Get Over Yourself

I've often found myself running away from things that are going to be hard. It's not always obvious that I'm running, but I know that's exactly what's happening. Someone says, "Let's get a personal trainer." I say, "Nah, my schedule won't let me do that right now." Someone says, "Let's save $1 a day for the next year." I say, "Nah, I need all my coins." Someone says, "I think you should become a principal." I say, "Nah, my kids are young and my husband works a lot." Really, although these are very valid reasons, I'm running. From what you ask...FAILURE.

I am afraid to fail because, well, no one wants to fail! If I get a trainer and still don't get down to a size 10, I've failed. If I save $1 a day, but still don't reach my savings and debt reduction goals, I fail. If I become a principal and my school doesn't perform well, I fail. C'mon man! That's no way to live!

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame...Romans 5:3-5

So basically, times of failure are a guarantee, but BEING a failure is not an option. There is no reason to think that if I try and don't succeed that I am less than. God is in the midst of all of our attempts. He allows it all. There are times we fail because we make a poor choice. There are times we fail because we don't seek God's guidance. There are times we fail because God wants us to gain more experience in the realm of the spirit. There are times we fail because we need the motivation that it brings. Failing is inevitable.

There's no lesson learned without a stumbling. There's no drive in a person without having at one point been without a vision. The outcome of our failures outweighs the failing itself. It is in the times we've failed that we've suffered. But because we have suffered we are able to endure more than before. Because we are able to endure more than before, we have become stronger in the faith. Because we become stronger in the faith, we have hope in the Lord and His will for our lives. With that, we understand that we will have moments that we are unsuccessful, those times things just don't go as planned. But thank God for what that creates within us and who it pushes us to become. Don't run from the possibility of failure...instead run toward the potential within it! Be Blessed. XOXO

On the Contrary

My sons have vastly different personalities. The oldest one is very passive and understanding. It takes a lot to get him fired up, but once he's there, it can take a bit to bring him back down. The youngest one is a fire-cracker. He goes from 0 to 100...real quick! But for him, once it's over...it's over. It's funny because my husband and I are the same way. My husband is a passive and understanding spirit. When he's vehement, it's rather surprising. I, on the other hand, have a tendency to be an immediate reactor. But, once it's done, it's done. I'm over it and ready to forge ahead.

Many people would say that my oldest son and husband have the more godly persona. They are more humble. They don't let their pride rattle their emotions. They keep it chill most of the time. I agree that there are definitely some god-type pieces to those personalities. Things that I aim to work toward because naturally, it's not who I am.

On the contrary, people might view my youngest son and I as hot-heads who aren't able to put our pride aside. There's an element of truth to that, and the effort to simmer takes time when you are used to reacting. However, I'd push back with the reality that both of these types of personalities have a place in the kingdom.

For every action, there is an equal and OPPOSITE reaction. The work needs the passive and understanding spirit to bring people into the fold. To help validate people's existence and make them see the love that is God's. The work also needs the passionate ones. The immediate reactors who stand up against the persecution of the godly, who hold fast to their beliefs, and make known the will to fight for them.

Many of us have traits or personalities that the world would deem unacceptable. People who consider themselves "holy high-rollers" have this false conception that all of God's people should act the same. Well, nothing could be further from the truth. God created diversity in His people's appearances, abilities, and talents. He was not trying to create a bunch of Agent Smith's from the Matrix. He had no intentions of having all of his soldiers actually BE the same. Instead, he created a puzzle of pieces in different shapes and sizes to fit together in the most ideal way.

So, for those of you who struggle with self-acceptance, here is your starter kit. Know that every bit of who you are can be used to build the Kingdom. There will be times that you use those powers for the not-so-good, but they are still being sharpened in you as you are still being shaped by God. Those tests and trials (that we will sometimes pass and other times fail) are the way in which our spiritual personalities grow and develop. You are you for a reason. When people say, "You're too loud!" Tell them that God needs a boisterous voice in His name. When they tell you, "Stop being so soft." Remind them that the meek shall inherit the earth. When the world tells you that you must tame yourself, you must be non-reactionary, you can't be who you are...look them square in the face and tell them, "I am who I am for a reason. God made me this way to work in His Kingdom. I might not always get it right, but I know one thing for sure, I am His, beautifully and wonderfully made to fulfill His mission for my life." Do you boo, and let no one tell you otherwise. Be Blessed. XOXO

We the people

There's been a lot of hooplah over the Black Lives Matter movement. There are people who support it whole-heartedly. There are people who get it. There are people who think black people should focus more on "black on black" crime than police brutality. And then, there are extremists who go so far as to say it's a terrorist group!

