Quitters

Have you ever had something nagging on your heart that God is telling you to get rid of? A place to stop going? A person you need distance from? A habit you should stop doing? I feel like this often. Sometimes, God is telling me to take a break to reconnect and rearrange. Other times, He's telling me to stop completely, to just let it go! Regardless, there are times I honestly don't obey.

See, I'm not a quitter. Because I have commitment issues, once I'm in? I'm in...fully vested! So, when I commit to doing something, it's going to happen. When I commit to a person, they're stuck with me for life. Because of this mentality, I often times find myself on the hamster wheel of life. Having the same outcomes from the same people, places, and pain because I refuse to quit. Well...sometimes, quitters actually win.

When God nags us about lifestyle changes, it has nothing to do with commitment. I find that most times it's a lot less about commitment and a lot more about indulgence. Indulgence is contingent; it comes with consequences. IF we indulge in too much alcohol; THEN, we have a hangover. IF we indulge in too much McDonald's; THEN, we are busting out of our clothes. IF we indulge in too many clearance sales; THEN, we are late paying our bills. IF we spend too much time working overtime or hanging with the homies; THEN, we are unintentionally neglecting our family. See, indulgence is normally the thing we are being asked to forego when we feel that internal pressing to do so.

What is that you do too much? Where do you go too often? Who do you spend most of your time with? God often asks us to make changes that require quitting so that we can grow closer to Him. Growing closer to Him causes a shift in our persona, placement, and priorities. I'm willing to bet we are being asked to quit something. For some of us it's serious, like drinking, smoking, leaving a tumultuous relationship, or resigning from our jobs. For others of us, it's less severe, like shopping, eating fast food, or frequently kicking it with our friends. God is asking some of us to take a break. God is telling some of us to stop all together. Either way, when we disobey, we stay in the same position, wondering why change hasn't come. However, when we choose to submit to His will and let Him have his way... how rewarding it is to be liberated from fighting with God and seeing our spirits flourish in the way that He intends. So, go ahead...QUIT! Be Blessed. XOXO

Make Up

If you've ever been blessed to have a romantic love at any point in life, you know the extreme discomfort of needing to clear the air. You know how it feels to be silent or have someone not speak to you because there is an elephant in the room. You know the tension that mounts in your voice, or the defense you put up when the tension mounts in your partner's tone because you both know... there is beef! You know what it's like to be on the eminent cusp of a forthcoming blow-up. And you know how condescending and hurtful your words can be. You also know the sting of those words from the one you love. But then...

After you've both calmed down and agree to talk like grown-ups, you know the peace of reconciliation. You know the joy in your heart when you've given or received an apology, and forgiveness sets in. You know the bashful smiles, the batting lashes, and the "pleasure" of truly making up!

For some reason, after a big disagreement, my husband and I seem to be on top of the world. Once the air has been cleared, it's as if our marriage has been given new life. We are giddy and touchy-feely and just all out in love! Not even the rigors of work, the bussle of parenthood, or the looming pile of bills can keep us from the butterflies of a genuine make-up session. If you've been blessed to have ever been here before, YOU KNOW what I'm talking about! LOL!

Some of us have had our issues with God. We've been upset with Him for taking a loved one. We question why He hasn't blessed us with a promotion, a spouse, or some other aching desire. We wonder why it seems as though He keeps choosing US to go through the fire. We are not on good terms with Him. Because of that, there is tension between us and the Most High. Our prayers are short and heartless. Our quiet time is scarce and lacks focus. We hardly talk to Him about the issue. Instead, we call our mamas, siblings, or friends to tell them ALL about our struggle, when we what we really need is to so badly clear the air with God.

Someone reading this needs a make-up session with God. We all reach points in our spiritual growth where things are just out of whack, or we question whether God is really in our corner. Those are the times we must seek Him most diligently. Instead of giving God the silent treatment, we should be shouting at the top of our lungs for attention to our situation. Instead of ignoring God, we should try our best to annoy Him with fervent prayer and constant reminders about what is in our hearts. The Lord tells us to cast our cares on Him. To cast means to throw. So, if He's telling us to cast them, please believe He plans to catch them!

