Wrench in the Plan

You ever have plans and they just get shot to hell in a millisecond? You PLAN to go to the grocery store after work only for your boss to call a last-minute meeting that runs long and there went that! You PLAN to wash a load of towels while preparing breakfast only to find that there is no more laundry detergent and the eggs are expired. You PLAN to lose 10 pounds by the end of the month, yet the month is over and scale went the opposite direction!?

Over the past few months, I've come really close to giving up on having any type of plan for life. Like seriously. It's almost like I'd rather just fly by the seat of my pants. That way, I will not even set myself up for the frustration or disappointment that comes from foiled plans!

The other day, while leaving the gym, I got a speeding ticket. It was so fitting for the way things had been working out, that it only made sense for me to experience yet another wrench in my plans. When the officer asked me if I knew why she stopped me, I said, "Yep." She asked for license and registration and I started laughing. She asked what was funny, I said, "Oh nothing, just the fact that I left my insurance card on the kitchen counter. Of ALLLLLL the days!" I cupped my forehead in the palm of my head, began a series of SMH, and burst out laughing all over again. The officer couldn't help herself and joined in my laughter.

Officer (laughing with or at me, not quite sure which): "That kind of day already? It's not even 9 AM!"
Me (laughing to keep from crying): That kind of day? GIRL! Try that kind of LIFE!

She left to officially write my ticket. I would normally be seething with either anger or irritation in moments like this, but if there is one thing I'm truly starting to embrace it's that there will OFTEN be a wrench in any of the plans I have. It's life. I honestly can't control much of it, but I can control my reaction, each and every time.

When things don't go according to plan, it's annoying as hell. But reacting with nothing but negativity only makes things worse. Especially when the Word tells us that God knows the plans He has for us. His plans. Not ours. So, it only makes sense that sometimes our plans have to be interrupted because it's not about us. Now this is by no means a green light to go through life without plans, but it is advice to try your best to be okay when those plans don't always pan out. God is intentional, in everything, even when we don't quite get it. So, the next time life throws you a curve ball, try your best to remember that your plans may have to change in order for God's plans to play out. Go with the flow and Be Blessed. XOXO

Raindrop

Hmmm...how many of you actually said "drop top" right after reading the title? No judgement! I would have definitely done the same thing! However, this post is headed in a slightly different direction! 

The onset (not Offset) of Spring brings lots of water. 'Tis the season for many rainy days and stormy nights... 

The other day, while leaving the RedBox, it began to rain. As I sat in my car waiting for a kiosk to free up, I just stared out at it. I noticed that on my car, many of the drops were beading up and sitting almost singularly on my hood. Others were stopped short and trapped in the gutter of Walgreens, joining together to create a steady stream falling from the gutters of the store. Some were stuck on the leaves of trees and plants, but later tossed about by the blowing wind. Many others, although they came down as one drop, all alone, joined a number of other drops to form various puddles around the parking lot. It made me think about how some of us operate in life, how we move, and what the impact is. 

Years ago, there was a catchy little diddy called Make me Better, that stated, "I'm a movement by myself, but I'm a force when we're together." This is what the rain is. A single drop can only do so much. But when those drops join together, their impact is that much greater. They form steady streams, small puddles, creeks, and ponds. The more they come together the more visible they are, the more space they take up, the more they can do or become. 

It's no different in the Spirit. So often, we focus on the things that make us different. The things we disagree about become the barrier to us doing and becoming more. The truth of the matter is that all of us came into this world alone. Even if you are a twin only one of ya'll came out the chute at once, so let's just call it true: EVERYONE comes into the world alone! But if it were intended for us to stay that way, God probably would have created billions of planets so that we could each have our own!

When trying to give hope, to change lives, to increase the impact of what can be done in the Spirit, none of us is greater alone. Each of us have our own ideas, our own experiences, our own lives that will all play a part in changing the world. Sometimes, it can be more convenient and even comfortable to go at it alone, but there is power in numbers! So, make an effort to connect with the ones who can increase your impact and lengthen your reach. Go ahead. Gather your drops, form a puddle, make a splash and Be Blessed XOXO

Bosom

When time and rest permit, my husband likes to lay on me. Most of the time, he opts for my thighs, which make perfect sense. However, there are times that he will lay his head on my chest which I think is hilarious! Why? Because I have ABSOLUTELY no pillows in that area! I mean I'm not quite the President of the ITBC, but I'm at least the Corresponding Secretary! So, we joke about this often. He'll lay his head there (on my sternum I guess?) and I'm like, "Now you know you ain't getting no cushion." To which he'll reply, "I know..." and draw me closer to him (as if that will make them somehow morph into D-cups).

