanging with the homies; THEN, we are unintentionally neglecting our family. See, indulgence is normally the thing we are being asked to forego when we feel that internal pressing to do so.

What is that you do too much? Where do you go too often? Who do you spend most of your time with? God often asks us to make changes that require quitting so that we can grow closer to Him. Growing closer to Him causes a shift in our persona, placement, and priorities. I'm willing to bet we are being asked to quit something. For some of us it's serious, like drinking, smoking, leaving a tumultuous relationship, or resigning from our jobs. For others of us, it's less severe, like shopping, eating fast food, or frequently kicking it with our friends. God is asking some of us to take a break. God is telling some of us to stop all together. Either way, when we disobey, we stay in the same position, wondering why change hasn't come. However, when we choose to submit to His will and let Him have his way... how rewarding it is to be liberated from fighting with God and seeing our spirits flourish in the way that He intends. So, go ahead...QUIT! Be Blessed. XOXO

Make Up

If you've ever been blessed to have a romantic love at any point in life, you know the extreme discomfort of needing to clear the air. You know how it feels to be silent or have someone not speak to you because there is an elephant in the room. You know the tension that mounts in your voice, or the defense you put up when the tension mounts in your partner's tone because you both know... there is beef! You know what it's like to be on the eminent cusp of a forthcoming blow-up. And you know how condescending and hurtful your words can be. You also know the sting of those words from the one you love. But then...

After you've both calmed down and agree to talk like grown-ups, you know the peace of reconciliation. You know the joy in your heart when you've given or received an apology, and forgiveness sets in. You know the bashful smiles, the batting lashes, and the "pleasure" of truly making up!

For some reason, after a big disagreement, my husband and I seem to be on top of the world. Once the air has been cleared, it's as if our marriage has been given new life. We are giddy and touchy-feely and just all out in love! Not even the rigors of work, the bussle of parenthood, or the looming pile of bills can keep us from the butterflies of a genuine make-up session. If you've been blessed to have ever been here before, YOU KNOW what I'm talking about! LOL!

Some of us have had our issues with God. We've been upset with Him for taking a loved one. We question why He hasn't blessed us with a promotion, a spouse, or some other aching desire. We wonder why it seems as though He keeps choosing US to go through the fire. We are not on good terms with Him. Because of that, there is tension between us and the Most High. Our prayers are short and heartless. Our quiet time is scarce and lacks focus. We hardly talk to Him about the issue. Instead, we call our mamas, siblings, or friends to tell them ALL about our struggle, when we what we really need is to so badly clear the air with God.

Someone reading this needs a make-up session with God. We all reach points in our spiritual growth where things are just out of whack, or we question whether God is really in our corner. Those are the times we must seek Him most diligently. Instead of giving God the silent treatment, we should be shouting at the top of our lungs for attention to our situation. Instead of ignoring God, we should try our best to annoy Him with fervent prayer and constant reminders about what is in our hearts. The Lord tells us to cast our cares on Him. To cast means to throw. So, if He's telling us to cast them, please believe He plans to catch them!

If you are in a space where you need to reconcile with God, take the first step. Take some time to simply say, "Hello". Then, tell Him what's on your mind. Get it all off your chest! CLEAR. THE. AIR. Once you do so, you'll find the joy in being connected to Him again. The pleasure in knowing He has your back and He hears your prayer will start to cover the worry, anxiety, and anger that once lived inside of you. You will find yourself becoming so consumed with Him that you are reminded of how things used to be when you first found Him. Hey, it's okay to fall off and fall out...but it's even better to make-up. Be Blessed. XOXO

Favor ain't Fair

There are times in life that everything falls into place. Times we don't ask, but God provides. Moments we aren't seeking, yet are found. Times of extreme favor. One of my spiritual mothers, First Lady Barnes used to tell me all the time, "Favor ain't fair." There are people who are without. People who have yearned for so long. Brothers and sisters in dark times, while you are basking in the light. There are two sides to this coin, but would you believe me if I told you both have received God's favor?

Growing up the way my siblings and I did, things could have turned out much differently. My brothers could have been in gangs or jail. My sister and I could have chosen to use our bodies to change our financial situation, or even worse, been forced to. But God...

I spent a lot of my time looking at others when my family was in those dark times. I'd wonder why my friends had daddies, nice shoes, stable homes, or shoot even a house phone and cable! It might seem shallow or ridiculous, but I often couldn't see God's favor for me because I was so busy looking at others. Here's what's funny...unbeknownst to me, others were looking at me too.