If you are in a space where you need to reconcile with God, take the first step. Take some time to simply say, "Hello". Then, tell Him what's on your mind. Get it all off your chest! CLEAR. THE. AIR. Once you do so, you'll find the joy in being connected to Him again. The pleasure in knowing He has your back and He hears your prayer will start to cover the worry, anxiety, and anger that once lived inside of you. You will find yourself becoming so consumed with Him that you are reminded of how things used to be when you first found Him. Hey, it's okay to fall off and fall out...but it's even better to make-up. Be Blessed. XOXO

Favor ain't Fair

There are times in life that everything falls into place. Times we don't ask, but God provides. Moments we aren't seeking, yet are found. Times of extreme favor. One of my spiritual mothers, First Lady Barnes used to tell me all the time, "Favor ain't fair." There are people who are without. People who have yearned for so long. Brothers and sisters in dark times, while you are basking in the light. There are two sides to this coin, but would you believe me if I told you both have received God's favor?

Growing up the way my siblings and I did, things could have turned out much differently. My brothers could have been in gangs or jail. My sister and I could have chosen to use our bodies to change our financial situation, or even worse, been forced to. But God...

I spent a lot of my time looking at others when my family was in those dark times. I'd wonder why my friends had daddies, nice shoes, stable homes, or shoot even a house phone and cable! It might seem shallow or ridiculous, but I often couldn't see God's favor for me because I was so busy looking at others. Here's what's funny...unbeknownst to me, others were looking at me too.

You see, we don't always look like what were going through. So, many people had no idea just how bad things were at the crib. I was smart. I exuded confidence. I was mature. I was funny. I had a likeable persona, could do my own hair well enough, and style what was in my closet to look a lil' different each week. Many girls from where I'm from, in the tough spots I'd been in, didn't have those means, gifts, or abilities.  Even in the midst of the mess, God favored me!

Someone reading this doesn't see how blessed they really are. Some of us don't see that even though we are a single parent and times get overwhelming, God has given us a support system to relieve some of that pressure. We don't see that there are parents out there without that structure, love, and support. There are those of us who are in dead end jobs, feeling stuck, looking at others with joy in their craft and wondering, "Why not us?" But yet, we work around people who feed our spirits and have perks that others just don't get day in and day out. Regardless of what is lacking, who is absent, or the unforeseeable future, God favors us, whether we notice it or not. 

Our circumstances are not concrete. We will have ebbs and flows in life. There will be mountain times and valley times. But God will still favor us, and it won't be fair. It's not fair because God is sovereign. He gives us what He wants, when He wants, how He wants. Because we belong to Him, regardless of what we see others having, doing, or being; we have to trust that we too are favored. Someone else is looking at who we are, what we have, and where we're headed in awe and amazement at God's work. THAT'S called favor. And favor ain't fair! Be Blessed. XOXO

Waaaaayyyy Up

Big Sean's latest two singles really show the young man's maturing. Blessed is indeed a song that speaks to the soul. The message of the song is that he's not taking his new position for granted. In the hook, Big Sean tells the audience over and over, "I'm waaaayyy up, I feel blessed."

This is any of us. Depending on our view, it could be all of us. We all have much to be thankful for. We are all inexplicably blessed. We are alive with sight and literacy as we view this blog. We have basic needs met. We have the capability to perform basic functions. We have been redeemed by our Saviour.

So why do we get so down? Why don't we thank God? Why aren't we singing like Big Sean?

We give way more notice to people whobhave the thibgs we want than people who dont have the things we all need. There are many people in dismal sutuations. Oftentimes, these people have the strongest faith. Or, they complain the least. Why? Because they are grateful and they recognize a blessing, no matter the size. On the other hand, many of us take our daily blessings for granted...at least I know I do.

Some days, I just float through life with the expectation of my blessings. I make plans weeks in advance, as if I know that God will choose to wake me each morning. I expect my husband's contributions to our family in finances, workload, and whatever else it takes to keep this thing going; as if many women aren't doing this alone or many marriages haven't unfortunately ended. I iron cloths and fix lunches for the week (at times with an attitude) while some women long for the work of motherhood, but their wombs remain barren. I dexide to not work out because I'm lazy, while some people would love to have legs to simply walk through life.  So many blessings that we just act like we're SUPPOSED to have, instead of looking at how many blessings God has actually bestowed upon us.

