The Day I Stopped Being a Perfectionist

I don't know if it's an oldest child thing, a black girl thing, a desire to "make it" thing, or just who I was born to escape being, but for as long as I can remember, I've aimed for perfection. This led to virtually uninterrupted straight A report cards from Kindergarten to college, extreme workouts, and a hellacious house-cleaning regimen. To strive for perfection in all things definitely has its perks. It allows one to shine above the rest in terms of school and career. It helps one to continue to push in athletics and physical training. It develops grit and perseverance. However, it also has it's drawbacks. It creates division between self and others. It places unnecessary pressure on ones mental and physical being. It takes time away from the ones we love as we try so hard to make sure they come home to a comfortably clean and perfect home (that they will undoubtedly ruin within minutes of its completion!). 

I vividly remember the day I stopped being a perfectionist. I had been grappling with feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Having had the second SmithBoy and still working tirelessly to climb the ladder at my new school, all while trying to maintain a spotless home and a body that would still make my husband drool. I was tired. One night, after getting both boys down, I walked back toward the kitchen, only to be greeted by a sink full of dishes. I thought, "It won't take long to throw those in the dishwasher. Power through girl!" I opened the dishwasher only to find that it was full of CLEAN dishes that needed to be put away. I looked around the kitchen for an available sub to tag in and take my place, but it was juuuussttt me, solo dolo, facing a critical life decision. After pondering for what seemed like an eternity, I looked across to the opposite side of the kitchen. There sat a bottle of unopened Cabernet. I picked option 3) Close the dishwasher, pop the cork, pour a glass, turn out the light, and go sip and sit on the couch for 30 minutes of TV before bed. I said to myself, "The dishes will clearly be there tomorrow. I'm done son!"

To know me is to know how abnormal that was then. Me? Go to bed with a dirty kitchen? Never! That was over 4 years ago. Now? Shoot, you best believe if ya girl is exhausted the dishes will be there. When I haven't ironed a week's worth of uniforms, I'll get to them day by day or maybe even a few days at a time when life permits. If we are out of Lunchables or small bags of chips, we create a new lunch idea because sometimes the store is too much of a hassle at the time. You see the day I decided I was done chasing perfection was the day I learned to love my truest self.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 

-2 Corinthians 12:9

God isn't concerned with us being perfect. Instead, He is concerned with our efforts to live for Him and love like Him. Trying our best to do our best every single day. He knows we'll fall short. He created us all to be a perfectly HOT MESS! He knew from the jump all that we would master, all that we would fail, and how much joy, tragedy, and triumph we would endure. That day in my kitchen, I accepted the permission God gave me to not have to have it all together ALL the time. Take a break. Sometimes, we have to just accept that it won't all get done. It might not happen EVER (like organizing my garage). But at the end of the day, having our health and strength gives us the proof that God's grace is sufficient for our lives....not our flawed efforts to appear or even become perfect. Cut. It. Out. Live life. Love the mess. Dig your clothes out of the laundry basket for a few days. Don't stress that the meat is still in the freezer, eat a grilled cheese sandwich! Leave that job, what didn't get done today will be waiting for you tomorrow. The quest for perfection is literally a waste of time. God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses, so let Him flex! Accept the fact that your life will be perfectly imperfect for as long you are blessed to live it, so enjoy the chance to be a Blessed Mess! XOXO

GODfather

One Sunday, while gathering for our weekly ritual of all-day football, the boys took unopened birthday gifts to the Ross's home to play. As we read the instructions and begged for batteries, my nephew Braydon warned Kaleb and I that he probably wouldn't be able to play with his drone at the house. His mother came out later and said that after her attempt with Braydon's drone , she decided to take him to the park instead. Hearing their words, we set the dial in the center from expert to beginner and the boys decided to give it a try in the backyard. Unable to get it to work, they opted for something different to do until it could reach a full charge.