You see, we don't always look like what were going through. So, many people had no idea just how bad things were at the crib. I was smart. I exuded confidence. I was mature. I was funny. I had a likeable persona, could do my own hair well enough, and style what was in my closet to look a lil' different each week. Many girls from where I'm from, in the tough spots I'd been in, didn't have those means, gifts, or abilities.  Even in the midst of the mess, God favored me!

Someone reading this doesn't see how blessed they really are. Some of us don't see that even though we are a single parent and times get overwhelming, God has given us a support system to relieve some of that pressure. We don't see that there are parents out there without that structure, love, and support. There are those of us who are in dead end jobs, feeling stuck, looking at others with joy in their craft and wondering, "Why not us?" But yet, we work around people who feed our spirits and have perks that others just don't get day in and day out. Regardless of what is lacking, who is absent, or the unforeseeable future, God favors us, whether we notice it or not. 

Our circumstances are not concrete. We will have ebbs and flows in life. There will be mountain times and valley times. But God will still favor us, and it won't be fair. It's not fair because God is sovereign. He gives us what He wants, when He wants, how He wants. Because we belong to Him, regardless of what we see others having, doing, or being; we have to trust that we too are favored. Someone else is looking at who we are, what we have, and where we're headed in awe and amazement at God's work. THAT'S called favor. And favor ain't fair! Be Blessed. XOXO

Waaaaayyyy Up

Big Sean's latest two singles really show the young man's maturing. Blessed is indeed a song that speaks to the soul. The message of the song is that he's not taking his new position for granted. In the hook, Big Sean tells the audience over and over, "I'm waaaayyy up, I feel blessed."

This is any of us. Depending on our view, it could be all of us. We all have much to be thankful for. We are all inexplicably blessed. We are alive with sight and literacy as we view this blog. We have basic needs met. We have the capability to perform basic functions. We have been redeemed by our Saviour.

So why do we get so down? Why don't we thank God? Why aren't we singing like Big Sean?

We give way more notice to people whobhave the thibgs we want than people who dont have the things we all need. There are many people in dismal sutuations. Oftentimes, these people have the strongest faith. Or, they complain the least. Why? Because they are grateful and they recognize a blessing, no matter the size. On the other hand, many of us take our daily blessings for granted...at least I know I do.

Some days, I just float through life with the expectation of my blessings. I make plans weeks in advance, as if I know that God will choose to wake me each morning. I expect my husband's contributions to our family in finances, workload, and whatever else it takes to keep this thing going; as if many women aren't doing this alone or many marriages haven't unfortunately ended. I iron cloths and fix lunches for the week (at times with an attitude) while some women long for the work of motherhood, but their wombs remain barren. I dexide to not work out because I'm lazy, while some people would love to have legs to simply walk through life.  So many blessings that we just act like we're SUPPOSED to have, instead of looking at how many blessings God has actually bestowed upon us.

Power Up

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Over the course of time, I’ve realized that too many people have exercised undeserved power in my life. There are many other instances where people’s thoughts, perceptions, or behaviors have managed to affect me in a way that should never be. For example, last school year, there was some less than flattering actions and attitudes among some of the adults in my building. It became cumbersome to hear third-hand negativity about students, parents, and myself. It was daunting to witness people be so fallacious, while trying to maintain the spirit of God.

Eventually, I began to fall into the trap. As much work as God has done on me, I’m still a little girl from hood and my alter-ego can escape with the quickness. My attitude took a nose-dive, and people who rely on my positive light took swift notice. I had given those ”other” people too much power. Power they hadn’t earned. Power they damn sure didn’t deserve.

Essentially, I had given away my power. My power to be free from foolishness. My power to impact others daily by finding the good. My power to not give two rats’ testicles about what people were saying because I aim to please the Most High, not man! In the midst of that time, I started writing and FaithTHAT was born. How? By God’s grace and His divine placement of the people who really mattered-my husband, children, family, and trusted friends.

Today, many of us are in a space where too many people are exerting an illegal power over us. The girl that sits in the cubicle next to us is utterly annoying and has now exercised her power to affect your daily mood at work. The man driving the truck with the confederate flag insignia cut you off on the highway and now you are yelling at him and whoever else gets in your way. The bill collector calls during dinner and interrupts your family time, now you’re snapping at your kids to eat their dinner because kids in Africa are starving! People who have not been given divine permission to enter our lives with permanence need not be given any authority within our lives.