Here's the truth, unless you are a genocide loving racist, black lives MOST DEFINITELY matter. And to say that we matter means just that...WE matter! If the victim is constant, what doesn't matter are the variables of who is at the hand of injustice, oppression, disrespect, or murder!

Since our capture and enslavement, the message in America has been clear. Black people have had a history of degradation, division, discrimination, and even death. At the core has been a far too common ideology: Blacks are not actually people. See, we were originally seen as property, objects for sale or trade. As we all know, it's impossible to hurt an object. Objects feel no pain. They are things, and things don't have feelings or hearts. They are expendable and can be replaced. For far too many Americans, that mindset hasn't gone away.

Well here's the fact: WE ARE PEOPLE. Black men, women, and children are people. People have hearts that beat and break, feelings that are suppressed or displayed. They experience tragedy, trauma, and triumph. They love, they live, they unify for the greater good. Objects don't do that. Objects don't matter, but people...people matter. 

Now, you're probably wondering what any of this has to do with faith. I'm getting there. Bear with me. Often, the Bible and the Christian faith have been used to carry out this message of superiority and oppression. The very people who stand firmly against the Black Lives Matter collective claim to be a part of the faith; they say they believe in God. They tout their allegiance to living godly with little regard for the loss of godly lives. To be a part of the body in the Lord has much deeper meaning than what you read in your quiet time and how you spend your Sunday mornings. It has a lot more to do with understanding part of being God's people means persecution. Part of being God's people means not being understood. Part of being a part of God's family means that people will try to tear us apart...by any means necessary. 

As a black woman, black lives matter to me. Does that mean that white or brown lives don't matter? No. To say that Christians have religious freedom and deserve to not be held captive in nations with other dominant religions doesn't take away that same right for Muslims, Jews, and Buddhists. If you are of God, you know that the lives of people who have stood under attack have always mattered. The Israelites' lives mattered. The disciples' lives mattered. Our savior's life mattered. All of these people faced real adversity that often led to death. However, they had to stand united under the belief that God is real and people deserve a chance to know Him. Just like we have to stand united that regardless of the adversity we face and who is responsible for it, we are a proud people who deserve to have our lives taken into consideration in this country. That is why Black Lives Matter is more than a movement. It is the fruition of the things we've been told; it is the substance of things hoped for; it is a symbol of faith...faith that one day, our lives will be viewed with the same regard as white ones. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, to be heard, to be valued. Anyone who takes issue with that is less than godly...and the Word warns us to beware of wolves dressed as sheep. Be Blessed. XOXO

Broken mirror

You ever feel like the outside world sees you differently than you see yourself? For example, to them, you have a great body; to you, you're fat. To them, you have it together; to you, your life is in shambles. To them, you are godly and spiritually mature; to you, you're further from God than you want to be.

I get it. This past weekend, amidst the celebration of my sister-in-law's birthday, I saw just how broken my mirror was, and how potentially detrimental that can be. Near the end of our night of fun, a young lady started tripping and acting ridiculous over the restrooms. She and a friend of mine got into a heated word exchange. I take issue with the restroom bouncer to ask why he allowed the girl's ongoing foolishness. We were all asked to leave the restroom area and chill out. But then, it was time to leave. As we told the story to a friend who wasn't around at the time, the young lady posted up, looking for trouble, provoking an incident. 

Instead of walking away, instead of speaking with intelligent dismissal, instead of acting like I had some sense, I let the chic have it! Why? Because my mirror was broken. Everyone with me was surprised at my reaction. Why? Because I'm normally not involved in any foolishness (at least not in a very long time). But see, how everyone else sees me isn't how I saw myself. My cousin Thomas and his homeboy Lloyd said, "Aye you finna be a principal, you need to chill!" My friend Shayla said to me, "Shanelle you write about all the things God has brought you through, don't mess all that up." Maurice and Floyd told me that jail wasn't an option for me, and I needed to calm down. 

