Commitment = FAILURE!

I didn’t want to get married. It all sounded like a terrible idea to me. Who in their right mind would want to sacrifice their individuality for the rest of their lives? Why would anyone give a person their whole heart and risk it being broken into a zillion pieces? And kids?!?! No. Thank. You. You see when you haven’t seen what a long-term, stick-it-out, “we’re gonna make it” marriage looks like, you don’t believe in them. They sound like mythological events in some fairyland. And we all know this world we live in is FAR from a fairyland!

Then, Darnell changed my view. He told me that my perception of marriage was skewed. He said,
“To think that in order for a marriage to last it has to be perfect is crazy!” He also showed me, through so many examples within his family, what it looked like to stick-it-out. The men and women in his family had been through so much throughout the course of their marriages, but were still holding on (and from what I can tell, most of the time, HAPPILY holding on). Looking at the world through my husband’s lens, I was able to see first-hand that to be committed, in essence, meant to fail.

That was what I was most afraid of-FAILURE. I didn’t want to fail at being a good wife. I didn’t want to fail at being a good mom. I didn’t want to have a failed marriage. So, I would shy away from even the idea, let alone the potential reality!

Many of us can relate because we have a strong desire to change. We want to live a better life. We want to lose weight, but we ate 100 hot wings and had 14 margaritas this weekend; so we may as well give up. We want to let go of that unhealthy relationship, but we fear that if he says the right things, we’ll be right back with him, so what’s the point in even trying? We want to chase our dreams and do what we love, but we need benefits and the security of bi-weekly paychecks. We don’t want to fail at being faithful to the one we love, so we play the field, even sometimes waking up from emotionless actions in empty beds. We want to serve God and live a life more pleasing in His sight, but we don’t want to screw up and fail at living for God, so we minimize Him in our daily lives.

But here’s the great thing about being committed: To be committed means that you WILL fail! It’s inevitable! There have been so many times I’ve fallen short of being a great wife, where my husband could do nothing but palm his head and shake it vigorously, probably questioning what the hell he got himself into! There have been just as many times that he’s left me in the same position, wondering how he talked me into this crazy, committed arrangement! But, with the failure comes reflection. adjustment, and another try. THAT is what it means to be committed. You don’t give up. You fall, you fail, you do it again! And keep doing it! 

In order for us to truly commit to anything or anyone, we have to move past the potential failures. That’s how we get better. That’s how we develop grit to persevere another day. Oftentimes, failure becomes the motivator to do better. You want to lose 5 lbs, but you only lost 3, you got a choice to make: You can give up and gain back the 3 (and then some), or you can fight like crazy to shed those other 2 to reach your goal. Failure is a often a frequent stop on the commitment trail! 

Commit to God. He knows you are going to fail. He knows you are going to sin. He knows! But keep showing up. Keep trying. Keep praying. Because the other thing He knows is that His love is greater than our failure. His light is brighter than any looming darkness. His grace and mercy make our failures simply become life-lessons along our journey toward his divine purpose. We’ll never be perfect... it’s impossible. We are guaranteed to fail! But as long as we stay committed, God has our back. Be Blessed. XOXO 

Sit Down Somewhere!

Life is busy. Period. I've become overwhelmed with work, sports, attempting to keep a clean home, and trying to maintain  my personal appearance as best I can. To put it bluntly, dis tew much! In the midst of all this hustle and bustle, ripping and running, coming and going, I can feel a disconnect. Don't know the last time my husband and I had just "we" time. Like real, uninterrupted, just-us-kind-of time. Can't tell you the last time my kids and I had a dance party, played with superheroes, or just curled up for what was once our weekly family movie night. I'm all out of sorts.

When life is like this, chances are, the Spirit is too. My church attendance has been spotty. My time in my Word is minimal. I don't talk with God as much. I don't seek Him as diligently. I'm just kind of out here.

"Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” -Matthew 6:31

God didn't design us to constantly be busy. He designed us to work...for Him...but not to exhaust ourselves like many of us do. His plan for our lives is bigger than overpriced caffeine and extensive workouts, all in an effort to increase our energy as we race to fatigue. His plan requires us to sometimes be still. We have to ensure that we save room in our day to be available to Him. I don't know about you, but lately, this has become a bit of a struggle for ya girl!

Not sure how many of you can relate, but there comes a time in life where you just need to sit down somewhere. God has so much to show us and reveal about His vision and purpose for our lives. However, it gets tough to hear His voice when the background noise is so loud. It's hard to see His vision when the fog of work, family, and social time hasn't cleared. It's hard to live out His purpose when so many other things have completely drained our energy. If you know this place all too well, make an intentional effort to carve out dedicated time this week to simply bask in God. No formalities required. No time limit in place. Simply make an effort to commit some time to pray, journal, read, or just sit still in the solitude of His love. Be Blessed. XOXO

Please Don't Judge Me...

I judge people. Sometimes, I know full well I’m coming for them. Other times, it’s unintentional. But I definitely do it. Sometimes out loud. Sometimes simply in my head. I have unwarranted opinions. Sometimes I share them, even when they’re unsolicited. Other times, I think them…HARD…and pray they don’t escape my lips. I judge people. Plain and simple. And what I can’t stand is the person who says with much confidence, “That’s why I don’t judge people.” YES. YOU. DO! Chances are the moment that phrase came out of your mouth, you were in a conversation with a person you felt was being judgmental. So, you threw a little shade with your “that’s why I don’t judge people” statement. Hence, you were judging them for being judgmental!

However, when the Word tells us to judge not, it’s not telling us not to have an opinion. No. What it’s actually saying is don’t decide a person’s fate. Don’t decide that a person is going to heaven or hell based off your beliefs or opinions. This is something that many, many church folk struggle with. There’s so much that has been made up and held fast that they have a hard time shaking the thought that where a person spends their eternal life is NOT a human decision!

Tupac once said, “Only God can judge me,” and he was right! We have a way of spewing fear and hate into the masses as a means of drawing them to God. That’s sooooo counter to the message! We have been taught that if you are gay, you are going to hell. Really? Because a HHUUUGGEE percentage of church folk WERE conceived or DID conceive out of WEDLOCK. Are they too going to hell? If you kill yourself, that’s the ultimate sin because you can’t repent, so you’re going to hell. Really? And we know that becauuusseee…If a murderer can take someone else’s life  and still go on to glory, SURELY a person who felt the weight of the world was too much has the same chance.

Chris Brown's ballad makes this request: "Please don't judge me/and I won't judge you/'cause it could get ugly/before it gets beautiful." THIS is real life, so show some real love (shout out to Mary J.). You see, people often spend so much time worried about what other people are doing that they develop the false sense that they ALSO get to determine where that person will spend life after death. NEWSFLASH! You ain’t got that kind of power dawg! Chill. Let people live. Offer righteous advice. Love them despite disagreeable beliefs. Have your own opinions. But please, (in my Rihanna voice) don’t get it twisted. You have no say in where they are headed so HURSH! (and Be Blessed! XOXO)

Looking Like Yo Daddy!

My oldest son started 3rd grade yesterday of course I snapped a picture. After my proud mama Facebook post, I examined the photo a bit more. I admired his slight smile and how that scar that once caused such grief is now a mark of character, making him look more like a young man than a little boy. I thought to myself, He's a pretty handsome kid. The older he gets, the more he looks like his daddy. 

Everyone who sees my sons and I together thinks they look like me, and truthfully they do. So much so that my husband often threatens to take me on the Maury show! He's even crafted the most amazing dance to perform when the results come in. Yes, I married a complete clown. However, as my the big boy gets older, I see so much of his father in his features, in his mannerisms, in his personality. It's clear that he is most definitely his father's child. 

