GroupChat saves lives

If any of you are in a GroupChat, this post should take little to no explaining. My girls from back home, my college crew, my line sisters, we all have GroupChats. And the intimate levels of discussion that take place in these chats could probably end some of us if ever made public! The truth is, GroupChats provide a sense of security and openness for many of us to air some of our deepest and darkest thoughts.

Participation in a GroupChat affords us some psychological luxury. First, you typically are in a chat with people who share something in common, be it childhood friends or co-workers; so, there is a trusting relationship in place. GroupChats also provide you with a variety of viewpoints and opinions on topics that you see with tunnel vision. You will have an ally and a nemesis to help you navigate through whether or not to eat that cookie, go on that second date, or smack the hell out of your co-worker. GroupChats also provide a safe space to vent your deepest frustrations, your biggest worries, your scariest fears. On any occasion my GroupChat has kept me from quitting my job, cussing someone out, or giving up on life. GroupChats have saved marriages, saved sanity, saved lives! If someone you love is in a GroupChat, you should probably send all of its participants a thank you card because they've probably saved you!

In all seriousness, the comfort, connection, and trust we find in GroupChats is the same that we should seek in God. I  know from personal experience that sometimes it can be hard to talk to God. We don't know what to say. We can't name how we feel. Or quite honestly, we sometimes forget to talk to Him all together! The Most High wants to hear our deepest, inner-most thoughts. He wants us to cast our cares on Him. He wants us to seek and ask him for the desires of our hearts. When we are struggling in our jobs, in our marriages, in our parenting, in our friendships, in our lives, God is there. Now let's be clear, this isn't in any way a call to abandon the GroupChat! If you are anything like me, you need that thang to keep you sane okay?!? But in addition to, prior to, afterward, let us not forget where our help comes from. Chat on and Be Blessed XOXO

Sister, Sister

For nearly 7 years, I was an only child. As a result, my mom and I were extremely close. However, I longed for a sibling. I would pray for one, ask for one, and even wish for one on birthday candles! Then, my mom told me she was pregnant...with twin boys! Now I was outnumbered! But before I could even pray for what I wanted, my mom was pregnant again with no idea of the baby's gender. I remember getting picked up from my 3rd grade classroom praying that this baby was a girl. After what felt like an eternity, my baby sister was finally born and I couldn't have been any happier!

Whether you are male or female, sisters can be both a headache and a powerful blessing. Big sisters are bossy as hell, but most of the time, they're right. Middle sisters can be mischievous, which also makes them fun. And baby sisters are spoiled brats who will adore you no matter what! (Yes CoCo, I'm talking VERY specifically about you!)

In a world where women are taught to compete with one another, to hate on one another, to talk about one another, to distance themselves from one another, it's hard to cherish sisterhood. In a land where women snatch out one another's weaves and toss drinks in each other's faces, we can sometimes let petty thoughts, words, and behaviors get in the way of humility, respect, and even forgiveness. But sisterhood is an honorable relationship that oftentimes helps to make everything right with the world.

Although my mom only birthed one sister for me, over time I've been blessed with many more. I have line sisters, sorority sisters, close friends who serve as both big sisters and little sisters, a cousin who swears she's our sister, two sisters-in-law, and a host of other women with whom I share a love that is nothing less than sisterly. To have a sister is to have a loyal companion. Someone who will be there for you when the chips are down; who will call you on your mess; who will give you a pass when you are out of pocket or check you when necessary. Sisters are the ones we fight with the most and love the hardest. A sister can offer the best advice, a listening ear, or even a rider when things get hot! Sisters are so important, that in the Word it states one who hates a sister is a murderer!

When Rebekah left her homeland to go be married to Isaac, her family sent her off with nothing less than well wishes. They bid their ado with hopes of increase and protection for her and her offspring against her enemies. That is my wish for all my sisters reading this. That you receive all that you ask God for and more. That your haters become your congratulators. That the windows of heaven open up and rain down new blessings and new mercies with each passing day. No matter how many of ya'll work a nerve, no matter how annoying I can be, no matter what trials come our way...Be Blessed XOXO

Glimpses of God

A friend shared with me that someone blessed her the other day. While paying for groceries, she forgot she'd gotten a new debit card and couldn't remember the PIN. As she was headed to her car, the woman behind her took care of the bill. Did she NEED the blessing? Since she had the money to cover the cost, it didn't seem as though...