But the other day, I paused to think about the closeness of this position. When I lie on his chest, his heartbeat soothes me to sleep. My children, when they were much smaller, would lie on their stomachs and drift to sleep on my chest, right against my heartbeat (man I miss that!). To get this close to someone, we must love and trust them. Lying so closely to them lets us know they are alive. Because we know they are present, we can rest in the sheer comfort of their existence.

That said, the word bosom is mentioned in the Bible over 50 times. It's not a very modern word, but it has very modern inclinations. The bosom is the chest, particularly the breast or pectoral. Beyond those tissues lie the lungs which maintain life with each breath we take. And even further within the chest cavity, we find the heart that sustains life with each beat. To lie in the bosom of one we love or accept someone into this space is a major act of intimacy. You are allowing them to lay where you live, to rest in your love.

This is how it is with God. When we are tired, in Him we find rest. When we are weary, in Him we find strength. Worried? Anxious? Unsure? Jealous? Annoyed? Conflicted? Whatever it is, if we trust him enough to rest in His love, we will be soothed. When the going gets tough, remember, it's not the size of the pillow, it's the impact of the love. Rest in His bosom, find peace for your soul, and Be Blessed. XOXO

Dawn of a Decade

Soooooo my oldest son turned 10 last week, and I felt some type of way. I'm basically a less than mushy mom most of the time, so I've honestly only felt this overwhelming emotion a few times. When he was born, when I went back to work, and when he started Kindergarten. However, something about this birthday put me in a space. I looked at my once chubby baby boy who is slowly morphing into this muscular young man. Where there used to be baby teeth, there are mostly adult ones. The one who used to require me to read him at least 5 bedtime stories every night is now reading to his little brother before bed. He'd rather be on his video game than engrossed in a book. He has opinions and desires and interests, many of which remind me that we are both getting older! He's on that cusp of "my mom is still pretty cool" to "my mom is super annoying." Where 10 years have gone by, only 8 more remain before he will enter the world on his own. Dude...I'm like, "What is HAPPENING!?!"

So what's the big deal with the number 10? In competition, 10 is normally the highest score one can receive. Most of us have 10 fingers and 10 toes. A basketball goal is 10 feet above the court.  A dime is worth 10 cent. Numerically, 10 symbolizes the completion of a cycle. Spiritually, 10 is a number of perfection, God's completion, and the opportunity for new beginnings.

However, in this world, I'll be honest, 10 made me even more worried for his safety. Tamir was 10 plus 1, Emmett was 10 plus 4, Trayvon was 10 plus 7. None of these young me lived to see their 10 doubled, tripled, or beyond. My son is brilliant and beautiful and worthy of regard as a human being. But we live in a world where that's not always the outcome. He's getting older and I have to let him grow and explore and learn and discover, but there are the looming concerns about his LIFE as he does so.

Raising black boys is not an easy task by any means. There is so much to make sure they know, so much to try to keep them from, while making sure they are properly equipped at the same time. Yet, this I know. God has purposed both of my sons. I can't say with certainty what those purposes are, but this I know: All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes.

As my son officially becomes a tween, teetering on teenage years and headed full throttle into young adulthood, I know that he will encounter some uncomfortable situations. I know that his father and I will have to engage him in difficult conversations. I know that things will not always work out the way we would like. But I also know that whatever befalls him will not be in vain. God has a plan for him. One that will not be thwarted by any one. God said, "Touch not My anointed." He assures us that "No weapon formed against us will prosper." So, I know that this decade is merely the beginning of all that God has in store for my boys. It is my prayer that his light shine bright enough for the world to see, this his future be purposeful and prosperous, and that for this decade and those to come that he Be Blessed. XOXO

GroupChat saves lives

If any of you are in a GroupChat, this post should take little to no explaining. My girls from back home, my college crew, my line sisters, we all have GroupChats. And the intimate levels of discussion that take place in these chats could probably end some of us if ever made public! The truth is, GroupChats provide a sense of security and openness for many of us to air some of our deepest and darkest thoughts.