Psalm 62:11 says, “Once God has spoken…that power belongs to God.” God has a plan for each and every one of us. That plan allows us to have our hills and valleys, but it is His plan and only His folks are allowed. If there are people that have exercised unwarranted authority in your life, THEY are not the problem. You are! Your perception has to change. Your priority has to shift. Your placement has to be in sync. If you place people in powerful positions in your life, they will exercise that power because you ALLOW them to. We are NOT here for that, so place people where they belong. Need help? Pray about it. At the end of the day, be aware and on guard for those who are trying to steal the authority in your life.  Take back that power and give it to the ultimate authority. Be Blessed. XOXO

Pleasure to be of Service

Yesterday, my best-work-friend yelled from the staff restroom, "SMIITTTHH, help me, I just can't do it!" Watching her do a wall-slide (slightly interrupted by the paper towel dispenser), I dropped my things and ran to her rescue. What was happening? Her beautiful locs were being uncooperative, so she couldn't master pulling them into a high bun. After hooking her hair up and knowing she was pleased, we laughed until tears flowed. When we parted ways to begin teaching, I said to her, "Pleasure to be of service."

In a very mild situation, using my godly gift of kitchen hair-dressing, I saved my friend. I wanted to save her. I felt honored that she called on me when she was in need. Hmmmm...who does that sound like? God has an infinite amount of things to give us. He saved us from our transgressions. He sent His son, who despite persecution and hardship, WANTED to save us! So, God feels good when call on Him. He wants us to look to Him for our help. One of the greatest ways we can worship Him is by calling on Him when we need Him. 

In the same way, we should find honor in serving others. God is there for us even when we disappoint Him. He is there when we are asking Him for the same thing over and over and over again. He is honored that we call on His name. So, when our brother comes asking for another $25, if we have it, and it won't hurt us, we should try to give it willingly. When our friend asks us to babysit her kids because no one else is willing, not to mention the child loves coming over our house, we should feel a sense of honor to serve. When our significant other has a rough day at work and needs a listening ear, with joy and humility, we should be happy to be the one they chose to share with, and therefore, find joy in being there for them.

1 Peter 4:10 says, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."  To have a servant’s heart is a special spiritual gift that some of us naturally possess. Others of  us have to work a little harder to be selfless, considerate, and available for our brothers and sisters. We have to set aside egos. We have to find joy in being of service by taking baby steps, and that’s okay. The goal is to get to a point where we are god-like in how we approach giving of ourselves to others. We do that by humbling ourselves to God and His will for our relationships with others. Follow His example and be glad when people seek you to help them. It says a lot about the way you are perceived, and even more about the work you’ve done in His name. Be humble. Be helpful. Be Blessed. XOXO

Compromise

Wanna hear a secret? I can be very argumentative. That's actually NOT a secret at all for anyone who has known me for at least 5 seconds. I don't mean to be combative, but I simply am not here for the bull. The person who has been able to sway me most in this area is my husband. He is very strong in thought and has a will of his own as well. So, guess what? We argue. I know it' s hard to believe that people who are supposed to love each other would dare to disagree, but, regrettably, I'd like to inform all "fairy-tale idealists" that marriage is FULL of arguments. Big ones, little ones, real ones, fake ones, money ones, kid ones...you name it! But over the course of this relationship, if there's one thing we've both learned it's this: Peace requires compromise. 

Funny, many of us are unwilling to compromise with one another. We HAVE to be right, even in the most ambiguous areas. We have been taught one interpretation of a scripture, and that becomes THE interpretation. We are raised to believe that a woman's role in society is one thing, so that becomes THE role. We internalize the ideas of what money management looks like, and now anyone who doesn't do it the way we do it is WRONG! Funny...we are so unyielding in our personal beliefs, ideas, and opinions; yet so flexible in our morals and values.

Some of us have compromised the core of who we are in the Spirit to be accepted by those of the world. Others of us have compromised God's righteous whispers to remain accepted by those in the church. We back-slide, flip-flop, and wish-wash all in the name of getting people to like us. However, when people not only LIKE us, but also happen to LOVE us, we want to become concrete pillars of dissension and strife. We don't want to bend on what we think is best for our family. We don't want to look at another house, we want to buy this one. We don't want to eat at Golden Corral, so we are just going to stay home. We have our minds made up and have no intentions of budging.

It's quite ironic don't you think? The things we are willing to bend versus the things we believe shouldn't break. Romans 14:1 says this, "As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions." Since we have all sinned and fallen short, and at any given moment, many of us lack faith, we should spend a lot less time arguing over the things that matter not. We should instead be spending much more time finding common ground upon the solid rock. Understanding that in relationships, especially godly ones, the end game is not to win, but to be at peace to fulfill the ultimate purpose. A house divided can not stand. Neither can a marriage, a friendship, or a workplace team. So, be willing to bend a little. That way, together we may work in harmony to grow God's Kingdom. Be Blessed. XOXO

All Things New

Today was the first day of school. My oldest son is a brand new 2nd grader, ready to rock and roll. I mean, he has this school thing down! On the other hand, my youngest son started preschool today, and he DOES NOT have it down yet! My husband reported that he did well until it was time for daddy to leave. Then..."he broke". 