Power Up

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Over the course of time, I’ve realized that too many people have exercised undeserved power in my life. There are many other instances where people’s thoughts, perceptions, or behaviors have managed to affect me in a way that should never be. For example, last school year, there was some less than flattering actions and attitudes among some of the adults in my building. It became cumbersome to hear third-hand negativity about students, parents, and myself. It was daunting to witness people be so fallacious, while trying to maintain the spirit of God.

Eventually, I began to fall into the trap. As much work as God has done on me, I’m still a little girl from hood and my alter-ego can escape with the quickness. My attitude took a nose-dive, and people who rely on my positive light took swift notice. I had given those ”other” people too much power. Power they hadn’t earned. Power they damn sure didn’t deserve.

Essentially, I had given away my power. My power to be free from foolishness. My power to impact others daily by finding the good. My power to not give two rats’ testicles about what people were saying because I aim to please the Most High, not man! In the midst of that time, I started writing and FaithTHAT was born. How? By God’s grace and His divine placement of the people who really mattered-my husband, children, family, and trusted friends.

Today, many of us are in a space where too many people are exerting an illegal power over us. The girl that sits in the cubicle next to us is utterly annoying and has now exercised her power to affect your daily mood at work. The man driving the truck with the confederate flag insignia cut you off on the highway and now you are yelling at him and whoever else gets in your way. The bill collector calls during dinner and interrupts your family time, now you’re snapping at your kids to eat their dinner because kids in Africa are starving! People who have not been given divine permission to enter our lives with permanence need not be given any authority within our lives.

Psalm 62:11 says, “Once God has spoken…that power belongs to God.” God has a plan for each and every one of us. That plan allows us to have our hills and valleys, but it is His plan and only His folks are allowed. If there are people that have exercised unwarranted authority in your life, THEY are not the problem. You are! Your perception has to change. Your priority has to shift. Your placement has to be in sync. If you place people in powerful positions in your life, they will exercise that power because you ALLOW them to. We are NOT here for that, so place people where they belong. Need help? Pray about it. At the end of the day, be aware and on guard for those who are trying to steal the authority in your life.  Take back that power and give it to the ultimate authority. Be Blessed. XOXO

Pleasure to be of Service

Yesterday, my best-work-friend yelled from the staff restroom, "SMIITTTHH, help me, I just can't do it!" Watching her do a wall-slide (slightly interrupted by the paper towel dispenser), I dropped my things and ran to her rescue. What was happening? Her beautiful locs were being uncooperative, so she couldn't master pulling them into a high bun. After hooking her hair up and knowing she was pleased, we laughed until tears flowed. When we parted ways to begin teaching, I said to her, "Pleasure to be of service."

In a very mild situation, using my godly gift of kitchen hair-dressing, I saved my friend. I wanted to save her. I felt honored that she called on me when she was in need. Hmmmm...who does that sound like? God has an infinite amount of things to give us. He saved us from our transgressions. He sent His son, who despite persecution and hardship, WANTED to save us! So, God feels good when call on Him. He wants us to look to Him for our help. One of the greatest ways we can worship Him is by calling on Him when we need Him. 

In the same way, we should find honor in serving others. God is there for us even when we disappoint Him. He is there when we are asking Him for the same thing over and over and over again. He is honored that we call on His name. So, when our brother comes asking for another $25, if we have it, and it won't hurt us, we should try to give it willingly. When our friend asks us to babysit her kids because no one else is willing, not to mention the child loves coming over our house, we should feel a sense of honor to serve. When our significant other has a rough day at work and needs a listening ear, with joy and humility, we should be happy to be the one they chose to share with, and therefore, find joy in being there for them.