They all saw me as someone greater than I saw myself. To me, in that moment, I was just a little chic from the trap. To them, in that moment, I was ACTING like a little chic from the trap, but I'd grown into a woman with a story and a purpose that wasn't worth compromising. I was blown away by the feeling that gave me. I simmered (even though I didn't want to) because I had too much to lose and too much to live up to. I can't say that I won't be provoked and react in a less than godly way ever again in my life, but I can say that God has gifted me with a new mirror. He's shown me that I reflect Him and a goodness that people would love to see for themselves. He showed me that I need to be mindful of the mirror I look into because a broken one shows a broken me, but I am made whole through Him and the people that He's placed in my life to keep me going.

Normally, I'd be beating myself up for my actions. I'd harp on it. I'd dwell. I'd live in a constant state of remorse. Instead, the next morning, I honestly felt very little remorse. The most overwhelming feeling I had was gratitude. Thankful to God for keeping that situation from becoming uglier than it was, giving me my freedom to wake up in my own bed the next morning and report to work today. Appreciative of my friends and family who had my back in a different, more mature way. I was simply in a state of gratitude. And that was yet another sign of my own spiritual maturation. God has grown me in a way that I accept and own mistakes, but don't live in them. I was actually really surprised at how I felt the next day. It felt much lighter to see the God in the situation than to focus on my immature actions.

Colossians 2:10 reads "And you have been made complete in Christ..." Someone reading this right now is seeing themselves through broken pieces. You don't realize or give yourself enough credit for how far God has brought you. You made a mistake or slipped up and now you've allowed that moment to define you, instead of living as the person God has developed. We all have those old remnants of ourselves drifting around inside of us. Every now and then they surface. They surface to remind us of who we can be, but not to show us who we really are. Check your reflection today. Make sure that you are looking into a whole mirror so that you see your whole self, not the pieced apart person that you used to be. Be Blessed. XOXO

Kept

So a few posts back, I divulged the story of my oldest son nearly being hit by a car in Washington, DC. Well, last month something even scarier happened. Now, anyone whose had the honor of a swim park birthday party knows that most swim parks have immaculate kiddie pools with extremely shallow water and spray jets and animal slides...pure, safe, awesomeness! However immediately upon our arrival to the kiddie area I told my husband, "I don't like how this is set up." Why? Because the kiddie area was combined with 3 feet of water that led into the drifting lazy river. I thought to myself, what moron created this?!

Anyhoo, as the afternoon went on, I sat in the most shallow part of the water and watched as my nephew and my youngest son went up the tiny slide and into the water. They had a rhythm. But at one point, the rhythm was off. I hadn't seen them come down the slide yet. I looked to my left, where the 3 foot area was and saw my nephew, who is tall enough to stand, having the time of his life. But where was my baby?! That's when I see a man I don't know literally lift his forearm from the water with my baby boy clinging to him for dear life.

How did that happen? I was watching them. They had a rhythm. It took a minute for it all to register as I couldn't tell if my son was making new friends and disregarding our "stranger danger" talks, or if there was more to it. There was clearly more to it. My son followed his cousin into deep waters. Out of nowhere he was snatched from the danger that awaited him and saved from potential tragedy...

Once I got over feeling like a failed mother who was embarrassed that I wasn't the one to see him first and save him (yes that was the emotion that followed my relief, judge me if ya want), I realized that God was proving to me the power of my daily prayers. See I pray His covering over my boys daily. It is a constant worry to be a mother, especially of black boys in a world that has shown extreme hatred toward their likeness for centuries. It's scary. I worry. In both of these situations, I saw Him move. I was reminded of His power and His faithfulness. I saw that faith can even be strengthened through really scary experiences.

All of us have been kept. If you still have air in your lungs and sight to read this post, you've been kept. Think back over your life. There are circumstances you shouldn't have come out of. There are days you shouldn't have made it out of bed and nights you shouldn't have made it safely home. God is a keeper. When we trust in Him and lean on Him, we are able to see just how much He keeps us and the ones we cover in prayer. Believe me when I tell you this: Even when we don't notice, God has His hand on us. I don't know about you, but I'm so grateful He does. Be Blessed. XOXO

I see you

They're watching. Every move. Every word. Every reaction and decision. They are watching you. They are watching me. Who? Them. All of the "thems" we know exist and many of those we don't. Am I crazy?  Naaahhh...at least not today!