A little later, the other Smithboyz show up, and now it was time to show off. Kaleb and Braydon go back in to grab their drones so they can show Jaden. No sooner than Kaleb is able to get his off the ground, it gets stuck in a tree...where? In the friggin' front yard! I go outside and see that it is WAAAAYYY UP *in my Big Sean voice*. The drone is stuck in the branches of heaven, so I simply tell my wonderful offspring: That's what happens when you try to show off and don't follow directions. He'd turned the dial to expert and had flown the device in the FRONT yard instead of the BACK as we discussed. I went back in the house unbothered. Kaleb sat on the steps feeling defeated.

Braydon reminded him, "I told you that was gonna happen."
"Well, you just shouldn't flew it up there. That's yo fault," said Jaden.
"Rub it in why don't ya," Kaleb sighed.
"It's okay Kaleb," said Micah. "The wind gonna blow it down okay?"
"No it's not..."

Meanwhile, in the house, Darnell asked me what was going on. I told him. He and TJ, the host, upset that the 49ers were taking a beating, felt that half-time was the best opportunity to go assess the situation. Soon after, all the men were outside squinting to see the small toy dangling from the highest branch imaginable. Then, the contest begans. They all started taking turns, throwing a football into the tree, trying to knock the thing loose. They all failed...time and time again. Although the level of entertainment was unforgettable, the men soon returned to the house to enjoy "real" football.

When the afternoon games ended, TJ, who also happens to be Kaleb's godfather, went back outside to give it another try. He was relentless. I couldn't understand why he cared so much. I'm sure part of it was ego; he wanted to be the hero and THE guy to say he had the best arm and the best aim. But another part of it was just the love he has for the kids; his godson's toy was stuck in a tree, and he was gonna get it down...even if it might have meant icy hot on his shoulder the next few days. His efforts were not in vain. He said, "Okay this my last time, if it don't come down this time, I'm done." He launched the football one last time and down came the drone.

Isn't that like God? When we put ourselves in situations that He warned us to stay away from, he is always there to bail us out. When we find ourselves stuck in the trees of life, unable to break free from the strongholds of low self-esteem, sexual deviance, financial woes, depression, or substance abuse, he fights to get us down. When other people remind us of our sin, He forigves. When everyone else abandons us, He is ever-present. He is relentless to get us down, to set us free, to be the hero. He is God...our Father, and no matter what we do, or how high up we find ourselves, He will always bring us back to Him. Be Blessed. XOXO

Missed Opportunity

Yesterday, while sitting at a stop sign, I slightly drifted. Not sure where my mind went, but when I looked both ways, I saw that I could have gone a hair sooner. Now, a car had turned out on my left, followed by a steady stream of cars as the light at the intersection down the road had turned green. "Dammit!" was my exact word. I sat back in my seat, palmed my forehead, and waited for the car caravan to pass, shifting my head back and forth, waiting for a second chance. When the opportunity came, I pulled out to quickly make my turn and be on my merry little way.

God spoke to me. First, He was like, how you gone get mad at the other cars for going where they need to go? You the one that sat there daydreaming! Yo Bad! AHA! Many of us see the metaphor in our lives. God gives us opportunities. He clears our paths. He makes a way for us. But often times, we are too busy with our heads in the clouds (or up some other unmentionable body part) that we miss it! So many of us are wandering around, waiting for a blessing that God already tried to give us once, but the gift of our own free will trumped our better sense.

Someone had the chance with the woman that could have been your wife, but you were too busy chasing around all the other scattered skirts. Someone could have had a promotion, but you were too busy looking for a new job and missed the internal posting. Someone could have had a new home, but you were so focused on the "must haves" that you missed the "must see." And some of us could have had salvation, but we were too busy worrying about what others would think and how we'd be percieved.

But here is the good news! What God intends for us will always be for us. Once we miss it, we might have to wait awhile. He might have to grow us some more. He might have to teach us some things. He might have to check us a few more times, But once we know that we've missed it, we wait for it. We seek it. We sit up and look both ways to see when our time is coming. That is God's intention for us as we live, move, and breath in Him. We have all missed opportunities, but all glory to the Most High that we serve a God of many chances. If you blew it, don't trip. Your time is coming. Just be sure not to miss it the next time around. Be Blessed. XOXO