1 Peter 4:10 says, "As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace."  To have a servant’s heart is a special spiritual gift that some of us naturally possess. Others of  us have to work a little harder to be selfless, considerate, and available for our brothers and sisters. We have to set aside egos. We have to find joy in being of service by taking baby steps, and that’s okay. The goal is to get to a point where we are god-like in how we approach giving of ourselves to others. We do that by humbling ourselves to God and His will for our relationships with others. Follow His example and be glad when people seek you to help them. It says a lot about the way you are perceived, and even more about the work you’ve done in His name. Be humble. Be helpful. Be Blessed. XOXO

Compromise

Wanna hear a secret? I can be very argumentative. That's actually NOT a secret at all for anyone who has known me for at least 5 seconds. I don't mean to be combative, but I simply am not here for the bull. The person who has been able to sway me most in this area is my husband. He is very strong in thought and has a will of his own as well. So, guess what? We argue. I know it' s hard to believe that people who are supposed to love each other would dare to disagree, but, regrettably, I'd like to inform all "fairy-tale idealists" that marriage is FULL of arguments. Big ones, little ones, real ones, fake ones, money ones, kid ones...you name it! But over the course of this relationship, if there's one thing we've both learned it's this: Peace requires compromise. 

Funny, many of us are unwilling to compromise with one another. We HAVE to be right, even in the most ambiguous areas. We have been taught one interpretation of a scripture, and that becomes THE interpretation. We are raised to believe that a woman's role in society is one thing, so that becomes THE role. We internalize the ideas of what money management looks like, and now anyone who doesn't do it the way we do it is WRONG! Funny...we are so unyielding in our personal beliefs, ideas, and opinions; yet so flexible in our morals and values.

Some of us have compromised the core of who we are in the Spirit to be accepted by those of the world. Others of us have compromised God's righteous whispers to remain accepted by those in the church. We back-slide, flip-flop, and wish-wash all in the name of getting people to like us. However, when people not only LIKE us, but also happen to LOVE us, we want to become concrete pillars of dissension and strife. We don't want to bend on what we think is best for our family. We don't want to look at another house, we want to buy this one. We don't want to eat at Golden Corral, so we are just going to stay home. We have our minds made up and have no intentions of budging.

It's quite ironic don't you think? The things we are willing to bend versus the things we believe shouldn't break. Romans 14:1 says this, "As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions." Since we have all sinned and fallen short, and at any given moment, many of us lack faith, we should spend a lot less time arguing over the things that matter not. We should instead be spending much more time finding common ground upon the solid rock. Understanding that in relationships, especially godly ones, the end game is not to win, but to be at peace to fulfill the ultimate purpose. A house divided can not stand. Neither can a marriage, a friendship, or a workplace team. So, be willing to bend a little. That way, together we may work in harmony to grow God's Kingdom. Be Blessed. XOXO

All Things New

Today was the first day of school. My oldest son is a brand new 2nd grader, ready to rock and roll. I mean, he has this school thing down! On the other hand, my youngest son started preschool today, and he DOES NOT have it down yet! My husband reported that he did well until it was time for daddy to leave. Then..."he broke". 

Like most toddlers who begin school, the transition from daycare or home with mommy to a foreign place with new big people, new little people, new spaces, new places, and even new toys can be scary. It's overwhelming. It's overstimulating. It's uncomfortable. When we are used to one way of life, the initial shock of something new can take us by surprise. This is what happened to my baby boy today. This is also what happens to each and every one of us as we mature in the Spirit.

There are some scary things about living a more righteous life. The things we are used to doing; the places we are used to going; the people we are used to seeing all change. Sometimes the change is so swift that we are caught off guard. Other times, we've had time to prepare for the change, but just the feeling of all this new stuff puts us in a weird head space. And yet, there are times that we are clinging to what we are comfortable with, clawing and scratching, hanging on for dear life to that which we know best. 

However, in His word, God tells us that He makes all things new. The King James version of 2nd Corinthians 5:17 says this, "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." We've been warned. When we decide to live a different lifestyle, some things are going to have to go, some behaviors are going to have to go, and, unfortunately, some people may have to go. That's scary. That's hard. That's one of the things that keeps some of us from living up to our full potential. We are afraid of becoming new. We are timid in the face of real spiritual change. 

What if I fail? Who will I hang out with? What if I'm lonely or people no longer like me? These are the types of questions that swarm our brain and try to infiltrate our spirits. Someone reading this is being pushed to the next level. But, much like my 3-year-old, you look around and see that your surroundings are changing. The people around you are changing. YOU are changing. Don't fight it. It's okay to be nervous and to wonder what's to come, but don't be afraid. God has made all things new so that you...yeah you...can be a light in this dark world. Congratulations on graduating to a new level in spiritual maturity, and trust me, it's all going to be okay...He promised. Be Blessed. XOXO

Spoiled

I'm a brat. Not in the traditional sense because my upbringing had some lofty fiscal deficits of course. But I'm still a brat. Although my mom couldn't afford the basic needs, let alone the materialistic wants, she managed to spoil me. How? With her love and attention.