This is the point we should be trying to get to in our walk with the Lord. The older we get, the more people should see our Daddy in us. Now we often confuse what this looks like, so let's refresh. First and foremost, we were made in His image, so when he made us, we already came here looking kind of like Him! Beyond that, He instructs us on how to live like Him and for Him, but He FULLY understands that we will never be Him. And that's the part that we often forget. We think that looking like God means constantly reminding others how much they don't look like Him. We think that His image is one of condescension and judgement. We think that living like Him requires us to point out every mistake and shame every secret of our brothers and sisters. And, well, quite frankly, that COMPLETELY misses the point. 

As I look back over my own life, I think about how far I've come in my walk with God. I'm still very critical of myself, so going through this spiritual drought, I've been really hard on myself at times. Allowing thoughts like, "God is mad at me, " or "I disappointed Him so much, He's going to get me". Worrying that something tragic will befall me to force me back into His fold in a greater way. And then I am reminded...that's NOT how God operates. That's how WE operate. God is forgiving and loving. Will He chastise us? Yes. Will he condemn us? No. Will he test us? Yes. Will he tempt us? No. Will he nudge us? Yes. Will he force us? No. 

See God is the embodiment of the Fruit. He is patient with us. He loves us. He sees past EVERY SINGLE fault. He loves beyond EACH DARK SECRET. He's God. And the stronger we grow in Him, the longer we walk with Him, the more we look like Him. As we grow in God, people should be able to see our Daddy's patience, His self-control, His righteous resilience, His image... the one in which we were made. Will we be perfect? Ummm...no. As a matter of fact, that's how we'll know. We will love ourselves and others past the pain, through the storm, after the mistakes, despite the secrets, over the guilt, and beyond the shame . That's how they will know we are His children. Be Blessed. XOXO

Relieve Me

Have you ever worked a job where there was a certain time of day you would be "relieved"? You know, 11:30 AM, the lunch worker comes around so you can take your 30 minutes? Or your supervisor rotates in 15 minute increments to give you and your co-workers a break? I have, and I know there were days I was so tired, or work was so slow, that I literally counted down the minutes to my relief. 

Some of us are in a season of struggle right now. We are so tired that we can't wait for God to send us relief. We feel like we've been fighting the same battle for so long that it almost seems impossible for our situation to change. We are tired of waiting for that promotion at work. We are tired of getting calls from our children's school We are exhausted with our spouse and their foolish ways. We don't have enough money, patience, or blood-pressure medicine to hold on much longer! We are growing weary. 

When we reach these times in life, it's hard to trust God. Our faith dwindles. Our lights dim. Our hope begins to fade. When people around us are in this space, it can become difficult to encourage them because we TOTALLY agree with them! Even we are looking up to the heavens like, "C'mon God! Relieve them already!" We ourselves have grown tired  simply watching them fight and hold on and pray and hold on and fall and fail and hold on and wait and hold on some more. 

 The Word tells us a few things about being in this time: 

1. They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. (Isaiah 40:31)

2. There is rest for the weary... (Matthew 11:28)

3. Do no grow weary in doing good for in due time... (Galatians 6:9)

4. All of my help comes from the Lord. (Psalms 121:2)

5. He has made everything beautiful...IN ITS TIME. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

It's in these times we have no other choice then to pray and stand. In this waiting period, tears are normal, so cry. In this holding time, anger is natural, so scream. In these still moments, asking God the tough questions get us to the well-deserved rewards. If you're here right now, or you've ever been here, you know it feels like forever. But once the sweet relief of the Lord comes, we find that we have been reshaped, molded into a stronger, more grateful, more humble version of former selves. 