Like most toddlers who begin school, the transition from daycare or home with mommy to a foreign place with new big people, new little people, new spaces, new places, and even new toys can be scary. It's overwhelming. It's overstimulating. It's uncomfortable. When we are used to one way of life, the initial shock of something new can take us by surprise. This is what happened to my baby boy today. This is also what happens to each and every one of us as we mature in the Spirit.

There are some scary things about living a more righteous life. The things we are used to doing; the places we are used to going; the people we are used to seeing all change. Sometimes the change is so swift that we are caught off guard. Other times, we've had time to prepare for the change, but just the feeling of all this new stuff puts us in a weird head space. And yet, there are times that we are clinging to what we are comfortable with, clawing and scratching, hanging on for dear life to that which we know best. 

However, in His word, God tells us that He makes all things new. The King James version of 2nd Corinthians 5:17 says this, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." We've been warned. When we decide to live a different lifestyle, some things are going to have to go, some behaviors are going to have to go, and, unfortunately, some people may have to go. That's scary. That's hard. That's one of the things that keeps some of us from living up to our full potential. We are afraid of becoming new. We are timid in the face of real spiritual change. 

What if I fail? Who will I hang out with? What if I'm lonely or people no longer like me? These are the types of questions that swarm our brain and try to infiltrate our spirits. Someone reading this is being pushed to the next level. But, much like my 3-year-old, you look around and see that your surroundings are changing. The people around you are changing. YOU are changing. Don't fight it. It's okay to be nervous and to wonder what's to come, but don't be afraid. God has made all things new so that you...yeah you...can be a light in this dark world. Congratulations on graduating to a new level in spiritual maturity, and trust me, it's all going to be okay...He promised. Be Blessed. XOXO

Spoiled

I'm a brat. Not in the traditional sense because my upbringing had some lofty fiscal deficits of course. But I'm still a brat. Although my mom couldn't afford the basic needs, let alone the materialistic wants, she managed to spoil me. How? With her love and attention.

For the first 7 years of my life, I was an only child. Because of that, I had my mom's uninterrupted attention, her total focus. This experience was something my siblings would never have the chance to have. For those years, I had her all to myself! And that my friends is where the spoiling commenced.

She noticed every mistake and took swiftly to correct them. She celebrated every victory,  large and small. She held my hand, supported me, encouraged me, questioned me, hugged and kissed me...and only me. Ahh...those were the good ole days!

When my siblings came along, she still managed to love us all and tend to us all and spoil us all with the one thing she was rich with...love. That type of spoiling, on a whole higher level, is so evident in our relationships with GOD!

Many of us are focused right now on what we don't have. We don't have a spouse, so we feel inadequate. We don't own a home, so we feel immature. We can't buy fancy shoes and clothes, so we feel insecure. But God's love is in great abundance around us.

He gives us His uninterrupted attention each and every day. Although we have countless brothers and sisters, our Daddy is still in the spoiling business. He keeps us safe when danger seems immenent. He keeps us fed when hunger is rampid. He loves us when no one else does. He wants us all to be His little brats, spoiled by His unconditional, abounding love.

Once we come to feel His presence; to realize all the small things He's blessed us with; to be grateful for all the tragedy He's kept us from; to honor the sacrifice He made for us; ONLY then will we walk fully in our birthright, spoiled brats of the Kingdom. The next time someone accuses you of being a brat, look them in the eye and say, "Thank you! It's ALL my Daddy's fault!" Be Blessed. XOXO

Stand Firm

There are a few things I simply don't apologize for. First, I don't apologize for being black. The color of my skin tells a story and comes with a history so rich, a legacy so strong, I'd rather die than to shame it. I don't apologize for being a woman. God saw it fit for me to nurture and guide, to bear and teach children, to love and honor my husband. Lastly, I'm unapologetically Christian.

Plenty of evidence exists to refute the Word in which I believe. Some of the stories seem kinda out there (if you ask me). There are things in that thang I don't understand, and not everything in it finds my agreement. However, it's not hard facts, scientific evidence, or my full following of the Bible on which I base my choice. That's right. Of the 3 things mentioned above, only 1 of them is a choice - being Christian.

So, when people hit me with, "That's the white man's religion. " I reply, "Thats funny 'cause all the key players are black and the setting just happens to be Africa, soooo..."

Them: Science is the exploration of proven facts. Religion is full of falsehood.
Me: You're right, but FAITH is the substance of things NOT seen, soooo...