Participation in a GroupChat affords us some psychological luxury. First, you typically are in a chat with people who share something in common, be it childhood friends or co-workers; so, there is a trusting relationship in place. GroupChats also provide you with a variety of viewpoints and opinions on topics that you see with tunnel vision. You will have an ally and a nemesis to help you navigate through whether or not to eat that cookie, go on that second date, or smack the hell out of your co-worker. GroupChats also provide a safe space to vent your deepest frustrations, your biggest worries, your scariest fears. On any occasion my GroupChat has kept me from quitting my job, cussing someone out, or giving up on life. GroupChats have saved marriages, saved sanity, saved lives! If someone you love is in a GroupChat, you should probably send all of its participants a thank you card because they've probably saved you!

In all seriousness, the comfort, connection, and trust we find in GroupChats is the same that we should seek in God. I  know from personal experience that sometimes it can be hard to talk to God. We don't know what to say. We can't name how we feel. Or quite honestly, we sometimes forget to talk to Him all together! The Most High wants to hear our deepest, inner-most thoughts. He wants us to cast our cares on Him. He wants us to seek and ask him for the desires of our hearts. When we are struggling in our jobs, in our marriages, in our parenting, in our friendships, in our lives, God is there. Now let's be clear, this isn't in any way a call to abandon the GroupChat! If you are anything like me, you need that thang to keep you sane okay?!? But in addition to, prior to, afterward, let us not forget where our help comes from. Chat on and Be Blessed XOXO

Sister, Sister

For nearly 7 years, I was an only child. As a result, my mom and I were extremely close. However, I longed for a sibling. I would pray for one, ask for one, and even wish for one on birthday candles! Then, my mom told me she was pregnant...with twin boys! Now I was outnumbered! But before I could even pray for what I wanted, my mom was pregnant again with no idea of the baby's gender. I remember getting picked up from my 3rd grade classroom praying that this baby was a girl. After what felt like an eternity, my baby sister was finally born and I couldn't have been any happier!

Whether you are male or female, sisters can be both a headache and a powerful blessing. Big sisters are bossy as hell, but most of the time, they're right. Middle sisters can be mischievous, which also makes them fun. And baby sisters are spoiled brats who will adore you no matter what! (Yes CoCo, I'm talking VERY specifically about you!)

In a world where women are taught to compete with one another, to hate on one another, to talk about one another, to distance themselves from one another, it's hard to cherish sisterhood. In a land where women snatch out one another's weaves and toss drinks in each other's faces, we can sometimes let petty thoughts, words, and behaviors get in the way of humility, respect, and even forgiveness. But sisterhood is an honorable relationship that oftentimes helps to make everything right with the world.

Although my mom only birthed one sister for me, over time I've been blessed with many more. I have line sisters, sorority sisters, close friends who serve as both big sisters and little sisters, a cousin who swears she's our sister, two sisters-in-law, and a host of other women with whom I share a love that is nothing less than sisterly. To have a sister is to have a loyal companion. Someone who will be there for you when the chips are down; who will call you on your mess; who will give you a pass when you are out of pocket or check you when necessary. Sisters are the ones we fight with the most and love the hardest. A sister can offer the best advice, a listening ear, or even a rider when things get hot! Sisters are so important, that in the Word it states one who hates a sister is a murderer!

When Rebekah left her homeland to go be married to Isaac, her family sent her off with nothing less than well wishes. They bid their ado with hopes of increase and protection for her and her offspring against her enemies. That is my wish for all my sisters reading this. That you receive all that you ask God for and more. That your haters become your congratulators. That the windows of heaven open up and rain down new blessings and new mercies with each passing day. No matter how many of ya'll work a nerve, no matter how annoying I can be, no matter what trials come our way...Be Blessed XOXO

Glimpses of God

A friend shared with me that someone blessed her the other day. While paying for groceries, she forgot she'd gotten a new debit card and couldn't remember the PIN. As she was headed to her car, the woman behind her took care of the bill. Did she NEED the blessing? Since she had the money to cover the cost, it didn't seem as though...