Here's a playlist of encouragement to help remind us that in due time, we will be rewarded: 

1. Be Encouraged-William Becton

2. My Life is in Your Hands-Kirk Franklin

3. I Told the Storm-Greg O'Quin N Joyful Noize

4. Encourage Yourself-Donald Lawrence and the Tri-City Singers

5. I Almost Let Go-Kurt Carr

6. Worth Fighting For-Brian Courtney Wilson

7. Greater is Coming-Jekalyn Carr

God is preparing us for the blessings He has in store for us. We can't receive relief until He deems us ready. Hold on brothers and sisters. I know the rope feels thin. I know it looks like a long way up, but God PROMISED to never leave you nor forsake you. Trust that. Trust Him. And prepare yourself to Be Blessed. XOXO

Teacher: God....Student: Me

So, my wallet and phone were stolen yesterday. Although a big part of it was clearly my own absent-minded irresponsibility, a bigger part of it is the genuine lack of integrity amongst people. The short story: I was grabbing a large bag of ice for my son's baseball team to cool their post-game Gatorade. After failing to grip the bag to carry it to the car, I set down my wallet and phone, but held on to my keys as they were looped around my finger. I put the ice in the cooler, hopped in the whip, and went to retrieve the offspring. Upon arrival at Kid #1, I noticed my phone wasn't in its normal location. Because mom's can often misplace their own things when trying to keep up with EVERYONE else's, I asked my trusty side-kick (because he knows I lose things DAILY) to assist in the search. With no success, we drive on to Kid #2, and I ponder over my last steps. Still with no luck, I drop off the boys and backtrack to all locations only to have the epiphany that the last time I had it was when I set it down to pick up that stupid bag of ice! Of course, no one saw or knew anything, which made the whole ordeal even more frustrating. But what was so shocking to me was my internal and external mood.

Normally, in a situation like this, I'd be going BALLISTIC! Tears, expletives, phone calls, you name it! But not today. Not this time. Why? As I drove back to my big boy's baseball game, I thought about a bunch of stuff. First, our lives have been in a bit of disarray the last few weeks because of Kaleb's grueling baseball schedule, the demands of my husband's new gig, and my brilliant idea to work summer school. When things are out of whack at home, it's easy for mishaps to occur and for one to become more vulnerable to predators upon the unsuspecting. Secondly, in the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, it's hard to get upset about small things right now. These people are gone. Their loved ones are left to mourn their lives forever. A phone and a wallet are nothing when you think of that. And lastly, one word-Growth.

See, I've been feeling a bit distant from God for the past few months. Can't quite put my finger on what or why, but it just doesn't quite feel the same. I know He's there because He promised never to leave me, but I just haven't felt as connected. Well in light of yesterday's unfolding, I saw Him, I felt Him, I knew He was trying to get my attention. For that, I couldn't be upset. Annoyed? Yes. Slightly deflated? Uh-huh. Ready to squad up on the first person I saw with  my stuff?! Sho 'Nuff. But honestly, the feelings I had were different. I realized that in this season of distance, I have been given the chance to grow.

Back in January, God revealed to me that this year was going to be a year of testing and trials, but nothing tragic. Boy has it been true. Some of the tests I've aced; some of them I've made it by the skin of my teeth; and others, well I failed them bad boys with FLYING colors! But ALL of them, yes ALL of them, are playing a part in my growth. It feels good to know that I can stand and God can continue to trust my ability, even when I don't always get it right. Think about child-birth. A child can only grow to certain point in the mother's womb. At some point, he or she will have to exit that safe space and enter this crazy world. Then and only then can they truly grow. The same thing is true of God. There will be times where He holds us close to keep us safe, to shield us, to comfort us, to prepare us. But then the time comes where He chooses to fall back and let us see grow.  Iyanla Vanzant said, "God gives his toughest tests to his best students." With God's protection and provision, His grace and all His mercy, I'm pretty sure that if we study hard and work with real grit. we will all be headed toward the top of the class! Study, Pray, Grow, and Be Blessed. XOXO

Falling Off

The title of this blog is the story of my life. I have a trinity of priority in my life: God, Family, and Work.This balancing act can be quite difficult to maintain. There are times when my family trumps my time with God because I'm so busy reprimanding, taking care of their needs, or just chilling with the fam! I often find myself with my priorities out of whack, as I am ambitious and love what I do. I work...HARD. So, there are times where work gets in the way of  EVERYTHING else. On the other hand, I experience those rare moments when things are great. I'm at peace. Everything is in it's proper place. And right when I think I have it all figured out, before I know it, things are right back crazy!