Them: How can you believe in a God who supports misogyny?
Me: I don't. Suppression and oppression of women is a hard religious limit for me, which is why I operate in the spirit, not the ritual.

Them: Aw you a Christian so you hate homosexuals?
Me: Orrrr nah. Faith, hope, and love last on. The greatest of these is love. I love my neighbor as myself. The way I love my husband, I couldn't imagine if that feeling of love and devotion was "wrong". I dont believe my God gave me or you life to live in that kind of misery, soooo...

Many Christians (mostly church folk) will take issue with some of my responses, but let's be clear: I am a black woman who CHOOSES to be Christian. But by default I'm human. By nature, I'm scholarly. And by study, I've seen the roller-coaster time line of this religion. One minute they are being persecuted; the next minute they are responsible for the persecution of others. Plenty of powerful people have used this religion and it's doctrine for negative causes and selfish gain. I KNOW. Find me a religious sect where that phenomenon hasn't happened, and I'll show you a mountain of lies.

Despite this, I still choose to serve my God. Why? Because that's the God who granted me the Saviour who has sustained me. I don't have to conduct research to know what I've been brought out of...I lived it. That is the essence of spiritual choice. We serve the God we believe has come through for us. For some of us, that's Allah. For others, it's Buddha. Regardless of who we choose to serve, we have to rest in the faith that only comes from personal experience. I have experienced the comfort of my God, the peace of my God, the healing of my God. For these reasons, I won't apologize for choosing Him because well before I was formed in my mother's womb, He....chose...me. Be Blessed.  XOXO

Living Water

So this past weekend I was blessed to celebrate love and marriage with my aunt. During the event, I had my share of "open bar" wine. We danced. We laughed. We enjoyed one another's company well into the night. Since the passing of my mom and granny, this time together has become a rarity. I was in euphoria.

The next morning, I felt the brunt force of that euphoria. That "open bar" wine reminded me of my body's limits. Needless to say, my family had breakfast without me and the first half of the 8 hour car ride from Chicago to Kansas City was less than pleasant.

Once my body was ready to receive it, I consumed a boat load of water. Here, 4 days post "open bar" wine, I can't get enough water. It's all I want. It's all I crave. As much as I love my wine, I haven't the slightest taste for it at the moment. I. Want. Water! I mean seriously, it almost tastes differently...even better than before. 

Much like our bodies, our spirits have a natural thirst. When we try to fill ourselves with anything but the living water, we sometimes find ourselves having a rough time. Instead of going to God in prayer, we go to the club. Instead of fasting, waiting to hear from Him, we make hasty decisions. We try to quench our spiritual thirst with everything but God's love. Yet, we wonder: Why do I feel so parched?

Today, I pray for those of us who are spiritually dehydrated. At any given point, in any given season, on any given day, this could be the condition of each and every one of us. I pray we purge and focus. That our spirits get ready to receive the living water. That once we taste it, it becomes all we crave, all we want, all we desire. I pray that as we grow in the Spirit that it even tastes differently...better with each victory God affords us. Be Blessed. XOXO

Shock and Awe

Last night, we threw one of my dearest friends a farewell party. As usual, the kids were in the back and the adults were in the front. I heard yelling, but paid it no mind because kids get loud. However, the yelling didn't stop and it didn't sound friendly. I went to the back to find my son and his girl "cousin" in a tussle. I...LOST IT!

After tossing my son into a room and having a heated conversation amidst other forms of discipline, I got the whole story from my "niece" and chastised all my nephews as well. They are kids. They are boys. They needed this lesson sooner than later.

My "niece" and I had a private conversation about trying to avoid physical encounters with guys. My son and I had a private conversation about why his hands should never be on a woman except in love. He cried. He went to talk to his "cousin" in private. He apologized to her for hitting her. She apologized to him for hitting him. He promised to never do it again. She said she knew he wouldn't and neither would she. She opened her arms for a hug. They hugged, cried, then shyly smiled at one another.

I saw in those kids the love of God. Sometimes, there are things that we honestly don't know are "not okay" until we do them. The aftermath shows us that maybe that thing wasn't a good idea. Sometimes, we will make choices that have harsh and swift consequences. Sometimes we will find ourselves in positions we'd rather not be in. There will be times that what we choose to do alters a relationship or a circumstance for the worst. Sometimes...experience is the best teacher.

But God. God is there to hear our repentance. With tears in our eyes and shame in our hearts, we come to Him in private. He listens to our apologies and the pleading in our voices. With an inexplicable love, He too opens His arms and takes us into His fold every, single time.