However, she, and many of my tribe (myself included), are in the midst of some pretty turbulent storms. We are trying our best to hold each other up while sustaining ourselves, our families, our jobs...our sanity. It's in times like this that even though your faith is being tested and your character is being built, it just doesn't feel good. And honestly, even though you know that God said to never leave nor foresake us, we still wonder. Are you there? Can you hear me? Will it all be okay? How much longer? What am I supposed to learn from this? Why me? Why him? Why us?

It's in times like this that the darkness is so vast, it gets hard to see God. But then there are moments, like the grocery story, where God reminds us, "I'm still here....I know that this is hard. I know that you are getting weary. Find rest in me. I know that you are worried about the next move, but I'm here to order your steps. I know that you don't know what lies ahead, but trust me. I got you boo. Always have and always will."

In these short, fleeting moments, we get a small gust of strength to push a little further...to hold on a little longer. God doesn't always make a grand appearance. Sometimes the signs are super simple. But if you are operating in the Spirit, you will catch them; you will feel them, and then you will know. God is omnipresent. He's always there. Sometimes we see proof of his presence even when we aren't looking. If you do nothing else, in good seasons and in trying ones, be grateful for the times you've caught glimpses of God. Be Blessed XOXO

Mission in the Mess

A couple weeks back, I posted the Day 1 video for the #HBCUWALKINGBILLBOARD Campaign. On the first take, I said everything I needed to say. I hit the points that were most pertinent. I clarified the purpose and the intent. It was solid. Except...my hair was a mini-mess with frizz for days; I had on not an ounce of make-up; and the lighting in my office is hashtag terrible. So, I tried to do another take. I kept fumbling over my words. I tried to do another take-the phone fell off the desk. I tried one more take just in time for the 1st hour bell to ring...loudly...in the background. Finally, I said, "Forget it," and posted the original, fly-aways, frizz, and all! I was on a mission and didn't have time to be concerned with anything else.

There comes a time in all of our lives where this is the case. Some of us are sitting on our gifts and talents because we are waiting on the perfect moment to pitch our idea or make that move. Some of us are risking the loss of a great mate because we are waiting until all of our ducks are in a row or we really have our "ish" together. You know it's like that one friend. We all have one. She's always running from cameras because she doesen't want anyone to see her "looking like this."

But what if we are supposed to approach the mission despite the mess? What if we are supposed to perfect our craft with many imperfect attempts? What if we are to blossom into our best selves AFTER the union? What would happen if the camera snapped and people actually saw you "looking like that"? I'll tell you what would happen. We would be living fearlessly, walking in our purpose without regard for images, perceptions, or opinions.

In the midst of our mess is our ministry. Hold fast to that. Birthed from our toughest tests are the impact of our testimonies. There is a message in the mayhem. Blessings are born from burdens. We can find favor in the foolishness. And if we squint hard enough, we can find God in the most gruesome of circumstances. It's time out for the perfect presentation. Life is way to short to try to get it right 100% of the time. Instead, we have to accept that sometimes, as out of sorts as it may seem, we are doing exactly what God told us to do, living as He would have us to, even if we look at hot mess while doing it! No matter what, complete the mission and Be Blessed XOXO

Hoarders

There's this show called Hoarders that explores the lives of people who purchase, have, or hold onto too much stuff. The first time I saw the show, I thought, Now why would anyone ever want all that "ish" in their house?! Fast forward a few years and I kinda get it. Am I a hoarder? Not quite. But over the years, we have collected more and more unnecessary stuff. Couple that with my knack for a sale and love of fashion, and you get someone who, if not careful, could have an entire segment dedicated to herself! So, when I make or have the time to go through and get rid of things, I find myself asking, What is this "ish"? Or Why the hell do we still have this "ish"?! (And ya'll ALLLL know that I'm not saying "ish" lol)

I know, I know. Some of you watched Minimalist and now perceive yourself some simplistic person who doesn't have any chance of becoming a hoarder. That's cute and all, but you're still a hoarder. We are all hoarders. Why? Because often we hold on to so much other "stuff." We hold on to the feelings and perceptions of our past. We let it all pile up...in our heads, in our hearts, in our spirits. We are walking around cluttered and jumbled in the mind and soul, yet wondering why we feel so heavy. It's hard to smile when the windows to your soul are covered with junk. 

At times, we are hoarding so much that we cast negativity everywhere we go. Some of us are hoarding the trauma of our childhood. Some of us are hoarding the pain of heartbreak. We are hoarding the guilt of the abortion, the stain of the mistake, the memory of the affair, the fear of the future. We hold on to ALL of it! Refusing to let go. It means something to us. It's who we are. Without it...without it...who would we be?  But imagine how much lighter you would feel if you simply let go. What might happen if instead of hoarding and hiding, you actually shared your story? Who could you help? Who could you save? Who would you become? 