You see many of us walk around, yelling how Christian we are, but living in a way that would turn even the most curious person OFF! When we get angry, curse words FLY! When we are hurt, STRONG walls are built! When we are afraid, we run and we HIDE! When we disagree with another person's opinions or life choices, we get LOUD, and most of the time refuse to even listen!

None of this is Godly. And quite frankly, people are looking at us. Our children who need an example of righteous living are looking at us. Our significant other who may not have strong faith is looking at us. The people at work who always hear your Tamala Mann Pandora station are looking at you. Kids in the neighborhood, elders at the grocery store, people on social media...EVERYONE!

It's easy to flip this to: We live for God and not for man; but each of us has a responsibility to "let our light shine". So, should people see perfection? Heck no! They should see mistakes made with dignity and sincere repentance. Should they see pretentiousness and hypocrisy? Nah. They should see genuine humanness being molded and shaped daily. Should they see judgment and division? Nope. They should see unity and love.

With that said, be on guard. They are watching. Your every step and action are being monitored by people who admittedly or secretly admire you. They are inspired by you. They are relying on you. Try to be your best you, even in your worst times to show them the power of God to pick all of us up and pull of us through.  Be Blessed! XOXO

Disruption

My husband leaves today on a business trip. He travels again next week. When this happens, our whole family routine is disrupted. The boys and I wake up earlier, go to bed later, and ALWAYS manage to leave something very important at home! It's like life as we know it no longer exists...until he gets back.

Some of us know this feeling. We find ourselves living a life of disarray. We are cursing more. We are drinking more. We are unhappy at work. We argue more at home. We doubt. We fear. We lack faith. On any given day, life as we know it seems to have become a distant memory. Why? Because we're away from God.

When we are away from God, we are not ourselves. Tasks become more difficult. People become more annoying. Emotions become more overwhelming. Life gets harder...but there is hope.

Reconnecting with God is simple. First, pray. Prayer isn't this long soliloquy. It can be this simple: Help me Lord; Thank you Lord; or I love you Lord. After you pray, ease your way into meditation and quiet time. This doesn't have to be the longest process, so use whatever time you have. (Not to give ya TMI, but most days mine is in the AM in the RR. Hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!) Lastly, try to connect to friends and counterparts who give you godly counsel and encouragement. This part is huge! If we are constantly surrounded by people who lack faith and love and God, we are cheating ourselves out of God's vessels of light and love that can make all the difference between us growing closer to God or us keeping Him at bay.

Someone reading this has had a spiritual disruption. I get it. I've been there more times than I can count. Here is the hope: God is waiting for your return. He wants to piece back together all that seems scattered. He wants to renew you and give you fresh perspective. He loves you. He'll never leave you nor forsake you. So, try opening up to Him today. Be Blessed. XOXO

Hiatus

As you've probably noticed, there's been a slight FaithTHAT drought. Since school is back in session, both kids are in sports, and this is heavy travel season for the husband, time is a rare commodity. However, even knowing this, the devotion to creating time to be with God alone, in quiet, has been absent as well. In short, my priorities have fallen out of whack because my responsibilities have increased. As a result, I'm in a spiritual drought.

A good analogy for this would be the roller-coaster of weight gain and healthy living. There are times that I am going to workout come hell or high water - waking up earlier, going on my lunch break, adding Saturday or Sunday for weekdays missed. My eating habits reflect that I am a woman on a mission to stay in my current pant size. These are times I mean serious business!

Yet, there are seasons where I don't prioritize my health.  I eat what I want, when I want. I barely workout. I lose focus. I'm working more. I'm on vacation. I just don't feel like putting in the work because I'm tired.  And before I know it, hello next pant size and goodbye wardrobe of old.

When our responsibility increases, we need God most. We need His guidance. We need His reassurance. We need His covering. And because greater responsibility leads to stressful times that can overwhelm us, we even need His comfort.

If you, like me, are noticing a shift in your focus on God, a decline in your time with Him; it's time to realign our priorities. This is a natural part of godly living. We all fall off or even forget. But James 4:8 simply says this: Draw nearer to God...

Thankfully we serve the God who is forgiving, always present, and never forgets about us. So, today, take the time out to have a little talk. Reconnect, realign, and remember to make time with the One who has our back, no matter what. Be Blessed. XOXO