Some of us might need to have a private conversation with God today. We might need to apologize and seek forgiveness. We might need to hear Him say we're forgiven and feel the warmth of His embrace. Do it. Let Him assure you that His love, grace, mercy, and power are greater than any of your mistakes. Be Blessed. XOXO

Naked

Soooo...when I'm home alone, I wear minimal clothing? Why? Because it's just me, myself and I. If I can't be comfortable with myself, who can right? Stretch marks, muffin tops, jelly rolls, everywhere lol! But in those moments, I reminisce about a more toned physique. I remember to apply cocoa butter. I admire my hidden body art. And tracing the stretch marks beneath my navel, I often reflect on the blessing (and hard labors) of my baby boys.

However, I can't say that I'm as free with God. When we're alone, I don't always go to Him completely vulnerable, withholding nothing, naked before the King. Why not?  I mean after all, He is omniscient! But the reason is the same for me choosing not to wear a low-rise two-piece bathing suit! I'm embarrassed and don't want anyone to see my imperfection.

But God wants that. He wants us to bear our all to Him. To invite Him into our lives, even the not-so-pretty parts. Proverbs 28:13 says, "Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy." So, if we keep it 100 with God, He's welcoming to that. Why? Because He respects our honest confessions. Only then can He start to help us heal. Much like looking at our naked physical bodies reveals and reminds us of so much; disrobing our spirit's flaws, faults, and failures shows us (and God) our truest selves. Many of us want to change or be healed without having gotten deep to the source of our issues. We can't see the real problems if we're constantly covering things up. We can't grow from the sunshine  if we hide in the shade. So, the next chance you get, dance in the mirror,  be free, and pray with specificity by presenting your naked spirit before the all-knowing and all-powerful God. Be Blessed. XOXO

The Village People

While crossing many streets during our time in DC, we learned a lot about jaywalking and why it's not wise. However, one particular day, as we followed the traffic signal that gave us time to walk, danger fell upon us.

Trying to ensure that all 13 members in our party made it safely across the street, we darted across while the "WALK" signal flashed. The 3 older boys were of course in front, followed by Uncle Larnell. The rest of the party lazily dragging behind. As I looked down to make sure my youngest son's little legs didn't fail him, I hear Larnell yelling with urgent volume, "STOP! YA'LL STOP RUNNING NOW!" I look up to see a red car at top speed, making a left turn onto the street we're crossing. My oldest son is the first of the three boys running across the street. If he doesn't stop, he's hit by this bat out of hell and, most likely, dead. Upon hearing his uncle's voice, he and the other 2 boys stopped dead in their tracks.  Kaleb was inches away from what could have been his final foot race.

As a mom, the visual of that moment haunted me a bit over vacation. As a matter-of-fact, I'll probably never forget that day. But I thought about the importance of the  village. Both of my sons are being raised to obey the trusted authority in their lives. Immediate action happened when Kaleb heard his uncle's voice. He was halted dead in his tracks because he knows that voice. He trusts that voice. He obeys that voice.

Yep...you know where this is headed. How do we respond to God's authority?  When He speaks, do we take immediate action? Do we trust Him? Do we obey Him? Standing with a palpatating heart in the middle of a busy DC intersection I saw what it should look like, but I can't honestly say I always oblige.

Had Kaleb not listened and obeyed, something terrible could have happened. Much like life. We do our own thing. We hear God tell us to stop, but we don't. Sometimes, by His grace he spares us. Other times, the end result is terrible.

Today, I pray that we all be groomed to trust God's voice. That it become a familiar and frequent authority over our lives. From there, I pray our most immediate action and our continued obedience. And most importantly, I pray we raise our children to trust the ones we trust with their lives, especially the One through which they will have eternal life. Be careful out there. Be Blessed. XOXO

Get Over!

Picture the scene. We're riding along, en route to Washington DC, confidently following our GPS. We realize that the lead car in our train is going another way. The phone rings.

"What's going on over there?"
"Just following the GPS. "
"Well ours says something different."
"Aw, we're just following ours. I'm sure they'll both get us there."

Then, without warning, my husband dips over to get behind the lead car.

"Why you do that?"
"Well we just can't have them out here lost."
"They are probably saying the same thing about us."
"Yeah, but we gotta make sure they know where they are going. Better safe than sorry."

Interesting...first, the level of humility my husband has is quite the irritant at times. But, then there are times it's very attractive. In this instance, I'll admit, I was a bit annoyed. I thought to myself, Go your way and let them go theirs. No rules that say we GOTTA go the same way. But as I sat there, I saw the godly humility in him that draws me. He knew the way, but he wanted to make sure others also knew. Sounds a lot like the call of God's people. We can't have people out here lost. Sometimes, that requires us to fall back and be humble, not necessarily be out in front. And also to try not to leave people in our holy dust. Instead, we have to sometimes get over and ride behind people to help them find their way on this crazy highway of life.