All of us have been here before. Many of us can best relate with weight-loss. We start out great. We're eating right, getting proper rest and exercise, feeling great. Then, next thing we know, we stop by the McDonald's drive thru because we're crunched for time. We skip breakfast because we're late for work. We miss a workout because a kid gets sick. And it all begins to slowly fall apart. We gain back the pounds we lost. We get down on ourselves. We try a quick fix. We get upset. We give up...and our pants are tight ALL... OVER ...AGAIN!

This same cycle happens with God. We have our times where we are so close and so connected that nothing seems to stand between us and the Most High. Then, there are times where those little things start to get in our way and we lose focus. Our priorities shift, and slowly our relationship with God starts to take a back seat to work, kids, social engagements, travel, favorite TV shows, and the other host of things that life imparts. Well, I'm here to tell you that it's normal, and it's okay. The real trouble would be not to notice. But as long as we are human, we will fall off. It's part of our make-up. That's why we need God. Everything that happens in our lives to remind us of our imperfection and our reliance upon God is a necessity for our humility and reverence toward Him. It's okay to lose sight, as long as we find our way back to the true source of life.

The mere fact that you can tell that your life is out of whack speaks volumes to what it means to have a real relationship with God. You miss Him. You know you need to talk to Him. You feel guilty. You want to say sorry and fix it. The crazy thing is that even though you feel that way, He hasn't gone anywhere. He's right there, waiting on you to get your life together! If you need to get back to God, do it. You'll have good days and not-so-good days. You'll have distant times and close times. All of which are a part of a genuine relationship. That is all that God wants to have with each and every one of us-a real relationship. So don't beat yourself up about it. Rearrange where necessary and remember His mercies renew each day.  Be Blessed. XOXO

Keep the Change

When I'm in a restaurant (and opt to pay with cash), I tend to tell my server, "Keep the change." Of course, I tell them this because the service was good, so they earned a tip. In all my years of dining, I've never had a server refuse. Not once has a server said to me, "Nah I'm good, I'll bring you back your change." Why? Hmmmm...maybe because that would defeat the whole purpose of them going to work?!

Funny. When God moves in our lives and changes us, we have a tendency to be the exact opposite of most restaurant servers. We try to give Him back the blessings of change. We say, "You know what God, I've enjoyed my miserable life, so thanks for the change, but I'll pass." WHAT THE WHAT?!? God lives and moves and breathes inside each and every one of us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He is working tirelessly to mature us in the Spirit (I Corinthians 6:11). That manifests itself in a variety of ways, all of which transform us (Isaiah 43:19). 

One way that I can see me changing (and boy has it taken some time) is that I am quicker to listen. See, I'm naturally very defensive. And I have a strong desire to be right. All are great traits of a lawyer, but I am not a lawyer. I am a teacher. And dealing with so many personalities over the years and so many issues that my babies bring to school, I've learned the importance of listening before forming opinions. I can't say I've mastered it. My friends and family would definitely attest to me still having a ways to go. Partially because I'm comfortable with my old self and therefore, I sometimes, accidentally, reject God's change within me. See to listen without judgement or restrain from expressing opinions allows my spirit to be open to the one who is sharing with me. I'm able to learn from what they are saying and if I listen hard enough, I can actually see into the soul of who they are and understand how they are truly feeling. God is doing this on purpose. It is a part of His plan for me. You know...the plan to prosper me and give me hope...THAT plan! 