However, she, and many of my tribe (myself included), are in the midst of some pretty turbulent storms. We are trying our best to hold each other up while sustaining ourselves, our families, our jobs...our sanity. It's in times like this that even though your faith is being tested and your character is being built, it just doesn't feel good. And honestly, even though you know that God said to never leave nor foresake us, we still wonder. Are you there? Can you hear me? Will it all be okay? How much longer? What am I supposed to learn from this? Why me? Why him? Why us?

It's in times like this that the darkness is so vast, it gets hard to see God. But then there are moments, like the grocery story, where God reminds us, "I'm still here....I know that this is hard. I know that you are getting weary. Find rest in me. I know that you are worried about the next move, but I'm here to order your steps. I know that you don't know what lies ahead, but trust me. I got you boo. Always have and always will."

In these short, fleeting moments, we get a small gust of strength to push a little further...to hold on a little longer. God doesn't always make a grand appearance. Sometimes the signs are super simple. But if you are operating in the Spirit, you will catch them; you will feel them, and then you will know. God is omnipresent. He's always there. Sometimes we see proof of his presence even when we aren't looking. If you do nothing else, in good seasons and in trying ones, be grateful for the times you've caught glimpses of God. Be Blessed XOXO

Mission in the Mess

A couple weeks back, I posted the Day 1 video for the #HBCUWALKINGBILLBOARD Campaign. On the first take, I said everything I needed to say. I hit the points that were most pertinent. I clarified the purpose and the intent. It was solid. Except...my hair was a mini-mess with frizz for days; I had on not an ounce of make-up; and the lighting in my office is hashtag terrible. So, I tried to do another take. I kept fumbling over my words. I tried to do another take-the phone fell off the desk. I tried one more take just in time for the 1st hour bell to ring...loudly...in the background. Finally, I said, "Forget it," and posted the original, fly-aways, frizz, and all! I was on a mission and didn't have time to be concerned with anything else.

There comes a time in all of our lives where this is the case. Some of us are sitting on our gifts and talents because we are waiting on the perfect moment to pitch our idea or make that move. Some of us are risking the loss of a great mate because we are waiting until all of our ducks are in a row or we really have our "ish" together. You know it's like that one friend. We all have one. She's always running from cameras because she doesen't want anyone to see her "looking like this."

But what if we are supposed to approach the mission despite the mess? What if we are supposed to perfect our craft with many imperfect attempts? What if we are to blossom into our best selves AFTER the union? What would happen if the camera snapped and people actually saw you "looking like that"? I'll tell you what would happen. We would be living fearlessly, walking in our purpose without regard for images, perceptions, or opinions.

In the midst of our mess is our ministry. Hold fast to that. Birthed from our toughest tests are the impact of our testimonies. There is a message in the mayhem. Blessings are born from burdens. We can find favor in the foolishness. And if we squint hard enough, we can find God in the most gruesome of circumstances. It's time out for the perfect presentation. Life is way to short to try to get it right 100% of the time. Instead, we have to accept that sometimes, as out of sorts as it may seem, we are doing exactly what God told us to do, living as He would have us to, even if we look at hot mess while doing it! No matter what, complete the mission and Be Blessed XOXO

Hoarders

There's this show called Hoarders that explores the lives of people who purchase, have, or hold onto too much stuff. The first time I saw the show, I thought, Now why would anyone ever want all that "ish" in their house?! Fast forward a few years and I kinda get it. Am I a hoarder? Not quite. But over the years, we have collected more and more unnecessary stuff. Couple that with my knack for a sale and love of fashion, and you get someone who, if not careful, could have an entire segment dedicated to herself! So, when I make or have the time to go through and get rid of things, I find myself asking, What is this "ish"? Or Why the hell do we still have this "ish"?! (And ya'll ALLLL know that I'm not saying "ish" lol)

I know, I know. Some of you watched Minimalist and now perceive yourself some simplistic person who doesn't have any chance of becoming a hoarder. That's cute and all, but you're still a hoarder. We are all hoarders. Why? Because often we hold on to so much other "stuff." We hold on to the feelings and perceptions of our past. We let it all pile up...in our heads, in our hearts, in our spirits. We are walking around cluttered and jumbled in the mind and soul, yet wondering why we feel so heavy. It's hard to smile when the windows to your soul are covered with junk. 