Matthew 4:19 says, " And he said to them, “Follow me...". We have a spiritual navigator. He is our GPS God. Provides. Salvation. Our ultimate destination is heaven, through salvation and living under the Word of God. If that's the case, there are quite a few ways to get there. We'll all take our own paths. Sometimes our paths will cross. Sometimes, some of us will know the way and have to help others along. Either way, we are all trying to get to the same place. Some of us will lead, some of us will follow, but God is the ultimate guide...so we might need to get over to let Him lead us in the right direction. Be Blessed. XOXO

Technical Difficulties

So, my family and I are taking an extended road trip to DC and Charlotte. After packing our lives into organized chaos called luggage and getting everyone ready for the early morning departure,  I thought to myself, "Welp. Whatever we left, I can get at Walmart." As my kids slept in the back seat, I waited in anticipation to discover what I left. Anyone who's ever had to pack for a whole squad knows this is inevitable. After a brief restroom break, I saw my oldest son rummaging through his "fun bag". A few seconds go by and he asks, "Mama is my tablet in here?" Oh ____!

This is major for so many reasons. First, car rides with elementary age children require as much distraction as possible. Now, to know my son is to know that his tablet is his NUMBER ONE distraction! And instead of being in the car where it would serve it's best purpose, it was still sitting on the charger, in our home, hundreds of miles behind us.

He was visibly disappointed. He asked if I'd grabbed his DS. Nope. They were both in the charging station. So, he put on his headphones and watched Turbo. After a while, he asked his little brother to play his tablet. Then, he read a book. Meanwhile, I may or may not have shed a tear or two. No one can prove it, but if I did, the reason would be this: I felt like a bad mom.

Of all the things to leave?! Of all the kids to not have technology?! This was bad, real bad, Michael Jackson! I was upset. My husband tried to fix it Bless his heart, but bad timing because I snapped at him, "I can't remember EVERYTHING all the time!" He calmly said, "I know." And in that moment, God showed himself.

I saw my son's disappointed not trumped by his excitement for where we were headed. Like God knows the plans He has for us. Even though we disappoint Him sometimes, He is still excited for where we are headed. Whatever we do to shame us in His presence, it's not enough to remove Him from us.

Meanwhile, my husband's calm response to my frantic emotion was reassuring. Sometimes,  we find ourselves trying to keep it all together. We are working hard, caring for children, going to school, serving in church, and the pressure gets to us from time to time. We bend...a little more...a little more...then...SNAP! We break. It's too much. But God whispers to us, calmly, in the midst of our whirlwind emotions, "I know." He knows we are trying. He knows we are working hard. He allowed us to break to reassure us and remind us to rely on Him.

Finally, much like those devices, many of us are scared to leave our comfortable stations. Instead of serving our greater purposes, we are sitting, charging, waiting for the "perfect moment" to be used by God.  John 14:12 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do..." We all have a purpose to do God's work. What good are we to this work if we stay parked on the charger?? The same way my sister is next day mailing those devices, I challenge us to get off the charger sooner than later. Until then...Be Blessed. XOXO

Weed Eater

So just like there are fruits of the Spirit, their are weeds to the Spirit. These are those traits that are anti-fruits. They seep into our lives and choke out what is meant for good. The fruit of the Spirit are those traits that help us be better in Christ and therefore better toward others. These weeds and pests that come into our minds, and lie dormant in our hearts, make us feel further away from Christ. This often causes us to not be our best when interacting with others. They are relationship killers because they take us to a space that pushes us away from Him and the rest of His creation.

People are working your nerves. You pray God's strength to not cuss anyone out. They keep trying you, over and over again. You're tired. The weed of anger and rage pops up, looking to latch on to your fruit of Forbearance. You hear a voice say, "Get'em." You wonder, "Why?" And then you feel it. Your blood boils. Your hands get hot. You've kept quiet and taken their mess for too long...

Someone close to you is abundantly blessed. Someone you love is experiencing a fruitful season. Lying in wait, the weed of jealousy begins to wrap itself around your fruit of Goodness. First, you find yourself shutting down and not congratulating them. Then, you make side comments or say things to other friends that belittle their accomplishments and blessings. You want those things for yourself. They don't deserve it. Why not you?