For the first 7 years of my life, I was an only child. Because of that, I had my mom's uninterrupted attention, her total focus. This experience was something my siblings would never have the chance to have. For those years, I had her all to myself! And that my friends is where the spoiling commenced.

She noticed every mistake and took swiftly to correct them. She celebrated every victory,  large and small. She held my hand, supported me, encouraged me, questioned me, hugged and kissed me...and only me. Ahh...those were the good ole days!

When my siblings came along, she still managed to love us all and tend to us all and spoil us all with the one thing she was rich with...love. That type of spoiling, on a whole higher level, is so evident in our relationships with GOD!

Many of us are focused right now on what we don't have. We don't have a spouse, so we feel inadequate. We don't own a home, so we feel immature. We can't buy fancy shoes and clothes, so we feel insecure. But God's love is in great abundance around us.

He gives us His uninterrupted attention each and every day. Although we have countless brothers and sisters, our Daddy is still in the spoiling business. He keeps us safe when danger seems immenent. He keeps us fed when hunger is rampid. He loves us when no one else does. He wants us all to be His little brats, spoiled by His unconditional, abounding love.

Once we come to feel His presence; to realize all the small things He's blessed us with; to be grateful for all the tragedy He's kept us from; to honor the sacrifice He made for us; ONLY then will we walk fully in our birthright, spoiled brats of the Kingdom. The next time someone accuses you of being a brat, look them in the eye and say, "Thank you! It's ALL my Daddy's fault!" Be Blessed. XOXO

Stand Firm

There are a few things I simply don't apologize for. First, I don't apologize for being black. The color of my skin tells a story and comes with a history so rich, a legacy so strong, I'd rather die than to shame it. I don't apologize for being a woman. God saw it fit for me to nurture and guide, to bear and teach children, to love and honor my husband. Lastly, I'm unapologetically Christian.

Plenty of evidence exists to refute the Word in which I believe. Some of the stories seem kinda out there (if you ask me). There are things in that thang I don't understand, and not everything in it finds my agreement. However, it's not hard facts, scientific evidence, or my full following of the Bible on which I base my choice. That's right. Of the 3 things mentioned above, only 1 of them is a choice - being Christian.

So, when people hit me with, "That's the white man's religion. " I reply, "Thats funny 'cause all the key players are black and the setting just happens to be Africa, soooo..."

Them: Science is the exploration of proven facts. Religion is full of falsehood.
Me: You're right, but FAITH is the substance of things NOT seen, soooo...

Them: How can you believe in a God who supports misogyny?
Me: I don't. Suppression and oppression of women is a hard religious limit for me, which is why I operate in the spirit, not the ritual.

Them: Aw you a Christian so you hate homosexuals?
Me: Orrrr nah. Faith, hope, and love last on. The greatest of these is love. I love my neighbor as myself. The way I love my husband, I couldn't imagine if that feeling of love and devotion was "wrong". I dont believe my God gave me or you life to live in that kind of misery, soooo...

Many Christians (mostly church folk) will take issue with some of my responses, but let's be clear: I am a black woman who CHOOSES to be Christian. But by default I'm human. By nature, I'm scholarly. And by study, I've seen the roller-coaster time line of this religion. One minute they are being persecuted; the next minute they are responsible for the persecution of others. Plenty of powerful people have used this religion and it's doctrine for negative causes and selfish gain. I KNOW. Find me a religious sect where that phenomenon hasn't happened, and I'll show you a mountain of lies.

Despite this, I still choose to serve my God. Why? Because that's the God who granted me the Saviour who has sustained me. I don't have to conduct research to know what I've been brought out of...I lived it. That is the essence of spiritual choice. We serve the God we believe has come through for us. For some of us, that's Allah. For others, it's Buddha. Regardless of who we choose to serve, we have to rest in the faith that only comes from personal experience. I have experienced the comfort of my God, the peace of my God, the healing of my God. For these reasons, I won't apologize for choosing Him because well before I was formed in my mother's womb, He....chose...me. Be Blessed.  XOXO