Next time you find yourself feeling a little strange or talking a bit funny. If your heart feels softer. If your outlook seems broader. If you find yourself speaking more gently, giving more generously, or simply loving more freely, know that is God. If you are saving more than you are spending; watching something different on TV, reading more, working out more, dressing differently, the list goes on and on, know that God is MOVING. You are becoming different because God is transforming you from the inside out. So don't reject what God is doing in you...keep the change! Be Blessed! XOXO

Highway

One morning, while driving to work, I found myself stuck in the morning traffic that I sooooo dread. Although it's short-lived on my commute, it's annoying nonetheless. But every morning, I reach the place where I get over into the exit only lane that NO ONE ELSE seems to take! It's always such a relief to lift that blinker and get over into that nearly empty lane. Everyone else is headed the same way, but not me, and boy am I glad!

Funny how that sounds much like choosing God's way of life. Everyone else is going the same way. And there are times that we find ourselves as just another part of the pact. But then, there are times that we are able to break free. We choose a different way...the "high" way. Where few are brave enough to travel, and even fewer remain on the path, we find ourselves in little (if any) company.

But the world opens up to us when we make that move. Obstacles that blocked our paths for so long are no longer an obstruction. We are spending less time sitting idle, wondering about life, and more time moving toward our goals, building the kingdom. If you are finding yourself stuck in the traffic of this world, get over into the exit only lane and let the Man Upstairs clear your path! Be Blessed. XOXO

Direct Impact

Have you ever noticed that, oftentimes, people around you are hurting? I don't mean a stubbed toe or heartburn, I mean real pain. People are sick, physically and mentally. People are broke and their spirits feel robbed. People are heartbroken and desperate. People are hurting in ways we could never imagine.

Now, take a look at how you respond. Do you look forlorn with pity and go about you day? Do you say, "I'll pray for you," only to NOT pray for them? Do you avoid their calls? Do you ignore their pain? Do you even care?!?

Truthfully, humans are naturally selfish, extremely selfish! As a result, we only seem to be most concerned and bothered by those things that directly affect us. We don't seem to have a sense of urgency, unless we ourselves are direct recipients of the pain.

However, this is not aligned with God's principles. First, we are ONE in the body, so when ONE of us hurts, we ALL hurt; when ONE of us rejoices, we ALL rejoice (Romans 12:5). Secondly, we are called to treat one another how we'd WANT to be treated (Luke 6:31). Not how we FEEL like treating people, but how we WANT to be treated ourselves! If we see a brother or sister in need, we are to help them as best we can (1 John 3:17).

The classic song, "Thank you Lord", thanks God for all He's done. But at the bridge the various renditions all belt, "It could have been me...outdoors...with no food...and not clothes...all left alone...without a friend...or just another number...with a tragic end...". This is the real! It's only by God's grace that WE aren't the ones who have been directly impacted by sudden death, incurable disease, miscarriages, layoffs, divorce, financial strain, homelessness, wayward children, the list is endless with all the things that people are enduring. Some of us have been here and have overcome. Some of us are hoing through a valley experience right now and we need people's help and prayers. Others have been abundantly blessed enough to have no clue what real pain feels like.

Many of us bear witness to the struggles and pain of our fellow man and turn a blind eye because it's too emotional, time consuming, and not on our daily agenda. What if God treated you and your issues, small or large, as an inconvenience? What if your prayers fell on deaf ears? I don't know about you, but I'm glad that's not how God is set up! And quite frankly, it's not how we should be set up either. If we are truly loving our brothers and sisters as ourselves, we are affected by their pain (Mark 12:31). When things affect us, we react. If someone close to you is hurting, we should also react. If you don't know how to help, start with prayer. Pray for them. Pray for their endurance and perseverance. Pray their strength and God's will. Then, pray for yourself to have the compassion and courage to do whatever God is calling you to do in that person's life. Be a blessing to someone else and Be Blessed! XOXO