You are feeling stifled at your job. You are ready for a change or a promotion. Another co-worker goes on a streak. They shine. You second guess your ability. The weeds of self-doubt and low self-esteem seep into your fruitful garden and sucks the life out of your Joy. You find your attitude at work changing and your work ethic begins diminish. You couldn't do it anyway. You aren't a leader. You're meant to be where you are. Let them have the promotion. Just go ahead and give up.

You're happily married. Your spouse is a great partner. They support you and hold you down, no matter what. Sure, they don't look the same as when you first fell in love, but they're still a catch. Things couldn't be better on the home-front. Then, someone gives you the attention you didn't know you were missing. Or shows you the body or face that you can't tear your eyes from. You try to avoid them, but they keep popping up. Soon, the weeds of lust and adultery start to sprout up. It's innocent. You are talking more often. Butterflies form when you see them. It's just in fun. Flirtatious conversation ensues. We're just friends. A kiss. A hotel room. No one has to know. The color drains from your fruit of Faithfulness. It begins to slowly turn until, from the inside out, it completely rots.

These weeds are real. Mark 7:21-22 tells us that they live in our hearts. That would explain why the fruit of the Spirit is so hard to obtain. It has to fight for survival! These weeds play no games. They grow at an alarming rate. When they come in, we have to be on guard to kick them out. In order for us to get rid of them, we need weed kill and brush control-the kind that is only found in the Word. We have to arm ourselves with God's power. We have to spend time with Him and ask for His discernment in our lives. When we find our fruit being choked by weeds, we have plenty of time to save it. Unlike earthly fruit that falls, then fails and rots; our fruit comes from the Master Gardner. We have to allow Him to prune us and take away those pesky things that distract us from being a display of His glory. How? Prayer and meditation. Reading and doing His Word. Relying on the help of trusted confidants and advisers to water us and replenish us when in need. The weeds are going to come. How large they grow and how long they last is up to us. Today, I pray today that we snatch those things up by their roots and toss them out of our Godly Garden so they we remain righteous and ripe for His glory. Stay Fruitful. Be Blessed. XOXO

Da Clique

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. -Galatians 6:10 

The other day in my studies, I came across this scripture. The hood in me thought about Kanye West's hit, Da Clique. Why? Because this verse confirms for me we are a part of the God Gang! People who despise the word "gang" because of its negative connotation, I beg of you...lighten up! Live a little! If we can be soldiers in His army, we can be initiates in His gang. 

Ben Marchovitz, CEO of Collegiate Academies (a conglomerate of charter schools in New Orleans), once led a professional development session I was blessed to be a part of. In that session, he taught us about developing and maintaining both classroom and school culture. His two reference points? Church and gangs.

For so many of us who were brought up in church, we know why he chose this comparison. Church is the place where most people are on their best behavior most of the time. This is what schools want. This is what everyone wants. So, there is a strong culture of acting like you have some sense in church! There is also a huge level of comradery in church. The mothers of the church call everyone younger than them "baby" or "sweetie". Kids call each other cousins, even though there is no relation. Families work together in the ministry. It's a lovely thing. 

But what's the deal with gangs? Well, first off, initiates in gangs are looking for something. They are looking for love or friendship or just an escape from home. Is that not what we are all looking for in God? Next, they are completely committed to their gang. They represent wherever they go. They wear the colors, throw up the signs, and give the secret greetings. Should we not be the same way? Wherever we go (regardless of whether we are "supposed" to be there or not) we should be representing God right? We should wear His salvation like a badge of honor. We should throw His love into the lives of others. We should recognize other members of our gang wherever we may be. Also, gang members are always looking for new recruits. Their goal is to grow. They want to be the BIGGEST and BADDEST. Isn't that what we want? If there is an unbeliever in our midst, we should be all over them, initiating them into His love. Gang members are down for their own. If one of them lacks, they all pitch in to provide. If one of them gets hurt, they hold one another down. (Makes me think of Romans 12:15). Lastly, gang members are willing to die for their set. They believe whole-heartedly in the mission and vision. Shouldn't we? Shouldn't we be willing to die for our God? Shouldn't we believe WHOLE-HEARTEDLY? 

Welcome to the God Gang! Now let's be clear. We shouldn't be out here packing pieces in the name of Jesus, but we should be packing peace (see what I did there). Romans 12:5 and Corinthians 12:27 refer to us as the body of Christ. We are a part of a special group. We have a special connection. We have a special calling. Together, we are working to build the Kingdom. We have to be a fearless in the face of rivals. We have to stick together at all costs and hold one another down. We should be C-Walking (walking like the Christ in truth and in spirit). Everywhere we go, people should recognize what set we claim. And at all times, we should honor the real OG (Our God)! We have to let the whole world know...ain't nobody messing with our clique. Be Blessed Homies! XOXO