At times, we are hoarding so much that we cast negativity everywhere we go. Some of us are hoarding the trauma of our childhood. Some of us are hoarding the pain of heartbreak. We are hoarding the guilt of the abortion, the stain of the mistake, the memory of the affair, the fear of the future. We hold on to ALL of it! Refusing to let go. It means something to us. It's who we are. Without it...without it...who would we be?  But imagine how much lighter you would feel if you simply let go. What might happen if instead of hoarding and hiding, you actually shared your story? Who could you help? Who could you save? Who would you become? 

You see, life isn't meant to be lived alone, and for most hoarders that is part of what it's all about. They are lonely, so they hold on to stuff. So many of us are lonely in our experiences. We don't think anyone else would understand. Nobody can relate. They just wouldn't get it! You think you're the first person to endure? You think you're the only person to mess up? Nope. You're not. You're not the only and you damn sure aren't the last. That said, it's time for some of us to free up some space. You wanna become your best self? Move some things out. Cast some things down. Banish it. Rebuke it. Release it. Be Blessed XOXO

Fisk Forever

This month marks my 3rd Annual #HBCUWalkingBillboard Campaign to promote awareness and peak interest in historically black colleges and universities. My passion for these institutions is rooted in my own experience, one in which I learned very quickly about both family and faith...

When I was in the 7th grade, our band teacher encouraged us to begin fundraising for a big trip that we would be eligible for as Freshmen. I was super excited, so I got to hustling every candy bar, popcorn, cookie, candle, you name it! At the close of the fundraiser, my teacher kept asking me for the money. I'd delivered all my merchandise, but my parents never gave me the money to take to school. I assumed they were going to write him a check or deliver the money themselves because it was too much for me to have on me. Time went on and eventually my teacher was visibly irritated with having not received the money. Finally, the truth came out...

My mother revealed that she and my step-dad were in a bind and had used that money to pay rent and bills. I was devastated and embarrassed. I could tell my mom was also ashamed, so we both just cried and kept it pushing.

A few years later, my friend Tamisha's mom made sure I joined them on the Black Health Care Coalition's HBCU College Tour. It was beyond a fun time, and it was then that Fisk found me. I tell people all the time that when our bus pulled up, and I stepped onto the cobblestone, something magical happened. I literally felt like I belonged there. It was a feeling that would warm me for the next few years, as I knew that was the college I was going to attend.

Fast forward to my Senior year. I hadn't received a grade card from my school since the 7th grade. Why? Because that money still hadn't been repaid. It was now time for me to apply to colleges. But I needed a transcript which wasn't about to happen until the school got their money. In the meantime, a man named AJ was my assurance that it would all work out.

AJ was the Fisk admissions rep who called me personally to make sure I received my acceptance letter. I told him the situation about the transcripts and the report cards. He assured me that was not for me to worry about. Dismissing my obvious anxiety, AJ said, "Listen. If your score goes up by 3 points, we can take you from a partial scholarship to a full scholarship. College costs a lot of money, but the ACT is only $40. Take it again. I'll call you later."

Little did I know, AJ, my mama, my granny, my papa, and my aunts were all working behind the scenes to take care of the bill, arrange my transportation to college, provide me with a computer, and stock my dorm. As it all unfolded, I was in awe...of it all!

Once we arrived on campus, the registration lines were SUPER long, but AJ found me and my aunts and got us expedited service. Before my aunts left campus, he talked to them for a while to reassure them that I was in safe hands. He later promised to call my granny and my mom one last time to let them know I made it and was getting settled. He gave me one of these proud dad hugs and told me, "Welcome home future Fiskite!" It was basically AH-MAZING!

When I think back on my time at Fisk, I am reminded that when God has something for us, it WILL come to pass. Were there obstacles? Yep. I had no idea how I'd get a transcript. I knew my parents didn't have the means to get me to school. I wasn't sure that a 3 point increase was even in the cards. But, I just did what I was told and trusted the process. That is what faith looks like. Faith isn't having the answers or knowing the outcome. Faith is trusting that what is for you will be, no matter what. Faith is pushing on when you have no idea what to expect. Faith is not being hindered by worry or doubt; both will arise on any faith walk, that's natural, but allowing them to stop us from our God-given destiny is a no-go. Faith is what got me to Fisk, and faith is what got me through Fisk. Because of faith, I will always be a "Daughter ever on the altar." Be Blessed XOXO