You see, life isn't meant to be lived alone, and for most hoarders that is part of what it's all about. They are lonely, so they hold on to stuff. So many of us are lonely in our experiences. We don't think anyone else would understand. Nobody can relate. They just wouldn't get it! You think you're the first person to endure? You think you're the only person to mess up? Nope. You're not. You're not the only and you damn sure aren't the last. That said, it's time for some of us to free up some space. You wanna become your best self? Move some things out. Cast some things down. Banish it. Rebuke it. Release it. Be Blessed XOXO

Fisk Forever

This month marks my 3rd Annual #HBCUWalkingBillboard Campaign to promote awareness and peak interest in historically black colleges and universities. My passion for these institutions is rooted in my own experience, one in which I learned very quickly about both family and faith...

When I was in the 7th grade, our band teacher encouraged us to begin fundraising for a big trip that we would be eligible for as Freshmen. I was super excited, so I got to hustling every candy bar, popcorn, cookie, candle, you name it! At the close of the fundraiser, my teacher kept asking me for the money. I'd delivered all my merchandise, but my parents never gave me the money to take to school. I assumed they were going to write him a check or deliver the money themselves because it was too much for me to have on me. Time went on and eventually my teacher was visibly irritated with having not received the money. Finally, the truth came out...

My mother revealed that she and my step-dad were in a bind and had used that money to pay rent and bills. I was devastated and embarrassed. I could tell my mom was also ashamed, so we both just cried and kept it pushing.

A few years later, my friend Tamisha's mom made sure I joined them on the Black Health Care Coalition's HBCU College Tour. It was beyond a fun time, and it was then that Fisk found me. I tell people all the time that when our bus pulled up, and I stepped onto the cobblestone, something magical happened. I literally felt like I belonged there. It was a feeling that would warm me for the next few years, as I knew that was the college I was going to attend.

Fast forward to my Senior year. I hadn't received a grade card from my school since the 7th grade. Why? Because that money still hadn't been repaid. It was now time for me to apply to colleges. But I needed a transcript which wasn't about to happen until the school got their money. In the meantime, a man named AJ was my assurance that it would all work out.

AJ was the Fisk admissions rep who called me personally to make sure I received my acceptance letter. I told him the situation about the transcripts and the report cards. He assured me that was not for me to worry about. Dismissing my obvious anxiety, AJ said, "Listen. If your score goes up by 3 points, we can take you from a partial scholarship to a full scholarship. College costs a lot of money, but the ACT is only $40. Take it again. I'll call you later."

Little did I know, AJ, my mama, my granny, my papa, and my aunts were all working behind the scenes to take care of the bill, arrange my transportation to college, provide me with a computer, and stock my dorm. As it all unfolded, I was in awe...of it all!

Once we arrived on campus, the registration lines were SUPER long, but AJ found me and my aunts and got us expedited service. Before my aunts left campus, he talked to them for a while to reassure them that I was in safe hands. He later promised to call my granny and my mom one last time to let them know I made it and was getting settled. He gave me one of these proud dad hugs and told me, "Welcome home future Fiskite!" It was basically AH-MAZING!

When I think back on my time at Fisk, I am reminded that when God has something for us, it WILL come to pass. Were there obstacles? Yep. I had no idea how I'd get a transcript. I knew my parents didn't have the means to get me to school. I wasn't sure that a 3 point increase was even in the cards. But, I just did what I was told and trusted the process. That is what faith looks like. Faith isn't having the answers or knowing the outcome. Faith is trusting that what is for you will be, no matter what. Faith is pushing on when you have no idea what to expect. Faith is not being hindered by worry or doubt; both will arise on any faith walk, that's natural, but allowing them to stop us from our God-given destiny is a no-go. Faith is what got me to Fisk, and faith is what got me through Fisk. Because of faith, I will always be a "Daughter ever on the altar." Be Blessed XOXO

Overprotective

Before Darnell and I started dating, we were pretty good friends.  Because we lived around the corner from one another, went to the same school, and worked at the same mall, I was often a third wheel, riding around the city with him and Larnell. Well, one day that all changed, but our way of doing things hadn't...

The Twins picked me up hella times and the routine was always the same. Phone call: "You ready? We on the way," pull up, honk twice, wait at least 2-3 minutes, honk again, I run to the car. Give or take a waiting minute, this was our routine.

However, one particular night, not long after Darnell professed his undying love for me at the Courtwarming Dance (his version of the story has some contradictory details, but this isn't his blog!), my step-father found out that we were a little more than friends. So, during the wait time of our routine, unbeknownst to me, my step-father went outside. When it's time for me to run outside, I see his entire head in the driver's window and hear his boisterous voice. He looks and sounds angry. Needless to say, I'm confused.

As I get closer to the car, I can make out phrases like, "Get yo a$$ out the car" and "my daughter" and something about a door. Then it hits me! He's pissed that Darnell isn't coming to the door to get me now; because, after all, he is officially my boo.

As I reach for the door handle, I see Darnell hunched down in the back seat and Larnell's pleading face with "I give up" hand gestures.

Larnell: *in a higher pitched voice than he'd ever had* "Shanelle will you please tell yo daddy that I'm not Darnell?!"

Me: *with a quick head nod to the left* "He's in the back."

Gerald: *now making eye contact with the right twin* "I don't give a damn that ni@@a heard me too. Don't you bring yo a$$ out here if one of them don't come to the door you hear me!?!"

Me: *head hung with slight embarrassment* "Okay."

My step-dad walked back to the house still mumbling cuss words under his breath about respect and ladies and not wanting to whoop nobody's a$$. He was hot as fish grease honey, but this story has always been a gem. One, because it is funny as hell. Two, because Darnell was the sweetest, most mannerable guy I'd EVER dated, so it's kind of ironic. And last but not least, it is the perfect picture of my over-protective step-dad! I hit puberty and the man (along with all my uncles) lost his mind!

In hindsight, his protection of me was much like God's protection of us. Sometimes, we compromise ourselves.  We go through the motions with people who dont deserve our time. We follow relationship routines that may no longer fit our needs.We forget the value of who we are because of whose we are. God loves his kids and he will do whatever he has to do to make sure that anyone we encounter knows that. Why? Because he wants nothing less than the best for each and every one of us. God could care less about our routines. We are His kids, so whoever we are dealing with better come correct, or they will have to answer to him. In other words, Daddy. Don't. Play. Walk in that. Rest in Him. You're covered. Be Blessed XOXO

Where Is Yo Daddy?

My kids love to come looking for me like they don't have a whole ENTIRE Daddy in the same house! For example, I'm downstairs digging through the dryer for clean uniform shirts. They literally walk out of the dining room through the living room past their father who is enjoying college football on the couch to YELL down the stairs in dire need, "MA-MAAAA?! Can we have some pizza rolls?" Or they awaken late Saturday morning, I'm pulling into the garage from running errands. They come down the steps, into the garage, to ask me what's for breakfast. Why Lord?!? And don't let them not be able to locate something. No lie: there have been times their daddy is in their room, overseeing the "get the kids ready" process while I am, oh I dunno, taking a shower or using the restroom, when there's either a knock or a bursting in (depending on the birth order of the kid).

One of Darnell's kids: "Mama, you know where my cleats are?"
Me: WHERE'S YO DADDY!??!

Sooooo often, their daddy is right there, ready, sometimes willing, but always able to do whatever they need. Yet, they come to me because I'm their comfort. They depend on me when their most immediate help is right there within earshot, within reach.

Like so many of us. We have a Father who is able to supply every single one of our needs and yet we walk right past him. We head toward our "fix". I hate my job. I walk past my Father who can give me any job I want and go to the bar to order a shot (or 5). I don't have enough money in the bank for what I want or need, so I drive past my Father's many mansions to the nearest casino to try to flip what little I do have.

We spend so much of our time looking around for who or what we are comfortable with, that "thing" we've grown to depend on-that person, that place, that activity. We go out of our way to get to it when our real help is ready and waiting to hear our cry, supply our need, mend our hearts, change our lives. As you face the many issues this life will unfold, before you go searching high and low for anything else, ask your Father. He's right there...within reach, within earshot, waiting to be your fixer. Be Blessed XOXO

Off Track

My homegirl and I were talking the other day, "spirit feeding" as I like to call it. She revealed to me that she felt like there was a moment in her life where she got off track. I asked her to explain to me why she felt that way, and after much discussion, I sent her this picture:

I asked her if what she saw related to life at all. She said, "Yeah I see life like you can take different paths." Then, I asked her how a train might travel along these tracks. She said, "The train would just follow the tracks or jump off the tracks if there wasn't an engineer, right?" 

BINGO! 

I asked her to think about her word choice, "off track". Then, I reminded her that as long as God is her engineer, it is IMPOSSIBLE to go off track. Every track on the journey of our lives is divergent. Each track spins off another or leads back to the main one. So even when we veer, we are never "off track." Our lives are predestined. God's plan for our lives will be fulfilled, regardless of setbacks, mistakes, challenges, or changes.

It's kind of like when my younger twin brothers learned to crawl. They were fat and wobbly. After a few close calls with the corners in the hallway, I would literally crawl over them...for hours. I'd make them take turns by sitting one in a playpen and letting the other roam, while I positioned myself above them, crawling along, anticipating their every move. Sometimes, before they even knew what was happening, I would scoop them up and turn them away from the wall. I never stopped them from where they were headed. They were going to arrive exactly where they were supposed to go. However, when they changed their course, I was right there to make sure that the destination was still ahead.

It's no different with God. We make a mistake. He's still there and we will still arrive where He planned for us to go. We missed an opportunity. The tracks head that direction and later, He presents another opportunity for us to head closer to our destiny. Do our choices in the tracks sometimes extend our journey? Yes. Can it prolong our suffering? Mm-hmm. But does taking a different path to the destination move the destination? Nope...not at all.

Where we often make our mistake is that we put a time stamp on life. Certain things are supposed to happen by a certain time. If they don't, we have messed up somehow. We've ruined it. Our lives are not what they should be. We are not where we are supposed to be. That's a lie! You are right where you are supposed to be at this appointed time. Although it doesn't always feel good or things don't always look good, nothing that has happened to this point is in vain. You might have to re-prioritize, re-position, or simply renew your mind, but you are where you belong. Stay the course and Be Blessed XOXO

Ordain, order, obey

Honestly, I have the hardest time hearing God. I mean, life is full of noise and distraction. I don't make time, quiet, uninterrupted, sacred time for God like I should. So much has been going on, and I'm not sure how I feel about talking to God with such attention right now. I'm kind of nervous about how it might make me feel; what it might make me do; who I might realize I am...it all sounds kind of strange, but these are real emotions, and real reasons that we can sometimes stay away from the true conversations we need to have with the Most High.

However, so many of us are seeking answers. We wonder why we haven't seen that financial breakthrough? Why are we still on this same ole tired job? Why aren't we married? Why are our children acting a fool? Why are we enduring this pain? Why are people around us hurting? Why are we here? What is the purpose of this thing called life?

Taking the time to talk to God will help us reveal the answers to our questions, while also giving us more clear direction in life. Through conversations with God, we are given guidance that often appears like this: Ordain, Order, and Obey

Ordain: There is a calling on your life. You were put here for a reason. You have a job to do. People are counting on you. When you sit still long enough or focus hard enough, you get glimpses of it. Some of us are walking in it, and think that's it, but there is more, so much more. We are ordained to fulfill a mission that was predestined before we even got here. But in order for us to do our jobs, we have to report for duty.

Order: When we are ordained, we are ordered to do certain things. God will have us go certain places, connect with certain people, do certain things. Sometimes, we think it's coincidence or that it's happen's chance, but in reality, it's order. There are other times when we are told to do things. We feel it in our Spirit. We SHOULD do, say, be whatever we are being told, but we often ignore the order. Sometimes, without really even meaning to, we try to escape what we are destined to do.

Obey: Much like running from a mother with a belt in hand ready to tear that tail up, you can run all you want, but she's gonna getcha! Same with God. He's chilling! He told you what to do, and one day, somehow, whether you come around or get dragged around, you WILL do it! And this, friends, is what we call obedience. I know that I've run from what I am supposed to do a MANY times. It was too much, too hard, too soon. I wasn't ready, didn't have all my ducks in a row, wasn't really "feeling" it. God was like, "Ah yeah? That's what we on? So you doing what you wanna do? Okay. Go 'head. But I bet you gone do it because you are mine and I said so. It will be done. Please believe me." I mean, quite honestly, it's easier for us to obey upfront instead of causing ourselves all this drama, but...well...we can all be kinda "sometimey" when it comes to living the way God intends.

I don't know what God has put in your heart to do, what has been dropped in your Spirit to pursue, but stop. Stop ignoring the call. Stop fearing what will change or who won't like it. Stop. Stop wondering about so much and start to ask. Stop running from your calling and start doing what you need to do, being who you were called to be. Stop existing without purpose or vision. Start allowing your steps to be ordered. Stop being disobedient and just start doing what you know you need to do or asking what you need to do if you are legitimately confused. You've been ordained. God is giving you orders. It's time to obey and watch yourself Be Blessed. XOXO